My Current status

[celtic]

I appreciate everyone's feedback. I understand truly everyone's concern regarding my drug use. But, please understand I am in no way rebelling or discouraging your input. I am no longer doing marijuana and I have no desire to now or in the future. I was already in trouble with the law once regarding this awful drug and I don't want to be again. I have been applying to jobs and already have one job interview lined up. Plus I am getting help with this from my job counselor who I make an appointment with every so often.

Distorting your mind with a drug is not smart. Thinking that you are somehow special is not smart. Use your brain. Get a job, don't 'get high' and appreciate what you have at the moment! We all have 'external influences,' but it does not keep us from participating in life.

IMO

Understood thank you for the advice

I am not doing the diet as of yet, cannot aford it. I had not done the breathing in a couple of weeks now. I have been doing the breathing on and off for sometime, but I will try to keep a steady schedule. I am reading amazing grace online, and I am also reading Gurdjieff "BeezlesBub's Tales to his Grandson" in book form. I am not sure if those would be considered recommended reading, but that is what I am reading now.

Maybe if you didn't buy drugs you could afford to eat better? I hear a lot of people using financial problems as excuses, but they always find money for booze and cigarettes. It all depends on your priorities, I guess.

In addition to the obvious negative effects of drugs, you may want to consider that when you are "high" and not in full control of your consciousness, any entities hanging around you may find their way in because of your lapse of awareness...

I would also read "In Search of the Miraculous" (if you haven't already) before I tackled Beelzebub.

I agree, and I do have in search of the miraculous. So, for the time being I will put down Beezebub and begin on search of the miraculous. thanks for the input.

I would not guess it to be any mental disorder as of yet.
I didn't mean it as an absolute that its either a disorder or not but I know I have schizophrenia traits I am also a Gemini and it has been said that geminis have schizophrenia traits ("Geminis are schizophrenic, simply because the constellation for the sign has two people (the twins) in it.") wether its true or not I think its important to figure out how our minds work there is alot more to wish full thinking then just labling what we do wish full thinking. For me it goes deeper than that why is my mind using this/operating this way. I know it can improve I use to be a heavy wish full thinker but then I became too depressed with my current situation searched for another way and forced myself to reduce it even though at times I find myself back there.

I agree with what bngenoh has brought to your attention

Yes I agree, I should be more responsible for my thoughts and put them to better use thanks for the advice.

Hi celtic,

you could ask yourself what is the most important thing for you in this present life, what is your Aim and how you can achieve it? As Jerry said you need to deal with your fear of working by actually looking for it honestly. Better financial situation will provide opportunity to change your diet which is important. Also, regular EE can help you with your mental state, but to do all of this, I think that you should firstly reconsider what is more important to you, your "friends" or your well-being. ;)

Well said deffinitely something to considere thanks for the advice.

I am not doing the diet as of yet, cannot aford it. I had not done the breathing in a couple of weeks now. I have been doing the breathing on and off for sometime, but I will try to keep a steady schedule. I am reading amazing grace online, and I am also reading Gurdjieff "BeezlesBub's Tales to his Grandson" in book form. I am not sure if those would be considered recommended reading, but that is what I am reading now.

I guess that means you haven't cut out gluten, sugar and dairy yet, all of them chaotic agents in mind, body and emotions, cutting those out to start with would go a long way in stabilizing you. The books you mention are great but it seems like you're in need of some input on your own psychology, I'd recommend reading (or rereading) the books on narcissism and the newer additions in the Psychology & Cognitive Science section, even 'In search of the Miraculous'. Your greatest enemy seems to be your own programs and personality formation and getting insights into getting real with that would be very important in keeping and refining this new 'cleaner' path of yours.

Your guess is right I will seek those that are recommended and thanks for the advice.

Hi Celtic
I agree with Jerry that finding a job should be top priority.

Besides the recommended reading here on the forum, I would also recommend attending meetings for people that quit substance abuse. It helps when you actively participate and are reminded daily why you quit.

I wouldn`t worry too much about failing and think more about being responsible for yourself and your actions. You say you are staying with you Mother who is ill. Ask your Mother what needs to be done around the house(STO). By doing this, your Mother can see you appreciate having a roof over your head. Let her see the positive changes. It could also help you feel better about yourself.

I agree that I should do more around the house and for now on I will make that effort. Thanks for the advice.

 

[celtic]

I wish to update you all on my current status. Well I have finally gotten a job as a houseman at best western. And although I have been on and off with breathing lately I have been a lot more stable. I have not smoked weed in a couple of months now and completely eliminated my bad influential friend. Although I am having a hard time participating on the forum, I have been doing a lot of reading. It has been about two or three years since I found Laura's work. I honestly never took it as seriously as I should until now. In the beginning I never fully grasp what she and you all was trying to present. I always held this work to my own personal belief and benefits. And I believe that was part of my problem, not taking responsibility for myself. Because I believe that what has been given to us from you guys was somehow justified for me not to deal with reality. It is a learning experience, and I hope this help others who might have similar situations as mine. But enough with my rambling I just wanted to let you all know that I am still here. :)

 

[truth seeker]

I wish to update you all on my current status. Well I have finally gotten a job as a houseman at best western. And although I have been on and off with breathing lately I have been a lot more stable. I have not smoked weed in a couple of months now and completely eliminated my bad influential friend. Although I am having a hard time participating on the forum, I have been doing a lot of reading. It has been about two or three years since I found Laura's work. I honestly never took it as seriously as I should until now. In the beginning I never fully grasp what she and you all was trying to present. I always held this work to my own personal belief and benefits. And I believe that was part of my problem, not taking responsibility for myself. Because I believe that what has been given to us from you guys was somehow justified for me not to deal with reality. It is a learning experience, and I hope this help others who might have similar situations as mine. But enough with my rambling I just wanted to let you all know that I am still here. :)

Thanks for the update, celtic. I'm glad to hear you're doing well and hope you keep networking.

 

[Ennio]

Sounds like you have a couple of biggies on track, celtic. :)

How's the diet coming?

 

[celtic]

I wish to update you all on my current status. Well I have finally gotten a job as a houseman at best western. And although I have been on and off with breathing lately I have been a lot more stable. I have not smoked weed in a couple of months now and completely eliminated my bad influential friend. Although I am having a hard time participating on the forum, I have been doing a lot of reading. It has been about two or three years since I found Laura's work. I honestly never took it as seriously as I should until now. In the beginning I never fully grasp what she and you all was trying to present. I always held this work to my own personal belief and benefits. And I believe that was part of my problem, not taking responsibility for myself. Because I believe that what has been given to us from you guys was somehow justified for me not to deal with reality. It is a learning experience, and I hope this help others who might have similar situations as mine. But enough with my rambling I just wanted to let you all know that I am still here. :)

Thanks for the update, celtic. I'm glad to hear you're doing well and hope you keep networking.

Thanks for the feedback truth seeker and I will.

Sounds like you have a couple of biggies on track, celtic. :)

How's the diet coming?

Not on the diet yet Ennio I will start the job on Monday the 13.

 

[Ennio]

Sounds like you have a couple of biggies on track, celtic. :)

How's the diet coming?

Not on the diet yet Ennio I will start the job on Monday the 13.

Does this mean that you felt the need to start your new job before you can begin the process of gradually eliminating wheat, dairy, sugar etc. from your diet? I ask because this is what it sounds like, and if this is how you have it in your mind: new job --> start diet, it needn't be this way. In other words, you can take steps in all sorts of positive directions without waiting for some things to start or happen. Hope this makes sense.

 

[seek10]

Sounds like you have a couple of biggies on track, celtic. :)

How's the diet coming?

Not on the diet yet Ennio I will start the job on Monday the 13.

Keep DIET on the top of the list. Read "Life without bread" thread to understand more, if you haven't

 

[celtic]

Sounds like you have a couple of biggies on track, celtic. :)

How's the diet coming?

Not on the diet yet Ennio I will start the job on Monday the 13.

Does this mean that you felt the need to start your new job before you can begin the process of gradually eliminating wheat, dairy, sugar etc. from your diet? I ask because this is what it sounds like, and if this is how you have it in your mind: new job --> start diet, it needn't be this way. In other words, you can take steps in all sorts of positive directions without waiting for some things to start or happen. Hope this makes sense.

Unfortunately so, I will tell my mother I am eliminating certain foods for now on. I have another problem, my best friend I told you all about came over. He came very unexpectedly and I just did not know how to react. I did not tell him I didn't wish to see him anymore. I just cannot come to terms with dismissing him, after so many years. So I hung out with him pretending as always to be interested and such. But, I am aware that I can no longer be his friend because of the path I am going. I knew him ever since I was a kid but I am looking at the bigger picture now. My mother just accepted him back into our home, which makes it harder for me to avoid him. I think this is a message saying that I need to be honest with him and myself. But I keep thinking that everyone is going to look at me as bogus. And I mean his family my family, and I know they aren't going to understand. This is why it is hard for me to be honest. I would like you all's opinion on this because I know some of you have had to deal with this one way or the other.

Sounds like you have a couple of biggies on track, celtic. :)

How's the diet coming?

Not on the diet yet Ennio I will start the job on Monday the 13.

Keep DIET on the top of the list. Read "Life without bread" thread to understand more, if you haven't

Thanks for the feedback truthseeker I will give it a look.

 

[SMM]

So much of what you have written celtic resonates with either my past or changes in ever-shifting current status - it feels as though I could've written the same.

From the marijuana use, being around a party crowd, being easily influenced by others/having a hard time saying no, getting rid of close friend(s) or people in general, diet [yet to kick sugar out - trying to explain when we eat as a family/am invited to eat out is something else], having to help my mother & family...

I wish to update you all on my current status. Well I have finally gotten a job as a houseman at best western. And although I have been on and off with breathing lately I have been a lot more stable. I have not smoked weed in a couple of months now and completely eliminated my bad influential friend. Although I am having a hard time participating on the forum, I have been doing a lot of reading. It has been about two or three years since I found Laura's work. I honestly never took it as seriously as I should until now. In the beginning I never fully grasp what she and you all was trying to present. I always held this work to my own personal belief and benefits. And I believe that was part of my problem, not taking responsibility for myself. Because I believe that what has been given to us from you guys was somehow justified for me not to deal with reality. It is a learning experience, and I hope this help others who might have similar situations as mine. But enough with my rambling I just wanted to let you all know that I am still here. :)

I don't know what else to say right now but reading all this & everyone's input has been helpful. For me, everything attempted or done as a result of the work here seems so diametrically opposed to external conditioning [particular that of familial beliefs/upbringing, genetics I can't be too certain on] as to cause internal friction.
Such that I too feel everyone looks at me as bogus.

A part of me thinks you know what you have to do with your friend, even if it's hard, from these remarks:

I just cannot come to terms with dismissing him, after so many years. So I hung out with him pretending as always to be interested and such. But, I am aware that I can no longer be his friend because of the path I am going.

I think this is a message saying that I need to be honest with him and myself.

I find it hard to be honest with myself & others [from years of malpractice], even when my entire physiological being has bodily made something clear.

All in all, thank you so much for sharing & best of wishes :)

 

[anart]

I just cannot come to terms with dismissing him, after so many years. So I hung out with him pretending as always to be interested and such. But, I am aware that I can no longer be his friend because of the path I am going. I knew him ever since I was a kid but I am looking at the bigger picture now. My mother just accepted him back into our home, which makes it harder for me to avoid him. I think this is a message saying that I need to be honest with him and myself. But I keep thinking that everyone is going to look at me as bogus. And I mean his family my family, and I know they aren't going to understand.

Maybe in this case it will be smarter and more externally considerate to very slowly and quietly pull away without making a big deal out of it at all. This would make it easier on you and easier on everyone else. Instead of telling him and everyone that he can't be in your life anymore, just be too busy to spend time with him. When your mother invites him into your house, be polite, but don't get involved - just be nice and control your own inner reactions and involvement. Don't go do things with him (there are LOTS of things to be busy with), don't let him lead you into conversations or activities that pull you down (even watching negative stuff on the computer and such) - just hold your ground firmly inside and slowly, slowly move away from him. Eventually, it will look like the two of you just "grew apart" like people do and no one should give you any grief. In short, play a role when he's present but keep your internal boundaries firm and strong and keep your distance. Does that make sense at all?

 

[Ennio]

I just cannot come to terms with dismissing him, after so many years. So I hung out with him pretending as always to be interested and such. But, I am aware that I can no longer be his friend because of the path I am going. I knew him ever since I was a kid but I am looking at the bigger picture now. My mother just accepted him back into our home, which makes it harder for me to avoid him. I think this is a message saying that I need to be honest with him and myself. But I keep thinking that everyone is going to look at me as bogus. And I mean his family my family, and I know they aren't going to understand.

Maybe in this case it will be smarter and more externally considerate to very slowly and quietly pull away without making a big deal out of it at all. This would make it easier on you and easier on everyone else. Instead of telling him and everyone that he can't be in your life anymore, just be too busy to spend time with him. When your mother invites him into your house, be polite, but don't get involved - just be nice and control your own inner reactions and involvement. Don't go do things with him (there are LOTS of things to be busy with), don't let him lead you into conversations or activities that pull you down (even watching negative stuff on the computer and such) - just hold your ground firmly inside and slowly, slowly move away from him. Eventually, it will look like the two of you just "grew apart" like people do and no one should give you any grief. In short, play a role when he's present but keep your internal boundaries firm and strong and keep your distance. Does that make sense at all?

Wanted to suggest pretty much the same thing having gone through something like this with a college friend who I had been close to for many years. After a while it became clear that as much as we had shared, and as smart as he was, and as much as we did have a common language about certain things, I just couldn't share some very crucial things with him. And his interest in bettering himself and learning about the world definitely had it's limits. I think if you contemplate what anart wrote above and think it through, making sure to untie the gordian knot slowly, and making this approach something you are consciously aware of at all times, you'll do just fine with this situation.

 

[celtic]

So much of what you have written celtic resonates with either my past or changes in ever-shifting current status - it feels as though I could've written the same.

From the marijuana use, being around a party crowd, being easily influenced by others/having a hard time saying no, getting rid of close friend(s) or people in general, diet [yet to kick sugar out - trying to explain when we eat as a family/am invited to eat out is something else], having to help my mother & family...

I wish to update you all on my current status. Well I have finally gotten a job as a houseman at best western. And although I have been on and off with breathing lately I have been a lot more stable. I have not smoked weed in a couple of months now and completely eliminated my bad influential friend. Although I am having a hard time participating on the forum, I have been doing a lot of reading. It has been about two or three years since I found Laura's work. I honestly never took it as seriously as I should until now. In the beginning I never fully grasp what she and you all was trying to present. I always held this work to my own personal belief and benefits. And I believe that was part of my problem, not taking responsibility for myself. Because I believe that what has been given to us from you guys was somehow justified for me not to deal with reality. It is a learning experience, and I hope this help others who might have similar situations as mine. But enough with my rambling I just wanted to let you all know that I am still here. :)

I don't know what else to say right now but reading all this & everyone's input has been helpful. For me, everything attempted or done as a result of the work here seems so diametrically opposed to external conditioning [particular that of familial beliefs/upbringing, genetics I can't be too certain on] as to cause internal friction.
Such that I too feel everyone looks at me as bogus.

A part of me thinks you know what you have to do with your friend, even if it's hard, from these remarks:

I just cannot come to terms with dismissing him, after so many years. So I hung out with him pretending as always to be interested and such. But, I am aware that I can no longer be his friend because of the path I am going.

I think this is a message saying that I need to be honest with him and myself.

I find it hard to be honest with myself & others [from years of malpractice], even when my entire physiological being has bodily made something clear.

All in all, thank you so much for sharing & best of wishes :)

Thanks for the input dikiitanetsdooshi. I think we all have the same experiences on one level or the other.

Maybe in this case it will be smarter and more externally considerate to very slowly and quietly pull away without making a big deal out of it at all. This would make it easier on you and easier on everyone else. Instead of telling him and everyone that he can't be in your life anymore, just be too busy to spend time with him. When your mother invites him into your house, be polite, but don't get involved - just be nice and control your own inner reactions and involvement. Don't go do things with him (there are LOTS of things to be busy with), don't let him lead you into conversations or activities that pull you down (even watching negative stuff on the computer and such) - just hold your ground firmly inside and slowly, slowly move away from him. Eventually, it will look like the two of you just "grew apart" like people do and no one should give you any grief. In short, play a role when he's present but keep your internal boundaries firm and strong and keep your distance. Does that make sense at all?

In the beginning I was taking this approach, I completely forgot about it. I can't believe it slipped my mind. I think apart of me still wanted to hangout like the good old times. It is more reasonable and smarter to take this approach, I glade I ask thanks anart.