Question about going to church.

[melatonin]

I would like some feedback on something if that's possible.
I feel incredibly trapped in my 3D life.
I have pretty bad CPTSD.....was has mainly not been resolved despite 15 years of various therapies. (I was abused by parents/family).
I live in the UK and I feel like society is worsening by the week.
I've started thinking that church is possibly a solution of some sorts, a good place to be around others who might want to also help contribute to society in a positive way.
Yet i feel torn, as i want to live truthfully as possible and to not be insincere, and i could never fully believe a mainstream religion. I don't want rescuing, I just want a sense of community, and to be around others who have some faith in a bigger picture then just their own material existence.

 

[iamthatis]

Hey melatonin, sorry to hear about your troubles. It's not easy to find colinear people on this planet in these crazy times.

I considered joining a church myself for a while, for the same reason as you - recovery from CPTSD requires finding social connection.

There is a trait amongst people with CPTSD whereby we try to find healing by going back into the same toxic dynamics that caused them. This is because we seek love, but our love-antennae is set to be attracted to toxic situations.

I think a lot depends on the specific church. One issue I can see from the outset is that you don't consider yourself a believer. This would set up a situation where you are in a state of performance or inauthenticity, or out of touch with who you truly are. It may mean you have to constantly silence what you really think and how you really feel in order to be socially accepted - which risks reproducing patterns learned in a difficult childhood.

There are also many stories of toxic power dynamics in organizes religion, which, if you are already in performance mode, may be difficult for you to address.

Do you have any hobbies that involve others, such as sport, Tai Chi, or things like that? It may be a better way to fulfill your needs to do what you truly enjoy, and to practice doing it with others - instead of going somewhere that you feel you don't truly belong, and then trying to fit in. It could be a spiritual book club, an art class, joining a choir, anything really. All of these can be spiritual pursuits when seen as part of your recovery process.

So what do you truly enjoy, when you ask yourself in your heart of hearts? Or what would you like to try?

 

[Gwenllian]

It sounds like a good idea, @melatonin, wanting to contribute to society in a positive way, having a purpose. Perhaps you could visit a few churches in your area, talk to some people and get a feel of the place, so you can decide whether there is a match between you and them? Or are there any Christian/non-Christian organisations that appeal to you? When I was a student I was a youth counsellor for a few weeks and the organisation that I worked for as a volunteer was Christian. They held summer holiday camps for children and did nice things. But this was in the eighties when things were not as crazy as they are today.

That said, having CPTSD could make you a bit more vulnerable, so I would recommend you doing your due diligence.

Before joining FOTCM I had been searching for community and a purpose for quite some time, so I understand what you seem to be longing for, but I discovered that some communities/places were truly toxic. I learnt a lot and in hindsight I am happy that I did, but I wouldn't want to waste my precious time now on unworthy causes or people and there are plenty of them about!

Have you thought of joining one of our projects? It is online, but you get to meet forum members in a different way. Contributing in a positive way here also helps me to develop skills and tap into unknown potential. But it is up to you, I do not wish to push you.

 

[furryfrog]

I go to church on Sundays. I choose an Evangelical church because it is the closest one to me and I live in a rural area. I want to help support my local community and I have an enjoyable time when I go. The people there are very friendly and good. I by no means am an exoteric Christian, I participate in the worship service which means singing songs which is fun, my singing has improved from terrible to slightly better than terrible. I keep my differing views to myself, but feel welcome there even though I am an esoteric Christian. I did not have to jump through any hoops to be a part of the church like getting baptised. They even asked me if I could volunteer as a sound guy to help out with the band and projector,I refused because I am unreliable due to health problems. If there was a fourth way group near me or a Gnostic club I would be part of those, but probably still would go to church.

If your thinking about giving church a go I would say go for it. If you have more than one church nearby try them out to see if one suits your needs. The world is your oyster and having friendly people to talk to is good practice when doing the work.

 

[Joe]

Try it out and see!

 

[Jones]

My sister works in a church office and belongs to that church. I attend occasionally - mainly to spend time with family. I join teams to help out when there is some kind of project on like decorating for Christmas, packing hundreds of plastic easter eggs with jellybeans for easter egg hunt, mulching gardens, cleaning out storage rooms, cleaning out after the roof caved in after lots of rain and the like. I was on a team that helped two members move house and also sat with an elderly member who was home alone and had taken a fall in the garden to keep her comfortable until the ambulance arrived. All this to basically say that it's possible to be involved with the church congregation as a social outlet without becoming a fully-fledged member if that suits.

Other than that, as iamthatis says joining a club that is about an interest could help.

 

[ivanb]

Hello. I would like to first thank you for sharing your poetry. I appreciate the creativity and perspective that arise from longing for the extraordinary, that which transcends mundane existence. Keep inspiration alive, and I hope you will continue to share more of your poetry.

You’re probably familiar with EMDR, but have you considered incorporating this technique in a more organic way, with various options to choose from? For example, photography requires one’s eyes and perspective to continually scan the environment and subject for the optimal image. Other activities, such as dancing or playing percussive instruments, could also be effective. The idea is to coordinate the left and right brain with new and engaging stimuli.

The mind, when in balance, may have the capacity to process past events by engaging with memories and rewriting their imprint with a positive scenario. Once imagined, this new scenario could become reality in an alternative universe, positively affecting the present reality we experience. Time is more fluid than we currently understand. When combined with mindful breathing, this technique can be profoundly effective. The breathing exercises offered on this forum could be invaluable, and I look forward to finding time to participate in them myself. The technique of influencing perception was taught to me decades ago, one that I have held close to my heart and am now pleased to share in this forum of inspiring and knowledgeable members

You might also consider joining a pragmatic Christian organization, such as the Salvation Army, whose work you may appreciate, and care to become involved with.

I apologize if my suggestions sound overly confident. Please forgive me; my perspective comes from years of resolving my own difficulties and from a simple gut instinct regarding the question you’ve presented. This is not to say it’s what you need to hear, but rather a mindful exchange of ideas to complement what other members have shared.
Wishing you all the best. And may this forum offer you great insight and understanding.

 

[polly]

Hi melatonin, and thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Your words resonated as 3D life can feel inescapable sometimes and the desire to do good in the world may seem elusive. I cruised a few church parking lots and just never made it out of my parked car. Had a similar issue as you mentioned, "...i want to live truthfully as possible and to not be insincere, and i could never fully believe a mainstream religion." Then I tried out an weekend walking group, a pottery class at a local museum, and volunteering at a municipal garden pruning rose bushes and weeding. I'm no extrovert, and sometimes I don't say much more than "good morning, nice to see you all" and "see you next time, glad to help". But I sincerely mean it, and did get to experience collective purpose and community. Try, explore - ROOTING FOR YOU

 

[axj]

Another possibility: websites like meetup.com offer a lot of groups where people organize in-person meetups on different topics or hobbies. I think it is more popular in English-speaking countries and in or close to larger cities.

 

[Huila]

I would like some feedback on something if that's possible.
I feel incredibly trapped in my 3D life.
I have pretty bad CPTSD.....was has mainly not been resolved despite 15 years of various therapies. (I was abused by parents/family).
I live in the UK and I feel like society is worsening by the week.
I've started thinking that church is possibly a solution of some sorts, a good place to be around others who might want to also help contribute to society in a positive way.
Yet i feel torn, as i want to live truthfully as possible and to not be insincere, and i could never fully believe a mainstream religion. I don't want rescuing, I just want a sense of community, and to be around others who have some faith in a bigger picture then just their own material existence.

A Church could be an easier way to integrate into your surrounding community. A way to get to know the people that live closer to you. If you feel you aren't able to be your sincere and complete self in a church setting; then see if a park near where you live conduct 'A Stand in the Park' event- if not; consider beginning to organise A Stand in the Park events at your local park to begin attracting similar minded people.

A Stand in the Park unites people in parks all over the world every Sunday morning, 10-11am local time. We Stand in the Park for freedom and truth. No leaders. No religion. No agenda. We are not an organisation, we are a collective.

Brady Gunn started A Stand in the Park in Hyde Park, Sydney, Australia. Brady made a Stand, alone at first, for his personal truth. In Brady’s early Facebook videos, he talked about making a Stand for freedom, for our elderly, our children, our jobs and small businesses… Against lockdowns, harmful new laws, the ‘pandemic’ and the people behind ‘The Great Reset’.

Brady invited others to join him and Stand in THEIR personal truth. It took almost three months, but eventually they came, and now people are Standing in parks all across the world.

At the beginning of 2021, he reconnected with his UK-based friend FiFi Rose, and she was profoundly inspired by the message. FiFi worked tirelessly to spread the Stands to every corner of the British Isles. Since then, the concept has well and truly caught fire.

There are now over 1000 parks in nearly 40 countries participating every Sunday morning including Australia, New Zealand, England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Ireland, Spain, Portugal, Canada, Malta, Germany, Hong Kong, France, South Africa and the USA.

It’s so simple!

• Wear yellow in unity.
• 10-11am every Sunday worldwide.
• It is a Stand, not a protest.
• We Stand for personal truth and freedom.
• Rain, hail, cyclone, Christmas day… we Stand

Following the subsequent Health Care solutions provided for during lockdowns and the pandemic period:- some people experienced side effects and became disenfranchised with Hospitals: they sought for alternative means to improve their health; where Doctors, Nurses etc were't forced to follow set protocols but used solutions based on their own personal experience, experiment and results.

The People's Health Alliance was formed, an organic, people-led, integrated health initiative that aims to educate, empower and support the people of the UK. The practicians provide varying forms of health care solutions based on their expertise. You may visit their site to see which PHA Community Hub is nearest to you.

We promote a holistic healthcare approach focusing on the mind, body, and soul to address underlying health issues, not just symptoms. We advocate for reconnecting with nature, personal responsibility, and viewing health as a future investment.

Vision- To create an integrative healthcare service at community level that empowers people to take responsibility for their own health and is affordable for all.

Mission- To facilitate the creation of a network of independent, integrated community health hubs that work collaboratively to empower and educate people to take responsibility for their own health.

Katherine McBean the founder of the People's Health Alliance explains all what the organisation is about.

 

[melatonin]

Hey melatonin, sorry to hear about your troubles. It's not easy to find colinear people on this planet in these crazy times.

I considered joining a church myself for a while, for the same reason as you - recovery from CPTSD requires finding social connection.

There is a trait amongst people with CPTSD whereby we try to find healing by going back into the same toxic dynamics that caused them. This is because we seek love, but our love-antennae is set to be attracted to toxic situations.

I think a lot depends on the specific church. One issue I can see from the outset is that you don't consider yourself a believer. This would set up a situation where you are in a state of performance or inauthenticity, or out of touch with who you truly are. It may mean you have to constantly silence what you really think and how you really feel in order to be socially accepted - which risks reproducing patterns learned in a difficult childhood.

There are also many stories of toxic power dynamics in organizes religion, which, if you are already in performance mode, may be difficult for you to address.

Do you have any hobbies that involve others, such as sport, Tai Chi, or things like that? It may be a better way to fulfill your needs to do what you truly enjoy, and to practice doing it with others - instead of going somewhere that you feel you don't truly belong, and then trying to fit in. It could be a spiritual book club, an art class, joining a choir, anything really. All of these can be spiritual pursuits when seen as part of your recovery process.

So what do you truly enjoy, when you ask yourself in your heart of hearts? Or what would you like to try?

Thanks for your reply. :)

(Edited to add the above sentence)

Apologies for slow reply.....finally the "work" is having a real impact on my psychology. I feel real change and also chaos. Regarding hobbies, the problem I've had is not being confident enough, self-loathing etc, all brought on from childhood trauma where my parents were my primary abusers. I'm learning now more through the "work" than 17 years of therapy. I came across this website (And Gurdjieff) well over 15 years ago, but I needed to integrate my dissociative disorder before being able to carry any of this out.

I'm a believer in Christianity (Esoteric). The people at the church have been kind and supportive via phone calls.

Its such a strange world, and I was just hoping to work towards being around people who I share some commonalities with, and believing in a higher power is such an important one.

Hey melatonin, sorry to hear about your troubles. It's not easy to find colinear people on this planet in these crazy times.

I considered joining a church myself for a while, for the same reason as you - recovery from CPTSD requires finding social connection.

There is a trait amongst people with CPTSD whereby we try to find healing by going back into the same toxic dynamics that caused them. This is because we seek love, but our love-antennae is set to be attracted to toxic situations.

I think a lot depends on the specific church. One issue I can see from the outset is that you don't consider yourself a believer. This would set up a situation where you are in a state of performance or inauthenticity, or out of touch with who you truly are. It may mean you have to constantly silence what you really think and how you really feel in order to be socially accepted - which risks reproducing patterns learned in a difficult childhood.

There are also many stories of toxic power dynamics in organizes religion, which, if you are already in performance mode, may be difficult for you to address.

Do you have any hobbies that involve others, such as sport, Tai Chi, or things like that? It may be a better way to fulfill your needs to do what you truly enjoy, and to practice doing it with others - instead of going somewhere that you feel you don't truly belong, and then trying to fit in. It could be a spiritual book club, an art class, joining a choir, anything really. All of these can be spiritual pursuits when seen as part of your recovery process.

So what do you truly enjoy, when you ask yourself in your heart of hearts? Or what would you like to try?

 

[melatonin]

It sounds like a good idea, @melatonin, wanting to contribute to society in a positive way, having a purpose. Perhaps you could visit a few churches in your area, talk to some people and get a feel of the place, so you can decide whether there is a match between you and them? Or are there any Christian/non-Christian organisations that appeal to you? When I was a student I was a youth counsellor for a few weeks and the organisation that I worked for as a volunteer was Christian. They held summer holiday camps for children and did nice things. But this was in the eighties when things were not as crazy as they are today.

That said, having CPTSD could make you a bit more vulnerable, so I would recommend you doing your due diligence.

Before joining FOTCM I had been searching for community and a purpose for quite some time, so I understand what you seem to be longing for, but I discovered that some communities/places were truly toxic. I learnt a lot and in hindsight I am happy that I did, but I wouldn't want to waste my precious time now on unworthy causes or people and there are plenty of them about!

Have you thought of joining one of our projects? It is online, but you get to meet forum members in a different way. Contributing in a positive way here also helps me to develop skills and tap into unknown potential. But it is up to you, I do not wish to push you.

Thanks for your reply. :)

I would like to work towards joining the online project you mentioned. The "work" is really starting to have some impact on me, and its self-awareness (Lack of) that was holding me back.

Yes my CPTSD has made me very vulnerable unfortunately. I could share a lot of horrible experiences at the hands of (should be) "care-givers" and therapists. The psychotherapy profession is truly toxic to the core, not just in the methods they use, but the psychology of a lot of those practicing it. Its the perfect profession for someone who wants to hide away from themselves. (The opposite to true psychology as we have found out on this forum)

 

[melatonin]

I go to church on Sundays. I choose an Evangelical church because it is the closest one to me and I live in a rural area. I want to help support my local community and I have an enjoyable time when I go. The people there are very friendly and good. I by no means am an exoteric Christian, I participate in the worship service which means singing songs which is fun, my singing has improved from terrible to slightly better than terrible. I keep my differing views to myself, but feel welcome there even though I am an esoteric Christian. I did not have to jump through any hoops to be a part of the church like getting baptised. They even asked me if I could volunteer as a sound guy to help out with the band and projector,I refused because I am unreliable due to health problems. If there was a fourth way group near me or a Gnostic club I would be part of those, but probably still would go to church.

If your thinking about giving church a go I would say go for it. If you have more than one church nearby try them out to see if one suits your needs. The world is your oyster and having friendly people to talk to is good practice when doing the work.

Thanks FurryFrog for your reply (Great name by the way)

This was good to read. That was my fear, that id be "faking it" by going, even though I'm an esoteric Christian.
I've watching the Mormon Sunday services, and I admire how seriously they take their faith and how important confession is as part of their time together.

 

[melatonin]

My sister works in a church office and belongs to that church. I attend occasionally - mainly to spend time with family. I join teams to help out when there is some kind of project on like decorating for Christmas, packing hundreds of plastic easter eggs with jellybeans for easter egg hunt, mulching gardens, cleaning out storage rooms, cleaning out after the roof caved in after lots of rain and the like. I was on a team that helped two members move house and also sat with an elderly member who was home alone and had taken a fall in the garden to keep her comfortable until the ambulance arrived. All this to basically say that it's possible to be involved with the church congregation as a social outlet without becoming a fully-fledged member if that suits.

Other than that, as iamthatis says joining a club that is about an interest could help.

Thanks for your response.

Part of my faulty thinking brain has been black/white, all/nothing thinking. Yes, I can be as involved as much as I wish. I have spare time on my hands, and I'd like to contribute to helping others too.

 

[melatonin]

Hello. I would like to first thank you for sharing your poetry. I appreciate the creativity and perspective that arise from longing for the extraordinary, that which transcends mundane existence. Keep inspiration alive, and I hope you will continue to share more of your poetry.

You’re probably familiar with EMDR, but have you considered incorporating this technique in a more organic way, with various options to choose from? For example, photography requires one’s eyes and perspective to continually scan the environment and subject for the optimal image. Other activities, such as dancing or playing percussive instruments, could also be effective. The idea is to coordinate the left and right brain with new and engaging stimuli.

The mind, when in balance, may have the capacity to process past events by engaging with memories and rewriting their imprint with a positive scenario. Once imagined, this new scenario could become reality in an alternative universe, positively affecting the present reality we experience. Time is more fluid than we currently understand. When combined with mindful breathing, this technique can be profoundly effective. The breathing exercises offered on this forum could be invaluable, and I look forward to finding time to participate in them myself. The technique of influencing perception was taught to me decades ago, one that I have held close to my heart and am now pleased to share in this forum of inspiring and knowledgeable members

You might also consider joining a pragmatic Christian organization, such as the Salvation Army, whose work you may appreciate, and care to become involved with.

I apologize if my suggestions sound overly confident. Please forgive me; my perspective comes from years of resolving my own difficulties and from a simple gut instinct regarding the question you’ve presented. This is not to say it’s what you need to hear, but rather a mindful exchange of ideas to complement what other members have shared.
Wishing you all the best. And may this forum offer you great insight and understanding.

Thanks for your reply ivanb.

Your correct regarding EMDR, and why it's effective, but it hadn't crossed my mind before of doing more creative activities to access the same stimulation. This is a mental blockage for me, and this is where the "work" will help me I believe. I'm someone who's tried "the work" a few times and failed, as (I believe) my stumbling block with dissociative disorder, parts than couldnt possibly be integrated or brought into the whole. I'm seeing progress now, and I'm hoping to work towards doing either guitar or piano lessons. Thankyou so much for the info regarding EMDR and potential benefits.

I have done official EMDR many times with qualified practioners, and it wasn't noticeably effective. I even tried myself with EMDR programmes and tapping machines etc.

The poetry is a weird experience for me, as it just comes in spurts, and sometimes I'll wake in the middle of the night and ill write one that's been heard in my sleep state.

I hadn't thought of the Salvation army as an option. Cheers.