Please help with a little prayer for RJ

[whitecoast]

Often when I have unusual or stressful inconveniences or events in my life I like to pull up a dream interpretation dictionary and try and lay out all the potential symbolic content of what I've been experiencing.

Cars tend to symbolize our drive in life, and the direction we are taking. That the *clutch* is giving out and requiring you to get a more solid grip on things has obvious implications. Pets are domesticated animals and so can represent on some level our civilized instincts and impulses. If the universe makes you believe it has run off or is in danger from lack of supervision, that's another point to consider regarding your "inner animal", so to speak.

It can be extremely discouraging to feel like we have undid all previous progress. But I think every time you put mental force and effort into changing the direction of the machinery your soul is running sends signals out to the universe, and changes the subconscious content and patterns in degrees that you may not consciously perceive as of yet. It requires a bit of conscious faith to help us get through those times.

This is exactly how i have benn viewing things but i am cleaning up my act and the universe doesnt seem to like my path for some reason.

This is an open-ended question of mine, and I by no means know the answer, but given that we cannot DO as G. has said, rather than trying to brute force your way through free will to cleaning your mind/body, are there certain work/commute/living conditions that can be corrected or improved, so as to reduce the amount of free will energy you need to STAY on track?

An example from my own life. My parents come and go in an apartment that I of-and-on live in. In the times we live together for protracted periods (+3 weeks) there is always a subtle reversion to earlier behavior patterns, and I slip out of ketosis and start dissociating through games. If I rationalized to myself that having parents around is good because it gives me chances to fight childhood programming (even though it's technically true) I would probably still have a serious gaming issue (to say nothing of self-esteem problems). That wouldn't be the type of suffering that fuels growth; that would be the suffering that feeds the moon.

You said your living arrangements were stressful. Is it possible to consider relocating somewhere where there is more work for your skillset, and less negative influences in terms of diet, drugs, and generally toxic individuals? I'm sure that it consumes a lot of energy just taking care of the minute details of regular work/transport/finances/food/etc, especially if living arrangements are sub-optimal, but as a medium-to-long term strategy, what do you think? I don't think I have any concrete answers, since the universe is more clever than I am, but maybe even just widening the avenues of possibilities in your mind may find a lead somewhere.

 

[mabar]

This is exactly how i have benn viewing things but i am cleaning up my act and the universe doesnt seem to like my path for some reason.

… just widening the avenues of possibilities in your mind may find a lead somewhere.

I usually get confuse with signs, either the universe is sending them or I take them as signs, in mostly occasions I am not sure. And sometimes, like this one, I do not want to see them as signs, it make me nervous, I came to parents home to help them to recuperate, my father was at the hospital when a car accident was next house, I was beyond tired, the night before I stayed at the hospital waking up every once and then due to my father's needs, and the day before that I was getting here by bus at night, it takes around 7 hours ride, didn't sleep well either. So by the third night an screech crash was sound, and I was up in an instant, was able to see the car flip to its side, the police arrived quite fast, they were already there at the moment I got up and see the accident by the window, and yes, it came to my mind that there might be some sign there, and yes, I wanted to disregard it too, and I forgot about it, until two days ago, that --after a windy storm-- I found an scorpion at the front door of the house, it was not that big, but it was "blond/light color" those are poisonous, is the second scorpion I met in this house (parents) in the years I live here, around 20 years, and my first reaction was to freeze, instants later I step on it, better to kill it fast before it run away, it make me more nervous to not know where it might be. But knowing that, it is somewhere inside the house, and yes, it came to my mind to be a some sort of sign, and, for the time being, I think I rather not think in those kinds of signs, but curious as I am, I will find out in days coming, what might be mean as the dreams meaning whitecoast mentioned.

There is also the fact of the relativity of time, I hope/assume to be an immediate effect and, things do not work that way. I like how whitecoast just wrote, widening the avenues of possibilities; one/me tend to picture/view one an only way, and with that stand it reduce the possibilities. Finding the balance of the right wide is the … adventure, I was this short to write the word "problem/difficulty", I tend to think in a negative pattern. I am with the purpose of changing my thoughts pattern.

 

[Gwenllian]

This is exactly how i have benn viewing things but i am cleaning up my act and the universe doesnt seem to like my path for some reason.

… just widening the avenues of possibilities in your mind may find a lead somewhere.

There is also the fact of the relativity of time, I hope/assume to be an immediate effect and, things do not work that way. I like how whitecoast just wrote, widening the avenues of possibilities; one/me tend to picture/view one an only way, and with that stand it reduce the possibilities. Finding the balance of the right wide is the … adventure, I was this short to write the word "problem/difficulty", I tend to think in a negative pattern. I am with the purpose of changing my thoughts pattern.

Also, getting out of a stressful situation means that you are taking care of yourself. It also means that you don't have to worry about people overstepping your boundaries WRT to your dog for instance. Why did the owner take him and did not let you know? When you were sleeping? I think it is rather peculiar.

 

[davey72]

Thanks for the thoughts and making me think. Yes he took him while i was sleeping which i also found odd and a little rude as he didnt answer my texts saying his dog is missing.

Unfortunately my situation is what it is atm. I would still rather be here than in the city i think. I also have the option of staying in a camping trailer on the close property my friend still owns. We just built a pole shed for it while he was back from overseas. I also had to forsea the drilling of the well and i got the power company to install a meter on the existing powerpoles by using a ditchwitch to install underground cable and a breaker box. I was also here for the delivery of the propane tank and its fill. The only problem with staying there is there is no road. Just a big potholy oath through the field. It would be difficult to stay there in the winter. I was left the key for the quad to put the snow shovel on and use but i could not start it. I think it may have to do withte sheet of ice that was left over everything from the freezing rain the other day.

 

[obyvatel]

This is exactly how i have benn viewing things but i am cleaning up my act and the universe doesnt seem to like my path for some reason.

Hi davey72,
I think focusing all your energy and resources towards staying clean from unhealthy food and chemicals as well as improving your living conditions is needed at this stage. You have made progress in this respect but you need to push on and get to a position where you have a healthy body, clear mind and secure living arrangement. When you undertake any activity, ask yourself whether that activity is going to directly help you in meeting this goal. If the answer is not a very clear "yes", do not do it. You can ask for feedback here if you are in doubt.

If your living conditions cause you stress and lack basic security, you do not need to agree to look after someone else's dog. Either you volunteered or could not say "no" to the guy - and this landed you in both emotional as well as material trouble with your truck developing problems. Please take in the right lessons from such incidents and be very careful and choosy about how you spend your time and energy and what activities you sign up for. At least that is way I am seeing it at present.

fwiw

 

[davey72]

This is exactly how i have benn viewing things but i am cleaning up my act and the universe doesnt seem to like my path for some reason.

Hi davey72,
I think focusing all your energy and resources towards staying clean from unhealthy food and chemicals as well as improving your living conditions is needed at this stage. You have made progress in this respect but you need to push on and get to a position where you have a healthy body, clear mind and secure living arrangement. When you undertake any activity, ask yourself whether that activity is going to directly help you in meeting this goal. If the answer is not a very clear "yes", do not do it. You can ask for feedback here if you are in doubt.

If your living conditions cause you stress and lack basic security, you do not need to agree to look after someone else's dog. Either you volunteered or could not say "no" to the guy - and this landed you in both emotional as well as material trouble with your truck developing problems. Please take in the right lessons from such incidents and be very careful and choosy about how you spend your time and energy and what activities you sign up for. At least that is way I am seeing it at present.

fwiw

Hmm. That is a good way to look at ot. Sadly though my living arrangment has helped me with my goals. One of them aquiring a vehicle so that i can work in the first place.

 

[obyvatel]

[quote author=davey72]
Sadly though my living arrangment has helped me with my goals. One of them aquiring a vehicle so that i can work in the first place.
[/quote]

Having a secure space to live is one of the basic necessities of human life. I do not know what exactly were the conditions that enabled someone to come into your living space while you were physically present there and take a dog away without you knowing about it. Was it carelessness on your part - like leaving doors unlocked - or was it something out of your control and related to the basic nature of your living arrangement?

This is what you wrote earlier regarding the dog RJ
[quote author=davey72]
This is his home. He has been here for a long time.
[/quote]

and then

[quote author=davey72]
Apparently his owner came and took him last night while inwas sleeping and did not let me know.
[/quote]

Now that some time has passed, do you know exactly what happened?

 

[davey72]

Yes. It is a very long story that just gets longer everyday which is why i havent tried to network about it yet. The original arrangment was that i was taking care of the place while my friend works overseas. He bought a hundred acres right beside us and then he sold this place to his friend that also works overseas. He parked his trailer up in the new piece of land with no amenities last spring and said i could live there. Then when his friend came he said i could stay here that he wanted me to so i could take care of things around here but that his brother would be moving in. The first day i met his brother he was kind of an ass and said he thought he would be here alone. He wanted me to leave etc. But his brother who owns it kept saying he wantedme here cause his brother goes away all the time. So his brother moved in and he drinks. He gets to a point where he starts to verbally berate me. Rj is his dog. I feel bad for rj but he is a totally different dog now that i have been taking care of him. This guy has been gone for the last two or three monhs but has been back since last weekend. So anyways. The guy that owns the place apparently told my friend that he came in and was yelling at me but that i wouldnt wake up. This makes no sense to me. But anyways i tried texting and calling him the next day and got no answer. I had gone out to my truck a couple times that night. I thought both dogs were in but when i didnt see rj i thought maybe he slipped past me. Again it didnt make sense. I did not have an anxious feeling about it and maybe should have listened to my feelings about it but i couldnt just not do anything. I had no idea what happened and neither did anyone else until the other night my roomate came back after an extended leave. The first thing i said is i dont know where rj is and he said hes right behind me. That he thought i knew his brother came to get him that night. Anyways i have been here for awhile now and through the summer i have helped build a pole shed for the rv. I used a ditch witch to dig a trench for power and dealt with the electrician and the power company to get power. I dealt with the people who came out to drill a well. I dealt with the people who brought the propane tank out etc. It is all set up now if you wanted to live like a hermit as there is no road just a path through the field that is not flat. On top of it i was just told this morning that someone came and borrowed the rv so that not even an option anymore. I have been here keeping the place going by myself for quite awhile. There have been many problems and i have had to have help from neighbors. Use of tractors to set up the cutting of our hay and store the bails and then have them put out one by one in the winter for the horses. I have my pigs i have been taking care of. Last winyer when it was forty below is when the pressure tank blew. I replaced it and then the pump froze. It cost me seven hundred dollars. And then my friend figures its all my fault. Doesnt believe much of what i say. Pretty sure that is why he sold the place because he didnt trust me to take care of the place. Everything has been so up in the air for seems like such a long time. These are just a few of the things the crazy things i have been dealing with. Who would have thought the country would be more hectic than the city. I even had my first runin with a baseball weilding maniac in the street in the little town next to me. I was driving a friends car to get something at the store for her and he started chasing me. I had to back up really fast to get away. Appatently there is a lot of meth in the towns around here. I will leave it at that. Maybe i can eventually get things out through successive comments on this thread. I would love to save my energy for constructive things but i feel like i need it all just to keep a vehicle on the road which i feel is pretty important at this point.

 

[ggen]

Wow Davey, you do have a lot on your plate.

After reading all that you've done/do for your friend and his properties, I wonder how secure your residency is at the moment. Do you have a written agreement (lease) of some sort?

I ask because it sounds like the comings and goings are a bit chaotic in regards to the owner(s). It's convenient for them to have you there and looking after everything. What happens when one of them wants to come "home" and live permanently?

 

[davey72]

That is just another stressful question that weighs on my mind. My longterm goal is to be able to move out of this country and join a group of likeminded individuals but i have a lot of self work before i can realize this goal. I went downhill very fast in a short period of time.

 

[ggen]

That is just another stressful question that weighs on my mind. My longterm goal is to be able to move out of this country and join a group of likeminded individuals but i have a lot of self work before i can realize this goal. I went downhill very fast in a short period of time.

In the short term, can you draw up a simple 6 or 12 month agreement and ask your friend (not the one you called an ass) to sign it? I'm not sure of the laws in your area but I'm sure that a piece of paper with your signature, the owner, and a notary would be better than nothing. There are templates you can find online if you need one.

If you have a home with a legal rental agreement, I think that's a good start as a foundation for working on yourself.

ADDED: A few links for lease templates:

_http://www.wordtemplatesonline.com/2011/02/lease-agreement-template/

_http://www.wordstemplates.org/tag/free-lease-agreement-template/

_http://findforms.com/single_example.php/example/311/Free_Template_for_a_Lease_Assignment_Form

 

[davey72]

Nice thought, but that is not an option. I dont pay a monetary rent here. I am sure he wpould be offended enough to say ok find somewhere else to live. The short of it is that i am actually alone there most of the time, so it is still sort of worth it to me.

 

[Beau]

Nice thought, but that is not an option. I dont pay a monetary rent here.

So do you do work for him in place of paying for rent? If you both agree on something like that, it can still give you rights and not allow him to evict you at any moment.

 

[davey72]

Nice thought, but that is not an option. I dont pay a monetary rent here.

So do you do work for him in place of paying for rent? If you both agree on something like that, it can still give you rights and not allow him to evict you at any moment.

It is more a case of being here in case anything goes wrong and taking care of the animals. I also have my own pigs i am raising here. Last winter when it was minus 45 celcius the pressire tank started spraying water onto the furnace. It had rusted through the bottom. I replaced that and then the pump froze so i was without water for a couple weeks all together i think. It cost me about seven hundred bucks. It was a good thing i had just started working as he helped me. I didnt have a vehicle. Can you imagine what would have happened had noone been here? Anyways instead of a thank you i get the comments basically alluding to what next, will i burn the house down? This was when my friend still owned it. I tell him things like there is no heat tape. He just never believes what i say. If i say something that disputes someone else he says why would they lie. Well how about why would i lie? I am always pretty honest with him even to my own detriment. We have known each other since teenagers and im pretty sure i have never given him reason to think i have lied to him. I dont understand where it comes from. There is no faith in me whatsoever. There is so much that goes on i would have to write a book to explain it all. No one person sees it all but i do have a friend that makes it out here some weekends and i can talk to her. She sees what i do here and the whole situation and puts it in perspective for me. If it wasnt for her i would have no confidence in myself at all.

 

[Lilou]

Are you saying that you personally had to spend $700 to fix the tank problem? Since it is your friends place, I'd think maintenance of infrastructure would be on his dime, not yours.

So basically you stay there rent free in exchange for taking care of the place and his animals? It seems fair, but based on what you've said, they don't treat you with much respect and are using you, plus doing nothing to help you improve your situation (ie causing you to lack self confidence and be on the defensive about everything you tell them).

It seems clear that you will have to put a plan in motion Davey, to find a place to live and not be reliant on these old friends. If you have a job, I'd save every dime. Perhaps sell things you don't need, saving every dime. Perhaps relocate to a different area altogether in the Spring? At least start thinking about it and exploring options, so as to send the universe the signal and maybe the cards will start falling in your favor.