My music!

[Perri475]

Totally relate to all this. The part about being reluctant to share/that it feels weird especially. It IS weird. Well, it feels that way to me too. There is this desire to share; to give; to pay back from all I have been given. And also almost a need to pay back; for all I have taken. To 'make up' for all the STS past lives and present life behavior. It is cleansing and yet I resist it. Almost like being too self-effacing. Not wanting to be self-promoting because it seems so ... egocentric and STS-ish. Sigh. Is this somewhat how it is for you?

Yes that's spot on, actually. Your post gave me some interesting food for thought, thank you. I think most people would consider being musically inclined a ''gift'' or an ability (or what have you). Now is it objectively selfish to want to share your ''gift''? On the surface I definitely don't think so.. and generally I think musicians share their music because they want constructive criticism on how to further their craft, as well as networking to try to further their musical career.. But behind that, I think, there is a part that's seeking validation? That want for validation is what I think makes me feel uncomfortable about sharing it.

A lot of the times I don't even know how to trust my own intentions; whether I'm truly looking to be humble and apply criticism or if I am just seeking validation.

 

[Sentenza]

generally I think musicians share their music because they want constructive criticism on how to further their craft, as well as networking to try to further their musical career.. But behind that, I think, there is a part that's seeking validation? That want for validation is what I think makes me feel uncomfortable about sharing it.

... In a sense, I agree with you... I think there is a part of us that seek a form of validation... a part who wants to hear that we have a great talent... The ego part, maybe ? I feel that, as I am a musician... But I think there is another thing, it's the desire to feel that we are close to someone, that vibrates at the same frequency... it's human, I think... ;)

 

[BHelmet]

Totally relate to all this. The part about being reluctant to share/that it feels weird especially. It IS weird. Well, it feels that way to me too. There is this desire to share; to give; to pay back from all I have been given. And also almost a need to pay back; for all I have taken. To 'make up' for all the STS past lives and present life behavior. It is cleansing and yet I resist it. Almost like being too self-effacing. Not wanting to be self-promoting because it seems so ... egocentric and STS-ish. Sigh. Is this somewhat how it is for you?

Yes that's spot on, actually. Your post gave me some interesting food for thought, thank you. I think most people would consider being musically inclined a ''gift'' or an ability (or what have you). Now is it objectively selfish to want to share your ''gift''? On the surface I definitely don't think so.. and generally I think musicians share their music because they want constructive criticism on how to further their craft, as well as networking to try to further their musical career.. But behind that, I think, there is a part that's seeking validation? That want for validation is what I think makes me feel uncomfortable about sharing it.

A lot of the times I don't even know how to trust my own intentions; whether I'm truly looking to be humble and apply criticism or if I am just seeking validation.

Well put...all of it - and that is another slice of the pie: the aspect of looking for validation. It seems almost inescapable. Everybody wants to be patted on the head. Like a built in natural function of being a living being. I want to be 'above it' and so not be vulnerable but that denies my humanity. The seeking of validation feels like an embarrassing weakness. But weakness is just our subjective idea of some aspect of our humanity. Talk about a vicious cycle!

 

[Perri475]

Well put...all of it - and that is another slice of the pie: the aspect of looking for validation. It seems almost inescapable. Everybody wants to be patted on the head. Like a built in natural function of being a living being. I want to be 'above it' and so not be vulnerable but that denies my humanity. The seeking of validation feels like an embarrassing weakness. But weakness is just our subjective idea of some aspect of our humanity. Talk about a vicious cycle!

A viscous cycle it is... the image of the ouroboros comes to mind when I think about it. More often than not, I think, that guilt turns into anger for me sometimes. It is very hard for me not to feel so bitter all the time. I wish to rise above it as well, because I think that I have no need for that nagging voice anymore.

I am starting to realize that this world does not have anything for me, and that's kind of been messing with me. The isolation I have felt my whole life only seems to weigh more and more as I learn more about myself and why everything is the way it is. All I feel I can do currently is just detach from the feelings that arise from it, because I honestly do not know how to deal with growing sense of isolation.

generally I think musicians share their music because they want constructive criticism on how to further their craft, as well as networking to try to further their musical career.. But behind that, I think, there is a part that's seeking validation? That want for validation is what I think makes me feel uncomfortable about sharing it.

... In a sense, I agree with you... I think there is a part of us that seek a form of validation... a part who wants to hear that we have a great talent... The ego part, maybe ? I feel that, as I am a musician... But I think there is another thing, it's the desire to feel that we are close to someone, that vibrates at the same frequency... it's human, I think... ;)

Very true I definitely agree with your sentiment, it is human to want to share that experience. That's kind of what I meant by ''sharing your gift''. For example though, and I know I have done this PLENTY of times, but imagine asking someone for feedback on a project you're working on and the feedback is negative. Instead of using that feedback to my advantage, I may just get pretentious and tell myself something along the lines of: ''oh they just don't get it". And that attidue, i think, is harmful to myself and the music I want to make, if that makes sense!

 

[Sentenza]

but imagine asking someone for feedback on a project you're working on and the feedback is negative. Instead of using that feedback to my advantage, I may just get pretentious and tell myself something along the lines of: ''oh they just don't get it". And that attidue, i think, is harmful to myself and the music I want to make, if that makes sense!

... I Understand what you're saying, Perri. But on this point, my feelings are mixed. Because, in my sense, the world of an artist is worthy of interest because this artist put all of himself in his world, his own energy, aspirations, feelings, doubts, conviction, sensibility (and so on) without dealing too much about other's opinions, advices... Many great singers struggled to break through (Brassens in France, and many others I think) because much people weren't ready to listen to that... It was too displaced for the time... But that's what really has value, for me... As a rough diamond... unique... Personnaly, I think that feedback may be taken into account only on a technical perspective (sound, quality, duration...)... Only my opinion ! ;)