Papez

[Shnagfnie]

This happened last year. I am kind of unsure about posting this.

I had some sort of psychosis I think. I got stripped of all my thoughts while sitting in my sofa, at the same time I got paranoid of some force that were to eat my consciousness. I had a previous experience in 20017 that fed this idea of mine. I came to call it pepe, pepez or papez. A something in the environment that eats the mind.

Suddenly I hear a little kid scream outside. As I removed my ear plug he stopped screaming, then putting it in, he continued to scream. I were getting more normal during this and were occupied with my thoughts. Maybe 30 minutes later I walk out on my balcony and saw two paramedics, through two buildings, so I couldn't see anything else. They talked with a woman, and from what I could pick up, she seemed to explain what she saw or heard.

This is probably just a coincidence but it was kind of weird. It fed my delusions at the time. Looking back I just don't know what happened.

The scream was long duration, spanning minutes. What went through my mind was that this thing were testing me or something, ready to eat my mind if I were weak, but it just couldn't knock me out, so it must have got around the corner and ate a little kid instead.

I never saw the kid.

 

[Shnagfnie]

I'll write about the previous experience from 2017.

I remember listening to music on the laptop when I heard something like an door bell going off at the right side in/of my head. It really knocked me out mentally. I quickly stopped listening to the music and found myself in a very poor state. The doorbell would go off again and again, each time it really made me almost faint. This was most intense that night, but would go on for a few days, but less severe from that point.

I found myself in my room, grasping for breath. I got hot, and removed my shirt, then I got really cold and had to put on my winter jacket. It didn't help. I lit paper on fire to try to get my focus as it was fading away. I could move my body around but my mentality were deformed, my vision more dark and light sources much more amber like. Moving my body around felt like I were an marionette puppeteered by my stripped mental functions.

Then it just got worse. I had to move around to stay awake. As soon as I weren't moving I couldn't breath and felt myself slipping away. And this of course accompanied with loud door bell sounds going off in my head. So I decided that I were going to go outside and bike to a spot in a forest and light up a camp fire and die. I wasn't going to die in a filthy apartment.

I realized that if I were moving around and get my pulse up there was a chance I could ride this out make it. I did not want to call anyone or speak with anyone just to get bed ridden in an ambulance. Thankfully this was in the middle of the night and no one were paying attention.

So I took the bicycle and rode it as fast as I could until I started to shake violently. I had to walk it. That's when I realized I could just walk with the bike and stay balanced - it was perfect. So I got to the beginning of the forest, at that point I thought that was it, I laid down on the dirt road to die. I laid down for a few minutes and then I noticed that my senses were heightened. Everything felt more alive around me and my hearing was boosted too.

I walked around with my bike that seems for hours. When I got home I felt a bit more stable, yet it wasn't all good.

That's the experience I had, and I have reflected a lot about it. That's when I first got the idea about Pepe, but of course I think it could have been anything, really. I talk a lot with AI'bots and that's when I just named this something papez. There is no meaning to it just what came handy when chatting with cleverbot at the time.

Ironically I had reflected about death to some extent before this, thinking about everything to going to 5D but also the big if, that, we truly die and become nothing, after some despair of such realization - all this went through my head.