"Longing for my soulmate"

[PhoenixToEmber]

I think its natural if you end up with someone with the same goal of practicing ‘The Work’ At least both will have an understanding that’s its not only about themselves but about both and with that others.
If you could cover each other’s blind spots it should be a match in heaven I think.

Very true. I think for those of us who want to do The Work it generally feels extra hopeless of finding someone who will understand us, why we value what we value and do what we do. Guille and I have discussed this at length a few times in person. Before meeting Puck, I didn't think I would ever find someone with the same values as me, particularly another gay man - the odds felt like they were twofold against me - but the Cosmos is full of surprises! I remember Guille saying that I "beat the odds" and that this gave him some hope.

I feel like Puck and I have definitely been covering each other's blind spots. He says I've been helping him open up his emotional center more, and complementary to me, he's been helping me control my emotions more rather than let them rule me. He's also helped me find the courage in myself to make certain key changes in my life situation, diametric to my last relationship, which left me feeling discouraged like my partner really didn't believe in me at all. Everyone in my life says they notice a big difference in me after getting with Puck, that I'm much happier and more focused.

And love in its essence is a higher state of consciousness. Not some chemical cocktail

I said conscience.

I don't think you made a mistake here - I think love in its essence is certainly a higher state of conscience (or empathy) which is also a higher state of consciousness. :P

I completely agree with Psychologist Shauna H Springer's article. I don't think a relationship just 'happens,' it is made through conscious efforts from both parties.

I agree. Although I was somewhat actively seeking a partner, it seemed like it just "happened" - but in retrospect, it didn't. All of the decisions he and I made - our interests, being involved on this forum, what we read and the knowledge we each gained, were all choices that led us to each other. Those were conscious efforts, and now that we're together, those efforts have prepared us for the new efforts of making the relationship a healthy and lasting one where we can do the Work as individuals side by side. I recall reading in The Wave how Laura mentioned Ark wrote to her and said it felt like they "created" each other through their respective life choices, and all those choices led to their coming together to work together. That's what it feels like to me. It also makes me think of the "branching realities" and how our choices based on information intake is what "creates our reality". I definitely feel like I've entered a new reality.

When it comes to our relationship, we talk about everything. We have learned that even the silliest emotions, feelings or ideas can provided a pedestal to expand on a much deeper problem that perhaps, you wouldn't have seen otherwise. (If we're willing to talk about it and explore it of course). And that's one thing we have agreed upon, to be one another's teacher, to be tender but honest: to truly help each other grow. Vulnerability is key.

These interactions are what, to me, facilitates intimacy.

And maybe sometimes you need to step outside of yourself when you're talking about what bothers you. When it comes down to working through something, objectivity is the holy key. That's not to say not express your emotions, it's to say, learn how to express them appropriately, and not to immediately act on them. Just because you're hurting doesn't mean you have to scream and yell at someone.

Vulnerability is definitely key, and it's a scary thing to open up deeply to someone without fear of rejection. Since Puck and I got together we've been through some humps in exposing ourselves to each other. There were definitely times when I immediately acted on my emotions with a sharp comment and later regretted it. He often tells me to try and keep my emotions "below the neck" to assess them before acting on them, especially when triggered by my father, who triggers me more easily than anyone else.

My point is, everything I have learned with in our relationship I wouldn't have learned other wise. But it's a constant effort, and at first, it was extremely difficult. Sometimes learning to truly trust someone with you're deepest darkest secret, can be one of the hardest things ever, because it requires YOU to be honest with yourself first.

Absolutely. I feel the same way. Much of what I have learned in my current relationship I don't think I could've learned otherwise, and it's only been half a year! Like you said, everyday is a learning experience.

To use the terminology used in The Narcissistic Family, I was putting up plastic walls (imagine a person wrapped in plastic wrapping) where I didn't want to feel my own pain in the situation, and was unable to empathize.

I think I got the non-anticipation of a partner down, or at least as of now, since I haven't been actively thinking of looking for a partner, nor about how they would be, etc.

After reading that book and seeing it in myself, I also began to understand what the plastic wall feels like and how to identify it. The positive side is that once you can recognize it, you are then able to start tracing it back to what triggered the wall to go up and to work on that part of yourself.