PLEASE HELP WITH THIS ETHICAL QUESTION

celestialvisionz

celestialvisionz

Padawan Learner
My boyfriend is having trouble with what to do, I am in the process of contemplating on it as well and was hoping if anyone out there had any input on how to help this situation. Thanks so much: and (he messaged me on his cell phone to my email so the grammar and text are a little misconstrued;

How can we convince my mom to take vitamins. You dont understand my mom is not eating. Because of that she is lacking the nutrients her body needs to get better. I fear if my mom doesnt atleast start taking vitamins shes not going to get better. My dad said he has tried to tell her to eat more or atleast take vitamins but she wont do it. We cant force her but i dont know what to do. He even said he tried to educate her on how important it is. But she wont listen. She keeps saying she doesnt want to die but i cant see how she is going to get better without her either getting back to a normal diet or atleast take some vitamins. Am i wrong? Why do people.become so stubburn in there ways. Why do they keep suck a closed mind at times when you havr nothing to losr to try and have an open mind. My mom is responsible for her own life just like everyone else on this planet is. But she doesnt understand the decisions she is making is not helping her get better. She is fighting to not get better even though she thinks otherwise. What am i saposed to do when i am her son and can see the decisions she is making are all wrong. How am i not to get involved when she says things like she doesnt want to die but i see the decisions she is making are only making things worse. Do i really sit bacl and keep letting her make these desicions that i knoe in my heart are wrong and are going against her intentilns of getting better. How do i help someone without forcing my will upon them. Would i be a bad son for doing so? Would i be a bad son for not doing so? In what part of life does it become your responsibilty to help others with the knowledge you have gained. How can i use my awareness to help my mom get better. Or am i saposed to sit out and watch my mother get worse because what she beliefs. At what point does thr responsibility fall on me to make her better. Or do i just accept my.moms death knowing i saw it all but still chose to do nothing because it is her choices that i cannot change. Will i ever be able to forgive myself for watching my mom die and not doing anything to stop it.
 
I told him to force his mother in a very supportive and creative way. TO get all the immediate family together and show her all the facts on how to get her better. Hopefully it will help.
 
This is a terrible situation cv, and it's clear that it's taking quite a toll on your boyfriend who is desperate to help his mom. Having recently tried to help my very stubborn mother with her ailment (though not as threatening as cancer) I know something of what he's going through. My mother wouldn't listen to my suggestions for weeks, and the situation became very stressful, but once she did she was thankful. But I don't know just how resistant your bf's mother is - how unwilling she is to take in the suggestions that could help her. It may be that taking the time to let some ideas about healing sink in won't factor.

Unfortunately, it may be that some part of her is indulging herself in her illness and lavishing in the attention - even to her own detriment. Or that she simply doesn't want to go on living despite her claims to the contrary. But I can understand your bf not wanting to give up so easily either, even if some of this really appears to be the case.

I think that it may be worth his trying to very calmly and unemotionally lay out all his reasoning for what he believes would help her, and maybe do this with his father so that his mother gets as strong and as compassionate impression as possible. They can even think it through a bit: when they'll speak to her, what they'll say, how they'll say it. And make it really clear that they want what's best for her, but it's really up to her. It's her choice.
 
Thank you so much for your words Ennio, his mother sounds suicidal to me so I also suggested to him that she should possibly go see a professional that would help her deal with her illness in a more positive manner.
 
celestialvisionz said:
I told him to force his mother in a very supportive and creative way. TO get all the immediate family together and show her all the facts on how to get her better. Hopefully it will help.
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That's something like what I was thinking though for her to really heal, nothing can be forced on her. She has to own her healing and the process involved. She has to believe in it.

celestialvisionz said:
Thank you so much for your words Ennio, his mother sounds suicidal to me so I also suggested to him that she should possibly go see a professional that would help her deal with her illness in a more positive manner.
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Yes, a therapist or support group could be very helpful. It's possible that there are underlying emotional issues that have contributed to her getting cancer that she does not feel free to be open about with your bf and their family. That she can only be open about with those outside of her family.
 
His Dad I think should take his mother to a variety of healing places, for spiritual, emotional, physical well being, his Dad has already taken her to I believe a reiki master, and the traditional western doctor but what I told him was to tell or suggest to his dad to start taking her to the variety of healing sources that exist today to help her.
 
celestialvisionz said:
His Dad I think should take his mother to a variety of healing places, for spiritual, emotional, physical well being, his Dad has already taken her to I believe a reiki master, and the traditional western doctor but what I told him was to tell or suggest to his dad to start taking her to the variety of healing sources that exist today to help her.
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Though this is definitely a crisis for you, your boyfriend and his family, I don't think a frenzied approach ie. "GET WELL NOW, MOM - TRY THIS THAT AND THE OTHER THING NOW!!!" by taking her everywhere "alternative" may necessary be beneficial. Again, they really need to find a way (if at all possible) to help her find her own process if one exists for her. It also may make their dealing with this situation even harder for all involved. And more helpless and frustrated feeling than ever if she's resistant.
 
There is a whole lot of info you left out that might make for better advice. I don't know anything about the cancer, how long she's supposed to have left to live, or anything. So, based strictly on what you wrote and how I perceive it, here's my best try:

First, about the ethical issue as I understand it:

If the Mother has decided to end her life or to do nothing to try and improve her condition then it may be because she has thought, decided, judged, or somehow come to believe that this action or inaction is, or will lead to, something 'better' than how she defines her situation now. That, in itself, is her version of an ethical decision, so to speak. If she has decided to move on, then her verbal assurances that she doesn't want to die may be her way of trying to keep her last days relatively free of people trying to force her to do what she doesn't want to do. I know of that possibility because of my own life experience. All I can do is tell you what I would do in your situation.

I know this might be hard to accept, but in order to decide how your actions are being seen by her, you might want to consider talking to her in a way that respects her right to own her own life and choices.

On the other hand, if she opens up with you and you really, intently, listen to her you will probably sense if:

1) there is a decision that is 'final' and the last word on the matter, or
2) if she still has a bit of hope that there is a chance to overcome this cancer, or
3) that she's just tired, hasn't decided anything but just doesn't want to be bothered right now.

Have you looked into the Ketogenic diet? I heard that even that Christian Broadcasting Network interviewed a lady that assured the viewers that this diet has reversed and cured some cancers.

Here's a SoTT article:

http://www.sott.net/article/255022-Diet-for-cancer-cure-Starving-cancer-ketogenic-diet-a-key-to-recovery

...and you can search the SoTT site for more tips using these search terms:

cancer
ketogenic
cancer AND Ketogenic
 
I recently had a situation with my mother getting rheumatoid arthritus, my whole family had a very conservative view on my diet, lifefstyle etc.

I sat my mother down and explained everything although it fell of deaf ears to begin with, once she started seeing my improvment it spiked her curiosity. Furthermore the doctor she was seeing was about to start a treatment for the arthritus known as methotrexate or something, its incredibly dangerous stuff and I showed her this information when she realised the poisenous medicine and that she had been trusting these doctors when all this time this stuff is super poisenous she opted all by her self to go see a naturopath who reinforced everything I had been telling her.

Now she has been gluten free/ low carb for over a year, the arthritus is only apparent on cold days and she is off all previous steroid medication. Perhaps emploring your mother to try it might help? Or better yet ask her to proove you wrong and go to a naturopath or doctor who may tell her similar information. My GP is now all over the Keto Diet after several discussions with him about it! (and a particularly heated conversation regarding methotrexate)

I think perhaps celestialvisionz, the use of force was the wrong choice of word earlier I think people need to make there own decisions all we can do is facilitate when we can. My mother did eventually as the truth is not always so easy to ignore when coming from multiple sources saying the same thing. This is not an ethical question in my opinion as if you do things this way, depends on perspective.

Best of Luck.

Brent.
 
Perhaps her son can tell her that he is really worried about her health, all of you are, and that you all don't want her to suffer. That it pains you, or the possibility that you might lose her. And that you would like her to be around long enough for her sake, your sake and her grandchildren's (if she has any). And that it would help you all if she allowed you to offer her some help (see other alternative specialists for example, diet advice, etc). Perhaps a conversation like this, heart to heart, might open her up to share about how she actually feels about it all and/or give a start to better understanding between her and you all?

Is it also possible that she might be in the denial phase regarding her cancer?
 
Alana said:
Perhaps her son can tell her that he is really worried about her health, all of you are, and that you all don't want her to suffer. That it pains you, or the possibility that you might lose her. And that you would like her to be around long enough for her sake, your sake and her grandchildren's (if she has any). And that it would help you all if she allowed you to offer her some help (see other alternative specialists for example, diet advice, etc). Perhaps a conversation like this, heart to heart, might open her up to share about how she actually feels about it all and/or give a start to better understanding between her and you all?

Is it also possible that she might be in the denial phase regarding her cancer?
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I agree with Alana.

I've witnessed my mothers health deteriorating and I spoke of 'Primal Body, Primal Mind' worshiping the ink it was wrote with! However this only put my mother off and pushed her away.

For the last few months I haven't spoken a word of it, but she's noticed my health, energy, mood and overall better outlook on life and thought 'ooh'. Then she's perused the Ketogenic Diet on her own accord and constantly asks me for more information about what is good and not good to eat, and how to look out for the signs your body is giving you.

I know that this is absolutely nothing compared to what you and your boyfriend are going through, but hopefully you'll be able to see how pushing someone towards something usually has the opposite effect.

As Alana says, sharing your feelings directly, without trying to manipulate or influence may help her to see that it's not just her suffering.

The best of luck to you, your boyfriend, his mother and your family Celestialvisionz :flowers:
 
I am not a psychic but i would be willing to bet there is not a whole lot of love being exchanged between the individuals in your family. If you really want to help her, change this.
 
I agree with Ennio's suggestion.

Ennio said:
I think that it may be worth his trying to very calmly and unemotionally lay out all his reasoning for what he believes would help her, and maybe do this with his father so that his mother gets as strong and as compassionate impression as possible. They can even think it through a bit: when they'll speak to her, what they'll say, how they'll say it. And make it really clear that they want what's best for her, but it's really up to her. It's her choice.
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I don't think she can or should be forced.
But it's to the benefit of everyone involved that a talk like this - or similar - should take place.
 
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