At this point, I was still struggling to work within my faith, with a strong Christian perspective. I wasn't quite yet able to let go of the crutch of the church. That was soon to change, however.
One Sunday, after I had recovered most of my mobility, I was sitting in church during the Pastoral prayer. I was praying hard along with the minister that God would send the Holy Spirit to me to help me understand all that I needed to understand. Suddenly, I heard a buzzing noise, or a crackling sound, similar to the sound of bacon sizzling in the pan. The voice of the pastor and the resonant "Amens" from the congregation became very far away and metallic sounding, exactly as if I were hearing them broadcast from a loudspeaker under water.
This shocked me and my eyes snapped open to see if my vision was impaired. I thought I might be having a stroke or something. I was completely dismayed to see the minister, standing at the podium, gripping the stand with both hands, eyes closed and head thrown back in the profound drama of his praying, was overlaid with a shimmering, living image of a WOLF!
The image of the wolf, in full color, was a sort of alter ego. All the expressions of the pastor were corrupted and twisted by the matching expressions of the wolf. When the minister moved his hands or shook his head, so did the wolf. Every move of the minister's mouth was exactly matched by the gaping jaws of the toothsome figure from Hell! Not a solid figure, it seemed more like a "projection of light," so to speak.
I quickly looked around the sanctuary to see if this was a complete delusion, and was shocked to see similar "overlays" on all the people there. Many of them were sheep, but there were also pigs and cows and other creatures represented.
I was HORRIFIED! Considering the fairly recent experiences with the haunting and the demoniac woman at church, I was sure that the Devil had me now! Here I was, in the middle of church, seeing our beloved Minister in the guise of a WOLF!
This was damnation for certain!
I closed my eyes and prayed harder. The sound anomaly continued. I opened my eyes to peek again. The wolf was still there, dramatizing the mellifluously intoned pastoral prayer.
I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and prayed and rebuked Satan and finally began to just repeat the Lord's prayer to drive this image from my reality. Soon, it began to taper off and die away. When I opened my eyes again, the wolf was gone.
I was extremely relieved to win this battle with Satan.
A couple of Sundays later, we arrived a little late, expecting the services to be already started. We were surprised to see the congregation all gathered outside the church door, milling about like lost sheep. We discovered that our beloved pastor, the shepherd of the flock for a number of years now, the respected and erudite minister of the golden voice, along with his musically talented family had done a "midnight flit," so to speak. Not only that, but they had left the church in a bad way, having embezzled a huge amount of money from funds to pay the bills. There was even a bill for dock rent for a rather large yacht that the church was also paying for, unbeknownst to all. The expensive furnishings of the luxurious parsonage were gone, the mortgages on both buildings were on the verge of foreclosure, the electricity was about to be shut off... and the pastor and his family were gone to parts unknown.
I was stunned. I realized that my "vision" was exactly what I had been praying for: the Holy Spirit revealing the "truth" to me. I had rebuked it and cast it away!
The implications of this event were profound. When I put it together with all the other things that had occurred over the past few years, I saw a picture that was not pleasant to acknowledge.
There are those who would say that it didn't matter about the pastor being a fraud, that it is the faith of the individual and their own interaction with God through Jesus that really counts. And, I will agree. That is, in fact, my point. Because, in the end, following the prescribed pathway of a "standard" religion, praying in sincerity and faith, conducting my life in all the ways predicated upon being "born again," I was given a certain mandate to "learn". In the process of trying to implement this mandate within my faith, I was then given a vision that proved correct. It was only reasonable to think that I was moving in the right direction.
This resulted in shift in my faith in my own ability to be "in touch" with God, or whoever was in charge of this Universe. Clearly, I had been shown the truth under the surface, and my self-doubts and belief in the authority of others had interfered with my communion with Holy Spirit. This gave my studies a little boost. I understood an essential thing: if you truly pray for guidance, deeply and sincerely, that guidance will come. But it may not be what you want to hear or believe and may go against what others say or teach. And in later years, this ability to "see" the reality of individuals, the force behind them, has saved me from terrible mistakes, even if very often, I am "fooled" at the beginning. I have accepted many people at their word, and when certain observational discrepancies begin to appear, I will "ask the question," and always, what I see proves to be correct. But it only works when the question is asked. At this point in my life, the time of writing, I am finally learning to "ask the question" before I become involved with wolves in sheep's clothing.
I had faith, I prayed diligently and fervently, I struggled and strove for that love, that subsuming of all other emotions into an all-pervasive, comprehensive Love of God - and it surely did something!
But this, of course, raises another question: If a number of people are claiming that the Holy Spirit is giving them revelations, and these revelations are contradictory to one another, how do we know who is being misled and who is truly receiving Divine Revelation?
Again, the answer was "Learn!"