My partner is on a different path -- need advice

[mk1154]

Wow, thank you everyone for such insightful responses. This has been extremely helpful.

Reading through the comments, I think I sold my fiancée a bit short. She certainly isn't "totally plugged into the matrix". She recognizes many of the problems that I do and feels preparation is good (stocking some food, self-defense, etc), but chooses not to pay much attention to it as it negatively effects her psyche and she feels she has little power to stop it anyway, so why waste energy on it? I completely understand this as I was there once too, but the negativity for me is very weak now. I'm also of the opinion that the feeling of helplessness or "I'm just one person, what can I do?" is exactly the type of attitude that the controllers or our planet would like us to possess. It logically would allow them to continue their campaigns without resistance. So we have some differences there, but they may not be so great as some of you have pointed out.

I am going to talk with her about this more in depth the first chance we get, but from our last conversation it is my feeling that she has issue with me becoming an "activist" for causes that are "negative" and so large and complex that it could end up being wasted efforts. I hypothetically asked how she would feel if I became so passionate about something like psychopathy in our political system or exposing the federal reserve -- things like that -- to become an activist and that is where the drama really heated up. She was worried that she would not be able to follow me on a path like that. I'm not even certain that is a path I would ever take... but it really got us thinking.

I can't say whether The Work is so important to me that I'll need to share all this with her or not. I'm not certain of that as I feel like I'm still a baby just starting. The comments on external consideration and strategic enclosure were very helpful. I am only beginning to study Gurdjieff and would like to think that as I continue with the work it will only help improve things.

I see our difference in focus as two halves of a whole. We both have our strengths and our weaknesses and can both learn from each other. I feel that we complement each other. It is absolutely true that I don't spend enough time on inner work and I think she is here to show me that. It's probably also true that she doesn't spend enough time on the external reality of things and maybe I'm here to show her that. I understand I cannot impose this on here until she is ready though. That will be the challenge.

Yes, this thing needs a REALLY OBJECTIVE viewpoint which you do not have right now and the only way you can get it (possibly) is by some experience. If you, ultimately, do not wish to go where she wants to go, then you are WASTING HER TIME and taking the best years of her life. It's not just that she might not be right for you, YOU may not be right for her.

This comment gives me much pause. The idea that I may be selfishly entering into something that could be stealing years of her life is frightening. I just don't know how to determine this. What I said above is how I feel, how I want things to work out. We have our differences but we respect them and will use them to grow together. I have no way of knowing if this is how it will turn out though. Of course this is not an objective view. I feel it right to continue with our commitment but it would be awful if I it was the case that we are not right for each other. On the other hand the, hearing about others on here that are not in co-linear relationships and are having success is encouraging too.

Just writing this all out has been helpful too. I will do more thinking on this and we'll have a conversation. I'll let everyone know how it goes. Thank you again everyone.

 

[Magpie]

Yes, this thing needs a REALLY OBJECTIVE viewpoint which you do not have right now and the only way you can get it (possibly) is by some experience. If you, ultimately, do not wish to go where she wants to go, then you are WASTING HER TIME and taking the best years of her life. It's not just that she might not be right for you, YOU may not be right for her.

Hey mk1154,
Laura brings up a really good point (italic emphasis added by me) and I'm sure this is a very difficult thing to mull over with a wedding just weeks away. Not that its too crucial a point, but if I may ask, how old are the both of you? I ask, because it has been my experience in my personal life, that we tend to do a Great deal of changing and developing between the ages of 25 and 35. In western culture, that seems to be a pretty significant age bracket as far as maturing and exploring (certainly not suggesting it doesn't happen sooner or continue on into later years). My point is that, people process information at different speeds. She may be in that "searching" zone right now. She may come out on the other side ready to hear what you have to say, and begin to explore it with you. She may feel overwhelmed by economic collapse perhaps? It sounds like maybe she's scared, but instead of saying "I'm scared", she's saying "You are being negative". I think all the advice you've received about communicating with each other openly is very important.

I'm not really sure how far you'll be able to get with the "agree to disagree" approach. I have been divorced due to irreconcilable differences. But now I am married to a colinear partner. He found the forum first. It made sense to me. And we began reading. He did pursue some other routes before finding the forum though. There were some that were really hard for me to get on board with. And it was stressful because I just couldn't fake agreeing with him. If she's feeling very not on board with you now...that usually only gets worse. So please have some very important discussions now. It is vital to talk and to Listen to each other.
There are some very good books on communicating effectively, and really effective communication comes from understanding our own programming and understanding why we think the way we do. Have you read the Narcissistic Family? That book really helped me to understand why I thought some of the ways I did, why I responded some of the ways that I did. It could be that she is responding out of a long running coping program? I think it's worth looking in to. At the very least it might make the agree to disagree situation less disagreeable.

 

[Aiming]

I am going to talk with her about this more in depth the first chance we get, but from our last conversation it is my feeling that she has issue with me becoming an "activist" for causes that are "negative" and so large and complex that it could end up being wasted efforts. I hypothetically asked how she would feel if I became so passionate about something like psychopathy in our political system or exposing the federal reserve -- things like that -- to become an activist and that is where the drama really heated up. She was worried that she would not be able to follow me on a path like that. I'm not even certain that is a path I would ever take... but it really got us thinking.

What you describe above depicts an extreme example of standing up for what's right and facing reality as it is, and if your partner's New Age choice of shutting out reality is due to fear, not being able to bear the pain, then this would deter her even more. Perhaps this would be a point you could reframe when you're having your next conversation with her? Just to gauge where she's truly standing and what the origin of her viewpoint is.

Since, from your descriptions, she at least knows to some extent about the terror of the situation, and since she's so interested in work on the self (even though highly skewed by New Ageism), you could explain how when you're exposing yourself to reality, this is actually out of CARE for humanity. You could bring up how people down through history, like e.g. "Jesus"/Caesar, JFK or Martin Luther King etc have always been a huge and much needed inspiration for people suffering from the conscienceless psychos ruling this world. And how, if we remain silent, we're basically being compliant and at the same time are even betraying the great care and efforts, which these outstanding individuals have shown as a service to mankind. And, bringing this more down to earth, you could explain how you, as a normal human being, without being any type of "activist", simply want to do your share, because your conscience ("higher self") demands it. Eventually, this boils down to "sending a signal to the universe that I'm not compliant in the atrocities happening here, but that I'll do the little I can to show that I care, and even if all I can do is simply witnessing what is happening all around this world, instead of averting my eyes, which amounts to not feeling responsible for what's going on. And if nobody's feeling responsible, then how can there ever be a change for the better?" Something along these lines.

If there's a true foundation for the two of you, the above could make her start thinking, because you'd be using terms that overlap with the good intentions and wishes for a better world, which New Agers adhere to, and thus there's the possibility for taking out the perceived threat to her when dealing with this theme between the two of you.

 

[lainey]

I can't say whether The Work is so important to me that I'll need to share all this with her or not.

Then perhaps you haven't fully grasped the terror of the situation either and that is what is being reflected to you in your future wife's denial of the negative. Can you see what's strange about this comment? The work isn't a hobby. Also are you going to marry someone that you are considering not sharing something with? (I understand strategic enclosure comes into it but she is going to be your wife do you want to be strategic till death do you part?)
I know there are some successful non-collinear relationships but I sometimes wonder how deep and connected they are. If I couldn't share every fibre of my being with a person and talk the same "language" (in Work terms) and be fully understood and supported in the most important aspect of my life (the Work) then I couldn't marry that person. It would leave a gaping hole in my heart knowing there was something I couldn't share with them.
I've experienced non-collinearity in my past relationships and it left me feeling more lonely than I was when I was single back then. Perhaps I just wasn't doing it right but it felt like there was something missing and there was a gap between us.

This comment gives me much pause. The idea that I may be selfishly entering into something that could be stealing years of her life is frightening. I just don't know how to determine this. What I said above is how I feel, how I want things to work out. We have our differences but we respect them and will use them to grow together. I have no way of knowing if this is how it will turn out though. Of course this is not an objective view. I feel it right to continue with our commitment but it would be awful if I it was the case that we are not right for each other. On the other hand the, hearing about others on here that are not in co-linear relationships and are having success is encouraging too.

Again, are you running from the true terror of the situation and staying where things are comfortable? It might be useful to have a think about what you are afraid of happening if you didn't honour the commitment, it may help you to uncover programs/self importance issues that you perhaps aren't aware of. If that is what you want to do.

 

[Laura]

I know there are some successful non-collinear relationships but I sometimes wonder how deep and connected they are. If I couldn't share every fibre of my being with a person and talk the same "language" (in Work terms) and be fully understood and supported in the most important aspect of my life (the Work) then I couldn't marry that person. It would leave a gaping hole in my heart knowing there was something I couldn't share with them.

I'm the same way. The only thing I can figure is that some people are not that way. For me, it's all or nothing.

What's bad is when you go into a relationship thinking that it CAN be that way instead of realizing that if it isn't that way now, the likelihood of changing is remote. I wasted 20 years of my life trying to make that square peg fit the round hole.

And then, of course, there are the situations where one person is being honest and the other person is not, but pretends to be "everything you ever wanted" and pretends interest in this or that, only to change once the marriage documents are signed.

It's a minefield, for sure.

 

[theos]

I know there are some successful non-collinear relationships but I sometimes wonder how deep and connected they are. If I couldn't share every fibre of my being with a person and talk the same "language" (in Work terms) and be fully understood and supported in the most important aspect of my life (the Work) then I couldn't marry that person. It would leave a gaping hole in my heart knowing there was something I couldn't share with them.

I'm the same way. The only thing I can figure is that some people are not that way. For me, it's all or nothing.

What's bad is when you go into a relationship thinking that it CAN be that way instead of realizing that if it isn't that way now, the likelihood of changing is remote. I wasted 20 years of my life trying to make that square peg fit the round hole.

And then, of course, there are the situations where one person is being honest and the other person is not, but pretends to be "everything you ever wanted" and pretends interest in this or that, only to change once the marriage documents are signed.

It's a minefield, for sure.

I agree.

The most fulfilling relationships occur when you can share your whole self (including dreams, aspirations, aims, goals and worldview) with your partner and your partner can do the same. Otherwise, why bother partnering or getting married? Is it just to stave off the dreaded loneliness and fulfill familial or societal expectations of what your life should look like?

 

[Anamarija]

From my experience and there is lot to talk about it on this part of my life I know for sure (100%) that if I question should I stay with someone or not or is someone for me or not for the rest of my life IT'S NOT.
There is no way that you adduce someone to you way of thinking, even if you are absolutely right (like in your case), because there is no way to know what other one need or want in this life.
As I can see your position (pardon me if I'm wrong) "ok, now she is on the wrong path but eventually she will come around" it's not good for you and especially for her. Who am I to determine what is good for someone and what is not?

If you have will to accept her choices and not expect that she will come to her senses eventually, and also if you have courage and knowledge to communicate with her about your fears and expectations that's good thing. Then, you just need to see is she have the same will like you do.

When credits, house or children stand between you too there will be much difficult to solve this puzzle.

 

[Laura]

There is no way that you adduce someone to you way of thinking, even if you are absolutely right (like in your case), because there is no way to know what other one need or want in this life.
As I can see your position (pardon me if I'm wrong) "ok, now she is on the wrong path but eventually she will come around" it's not good for you and especially for her. Who am I to determine what is good for someone and what is not?

If you have will to accept her choices and not expect that she will come to her senses eventually, and also if you have courage and knowledge to communicate with her about your fears and expectations that's good thing. Then, you just need to see is she have the same will like you do.

When credits, house or children stand between you too there will be much difficult to solve this puzzle.

Yup. Cs even warned against this kind of "wishful thinking".

 

[Tui]

When in doubt, leave out.

Why rush into this marriage? You both should give your relationship another year or two to see if your two lonely roads will "naturally" (but it's going to take maturity and wisdom and lots of patience!) flow together again.

If you both want to go ahead with the wedding at this stage, keep in mind that it is very difficult for people to have a tolerant mindset continously and that sooner or later you are going to start criticising each others' views. Criticism can ruin a marriage. You both will have to constantly watch what you say and how you say it, and really need to be very mature and wise to avoid great stress building up over time. Psychologist Steven Stosny, Ph.D., gives advice in an article (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201212/one-thing-will-ruin-perfectly-good-relationship) about how to manage criticism. I would advise that you both try to live according to Stosny's "Criticism vs Feedback" for a year or so and if you find that you grew closer in your relationship, perhaps you can set a new date for the wedding.

One Thing That Will Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship
The behavior that can make or break your connection.
By Steven Stosny, Ph.D.

As Oscar Wilde put it, “Criticism is the only reliable form of autobiography.” It tells you more about the psychology of the criticizer than the people he or she criticizes. Astute professionals can formulate a viable diagnostic hypothesis just from hearing someone criticize.

Criticism is the first of John Gottman’s famous Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which predict divorce with more than 90% accuracy. In my clinical experience it is the most apocryphal, as the other three tend to follow from it—stonewalling, defensive, and contemptuous partners almost invariably feel criticized.

Criticism is destructive to relationships when it is:

-About personality or character, rather than behavior
-Filled with blame
-Not focused on improvement
-Based on only one “right way” to do things
-Belittling.

Criticism in close relationships starts out, in most cases, on a low key and escalates over time, forming a downward spiral with increasing resentment. The criticized person feels controlled, which frustrates the critical partner, who then steps up the criticism, increasing the other’s sense being controlled, and so on.

At no time in this downward spiral does an obvious fact occur to critical people: Criticism is an utter failure at getting positive behavior change. Any short-term gain you might get from it just builds resentment down the line.

Criticism fails because it embodies two of the things that human beings hate the most:

-It calls for submission, and we hate to submit.
-It devalues, and we hate to feel devalued.

While people hate to submit, we like to cooperate. Critical people seem oblivious to a key point about human nature: The valued self cooperates; the devalued self resists. If you want behavior change, show value for the person whose behavior you want to change. If you want resistance, criticize.

Critical people are certainly smart enough to figure out that criticism doesn’t work. So why do they keep doing it in the face of mounting frustration?

They keep doing it because criticism is an easy form of ego defense. We don’t criticize because we disagree with a behavior or an attitude. We criticize because we somehow feel devalued by the behavior or attitude. Critical people tend to be easily insulted and especially in need of ego defense.

Critical people were often criticized in early childhood by caretakers, siblings, or peers. Criticism can be especially painful for young children. They cannot distinguish criticism of their behavior from rejection, no matter how much we try to make the distinction for them, as in the well-intentioned, “You’re a good boy, but this behavior is bad.” Such a distinction requires a higher prefrontal cortex operation, which is beyond most young children. To a child under seven, anything more than occasional criticism, even if soft-pedaled, means they’re bad and unworthy.

A Shadow of Life or Death

The only thing young children can do to survive is attach emotionally to people who will take care of them. Feeling unworthy of attachment, as criticized young children are apt to feel, seems a bit like life or death. So they try to control the great pain of criticism by turning it into self-criticism—since self-inflicted pain is better than unpredictable rejection by loved ones.

By early adolescence, they begin to "identify with the aggressor"—emulating the more powerful criticizer. By late adolescence, self-criticism expands to criticism of others. By young adulthood, it seems to be entirely criticism of others. But most critical people remain primarily self-critical; I have never treated one who was not. As hard as they are on others, most are at least equally hard on themselves.

How to Tell if You’re Critical

You’re likely to be the last to know whether you’re a critical person. As the joke goes, “I give feedback; you’re critical. I’m firm; you’re stubborn. I’m flexible; you’re wishy-washy. I’m in touch with my feelings; you’re hysterical!”

If someone tells you you’re critical, you probably are. But there’s even a better way to tell: Think of what you automatically say to yourself if you drop something or make a mistake. Critical people will typically think, “Oh you idiot,” or, “Jerk,” or just curse or sigh in disgust. If you do that to yourself, you most likely do it to others as well.

Criticism vs. Feedback

Critical people often delude themselves into thinking that they merely give helpful feedback. The following are ways to tell the two apart.

-Criticism focuses on what’s wrong. (“Why can’t you pay attention to the bills?”)
-Feedback focuses on how to improve. ("Let’s go over the bills together.")

-Criticism implies the worst about the other’s personality. (“You’re stubborn and lazy.”)
-Feedback is about behavior, not personality. (“Can we start by sorting the bills according to due date?”)

-Criticism devalues. (“I guess you’re just not smart enough to do this.”)
-Feedback encourages. ("I know you have a lot on your plate, but I’m pretty sure we can do this together.")

-Criticism implies blame. (“It’s your fault we’re in this financial mess.”)
-Feedback focuses on the future. (“We can get out of this mess if we both give up a few things. What do you think?”)

-Criticism attempts to control. (“I know what’s best; I’m smarter and more educated.")
-Feedback respects autonomy. (“I respect your right to make that choice, even though I don’t agree with it.”)

-Criticism is coercive. (“You’re going to do what I want, or else I won’t connect with you or will punish you in some way.”)
-Feedback is not at all coercive. (“I know we can find a solution that works for both of us.”)

Warning About Feedback

If you’re angry or resentful, any “feedback” you give will be heard as criticism, no matter how you put it. That’s because people respond to emotional tone, not intention. It’s best to regulate the anger or resentment before you try to give feedback.

To give feedback from your core value:

-Focus on how to improve.
-Focus on the behavior you would like to see, not on the personality of your partner or child.
-Encourage change, instead of undermining confidence.
-Sincerely offer help.
-Respect his/her autonomy.
-Resist the urge to punish or withdraw affection if he/she doesn’t do what you want.

If you’re a critical person, you must get a handle on your impulse to criticize before it ruins your relationship.

Good luck!

Ynna

 

[Dylan]

[quote author=Laura]

I'm the same way. The only thing I can figure is that some people are not that way. For me, it's all or nothing.

What's bad is when you go into a relationship thinking that it CAN be that way instead of realizing that if it isn't that way now, the likelihood of changing is remote. I wasted 20 years of my life trying to make that square peg fit the round hole.

And then, of course, there are the situations where one person is being honest and the other person is not, but pretends to be "everything you ever wanted" and pretends interest in this or that, only to change once the marriage documents are signed.

It's a minefield, for sure.
[/quote]

If all there is is lessons, and all your experience has led you to become the wonderful mother, seeker, scholar and inspiration you are, then surely this time was not wasted?

I have a relationship with my wife who is not collinear as well. We've been married 7 years now. When I met her, I was still a boy, untried and unsure of myself. I feel that I have since learned who I am, and what it is I'm here for. Although, there are days when I feel disconnected and depressed about the fact that my wife is not on a similar path, I am sure that she loves me for who I have become, despite my flaws and our divergence. And I love her, despite our differences.

I suppose the question is; is that love enough? And a follow could be, if not, why not?

Sorry about the misquote. My computer is I the fritz and I'm operating on my phone.

Edit:quotes

 

[mk1154]

Well, we had a talk about this the other night. As it turns out I may have been making a mountain of a mole hill due to some miscommunication. She does not object to me devoting action to something I'm passionate about, be it negative or positive but rather it was the particular topic that we were discussing that night that upset her so much. Obviously we have some communication to work on. That criticism piece is great and I will share it. It crossed my mind that she could have adapted her attitude to save more conflict between us, but I don't think that is the case. She wanted to check out the EE program together and even asked about the site.

I talked about many of the points from here that you all brought up to her and she was in agreement with everything and confident in our future. Yes, it is still true that our focuses are different right now and consciously I do not want to change her -- she may or may not steer more in my direction and vice versa. I cannot say whether there is some unconscious "wishful thinking" happening, but I only know what I know right now and can only act on that information. If things change in the future then that is how it will be.

All of that was said in this thread is really good advice and I am glad to have gotten so many thoughtful replies. Much more than I would get from some of my friends; "it's going to be all right". I value the hard truths some of you have presented here and they will certainly remain in my mind as we go forward.

There is a lot of power in the communication that goes on here. It is amazing to me the wisdom gained from this thread alone. It literally may have changed the course of our marriage by bringing this to the forefront now. I really need to be more active on here!

 

[nicklebleu]

I'm the same way. The only thing I can figure is that some people are not that way. For me, it's all or nothing.

What's bad is when you go into a relationship thinking that it CAN be that way instead of realizing that if it isn't that way now, the likelihood of changing is remote. I wasted 20 years of my life trying to make that square peg fit the round hole.

That's pretty much my experience with my last relationship. Next time it'll be all or nothing. In the end I got tired of trying to bend over backwards to fit in.

Also think hard about marriage, because marriage usually also means kids. And with kids you push up the ante into a whole different dimension. Not on the same page as regards diet for instance? Then unhappiness and strife are programmed right into raising your kids - sure, you might find a fragile balance for a while, but when the going gets tough, that balance might well shatter very quickly. Unless you give up completely.

This might be a picture painted a bit too dark, but you need to have a hard look at this not to potentially waste a lot of time, energy and unhappiness.

 

[Laura]

I have a relationship with my wife who is not collinear as well. We've been married 7 years now. When I met her, I was still a boy, untried and unsure of myself. I feel that I have since learned who I am, and what it is I'm here for. Although, there are days when I feel disconnected and depressed about the fact that my wife is not on a similar path, I am sure that she loves me for who I have become, despite my flaws and our divergence. And I love her, despite our differences.

I suppose the question is; is that love enough? And a follow could be, if not, why not?

There are people who are accepting, loving, and yet have different interests. I'm into history, Ark is into math and physics. I like math and physics but not enough to devote my life to them; Ark listens to my historical problems patiently and notes that sometimes, they are like math problems. The one thing we are both devoted to is finding the truth of existence - or getting as close to it as possible - and supporting each other in that endeavor and serving others as best we can. And there are many mutual areas of interest like UFOs, paranormal, etc. Those are interesting both historically and in terms of math and physics! So, being "identical" is not the issue, being colinear (heading for truth no matter how many lies one has to give up) is what is important.

If a partner loves you for who you are and what you do and supports you in doing, they don't have to be even remotely interested in the same topics. Sometimes love is really love for who and what you are instead of fake love which insists on changing who you are into the other person's ideal.

My ex was not remotely interested in searching for truth; he was sure he had it in the Bible. And the more I questioned the Bible, the more determined he became to "save me" from myself. That translated into a whole lot of covert and not-so-covert manipulations and passive aggressive "punishments" inflicted on me and the children for not believing as he did. And certainly, believing in what I consider to be lies, i.e. the whole Biblical schtick, had a profound effect on his mental/emotional functions. As time went by, he got stupider and stupider and his only answer to anything and everything was to find a verse in the Bible to quote (usually out of context).

At the beginning, he gave evidence/claim to "want the truth" too... and I kept trying to find that person, sure that I could re-awaken his seeking impulses. But he was only able to go so far, and no further. He could engage in some creative interpretation of the Bible, but at the end of the day, the Bible was "the word of GOD" and God was not a very nice character and he was terrified of his vengeance. I came to see the god of the Bible as a psychopathic dream of demented minds and the whole text as mostly a fraud so needless to say, I wasn't the least bit terrified to just let go of that nonsense. My ex could NEVER get over that fear. So we were NOT going in the same direction after all. He lived in fear and I was rather fearless intellectually speaking.

But, having said all that, I was still ready and willing to stick with the committment "until death do us part" because when you make a promise, it's supposed to be true, right? However, when I began to realize that this relationship was actually hurting our children, I had to re-think things. That was terrifically painful. I had to re-think the highest value: Truth no matter who it hurt, or Service to Others? Yes, I was hurting myself, but I had decided that I didn't matter in the equation. What was more important was the fact that, by my insistence on staying in the relationship I was hurting the kids AND I was hurting my ex because, by this time, the only emotion I could muster toward him pity and mild contempt for his cowardice. And, ultimately, by harming myself (my health was going down the drain), I was limiting my ability to help anyone at all, mainly my children in that situation.

This was a terrible time of realizing that my own illusions about myself, my ex, life itself, had to be destroyed and everything rebuilt from scratch on a "truer" foundation. Truth was still the highest value, but now it became the Truth that led to serving others, or the truth that sets one free. The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves because SOME lies can actually lead to higher truth as Mouravieff explicates in his discussion on lies and truth. So a rather more nuanced perception/perspective on reality was the result. The world isn't black and white nor is truth.

So, the same is true with relationships. If there is love and acceptance and serving each other sincerely, then it is not essential for both partners to be interested in the same things or on exactly the same course. But certainly, there is an ineffable "something" that should be there. Call it STO love.

 

[Martina]

oh, what troubles me is: does my partner feel such deep need as I do for seking the truth and being aware, or he just pretends?, we are good friends and we have a child, but how long should I wait for him to stop drinking beer and watch crap on tv? When I said I want to leave him I really felt release, because I'm sick of everything. I was working nightshift this week to earn money to pay the bills for the flat where I don't want to live at all, what's the point?

 

[herondancer]

oh, what troubles me is: does my partner feel such deep need as I do for seking the truth and being aware, or he just pretends?, we are good friends and we have a child, but how long should I wait for him to stop drinking beer and watch crap on tv? When I said I want to leave him I really felt release, because I'm sick of everything. I was working nightshift this week to earn money to pay the bills for the flat where I don't want to live at all, what's the point?

I'm sorry to hear of your predicament Martina. The thing is, when people have those sorts of passive bahaviours (beer, tv) they mutually reinforce each other to the point where the person only does what they have to to get by in life, like their job. They lose initiative for everyday life, let alone truth seeking. From your January thread it sounds like he hasn't changed and/or is getting worse.

You got a lot of good advice on that thread. You also might want to try the Pennebaker writing exercise, and dream a bit about what your best life would look like. It might be the start of a plan to make it. Your child deserves it.