My Experience

[worldbridger]

Approx. 12 years ago I had an experience that is not possible to put into words, trying to describe it just falls flat, there are no references, I have no words.

In hindsight it felt like it was a culmination of several years of odd coincidences, insights, dreams, work on myself etc. Life was amazing, in all sorts of ways. Best physical/mental/emotional shape of my life, after that my health started to fall apart.

My questions:

What actually happened that winter night 12 years ago? Why did it happen? Did this cause my decline or is it just a co-incidence? What can I do about it?

Maybe this subject and these questions and answers can be useful for the community, not just for me.

To give all a little background if the questions are brought up:

After 25-30 years of taking care of my body, and doing everything I know the last 12 years using the Forum and other sources on the Internet (won't go in to everything, would take pages). I'm now at 115 lbs and 6'2" and I can’t loose much more weight, the body does not respond anymore to anything, it feels like it is shutting down. No tests show anything but severe osteoporosis, no doctor or therapist can explain why I am the way I am.
The pain and fatigue is unbearable, can barely walk 10 m with my walker, in bed 99% of the time, my wife helps me 24/7 with everything, getting dressed/undressed, give me food/liquids, massage, etc etc. My wife and I have now given up all hope, reached that point now.

Here is an attempt to describe the experience:

My experience changed me, but I can’t say in what way. I could say that the earth's axis shifted, but everything stayed the same. The experience was "out of this world”, attempts to describe it leads to paradoxes that feels empty and unfitting.

Simply, I had a smoke in the evening, it was dark and clear sky, full of stars. Standing there contemplating over Creation/Source/God/Eternity. Suddenly I ”sensed” a presence, can’t say I saw it with my eyes, some sort of light.

There was no ”message" from this light, or any feelings or thoughts on my part, I went completely still during this, seconds or minutes I don’t know. Some part of me was there to experience it…

This light was super ancient and at the same newly born, all its qualities was in total balance, a perfection beyond imagination, balanced in an infinite small point. It was as powerful as it was gentle….and I can go on forever.

Then there were qualities or information I just can’t put a name on, I have no concept…The intensity and scope ”stretched” that little part of my consciousness to….well, never mind.

Took me weeks and months trying to grasp this, every time I visited the experience it felt like my chest would explode, I didn’t dare or cope to re-live it completely.

Of course, after some time doubts came if this was a true divine experience or something STS…and depsite all my problems I still don’t think so, but….I would like to hear Cs comments about it.

I really don’t like talking about it, it is very private and very frustrating, especially since my life has turned to a complete disaster.

Thanks

W/M

 

[iamthatis]

Approx. 12 years ago I had an experience that is not possible to put into words, trying to describe it just falls flat, there are no references, I have no words.

In hindsight it felt like it was a culmination of several years of odd coincidences, insights, dreams, work on myself etc. Life was amazing, in all sorts of ways. Best physical/mental/emotional shape of my life, after that my health started to fall apart.

My questions:

What actually happened that winter night 12 years ago? Why did it happen? Did this cause my decline or is it just a co-incidence? What can I do about it?

Maybe this subject and these questions and answers can be useful for the community, not just for me.

To give all a little background if the questions are brought up:

After 25-30 years of taking care of my body, and doing everything I know the last 12 years using the Forum and other sources on the Internet (won't go in to everything, would take pages). I'm now at 115 lbs and 6'2" and I can’t loose much more weight, the body does not respond anymore to anything, it feels like it is shutting down. No tests show anything but severe osteoporosis, no doctor or therapist can explain why I am the way I am.
The pain and fatigue is unbearable, can barely walk 10 m with my walker, in bed 99% of the time, my wife helps me 24/7 with everything, getting dressed/undressed, give me food/liquids, massage, etc etc. My wife and I have now given up all hope, reached that point now.

Here is an attempt to describe the experience:

My experience changed me, but I can’t say in what way. I could say that the earth's axis shifted, but everything stayed the same. The experience was "out of this world”, attempts to describe it leads to paradoxes that feels empty and unfitting.

Simply, I had a smoke in the evening, it was dark and clear sky, full of stars. Standing there contemplating over Creation/Source/God/Eternity. Suddenly I ”sensed” a presence, can’t say I saw it with my eyes, some sort of light.

There was no ”message" from this light, or any feelings or thoughts on my part, I went completely still during this, seconds or minutes I don’t know. Some part of me was there to experience it…

This light was super ancient and at the same newly born, all its qualities was in total balance, a perfection beyond imagination, balanced in an infinite small point. It was as powerful as it was gentle….and I can go on forever.

Then there were qualities or information I just can’t put a name on, I have no concept…The intensity and scope ”stretched” that little part of my consciousness to….well, never mind.

Took me weeks and months trying to grasp this, every time I visited the experience it felt like my chest would explode, I didn’t dare or cope to re-live it completely.

Of course, after some time doubts came if this was a true divine experience or something STS…and depsite all my problems I still don’t think so, but….I would like to hear Cs comments about it.

I really don’t like talking about it, it is very private and very frustrating, especially since my life has turned to a complete disaster.

Thanks

W/M

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.

About the symptoms, I can definitely relate. I have recently been undergoing life changes that sound similar to yours. While once upon a time I was working, going out and about, and living what might be called 'a normal life', now I often can't get out of bed, have intense mental fog, and other symptoms. I have my lucid hours, but that is a smaller part of my experience of life these days.

If it's any consolation, my understanding is that my illness has been a lesson in letting go. I don't measure myself by standards of normalcy anymore, because I am not in a normal situation. This applies to all my ideas - values, health, money, work, family, food, enjoyment, hobbies, relationships, time, thoughts about the future, my sense of others, my self and the world, life, and death. Honestly, it's felt like a process of dying. Once I stopped resisting the process and hating myself for 'being abnormal', practicing conscious acceptance of this process, I have seen that it has been a blessing. A difficult one, but a blessing all the same, to stop fighting myself and love myself no matter what; stop trying to control everything and relax into the uncertainty; dis-identify with my body while at the same time caring for it as best I can; trust the universe and pray more; and just do what is in front of me to do while keeping the Faith - even if that means all I do in a day is feed myself. Some days that in itself is a great victory and worthy of celebration.

This death-in-life is common in the Hero's Journey. You mentioned you don't like talking about it. That's often an indication that this is exactly what we should do - start exploring where we least want to go. That's where the Hero goes, into the dark forest full of monsters, into the tangled confusion of the subconscious with all its difficult feelings. I have some ideas as to what could be happening with the flash of light and your symptoms, and books that may help, and could share if you like. It would mean talking about it, though, so it's up to you.

 

[bozadi]

Of course, after some time doubts came if this was a true divine experience or something STS…and depsite all my problems I still don’t think so

You must be joking. Leaving aside the possibility that it was all a coincidence, anything divine (STO) couldn't possibly have made you suffer so bad, or suffer at all. Have you thought about getting hypnotherapy to find out what "it" was? Felt like 5D STS to me, although I don't deem a more 4D STS interference out of question.

 

[Gaby]

Leaving aside the possibility that it was all a coincidence, anything divine (STO) couldn't possibly have made you suffer so bad, or suffer at all. Have you thought about getting hypnotherapy to find out what "it" was? Felt like 5D STS to me, although I don't deem a more 4D STS interference out of question.

Yeah, the recoil was so drastic that the first thing that came to my mind was alien abduction.

 

[bozadi]

I really don’t like talking about it, it is very private and very frustrating, especially since my life has turned to a complete disaster.

And you still don't think it's STS?

 

[SMM]

I'm sorry to read about what you went through, @worldbridger. All I can share now are sincere prayers for the restoration and healing of your health and wellness on all levels. Thank you for sharing this, and for your courage to share something you don't like to talk about.

 

[Fluffy]

Hey worldbridger, that truly sounds awful and I’m sorry for you that you’ve had such struggles and can’t find any answers.
Glad you’ve opened up, may be if you have the energy and will to do so, you could open up some more, give some details of what you’ve gone through in the past 12 years, and possibly some things you were doing leading up to experience, if you remember anything out of ordinary or habits, thoughts and activities you were involved in. A clearer picture will help others in understanding what you are experiencing.

Have you done much reading on alien abduction? That’s the first thing I thought reading your post, I could be wrong of course but it’s an avenue worth considering.

I would be very wary of thinking that this was an STO event.

It really sounds like you need help now and there’s not much time to waste as your health is in a dire condition.

 

[Ruth]

I guess if you want to sort this mystery out you have to address the very urgent problem of your physical vehicle before it no longer functions for you at all. Healthy weight range for a male of 6 ft 2 inches is 171-209 lbs and for a female (of the same height) it is 148-194 lbs. Since you are 115 lbs, I would think that hospitalization is the safest course. It is especially important for monitoring blood chemistry at this time. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully stabalization and a full recovery.

 

[loreta]

Based on your description, I would say that you had a mystical experience.

Here is the definition of what a mystical experience is:

A mystical experience is an internalized experience, often perceived as a contact or communication with a transcendent reality, indiscernible to common sense. It is characterized by a sense of unity, revelation, and ineffability, and can induce a change in perspective on oneself and the world.

I found this page where they talk about this type of experience in the good and the bad. It is in French, but if you use a translator you can read about it.

Trauma de l’expérience mystique | MIND Blog

Découvrez les types d'expériences mystiques et leurs effets sur la perception, la spiritualité et le bien-être psychologique.

www.mind-foundation.org

Have you read about mysticism? Have you met a psychologist?

I hope you find a solution to heal yourself from this, an answer, and a way to improve your body and soul.

 

[Weontv]

115 lbs at 6'2 is severely underweight.

If you could describe your progression/symptoms that led to this point it would be a lot easier to try and get to the root of the issue I think. Getting an answer from the C's would be ideal, but if you don't end up getting one you will still need to deal with this.

It is possible that this experience has nothing to do with the illness you are experiencing. You say it was 12 years ago, a lot can happen in that time.

I have had similar experiences, having my consciousness pulled out of my body to face "living light", which is similar to what you are describing. The level of consciousness is simply beyond the scope of language, it gives you a glimpse of infinity, the words don't exist.

It is possible the encounter was STS, however I think there are rules in place here that prevents certain things from happening. If STS was able to truly mess us up like this they would be doing it to every single Wanderer on the planet, or at least the ones who are moving towards STO, as the others they would be trying to recruit.


The C's have talked about how it gets harder as you get closer to 4th density, in the context of your body withering away. It feels like I can do 100 different health protocols that we all do on here, eat perfectly, exercise regularly, sleep well, etc etc and still wind up just "feeling alright".. so I think this variable is certainly a factor.

There is also the whole idea of energy centers being imbalanced. This is covered more heavily in the Ra transcripts than the C's, and I would say this factor is probably even more important than diet/lifestyle. Blockages in your energy centers, wounds you get from life experiences, trauma, etc can all manifest in to some serious ailments when they aren't being worked through.

There are also things like OP's being in your life and feeding off you directly without you knowing. Which is a common theme on this planet. It could be a family member, a partner, a close friend, a child.. they can also be used as vectors for 4th D STS and often are. I would imagine this kind of thing is amplified if you do have some "holes in your armor" and can inevitably drain your energy entirely.

I think at the end of the day all of these variables represent information that needs to be learned and when it is learned you can get to a point where you have a full understanding of whats going on, and that really seems to be the point of it all.

 

[worldbridger]

It was never my intention to give others a comprehensive background and description of the things that has led to my current situation, even though I would like to and also answer your questions, I just don't have the energy. The above was a poorly cut and paste-work from different documents.

I appreciate all your comments and questions though, thanks.

W/M

 

[Fluffy]

It was never my intention to give others a comprehensive background and description of the things that has led to my current situation, even though I would like to and also answer your questions, I just don't have the energy. The above was a poorly cut and paste-work from different documents.

I appreciate all your comments and questions though, thanks.

W/M

You want help?

Even if the C’s gave you an answer are you going to be able to network to help you solve the problem?
What if they said something like ‘gaps in awareness’ would you be able to figure that out on your own?

People here want to help you, but how can we if you aren’t able, or don’t want to give a bigger picture?

I understand you must be completely exhausted in every way. You really do need help, I’m very very sorry for what you are going through. Is there someone who’ll type things out for you if you want to tell your story?

No one is going to judge you if that’s why you are worried about sharing. Ignoring or pushing away some facts and info might just be making it all worse for you.

Obviously we can’t make you share anything, but do know that we’d like to try to help.

 

[Ruth]

No one is going to judge you if that’s why you are worried about sharing. Ignoring or pushing away some facts and info might just be making it all worse for you.

I think the physical health is the issue. He doesn't have the energy because he is severely underweight (and probably dying - most likely). The response to that (I think), will determin whether the issue is addressed in this life, or maybe even the next one?

It is perhaps also a test, as well as a chance for a person to express their free will. Just as a person can chose if they want to address the issue of their ill health, they can also chose if they want to share, either the cause of that ill health or their journey through it. Free will is a marvelous thing, but often dealing with challenges, physically, mentally and spiritually is very, very hard.

In this physical condition it would be harder than normal to do a lot of things. Thank God for free will! We get to chose what we want to do, and when we want to do it, at least on some level, anyway.

 

[Fluffy]

I think the physical health is the issue. He doesn't have the energy because he is severely underweight (and probably dying - most likely). The response to that (I think), will determin whether the issue is addressed in this life, or maybe even the next one?

It is perhaps also a test, as well as a chance for a person to express their free will. Just as a person can chose if they want to address the issue of their ill health, they can also chose if they want to share, either the cause of that ill health or their journey through it. Free will is a marvelous thing, but often dealing with challenges, physically, mentally and spiritually is very, very hard.

In this physical condition it would be harder than normal to do a lot of things. Thank God for free will! We get to chose what we want to do, and when we want to do it, at least on some level, anyway.

I completely agree Ruth, it’s just really alarming. I'm about 115 pounds and I’m a little lady, hearing he’s so underweight and needs assistance from his wife to do simple things like getting dressed is saddening, I’m sure his wife is terribly concerned.

I cannot imagine how he’s feeling and just trying to encourage him so may be we can help, because that’s what he needs, help. You’re right, he probably needs to be monitored and tube fed in hospital until he gets some strength back.

Of course it’s always up to worldbridger, please don’t take any offence to my comments, it’s your path and your freewill to choose what you want to do.

 

[axj]

Both STO and STS have to abide by your free will or get severe karmic consequences. While many in 3D are not aware of this and accumulate lots of negative karma by disregarding the free will of others, a being like the one you described would probably know about the universal law of free will. So it would probably need your permission in one way or another to give you an experience like that.

If you do not remember consciously asking for a mystical experience like this, it could even be something like a pre-incarnation contract you made with this being. From your description of the initial experience itself, it sounds like a highly vibrating STO being (high FRV) - though such mystical experiences can probably also be induced by STS entities to some extent.

One possibility is that this experience brought up a lot of unresolved emotional issues - you mentioned feeling like your chest would explode. High energies vibrate up all the lower vibrating 'stuff' and bring it to the surface. This can feel overwhelming and I know all too well that it is very tempting to avoid feeling the painful emotions.

The problem is that this avoidance of difficult emotions then creates problems in the physical body, ranging from just tension in the neck or back to serious health issues, eg. inflammation of the colon in my case at one point.

Have you been doing something like therapy, self-therapy or the Work to process through, heal and let go of whatever this experience brought up 12 years ago? This might be what needs to be done, in small steps but consistently. Anything we do as part of the Work (including emotional healing or 'self-therapy') is absolutely worth it on a very deep level, no matter how difficult it may be at first.