Tarri
Jedi Master
:/ I have been reading the threads on the forum. What I was reading tonight was about expectation, anticipation,and that STUPID movie reel that just starts Rolling in your mind. And it isn't until the last dish is put away or you are finished dressing that you realize you have been letting this dialogue run on for several minutes. I am horrified when this happens. Anyway, I was laying here thinking about what I was like say six years ago and where I find myself now. I thought I would share it.
I have noticed that when I first began the studies and the work I was kind of lost as I did not notice many of the mind traps and programs that they spoke of. Now, OMG, its exhausting catching ALL the crap that pops up. There are seriously days I'd like to just click a MUTE button in my head and yell enough already. I remember reading somewhere I think from the C's that the more you work on yourself the harder the Predater tries to pull you back. No shit. I look at what all (that I happen to catch) that needs correction and if not for reading some of your posts I'd think I was going mad. It gets overwhelming sometimes trying to keep up. The programs are SO fast. And relentless.
I also read in one of the Wave books how our negative emotions were programed through DNA manipulations. Do I remember that one correctly? That somehow gave me hope that it was not always how we were. When I'm not exhausted I have small moments of appreciation that I found this path. And know how lucky we have each other. What I am most grateful for is knowing that when any of us stumble or go down a wrong way we can always find our way back. Thanks for that. Now on that note I want to admit a problem I am aware of and am working on. I can be an attention hog. Instead of working on myself I end up TALKING about myself. I apologize to this group for my past blunders. Its out of the closet now.
My very hardest thing is not anticipating the results of this work. I could learn a lesson from my canine friend. Live in the NOW. I have been working on meditaion. And the breathing instruction. I suppose if that gentlman could learn to meditate in the battlefield I will eventually get the hang of it. Good night.
I have noticed that when I first began the studies and the work I was kind of lost as I did not notice many of the mind traps and programs that they spoke of. Now, OMG, its exhausting catching ALL the crap that pops up. There are seriously days I'd like to just click a MUTE button in my head and yell enough already. I remember reading somewhere I think from the C's that the more you work on yourself the harder the Predater tries to pull you back. No shit. I look at what all (that I happen to catch) that needs correction and if not for reading some of your posts I'd think I was going mad. It gets overwhelming sometimes trying to keep up. The programs are SO fast. And relentless.
I also read in one of the Wave books how our negative emotions were programed through DNA manipulations. Do I remember that one correctly? That somehow gave me hope that it was not always how we were. When I'm not exhausted I have small moments of appreciation that I found this path. And know how lucky we have each other. What I am most grateful for is knowing that when any of us stumble or go down a wrong way we can always find our way back. Thanks for that. Now on that note I want to admit a problem I am aware of and am working on. I can be an attention hog. Instead of working on myself I end up TALKING about myself. I apologize to this group for my past blunders. Its out of the closet now.
My very hardest thing is not anticipating the results of this work. I could learn a lesson from my canine friend. Live in the NOW. I have been working on meditaion. And the breathing instruction. I suppose if that gentlman could learn to meditate in the battlefield I will eventually get the hang of it. Good night.


. Tarri