ChristineJade
The Force is Strong With This One
Hi All,
I would like to talk about my recent experience with attachments. I haven't spoken about my journey yet on this forum either so I can mention a little about that also!
I grew up as an only child in a strict Lutheran family (says a lot already huh). Growing up I was seemingly never good enough for both my parents and the 'God' I had to worship. I was always the black sheep in a way as it was never true for me, so it led me in later years to live a double life: the golden child who they all wanted me to be, and the rebellious person who did things I would never have wanted them to know. This led me to feel that who I was was rejected. If I wasn't what they wanted me to be then I am not accepted. This was they way of life.
I moved states in my 20s into an emotionally abusive relationship and after 3 years of that I grew a backbone and broke free from it. At 24 I met the love of my life and although I still had the programmed beliefs I learned from my younger years he began seed planting. He is heavily involved with this group and the Fellowship of the Cosmic Mind. I began my journey of 'enlightenment' (as one may call it) in September 2017. So much suffering and so much reward. The beginning of this year I began experiencing the attachments. I have almost gone through bouts of psychosis where I have inflicted self harm when my body has basically been overcome by these now identified attachments. This blockage has been worrying me as it's a glass ceiling I haven't been able to pass through. I had a feeling they had been with me a very long time.
Yesterday I went and visited, after searching for the 'right' person, a reiki master and psychotherapist. She helped me find my attachments and it was the little girl in me at 3 or 4 that called in these attachments as friends when feeling rejected and not loved who still to this day calls in these beings when triggered to feel not good enough. They then overcome me and I get stuck in a state of depression and void until my partner and I can break through. We spoke to them and they have moved on at this point, although I know they might return, I need to focus on connecting with that little girl she said so she doesn't need her friends anymore that she can rely on me for love and acceptance. The big grey one left through my chest, and the smaller one left through my throat and mouth. After, I was overcome and still to now with a sense of peace, calm and flow, like the blockages are gone. I haven't reacted to the same triggers as before yet, and I need to keep this golden bubble around me and ask the Cs to help me in times of need.
Yes it's strange, but makes sense in a way. My friend has had a dream about the grey one, a huge faceless grey creature that had to hunch to fit through a hallway, I accepted it's presence in the dream and asked it to help me with a task which it did. I have further theories about him but won't write it all down today.
Throughout my journey my sensitivities have increased. I feel the energy from crystals, I soak in others emotions similar to what an empath can do, I can feel the days when the EM field is unbalanced due to Solar Flares ( those particular days only I get severe nausea, inability to concentrate, headache, I basically slump into a chair, and the sun makes me sick physically) I have learned SO much! I also have started smoking 100% organic tobacco which has helped a LOT. I have possibly experienced abduction also - sleep paralysis, looking at my body strapped down (but without straps) from above in a room unable to scream. I have seen entities in our house and experienced them in my dreams, including what I would describe as 2 lizzies, 7ft tall, brown greenish scales, humanoid body, black eyes, RADIATING fear without moving or saying a word. I also see UFO's now, my mind doesn't block them out anymore... I am amongst friends who's dreams come true or predict the future or future warnings. LIFE IS FUN! I am serious! I am so excited by finally being on a path that is real for me and can help so many others. I am SO lucky to have my partner by my side through it all! With any bad experience comes learning and as the Cs said in one of the first sessions "Learning is fun!" This year has been a rollercoaster and it really has been darkest before the dawn many times!
If anyone has any questions for me I would LOVE to hear from you.
I would like to talk about my recent experience with attachments. I haven't spoken about my journey yet on this forum either so I can mention a little about that also!
I grew up as an only child in a strict Lutheran family (says a lot already huh). Growing up I was seemingly never good enough for both my parents and the 'God' I had to worship. I was always the black sheep in a way as it was never true for me, so it led me in later years to live a double life: the golden child who they all wanted me to be, and the rebellious person who did things I would never have wanted them to know. This led me to feel that who I was was rejected. If I wasn't what they wanted me to be then I am not accepted. This was they way of life.
I moved states in my 20s into an emotionally abusive relationship and after 3 years of that I grew a backbone and broke free from it. At 24 I met the love of my life and although I still had the programmed beliefs I learned from my younger years he began seed planting. He is heavily involved with this group and the Fellowship of the Cosmic Mind. I began my journey of 'enlightenment' (as one may call it) in September 2017. So much suffering and so much reward. The beginning of this year I began experiencing the attachments. I have almost gone through bouts of psychosis where I have inflicted self harm when my body has basically been overcome by these now identified attachments. This blockage has been worrying me as it's a glass ceiling I haven't been able to pass through. I had a feeling they had been with me a very long time.
Yesterday I went and visited, after searching for the 'right' person, a reiki master and psychotherapist. She helped me find my attachments and it was the little girl in me at 3 or 4 that called in these attachments as friends when feeling rejected and not loved who still to this day calls in these beings when triggered to feel not good enough. They then overcome me and I get stuck in a state of depression and void until my partner and I can break through. We spoke to them and they have moved on at this point, although I know they might return, I need to focus on connecting with that little girl she said so she doesn't need her friends anymore that she can rely on me for love and acceptance. The big grey one left through my chest, and the smaller one left through my throat and mouth. After, I was overcome and still to now with a sense of peace, calm and flow, like the blockages are gone. I haven't reacted to the same triggers as before yet, and I need to keep this golden bubble around me and ask the Cs to help me in times of need.
Yes it's strange, but makes sense in a way. My friend has had a dream about the grey one, a huge faceless grey creature that had to hunch to fit through a hallway, I accepted it's presence in the dream and asked it to help me with a task which it did. I have further theories about him but won't write it all down today.
Throughout my journey my sensitivities have increased. I feel the energy from crystals, I soak in others emotions similar to what an empath can do, I can feel the days when the EM field is unbalanced due to Solar Flares ( those particular days only I get severe nausea, inability to concentrate, headache, I basically slump into a chair, and the sun makes me sick physically) I have learned SO much! I also have started smoking 100% organic tobacco which has helped a LOT. I have possibly experienced abduction also - sleep paralysis, looking at my body strapped down (but without straps) from above in a room unable to scream. I have seen entities in our house and experienced them in my dreams, including what I would describe as 2 lizzies, 7ft tall, brown greenish scales, humanoid body, black eyes, RADIATING fear without moving or saying a word. I also see UFO's now, my mind doesn't block them out anymore... I am amongst friends who's dreams come true or predict the future or future warnings. LIFE IS FUN! I am serious! I am so excited by finally being on a path that is real for me and can help so many others. I am SO lucky to have my partner by my side through it all! With any bad experience comes learning and as the Cs said in one of the first sessions "Learning is fun!" This year has been a rollercoaster and it really has been darkest before the dawn many times!
If anyone has any questions for me I would LOVE to hear from you.
Have you read any of the (psychology) recommended material already?