My partner is on a different path -- need advice

[mk1154]

Hello everyone,

I am seeking advice from others who may have been here before... I'll try to keep my story brief.

When I got together with my girlfriend 3 years ago we were on very similar ground. We were both "seeking" our spirituality in a variety of different ways and were open to lots of new things and ideas. In this way we fell in love with each other and are now getting married in a few weeks. Over the last couple years we have both been doing work to further our selves and what the answers that we seek. I love information and did the whole fear based Alex Jones/prepping stage for awhile until it drove me insane and I somehow found the cass work around that time. My world view is now closely aligned with this community. I continue to study world affairs but from a different perspective. Most of the fear and anxiety is gone.

Her path went another direction. She also was very much into conspiracy theories at one point in her life and after she had enough of that fear she was attracted to the New Age movement. She almost now exclusively is focused on communicating with her "higher self" and avoids involving herself with worldy affairs. According to her, I focus too much on the negative. According to me, it isn't negative -- just information.

This was all good and fine for a long time. We both allowed the other to continue on their path in their own way and tried not to interfere too much. Unfortunately this came to crisis mode the other night when we got talking about something related to politics. She thought I was "over all of that" (referring to corruption in our govt, etc). She still believes much of that is true, but that focusing on it will bounce that negativity back to you. I think we both had doubts on how this difference could be reconciled.

I am of the opinion that both are important. The left and right. The physical and spiritual -- and to disregard one for the other is a mistake, but I am no expert. I should add that I have A LOT more free time than her and so in these few years I have been able to spend a lot more of my time on it. Maybe that is relevant, maybe not. I recognize fully that I don't spend enough of my time on inner work.

Things are okay for now. We've resolved to respect our differences and try to learn from them, but I do still worry that our paths may continue to diverge. I am hoping the opposite will be true though.

I am wondering if anyone else has faced this problem and if you have any advice for me? How do you deal with a spouse that isn't "on board" so to speak? What if some of their ideals are in contradiction to your own? Can it work?

 

[Keyhole]

Hi mk1154,

From what I understand, there are members on this forum who are currently in a relationship/marriage that is not colinear. I would say that this type of situation doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship will become problematic for either party, if it is dealt with in the correct way.

Her path went another direction. She also was very much into conspiracy theories at one point in her life and after she had enough of that fear she was attracted to the New Age movement. She almost now exclusively is focused on communicating with her "higher self" and avoids involving herself with worldy affairs. According to her, I focus too much on the negative. According to me, it isn't negative -- just information.

It is important to understand and accept that your partner has chosen to take this path for the purpose of learning her own lessons at the pace that is suited to her. The fact that she is focused on "communicating with her higher self" indicates that she is indeed interested in some of same concepts as you are, albeit not all of them (namely the political worldly things).

This can be a good opportunity for you to practice what is known as external consideration. If you are aware that your partner is no longer interested in learning about politics etc, then it would technically be breaking her free will to persist in speaking about those types of things when you are in her company.

Why not speak about something that your partner would enjoy speaking about instead? You may be able to find a middle ground this way and perhaps be able share information with one another regarding certain topics that are more in line with her world-view. This should make it more comfortable for her, and it will make the relationship easier for both of you. We must learn to be quiet sometimes and refrain from imposing our world-view on those around us who are clearly not interested.

How do you deal with a spouse that isn't "on board" so to speak? What if some of their ideals are in contradiction to your own? Can it work?

For any relationship to work it is important for us to be considerate to the needs of others (which applies on a soul-level considering lessons etc), again, through the practice of external consideration. If you can try to have some compassion for your partner and for where she may be at in terms of knowledge and awareness, you will see that she is learning at her own pace and this does not require any interference from you. If you are sincere in the relationship, and are prepared to put the effort in, then this doesn't have to be a problem :) you CAN make it work.

Something you should focus your attention on is what YOU can do to become a better human being, not on the 'progess' of others.

 

[John G]

Actually, you two don't sound overly hugely different. At least she sees things as bad politically and sees the need for spiritual development. Even Cass/SOTT at one point decided to shift more towards working on the self rather than the political landscape since it's not overly changeable by us. Things are going to play out with economic collapses and revolutions that the powers that be will attempt to control in their usual not so nice way.

Perhaps you two can agree something like an economic collapse could certainly happen and make things bad for everybody and also agree you shouldn't totally ignore preparing for a bad economy and also obviously agree none of us on the planet can change the world's economy much at all at this point. Seems like you two should have some kind of middle ground here hopefully.

 

[Meg]

It is important to understand and accept that your partner has chosen to take this path for the purpose of learning her own lessons at the pace that is suited to her. The fact that she is focused on "communicating with her higher self" indicates that she is indeed interested in some of same concepts as you are, albeit not all of them (namely the political worldly things).

This can be a good opportunity for you to practice what is known as external consideration. If you are aware that your partner is no longer interested in learning about politics etc, then it would technically be breaking her free will to persist in speaking about those types of things when you are in her company.

Why not speak about something that your partner would enjoy speaking about instead? You may be able to find a middle ground this way and perhaps be able share information with one another regarding certain topics that are more in line with her world-view. This should make it more comfortable for her, and it will make the relationship easier for both of you. We must learn to be quiet sometimes and refrain from imposing our world-view on those around us who are clearly not interested.

I agree with Keyhole. External consideration is key and means that we play a role for others, for their benefit and ours. There is also the concept of strategic enclosure to consider.

Are you doing the Eiriu-Eolas breathing and meditation program? You can read more about it here. Maybe it is something you can do together if you think she'd be willing to try it.:)

 

[Beau]

Actually, you two don't sound overly hugely different. At least she sees things as bad politically and sees the need for spiritual development. Even Cass/SOTT at one point decided to shift more towards working on the self rather than the political landscape since it's not overly changeable by us. Things are going to play out with economic collapses and revolutions that the powers that be will attempt to control in their usual not so nice way.

Maybe it's just me, but one person who chooses to shut out reality versus another who wishes to pay attention to reality does not make for compatability. Just because things are out of our control does not mean that we should just shut off and contemplate our navel.

 

[kenlee]

This was all good and fine for a long time. We both allowed the other to continue on their path in their own way and tried not to interfere too much. Unfortunately this came to crisis mode the other night when we got talking about something related to politics. She thought I was "over all of that" (referring to corruption in our govt, etc). She still believes much of that is true, but that focusing on it will bounce that negativity back to you. I think we both had doubts on how this difference could be reconciled.

It's possible that you'll soon have to walk on eggshells when even making simple observations of what is blatantly obvious regarding the world around you. The greater world and the lesser world (our everyday lives) are now more inexorably connected then ever before because of the growth of technology. What's going on in the greater world is becoming part of the lesser world. Any objective observations you might make of what's going on around you in your everyday life (which is as natural as breathing) may make her feel negative and this negativity can very well get projected towards you. So I would think that this could certainly be a problem.

 

[Mark]

According to her, I focus too much on the negative. According to me, it isn't negative -- just information.

There's no new agey perspective required to accuse someone of being negative over observing what is taking place in the world today. Wish I had a dollar for every time that happen to me on Facebook. It's the typical perspective of people who do not want to face reality. And what did the Cs say about that?

'Life is religion. Life experiences reflect how one interacts with God. Those who are asleep are those of little faith in terms of their interaction with the creation. Some people think that the world exists for them to overcome or ignore or shut out. For those individuals, the world will cease. They will become exactly what they give to life. They will become merely a dream in the 'past.' People who pay strict attention to objective reality right and left, become the reality of the 'Future.'

Things are okay for now. We've resolved to respect our differences and try to learn from them, but I do still worry that our paths may continue to diverge. I am hoping the opposite will be true though.

Being aware of it and feeling sadness is normal, but be careful worrying, too much of that can wreck your health and when that starts to go so does productivity in most other areas. Been there, done that.

I am wondering if anyone else has faced this problem and if you have any advice for me? How do you deal with a spouse that isn't "on board" so to speak? What if some of their ideals are in contradiction to your own? Can it work?

I don't have an answer to whether it can work. I can tell you I went through a somewhat similar scenario over a decade ago and in the end my ex wound up using everything she knew about my perspectives against me - out of pure spite and anger and it did get incredibly ugly, I had no idea she could stoop so low and lie so blatantly and viciously. So I learned the hard way to play the appropriate role.

 

[MusicMan]

Hello mk1154, I agree with Keyhole's sentiments on this.

I also have a partner who is not colinear, and we've been married 48 years.
This doesn't mean that things are entirely incompatible, only that we agree to disagree on some things, and we both have lessons to learn and should not stand in the way of this happening.

Maybe it's a good thing that you have understood this before you married, but you really should have a good talk about it with your partner before you commit.

 

[petite femme]

Everything in this world is a matter of perspective. On one hand, focusing on "connecting with your higher self" is a noble pursuit", on the other hand being informed about what is going on in the world around you is intelligent as well. Together you two complete each other and if you can work together to traverse both paths you could make a heck of a team. I understand the desire to not involve yourself with worldly affairs, not to much that is going on in the world today is pleasant to look at. However, what is going on the world effects us all, whether we acknowledge or not. If you do not stay informed, you will be trampled over by the negativity that is becoming increasingly more a part of all of our daily lives! Work on oneself, is very important as well! It is what helps us remain consistent, in the face of all the ugliness of this world. True work on the self involves learning about yourself AND the world that you are a part of. Osit. Menrva had a great idea with the Eiriu-Eolas being something that you could together. It is very beneficial in the work and in dealing with the stress of the world we live in. Music man also has a good point, marriage is an agreement you both must come to. It is an agreement to work together, it is said that to love is to know.

 

[John G]

Actually, you two don't sound overly hugely different. At least she sees things as bad politically and sees the need for spiritual development. Even Cass/SOTT at one point decided to shift more towards working on the self rather than the political landscape since it's not overly changeable by us. Things are going to play out with economic collapses and revolutions that the powers that be will attempt to control in their usual not so nice way.

Maybe it's just me, but one person who chooses to shut out reality versus another who wishes to pay attention to reality does not make for compatability. Just because things are out of our control does not mean that we should just shut off and contemplate our navel.

It could me and my situation that's unusual perhaps. My wife is a Catholic school assistant principle so she's not into a lot of the things here but she is into 9-11 being done by the U.S. and Israel, and often when she sees me on this forum she asks if there is a new session cause she finds them interesting. My wife is also into the possibility of the economy crashing.

I wasn't suggesting navel contemplating but more the idea that the economy crashing could be something they both could hopefully pay attention to (given that even the mainstream was pushing that possibility during the banking bailout). I was kind of confused about girlfriend vs spouse cause he mentioned both; I was more speaking from a spouse point of view.

 

[Alada]

I am wondering if anyone else has faced this problem and if you have any advice for me? How do you deal with a spouse that isn't "on board" so to speak? What if some of their ideals are in contradiction to your own? Can it work?

I don’t think I can add much to what others have written here. As there is not enough data to make any specific observation about the ‘can it work?’ question, speaking generally it is best to look first to ourselves and what WE can do to improve a relationship, rather than focus on what we think is the error in others.

Have you tried talking generally with your partner about your fears for the future, how you feel in general, to communicate and air things out? If you’re getting married in a few weeks you’d hope that you would already be able to communicate and express thoughts/feelings with each other no matter what the subject.

But then if you look at your posting history here, it seems perhaps you only reach out and want to talk when things come to a head. If that’s the way you communicate (or not) within the relationship then maybe you have something to work on there.

If it were me, I’d wish to be able to share thoughts and feelings freely with the person I was about to marry. Not in order to force the other person to my pov, but just to be able to share and be known as I am.

 

[Laura]

Actually, you two don't sound overly hugely different. At least she sees things as bad politically and sees the need for spiritual development. Even Cass/SOTT at one point decided to shift more towards working on the self rather than the political landscape since it's not overly changeable by us. Things are going to play out with economic collapses and revolutions that the powers that be will attempt to control in their usual not so nice way.

Maybe it's just me, but one person who chooses to shut out reality versus another who wishes to pay attention to reality does not make for compatability. Just because things are out of our control does not mean that we should just shut off and contemplate our navel.

Yes, this has been my experience. It depends on how determined one or the other is to follow their own path. And unless you are dealing with a very simple, sweet soul, usually, the other will insist that you come over to their way of thinking because subconsciously, they realize that they are shutting out reality and they need you to help them do it. But, if your own pursuit of "what is" and how to face it is only a hobby, then you should have no problem keeping it separated and to yourself.

Which, of course, leads to the consideration of one of the problems that many in such situations face: if they really are interested in something, they want to talk about it with others. If just doing that a little bit on the forum is satisfying, you are okay. But, if it really affects your perceptions, you probably want to talk to others and that means you will be talking more to other people than your partner and that may or may not arouse jealousy and negative feelings. Some partners want/need to be very close and involved, others are just more like friends and not very deep friends at that, so they can navigate this.

In any event, I suspect you are in for some very interesting lessons rather like the Chinese curse: "May you live in interesting times..."

 

[Keyhole]

Maybe it's just me, but one person who chooses to shut out reality versus another who wishes to pay attention to reality does not make for compatability. Just because things are out of our control does not mean that we should just shut off and contemplate our navel.

Is there not a difference between someone who is completely 'plugged in to the matrix', who has no capacity to see reality objectively and is helplessly devoted to the system, and then another person who IS aware of a deeper reality, yet may be temporarily choosing to block it out of their perception because it is too painful/difficult to face? My impression was that this may be the case with mk1154's partner after reading:

Her path went another direction. She also was very much into conspiracy theories at one point in her life and after she had enough of that fear she was attracted to the New Age movement. She almost now exclusively is focused on communicating with her "higher self" and avoids involving herself with worldy affairs. According to her, I focus too much on the negative. According to me, it isn't negative -- just information.

I could be wrong on this, but in my own experience I went through a similar stage becoming immersed in "New Agey" ideas for a short while. This was part of the process that prepared me for the Laura's work and I think that it was wholely necessary for my personal growth. So mk1154, just because your partner is currently delving into these types of concepts and choosing to block the external reality out, this doesn't mean that this will be always be the case.

 

[nicklebleu]

Yes, this has been my experience. It depends on how determined one or the other is to follow their own path. And unless you are dealing with a very simple, sweet soul, usually, the other will insist that you come over to their way of thinking because subconsciously, they realize that they are shutting out reality and they need you to help them do it. But, if your own pursuit of "what is" and how to face it is only a hobby, then you should have no problem keeping it separated and to yourself.

Which, of course, leads to the consideration of one of the problems that many in such situations face: if they really are interested in something, they want to talk about it with others. If just doing that a little bit on the forum is satisfying, you are okay. But, if it really affects your perceptions, you probably want to talk to others and that means you will be talking more to other people than your partner and that may or may not arouse jealousy and negative feelings. Some partners want/need to be very close and involved, others are just more like friends and not very deep friends at that, so they can navigate this.

Same here - I have been in this situation before and it really depends on both of you.

For me the situation was such, that I had to completely compartmentalise, I had my SOTT life and my "normal" life. And as long as I was going into her direction, things were sweet. But when I wasn't able to do that - problems. Finally I just couldn't continue bending backwards just to maintain a fragile peace, and we split up. Of course that is the short version.

I think there are two things to consider - one is what Laura mentioned: How important is it for you to do the Work. If it's important for you, I see trouble ahead. The other thing is her - if you cannot be the partner she would like you to be, then I am not sure whether marrying her is such a good idea. I guess, you should really have an open discussion with her. She may have similar sentiments and worries, but may not be able to do the first step - cancelling a wedding a few weeks beforehand is quite a biggie.

Difficult decisions indeed!

 

[Laura]

I think there are two things to consider - one is what Laura mentioned: How important is it for you to do the Work. If it's important for you, I see trouble ahead. The other thing is her - if you cannot be the partner she would like you to be, then I am not sure whether marrying her is such a good idea. I guess, you should really have an open discussion with her. She may have similar sentiments and worries, but may not be able to do the first step - cancelling a wedding a few weeks beforehand is quite a biggie.

Difficult decisions indeed!

Yes, this thing needs a REALLY OBJECTIVE viewpoint which you do not have right now and the only way you can get it (possibly) is by some experience. If you, ultimately, do not wish to go where she wants to go, then you are WASTING HER TIME and taking the best years of her life. It's not just that she might not be right for you, YOU may not be right for her.