Not having any general interests in exterior life

[Psalehesost]

Haven't given an update for some time - though then, not done with the process of finding a first job yet.

But I want to say that it's been very helpful, the discussion in this thread. I've been able to take more active steps, and in general a more active stance in searching for work - thanks to this newfound inner attitude.

It's given me considerably more of a chance, I feel.

Reading through your post reminded me of a passage from Castaneda's "A Separate Reality", where Don Juan discusses the concept of "controlled folly", which seems to be possibly related to the aloofness you are currently feeling, perhaps it is a sign of growth...

In returning to read this thread anew, that quote actually came in handy - helping me put aside my reluctance in taking certain steps. Where it will lead remains to be seen, but there is some hope.

If nothing else, in the end I'll learn some about how to approach possible opportunities - with a more open mind and attitude; after all, if all in a certain sense is acting, then one does not need to limit oneself to those attitudes that have become customary, that one has come to "consider" to be "oneself".

Because those are fake - false personality - and also acting, only insincere (pretending to be "real") and unconscious - and limiting.

[...] Anyway, I would be surprised if this type of work seemed appealing to you from the outside. It certainly didn't to me. But given the specifics of your situation, as well as the mind you are cultivating (which has inspired me on more than one occasion) it may be a surprisingly decent way to address what you are struggling with. a late fwiw.

I'm presently looking for other kinds of jobs - also where possible involving more interaction than I'm accustomed to, but in a technical setting - but it's something I'll keep in mind for the future.