Lonliness, responsibilities, desire to DO SOMETHING, but what?

[maryjk_99]

Since I joined here, I would probably be termed a lurker. Perhaps it is because I'm just a regular person, who does not possess deep knowledge, but is trying to learn as much as possible in as short a time as possible. I have read the Wave series, am reading Secret History, Started ISoTM, picked up an old book on the writings of Plato; but how to crack the veneer that is all around, everywhere I see, of lies, masks, and deceptions? After nearly 52 years of inadequacies, mistakes, no self-confidence, of being a follower- a simple understanding has helped me to be more assertive and confident. But there is so much more to do and so little time.

My journey began over the winter. Having a background in fundamental christianity showed me the world was quickly spiraling downward toward the book of revelations. I began to realize the evilness of the persons who run this world, downloaded a few movies and watched them with my husband (not a christian and the cause of much of my inhibitions) and shared them with friends. I was determined to find the ROOT of this evil, and diligently prayed to find it. Somehow, I knew something was terribly wrong with the Bible, and I couldn't wrap my mind around the story of Abraham willing to sacrafice his son. My mind was showing me pictures of animals being slit bloodless, still alive. What sort of people could do that so often? After realizing there were no fewer that 16 'gods' in antiquity who were, born of a virgin, crucified, resurrected blah blah blah, I felt like throwing all my bibles into the fire. But I didn't. I got to the point of finding out the Bible's illusions of astrology (of which I had no background), and left it there. I was left a shell, completely empty -my whole life was a lie.

Well, someone WAS listening, since my search eventually led me to Laura and her tireless work over the past 2 - 3 decades.

I want to leave my home, children, family and learn the EE program, apply it, make it a regular part of my life. I have not been able to. Kids are running in and out of the house, husband ALWAYS home (job situation getting worse). I am being drawn to find privacy and stillness. It eludes me. All I seem to be able to do is get lost in studying and learning; fragmented and not really seeming to completely sink in. I feel i'm in a vacuum, life has become unreal.

How do I find like minded people with whom I can grow with? I've filled out the FOTCM application but haven't sent it -am I afraid of not finding any way to be able to help?

I know the seeking begins within, and I guess I'm writing this because I have no other outlet to express my dissatisfaction with myself. REading Laura's blog from yesterday felt like a slap in the face to WAKE UP and DO SOMETHING. How do I connect? Where to go from here? Searching for ways I can help but feeling trapped and inadequate. I am living a dream, the past is a nightmare, and nothing is real anymore.

 

[Ca.]

How do I find like minded people with whom I can grow with?

But you have and this may be the only one site of its kind in the world. That has opened a dialogue to the very fears you have described. And through participation, can move one away from the fear, through knowledge, to unlocking the mind for tremendous growth, and awareness, beyond imagination.

I've filled out the FOTCM application but haven't sent it -am I afraid of not finding any way to be able to help?

The next step is only the stamp, and if you understand what it is to give, as to receive, and to receive as to give, then your closer than you realize.

Welcome aboard maryjk_99

 

[Nawd]

I want to leave my home, children, family and learn the EE program, apply it, make it a regular part of my life. I have not been able to. Kids are running in and out of the house, husband ALWAYS home (job situation getting worse). I am being drawn to find privacy and stillness. It eludes me. All I seem to be able to do is get lost in studying and learning; fragmented and not really seeming to completely sink in. I feel i'm in a vacuum, life has become unreal.

Learning the EE program does not require you to leave your family, in fact, it will help you deal with the stresses of having children and family, enjoying them for who they are (more) and learning yourself and your programs better. Begining perhaps of why you may not feel like you have the time to learn. Kids do sleep, husbands find themselves enjoying the stuff they do, and that builds time for yourself. OR you could involve the entire family, as 'quiet time' like in my chaotic household. If they don't want to do the breathing, I bring out the coloring books.

I know of a lot of people with extreme worries about jobs and money, the current crisis of the earth, (I am one of them!!), but it is a trap (IMO), the worry and the stress unless it is used productively. The PTB would love to know we are running out of steam and we can't handle our lives, that we are awash in dispair and fear. Hang in there!

Welcome and I'm glad you came out of lurkdom. :)

 

[SeekinTruth]

You can try to find some quite time to yourself and start doing the EE program regularly. This will make a huge difference. As far as your family goes, your responsibility is to take care of your children and take care of their needs. Your life is where you belong -- that's where your lessons lie. Having found this forum, you can network and get feedback as you work on yourself.

ISOTM will give you a very good overview of The Fourth Way. You should also read the big five psychology/narcissism books to get a much better idea of your problems. These will give you a much clearer understanding of what you observe when you practice self observation and learn the workings of your machine. You'll understand the process of how the false personality is formed and shaped early in childhood and how all the little i's that are fragmented and unstable have taken over and were nourished to grew at the expense of your essence.

Reading about how diet, toxicity, and nutritional deficiencies contribute to imbalance and dysfunction will also help a great deal. You can join the rest of us in cleaning out your whole system -- detoxifying and healing mind, body, and soul. This will put you in a position to handle the problems we all face together and help others in the troubled times ahead.

Don't get overwhelmed, we are all here to help each other reach our potential and anchor a new way of looking at the Universe. Send in your application for FOTCM. We are growing steadily as a global community. Assuming you've read the Statement of Principles, it is a document that illustrates what TRUE Science and TRUE Religion are.

Hope to see you participate more. You'll be surprised what kind of things are possible by networking in this group. Best regards.

 

[HiThere]

Thank you for your sharing. To me, you come across as honest and realistic in terms of how you can approach your further personal development. If your children are young enough to still need their parents you would probably be worrying about their wellbeing if you left them behind.
You have started the process of regaining knowledge and it will continue to develop as long as you want it to, even if it feels like you are going nowhere. I would think that as long as you stay alert, focused and humble in your search, the results will present themselves in your dealings with family and others in an automatic fashion. Through this you will be exposed to the areas in your life that have been difficult for you to deal with up to now. This will be painful at times, but worth the investment; both for your own development and for those around you who may look to you for guidance, wether consciously or unconsciously.

Just my thoughts, I may be way off; hard to appraise someones life from just a few sentences. :)

 

[thevenusian]

A few thoughts, and I'm sure others will have more.

Every one of us has our own set of circumstances to deal with, and our own set of challenges. I can feel the frustration in your post, but it is probably best to start from wherever you presently find yourself, even if it seems a small thing. It isn't necessary to leave your family in order to do EE, or at least parts of it. Learn the Prayer of the Soul and start repeating it whenever you can- silently in your head, or at least before you go to sleep and when you wake up. Do some pipe breathing whenever you have a few minutes alone. If you are able to do anything with diet and detox, that goes a long way toward helping with depression and feelings of frustration. There is an abundance of material about this here on the forum. And don't forget that you are not alone. You have much support from all of us here. Hope that helps somewhat.

 

[istina]

Believe me Maryjk, I could sign almost everything you wrote!

It is a struggle inside me and outside, all around.
This forum is only place where I don't feel lonely.

But now, I just know there is no other options! Doing EE, dealing with my programs, trying to clean my body (the most difficult thing for me to do) ...

Keep on participate, that will make a difference. I am trying, despite lack of english, and all that fears.

In the meantime, when I was writing, I saw you got really good advices.
Keep on

 

[brainwave]

Hi MaryJk,

Totally understand feeling lonely and overwhelmed with responsibilities.

We sometimes get exactly what is needed to fulfill the lessons before us; myabe what you needed for your lessons included the practice of EE as well as the fact that you have a family you are responsible for.
Learning how to take care of yourself, eat well, doing the EE exercise and so on does not require leaving ones family. In fact, it should and does help one improve their relationship with family, friends and people one has to be around in general, even if they don't believe as you do. As your interactions improve the feelings of loneliness will not be so strong. It may not disappear completely as it would when you are around like minded people but you can still have an emotionally healthy relationship. Please continue to do the best you can to keep up, and don't forget your family responsibilities too. Who knows, as your family notice your improved health and way of interacting maybe they will become interested and you can share with them in a manner beneficial to both you and them. You won't feel so lonely if you have family that will breathe with you either.

Brainwave

 

[maryjk_99]

Of course, I would never leave my family permanently. What little I do know will help them in the days that follow.

I think i'm looking for a grounding, a security in myself, which has been elusive all of my life. I need a week or two, all to myself, where there is no one, to listen to nature, breathe clean air, practice the EE program and thank the universe for knowing me.

How do I find like minded people with whom I can grow with?

But you have and this may be the only one site of its kind in the world. That has opened a dialogue to the very fears you have described. And through participation, can move one away from the fear, through knowledge, to unlocking the mind for tremendous growth, and awareness, beyond imagination.

I've filled out the FOTCM application but haven't sent it -am I afraid of not finding any way to be able to help?

The next step is only the stamp, and if you understand what it is to give, as to receive, and to receive as to give, then your closer than you realize.

Welcome aboard maryjk_99

Your words brought up a welling up inside me. You have no idea how much I appreciate your welcome.

Thank you for your sharing. To me, you come across as honest and realistic in terms of how you can approach your further personal development. If your children are young enough to still need their parents you would probably be worrying about their wellbeing if you left them behind.
You have started the process of regaining knowledge and it will continue to develop as long as you want it to, even if it feels like you are going nowhere. I would think that as long as you stay alert, focused and humble in your search, the results will present themselves in your dealings with family and others in an automatic fashion. Through this you will be exposed to the areas in your life that have been difficult for you to deal with up to now. This will be painful at times, but worth the investment; both for your own development and for those around you who may look to you for guidance, wether consciously or unconsciously.

Just my thoughts, I may be way off; hard to appraise someones life from just a few sentences. :)

Yes, of course, we all need to begin somewhere, and that somewhere is usually exactly where we are at any given time. I try not to appraise or judge people in everyday situations, but I find myself getting angry that no one sees how futile and worthless all this expended energy in mechanical, everyday life really is. And then again, I feel isolated and out of touch. Sad for humanity -asking people (when politics or disasters come up), what does it really mean to be human? ARe we evolving or devolving into apes? I wonder, does anyone think anymore?

A few thoughts, and I'm sure others will have more.

Every one of us has our own set of circumstances to deal with, and our own set of challenges. I can feel the frustration in your post, but it is probably best to start from wherever you presently find yourself, even if it seems a small thing. It isn't necessary to leave your family in order to do EE, or at least parts of it. Learn the Prayer of the Soul and start repeating it whenever you can- silently in your head, or at least before you go to sleep and when you wake up. Do some pipe breathing whenever you have a few minutes alone. If you are able to do anything with diet and detox, that goes a long way toward helping with depression and feelings of frustration. There is an abundance of material about this here on the forum. And don't forget that you are not alone. You have much support from all of us here. Hope that helps somewhat.

It helps alot, and your advice, to take one step at a time, instead of trying to jump in, know it all and do it all, at once, is comforting. I need to learn to be patient with myself, and be quiet in knowing that what I seek will come in due time. My one confidence is that I somehow WAS led here, that prayers for knowledge and understanding WERE heard, and the events of my life, whether I realized it or not, brought me to this place, where I am now, and that is where I belong. Because, if life had been free and easy, what would there be to search for?

Hi MaryJk,

Totally understand feeling lonely and overwhelmed with responsibilities.

We sometimes get exactly what is needed to fulfill the lessons before us; myabe what you needed for your lessons included the practice of EE as well as the fact that you have a family you are responsible for.
Learning how to take care of yourself, eat well, doing the EE exercise and so on does not require leaving ones family. In fact, it should and does help one improve their relationship with family, friends and people one has to be around in general, even if they don't believe as you do. As your interactions improve the feelings of loneliness will not be so strong. It may not disappear completely as it would when you are around like minded people but you can still have an emotionally healthy relationship. Please continue to do the best you can to keep up, and don't forget your family responsibilities too. Who knows, as your family notice your improved health and way of interacting maybe they will become interested and you can share with them in a manner beneficial to both you and them. You won't feel so lonely if you have family that will breathe with you either.

Brainwave

Who was it that said life is exactly what you put into it. I will not, will never give up. But throwing in the towel is so easy---just what the predator wants. Need to learn to shut that beast up and tell him to go away - I'm not listening anymore...

 

[T.C.]

Hi Mary

An important quote from the C's is, "It's not where you are that's important, but WHO you are and what you SEE."

You said you read Laura's latest article. As she says, times will come when people who are awake will be needed by others who need help. If everyone here on the forum all lived together on an island, doing EE, breathing the clean air (like there is such a thing), how could we help others?

You're here on the forum, there's no need to feel alone. Here, we are all together, trying to come to some consensus view of objective reality - what we see - and using that to fuel us to change who we are.

What you can DO, is hang in there. If you're having trouble finding time to do EE, just remember the situation Laura was in when she started meditating. She was doing it in secret, too; in bed, waiting till everyone else was asleep.

You don't have to listen to the audio, if it's not going to be possible. Pipe breathing doesn't need to be that loud; you can do three sets of that. You can memorize the Prayer of the Soul, and say it to yourself in your head, while breathing deeply. Just do what you can.

Need to learn to shut that beast up and tell him to go away - I'm not listening anymore...

The predator hates disciplined routine. It sneaks up on us and whispers in our ear when we stop working and start thinking about ourselves and how we wish things were different.

 

[maryjk_99]

Little steps...Last night was my first full EE session; been a smoker all my life, working on the breathing still..trying not to use my stomach muscles. AND, this morning, sent in my FOTCM application. Wow, that felt good! :D

 

[HiThere]

 

[T.C.]

Little steps...Last night was my first full EE session;

Congratulations!

 

[maryjk_99]

T.C>>The predator hates disciplined routine. It sneaks up on us and whispers in our ear when we stop working and start thinking about ourselves and how we wish things were different.

Diciplined routine---Thank you very much T.C. This is something I didn't realize.

Istina>>But now, I just know there is no other options! Doing EE, dealing with my programs, trying to clean my body (the most difficult thing for me to do) ...

Yes, detoxification somehow seems to be very difficult for me as well. I have always been so fortunate in never having any real physical health problems. But I have never really been in tune with my body either. I'm more a clutze than anything, excersize was never a real routine for me for more than a couple of months, and I always took advantage of the fact that nothing I ever eat really bothers me. The only effects, so far, is being out of breath if climbing a hill, for example. I have switched to American Spirit cigarettes, but so far, that's the extent of my conscience detox program. My husband is really more into this excersize thing and, for a time, dissed me for not wanting to participate. I guess he's given up on trying to turn me back into a 23 year old.

Thank you all again for your very responsible and sensible thoughts. This is exactly what I need, to feel 'connected'. Isolation, having always been a thing I hated about myself, may have actually been the 'root' of my searching, knocking, seeking and finally, seeing the door; if not yet actually walking through it. But, at least now a sense of purpose, meaning and reason has entered. The machine is a very apt description, but my carburetor was never really tuned...

 

[Buddy]

Little steps...Last night was my first full EE session; been a smoker all my life, working on the breathing still..trying not to use my stomach muscles. AND, this morning, sent in my FOTCM application. Wow, that felt good! :D