my x-girlfriend not so human

[theokonst]

I have to post for a long time time and didnt intend to because i m through a period of acumulating knowledge.But this,i have the need to share.
about 1 year ago i came out from a relationship barelly alive in all levels.My life was ruined and for many months i tried to find the dynamics that were in this situation.something was wrong,very wrong with her but also with me.my narcissism was mixing with her borderline style traits.Now i feel that i owe her very much.without her i couldnt realise some serious blind spots in me.she was my pretty petty tyrrant.
But even after we broke up,things were getting even worser..devastated as i was i met a new girl..she was looking extremely innocent and was very gentle in her manners.It seemed like she was godsent to alleviate my pain.when i entered her house i was always zoning out till morning (odd:usually i was noticing that i had a feeling that something was missing).
In the meantime i had started studying psycopathy more systematically.so i begun to notice some glitches..eventhough her extremely kind manners and look,her gaze was empty,her talk was superficial..what she is doing now?i started to wonder.so i started quietly keeping some distance from her.and it is then that the minor glitches became major flaws.in order to keep me close she showed no self respect at all.she was fainting,vomiting etc saying to me that she needed me,she became extremely obedient ,sexually hyperactive.So i kept being with her because i was still wounded,my narcissism was being fed and i felt empathy for her.But the strange feeling i had for her was still there.In my mind was coming this picture:she was like a parasite that was attached on my wounds and was excreting a very peculiar toxin.this toxin was soothing(anaesthethise) the wounds and that parasite could keep fed with blood and flesh without noticing from the host.also i want to add that many times in her house suddelny appeared a rotten odour out of nowhere.I investigated this for several months.the windows were closed when the odour was coming,the house was new-she was the first person that moved in,not forgotten food or garbage,not broken plumbing nor melted wires...
so a few weeks ago i managed to broke up with her(this wasnt so easy at all and i mean she did everything she could not to loose her food) and after a few days i met her ex!!she had told me that he was insane and that he was trying to beat her.the story from his part wasn't so at all!He was devastated from her and we found the same lies and the same weird glitches!
so,i saw this dream tonight....
I was in a factual place in the city which i live when of a sudden it was like it splitted etherically.Half of the place was real and the other half still looked the same but it was felt like another dimension..Like dimensional merging,like a portal opening.I found myself to be in a house walking quietly because i had a feeling that something was coming!So,something came!I stepped on a double headed worm and in an other room i saw two greys projected in a tv!after that i saw in the kitchen my ex talking to her mob with her mother.She started to emmit a kind of sexual energy to me.It was very familiar, it was like a programm that was established due our relationship and now was activated.Sadly, i succumbed and the result was to have a wet dream and to be drained and exausted!
When i opened my eyes i had the feeling that she was one with her mother,she was sending energy to her.In reality from the few things i had noticed,her mother is extremely overprotective and she controls her very much.Also another feeling i had is that i felt them like incects and not anything else...Creepy stuff!
It is the second time that i see greys in my sleep.I wonder if i am influenced from my readings or i 'm starting to see some things behind the curtain...
Also i want to make another question...what would be better for me to study this period?Things like the wave or matterial on psycological matters or about the work ?Untill now i had many periods in my life that whenever i started arriving to a point,something happened and all inside me were turning into wind.this time i want to proceed steady in order to build good foundations.I can say that the wave series feels like an addiction to me and i m not sure if it is the right thing to read(you know knowledge that defies our usual perception of the world,because for many years i was saying that the daily routines werent so spiritual so i haven't good connection with reality and my self).
I think that i mixed many things in this thread,my apollogies for this.

 

[aragorn]

In my experience the fundamental thing to do/read - in order to enable progress in all areas of your being (body, mind, spirit, brain function) is to get familiar with the latest dietary recommendations on the forum (low carb, high fat, gluten-& dairy free etc) and to APPLY the knowledge by changing your diet. Also reading the big 5 books on psychology(see recommended books thread) is crucial, if you haven't done so.

 

[jhonny]

In my experience the fundamental thing to do/read - in order to enable progress in all areas of your being (body, mind, spirit, brain function) is to get familiar with the latest dietary recommendations on the forum (low carb, high fat, gluten-& dairy free etc) and to APPLY the knowledge by changing your diet. Also reading the big 5 books on psychology(see recommended books thread) is crucial, if you haven't done so.

I agree with Aragorn and and I would add the daily practice of EE program

 

[theokonst]

I 'm gluten,dairy and sugar free for several months.I put more meat in my diet and try to eat a lot o fat(i was never eating fats,i had aversion).I think because of these changes i feel more grounded and more in my body.I m bit hesitating for the large amounts of meat and fat but i'm testing myself to see where it will get me..you know with this dies i feel different..My perception to higher vibes feels like it is gone but at least i am grounded.(i m making an ypothesis for this...either is that therapist who did those things on me or it is my diet).also i have problems with constipation with the meat.
also a question arises from this.why the 4d sts who feed on negative energy and its byproducts,want clean people vegans nonsmokers etc?it seems to me contradictory!
I m waiting the books to arrive and i m doing EE

 

[theokonst]

also i want to mention that fron the point i made my first post my feet are burning with itchiness and i have mild anxiety for no reason..i cannot explain it in on way

 

[theokonst]

*i cannot explain it in any way

 

[aragorn]

I 'm gluten,dairy and sugar free for several months.I put more meat in my diet and try to eat a lot o fat(i was never eating fats,i had aversion).I think because of these changes i feel more grounded and more in my body.I m bit hesitating for the large amounts of meat and fat but i'm testing myself to see where it will get me..you know with this dies i feel different..My perception to higher vibes feels like it is gone but at least i am grounded.(i m making an ypothesis for this...either is that therapist who did those things on me or it is my diet).also i have problems with constipation with the meat.
also a question arises from this.why the 4d sts who feed on negative energy and its byproducts,want clean people vegans nonsmokers etc?it seems to me contradictory!
I m waiting the books to arrive and i m doing EE

How is your intake of carbs? As you may know, eating a high fat and high/normal carb diet is not a good combination. At least ca 65% of your daily energy intake should be fat, carbs somewhere below 20g/day (if you want to reach ketogenesis). Did you notice that some of the recommended low carb books are shared in the "Life without bread" thread. It could be wise to start reading them immediately, while waiting for your hard copies to arrive.

 

[theokonst]

How is your intake of carbs? As you may know, eating a high fat and high/normal carb diet is not a good combination. At least ca 65% of your daily energy intake should be fat, carbs somewhere below 20g/day (if you want to reach ketogenesis). Did you notice that some of the recommended low carb books are shared in the "Life without bread" thread. It could be wise to start reading them immediately, while waiting for your hard copies to arrive.

I have minimized my daily intake in calories but in no way are under 100 g/day.I am aware of the amount of calories that one should reach.I did it for a week and i felt raw power and grounding but i got constipated.Also I m used to my sensitivity and i dont want to get rid of it untill i get sure to where i m getting into myself.It is quite difficult to feel alone onto this,i mean trying to understand what suits to me and what not, things that untill recently were perceived different by me.
no didnt notice these links,i 'll check it out,yhank you.

 

[aragorn]

How is your intake of carbs? As you may know, eating a high fat and high/normal carb diet is not a good combination. At least ca 65% of your daily energy intake should be fat, carbs somewhere below 20g/day (if you want to reach ketogenesis). Did you notice that some of the recommended low carb books are shared in the "Life without bread" thread. It could be wise to start reading them immediately, while waiting for your hard copies to arrive.

I have minimized my daily intake in calories but in no way are under 100 g/day.I am aware of the amount of calories that one should reach.I did it for a week and i felt raw power and grounding but i got constipated.Also I m used to my sensitivity and i dont want to get rid of it untill i get sure to where i m getting into myself.It is quite difficult to feel alone onto this,i mean trying to understand what suits to me and what not, things that untill recently were perceived different by me.
no didnt notice these links,i 'll check it out,yhank you.

You are confusing calories with carbs(carbohydrates). If I were you I would as soon as possible read carefully the "Life without bread" thread and related material so that you know at least the basics. Experimenting with your diet without knowing what you are doing could be dangerous to your health.

 

[theokonst]

You are confusing calories with carbs(carbohydrates). If I were you I would as soon as possible read carefully the "Life without bread" thread and related material so that you know at least the basics. Experimenting with your diet without knowing what you are doing could be dangerous to your health.

I meant carbs,sorry for this.since i posted i got anxious and last time i got in this mode was a few months ago.I guess some programs are looping. I 'm very carefull with my steps,i dont wan't in any way to mess things up.

 

[RedFox]

You are confusing calories with carbs(carbohydrates). If I were you I would as soon as possible read carefully the "Life without bread" thread and related material so that you know at least the basics. Experimenting with your diet without knowing what you are doing could be dangerous to your health.

I meant carbs,sorry for this.since i posted i got anxious and last time i got in this mode was a few months ago.I guess some programs are looping. I 'm very carefull with my steps,i dont wan't in any way to mess things up.

fwiw I experiences quite a bit of anxiety when transitioning to the low carb/high fat diet. I also experience anxiety if I have not eaten enough fat in the day (careful not to over do it while getting use to it though). Potassium supplements and drinking plenty of water will fix the constipation.

Have you had a chance to read the 'sleeping in complete darkness' thread? I find that if I don't sleep in complete darkness I often feel anxious too.

As to the dreams, I think there is nothing to worry about. I think that you are out of balance (emotionally/physically), perhaps because of past relationships and that these things will balance with time/dietry/sleeping changes. You will most likely have bizarre and emotions/scary dreams for a while, but these should fade. They are most likely things being processed and dealt with, and a reaction to being out of balance.

If you are doing the EE program (which I highly recommend, including doing the Pipe Breathing/POTS every night - it helps aid peaceful sleep) I recommend avoiding the bioenergetic/round breathing until you are feeling more balanced. But do try the rest of it.

 

[mcb]

I meant carbs,sorry for this.since i posted i got anxious and last time i got in this mode was a few months ago.I guess some programs are looping. I 'm very carefull with my steps,i dont wan't in any way to mess things up.

It's quite alright. I was filling my head with omega-3s, 6's, 9's, and 7's from The Art and Science of Low Carbohydrate Living last night, and I had strange dreams afterward. If I tried to repeat what I read last night to you now, half of it would be wrong if I were lucky. But at least I remember that fatty acids have a carboxylic acid end and an omega end and that saturated fats have no double bonds, and that is what is important, isn't it? :)

The Life Without Bread thread is very useful, but I'm not sure what I would do with it if I had to read the whole thing now, all at once, instead of following it as it developed. It might be better to start by reading the new posts, and get started reading the books discussed there. You could also work your way backward through the older posts. Even then, I am not sure where best to start with books. It depends on your own health issues. I haven't read the actual book Life Without Bread myself -- it's lying here waiting in line (so maybe I messed up a bit). But I have read most of the others, and a few extra ones on the side.

Going back to your original post that started this topic, the recommended reading for the "Narcissism Big 5" may be as important for you as any dietary information. The narcissism, psychopathy, and dietary reading lists have a common theme (in 4D, no less): seeing what is there as opposed to seeing what you are "supposed" to see or would like to see. This is something to explore from all angles.

 

[theokonst]

As to the dreams, I think there is nothing to worry about. I think that you are out of balance (emotionally/physically), perhaps because of past relationships and that these things will balance with time/dietry/sleeping changes. You will most likely have bizarre and emotions/scary dreams for a while, but these should fade. They are most likely things being processed and dealt with, and a reaction to being out of balance.

If you are doing the EE program (which I highly recommend, including doing the Pipe Breathing/POTS every night - it helps aid peaceful sleep) I recommend avoiding the bioenergetic/round breathing until you are feeling more balanced. But do try the rest of it.

I 'm ok now.To my surprise the last month i recover quickly in most of the situations which usually wore me down.I quess this is thanks to my dietary changes but i should scratch the surface and go deeper.
I 'm doing pipe breathing for a year now and i can say that they are times that does miracles indeed,i do not worry about round breathing-i'm listening my body and i use it when it is needed.Regarding the POTS i have many interesting experiences and i use it often.I have notice that there times that when doing it,gets mechanical so i replace it with other prayers.

The Life Without Bread thread is very useful, but I'm not sure what I would do with it if I had to read the whole thing now, all at once, instead of following it as it developed. It might be better to start by reading the new posts, and get started reading the books discussed there. You could also work your way backward through the older posts. Even then, I am not sure where best to start with books. It depends on your own health issues. I haven't read the actual book Life Without Bread myself -- it's lying here waiting in line (so maybe I messed up a bit). But I have read most of the others, and a few extra ones on the side.

Going back to your original post that started this topic, the recommended reading for the "Narcissism Big 5" may be as important for you as any dietary information. The narcissism, psychopathy, and dietary reading lists have a common theme (in 4D, no less): seeing what is there as opposed to seeing what you are "supposed" to see or would like to see. This is something to explore from all angles.

The fact is that i have not been updated with the last posts in the ''life without bread'' I got absorbed with other matters.Its awful starting realise that there is so much work to do with yourself.I'm trying to find a point to start and i feel that these books will help me to shed some light somewhere.