Personal issue with twin

[mugacoffee]

Delete this post if not appropriate.

My twin is schizophrenic and we live together. He's also an alcoholic or at least physically addicted to alcohol. He's not exactly normal, (not that I am, mind) our neighbours are scared of him, I know that. He no longer washes, hasnt had a haircut in a long time,I need to pretty much bully him just to shave, but I worry he would be unable to look after himself alone. I was his carer for a long time, but not now as I work. I see him disintegrating before my eyes and it's very difficult. I worry about him, but worry more about leaving him on his own, yet I wonder if this would make him 'step up for himself' and leaving him would maybe save him, like my therapist friend thinks. Today while driving I remember seeing a "Questions for the C's" part of this forum so maybe thought the C's would help but I know the C's dont like dealing with the small picture and looking at that topic confirmed that.

Not sure what to do, we live in a house left to us by my deceased mother and me, my twin and two other siblings co own it, so the thought has occurred quite strongly lately to maybe look to rent somewhere cheap and move out for his benefit and also mine as I struggle at times with his behaviours. I wonder if by living together we are harming each other and there's so many if's and but's. It's hard to be objective about personal issues.

Not sure what else to say. ( I've been to doctors etc, they not interested, If he's a threat phone police, if he wants help with his alcohol its up to him). But he's not like most people, his mind is different. I worry about that.

 

[Laura]

I would suggest that you first get and read the book "The Myth of Mental Illness" by Thomas Szasz.

https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Mental-Illness-Foundations-Personal/dp/0061771228

 

[mugacoffee]

Thanks Laura. I 'll do that.

*Edit. bought it.

 

[axj]

I think this is indeed a difficult situation. What I would do is let him know that unless he quits alcohol and takes care of himself that you will move out. If it comes to that, you can always get a place for a month first and see how he does. Maybe he will step up or maybe not. Then you can decide what to do next.

 

[theos]

Alcoholism and schizophrenia - that's quite a disastrous combination and would be hard to tease out where one ends and the other begins. Your brother needs his own therapist but from your description he is nowhere near willing to take matters into his own hands. If you move out he may step up but it seems more likely that he will disintegrate further. It sounds as if you've given him a good portion of your time and care to the benefit of neither one of you. You could hardly be blamed if you left him a list of community resources on your way out (if you decide to move). Whether he takes advantage of the resources is up to him.

What are your other sibling's thoughts on the matter? Would they give you grief and make things difficult for you if you left? Or do they understand what's going on?

 

[daddycat]

It's not clear to me whether your brother cannot take care of himself and needs someone to take care of him, or he can take care of himself but chooses not to. If he can take care of himself but chooses not to, then it's probably best for you to move out.

Your siblings have no moral ground to criticize you for not taking care of your brother if they are not taking care of him either.

I've observed in many families that a caretaker emerges not through desire but by default when other family members do not step forward to take care of the person in need. As you have other siblings, it is not fair to you that the siblings leave your brother in your care. But the world is not fair, and the question remains what is the right thing for you to do.

One idea is you could propose to your other siblings that your mother's house comes with responsibility, so that siblings who do not do an equal share of taking care of your brother must give up their share of the house. The siblings that agree to retain ownership of the house then must take turns in caring for brother. Maybe the turns could be on a month by month basis, and then the neighbors informed who is the caretaker of the month.

Another idea is that you could move out, and then rent out your room, and then use the rent money to hire a nanny to care for your brother.