My Current status

[celtic]

It has been some time since I participated in the forum. I understand it has been on and off with me. So, I will accurately to the best of my ability to describe my current situation. Well I just recently quite doing the common drug known as maurijuana or cannabis, a couple of weeks ago. As a result I am now gaining a reasonable mind as I once had and now have. But there is something that truely troubles me. As of now I am currently looking for work, but I never had what would be considered in soceity terms normal or real job. I usually do work for family friends or an volunter job. I was also, arrested on maurijuana charges a couple of weeks back. Consequently, that may have some effect on my elligability. I was able to get the possesion charge esponge, but I still have an arrest record. I am staying with my sick mother who is very disappointed with my progress.

I will admit that since I never really had a true job I am a little scared of doing work. Particularly, because I would consider myself to be easily influence by external forces. I am not talking about entities of an etheral sense, more so the people. Also, since I never really been in a work environment where I am truly dependent on. But to go back to the external influences. Over time I have observed what I believe is forces working on my progress. One minute I would be here participating on the forum, the next I would be hanging out with very unreasonable party people. I believe this is more so as a result of my ability to constantly wishful think and dream. Dream that people in my sorounding environment would accept me if only I could fit in.

Although this is what I believe to be the problem I am not sure what take's place in my complex mind. I am in no way adding special value to myself. But my mind is very odd and I often talk to myself and do things that would be consider adnormal. Like movements of sprinting and jumping on bed and ground to express my day dreams in a more in depth manner. Talk to fairies in my head I had since I was a child. I never told anyone this and I am quite embarrass to admit it here but I know you all don't judge. Right now I am fighting to gain myself in accordance to what is right and reasonble. I am doing better but I worry not because of my situation but because of faliure.

So, this is my current situation and I would appreciate feedback and suggestion. But before I end this post I will say that it is not pity or a solution that I wish. You guys on many occasion's have given your guidence and advice. And I constantly make the same mistakes and I have no one to blame but myself. All I ask as of now, is that you all please keep me in your prays and thank you for reading.

 

[Buddy]

Hi celtic. What exactly is this influence that people have on you that you don't like? Can you be more specific?

 

[Menna]

Are you a Gemini they say Gemini's have alittle bit of schizophrenia. Why do you like to smoke marijuana?

 

[Anthony]

I can relate to some of the things you are saying, mainly being afraid of influence. I know what you're dealing with,
so I'll say that the thing that helped me the most is Gurdjieff's 4th way. Also reading a lot of books on psychology and philosophy.
Maybe try doing something that helps with self-confidence like work out, or try what's generally recommended here - EE and diet change.

 

[Mountain Crown]

Hi celtic,

I think that if you concentrate on getting a job as a top priority, regardless of success or failure, it may prove to be therapeutic for you. Many things change when working toward a specific aim.

There's a practical aspect to living here in 3D which is like the foundation for a house that's in order.

New Age nonsense is best to be avoided

 

[paralleloscope]

Hi Celtic, what's your diet like and are you doing any breathing? Also could you give a picture on where you're at with the recommended reading.

 

[celtic]

Thank you all for your feedback.

Hi celtic. What exactly is this influence that people have on you that you don't like? Can you be more specific?

Mainly I would consider myself to be a follow in that "I am easily influenced by others". This maybe a result of low self esteem or a lack of will power or a sick desire to fit in. That could range in doing drugs or hanging out with unnecessary people.

Hi celtic,

I think that if you concentrate on getting a job as a top priority, regardless of success or failure, it may prove to be therapeutic for you. Many things change when working toward a specific aim.

There's a practical aspect to living here in 3D which is like the foundation for a house that's in order.

New Age nonsense is best to be avoided

Totally agreed, Thanks for the advice.

Are you a Gemini they say Gemini's have alittle bit of schizophrenia. Why do you like to smoke marijuana?

No I am not a gemini I am a sagittarius. I have to say though, that I would not necessarily describe a mental health to a particular astrological sign. Also since I am unaware fully how my brain process, I would not guess it to be any mental disorder as of yet.

At the time I like to smoke marijuana because of the temporary high. But now I could not say the same, because after a while of abuse you realize some side effects.

Hi Celtic, what's your diet like and are you doing any breathing? Also could you give a picture on where you're at with the recommended reading.

I am not doing the diet as of yet, cannot aford it. I had not done the breathing in a couple of weeks now. I have been doing the breathing on and off for sometime, but I will try to keep a steady schedule. I am reading amazing grace online, and I am also reading Gurdjieff "BeezlesBub's Tales to his Grandson" in book form. I am not sure if those would be considered recommended reading, but that is what I am reading now.

 

[Nancy2feathers]

Hi Celtic
I agree with Jerry that finding a job should be top priority.

Besides the recommended reading here on the forum, I would also recommend attending meetings for people that quit substance abuse. It helps when you actively participate and are reminded daily why you quit.

I wouldn`t worry too much about failing and think more about being responsible for yourself and your actions. You say you are staying with you Mother who is ill. Ask your Mother what needs to be done around the house(STO). By doing this, your Mother can see you appreciate having a roof over your head. Let her see the positive changes. It could also help you feel better about yourself.

 

[paralleloscope]

I am not doing the diet as of yet, cannot aford it. I had not done the breathing in a couple of weeks now. I have been doing the breathing on and off for sometime, but I will try to keep a steady schedule. I am reading amazing grace online, and I am also reading Gurdjieff "BeezlesBub's Tales to his Grandson" in book form. I am not sure if those would be considered recommended reading, but that is what I am reading now.

I guess that means you haven't cut out gluten, sugar and dairy yet, all of them chaotic agents in mind, body and emotions, cutting those out to start with would go a long way in stabilizing you. The books you mention are great but it seems like you're in need of some input on your own psychology, I'd recommend reading (or rereading) the books on narcissism and the newer additions in the Psychology & Cognitive Science section, even 'In search of the Miraculous'. Your greatest enemy seems to be your own programs and personality formation and getting insights into getting real with that would be very important in keeping and refining this new 'cleaner' path of yours.

 

[Drazen]

Hi celtic,

you could ask yourself what is the most important thing for you in this present life, what is your Aim and how you can achieve it? As Jerry said you need to deal with your fear of working by actually looking for it honestly. Better financial situation will provide opportunity to change your diet which is important. Also, regular EE can help you with your mental state, but to do all of this, I think that you should firstly reconsider what is more important to you, your "friends" or your well-being. ;)

 

[bngenoh]

This:

But my mind is very odd and I often talk to myself and do things that would be consider adnormal. Like movements of sprinting and jumping on bed and ground to express my day dreams in a more in depth manner. Talk to fairies in my head I had since I was a child.

+

Are you a Gemini they say Gemini's have alittle bit of schizophrenia. Why do you like to smoke marijuana?

No I am not a gemini I am a sagittarius. I have to say though, that I would not necessarily describe a mental health to a particular astrological sign. Also since I am unaware fully how my brain process, I would not guess it to be any mental disorder as of yet.

At the time I like to smoke marijuana because of the temporary high. But now I could not say the same, because after a while of abuse you realize some side effects.

Yes indeed, marijuana use, if one has a genetic predisposition to schizophrenia, can put one over the edge:

Marijuana hurts memory and cognition, and a new rat study indicates this is because it causes once-coordinated brain regions to fall out of sync with each other. The result resembles the effects of schizophrenia, the neuroscientists found.

A recent study by researchers at Maastricht University in the Netherlands has discovered that schizophrenic patients who use marijuana may see an initial benefit from smoking pot, but their symptoms become worse with pot use.

THC is already a known agent for triggering schizophrenia symptoms in those predisposed to the psychological disorder, but this study suggests that smoking pot may exacerbate symptoms for those who suffer from schizophrenia already. Almost immediately after smoking marijuana, the schizophrenic will feel better and more relaxed, but within a few hours, according to the study, their psychotic symptoms will not only return but be aggravated.

The study, which followed an even number of schizophrenic and healthy regular pot users, found that those who have schizophrenia are much more prone to experience strong side effects from smoking marijuana, both good and bad.

I'm not saying you have schizophrenia celtic, I am unqualified to do so, just pointing out another factor to consider along with the input given above.

 

[Menna]

I would not guess it to be any mental disorder as of yet.
I didn't mean it as an absolute that its either a disorder or not but I know I have schizophrenia traits I am also a Gemini and it has been said that geminis have schizophrenia traits ("Geminis are schizophrenic, simply because the constellation for the sign has two people (the twins) in it.") wether its true or not I think its important to figure out how our minds work there is alot more to wish full thinking then just labling what we do wish full thinking. For me it goes deeper than that why is my mind using this/operating this way. I know it can improve I use to be a heavy wish full thinker but then I became too depressed with my current situation searched for another way and forced myself to reduce it even though at times I find myself back there.

I agree with what bngenoh has brought to your attention

 

[Mrs. Peel]

I am not doing the diet as of yet, cannot aford it. I had not done the breathing in a couple of weeks now. I have been doing the breathing on and off for sometime, but I will try to keep a steady schedule. I am reading amazing grace online, and I am also reading Gurdjieff "BeezlesBub's Tales to his Grandson" in book form. I am not sure if those would be considered recommended reading, but that is what I am reading now.

Maybe if you didn't buy drugs you could afford to eat better? I hear a lot of people using financial problems as excuses, but they always find money for booze and cigarettes. It all depends on your priorities, I guess.

In addition to the obvious negative effects of drugs, you may want to consider that when you are "high" and not in full control of your consciousness, any entities hanging around you may find their way in because of your lapse of awareness...

I would also read "In Search of the Miraculous" (if you haven't already) before I tackled Beelzebub.

 

[Mountain Crown]

A diagnostic use of Astrology because “it’s been said this or that” is like counting the number of Cheerios in a breakfast bowl to determine the cause of a bunion.

Victor Clube & Bill Napier (Cosmic Winter), and Laura (Comets and the Horns of Moses) shed some interesting light on the origins of Astrology. Fwiw

 

[Nawd]

Distorting your mind with a drug is not smart. Thinking that you are somehow special is not smart. Use your brain. Get a job, don't 'get high' and appreciate what you have at the moment! We all have 'external influences,' but it does not keep us from participating in life.

IMO