Question and feedback - unusual experience
- Thread starter Menna
- Start date
Gonzo
The Living Force
Well there is a difference between telling someone you don't approve of smoking in general versus toxic cigarettes, in the sense that you can back it up with solid research. You left that out earlier. However, you do need to understand the shame a person goes through when they tell the world they are quitting and then fall back into the only pattern they know, especially when you consider how powerful some of these chemicals are.
Regarding the concept of using someone, we all do it in one form or another, being STS. You wouldn't be in the relationship if you weren't getting something out of it therefore, you are taking/using and so is the other person. It's a mutually agreed upon dynamic.
You asked if the relationship can improve. I have had some benefit in seeing relationship/marriage counselors with partners in the past. I learned a lot about myself as did my partner. As I mentioned earlier, we all carry baggage into a relationship. Understanding the why behind certain behaviour helps a person change and aids the other partner in realization the sources of their partner's behaviour and the triggers. This helps the relationship, if both parties are honest and not too screwed up, as they can support each other through the changes. Such relationship work, however, takes a lot of patience, skill, hope, faith and love.
I've also attempted to attend such counseling with a partner who refused to see her role in our relationship. I ended up doing all of the work and it validated in her mind that I was to blame for everything. She wouldn't hear anything about herself, only my flaws. This was quite damaging for me. So, both parties would have to be equally motivated and committed to change.
Relationships often provide ways for us to repeat scenarios from our childhood sometimes in an attempt to have a different outcome, but almost always resulting in the same dynamics, since we choose our partners so well that there is little room for anything else but to play out the script. The more work you do on yourself, the more you break away from repeating those past scenarios.
For example, and I'm not suggesting this is the case for you, some people constantly look for someone who needs "improving" or another might look for someone who needs to be nurtured. These could be ways to play out childhood dynamics of being criticized or neglected. Perhaps you can see some of those dynamics, perhaps not. They are often rather hidden from the person involved in them and better seen through hindsight, or through the eyes of friends or a counselor.
Trust and honesty are paramount to a relationship. However, there's a big difference between someone hiding an addictive or entrenched behaviour versus actually doing something destructive to a relationship and lying about it.
Creating a strategic enclosure and external considering can also involve lying in ways that aren't destructive to the relationship.
If I found out my partner lied, I'd be gauging the reason of the lie as well as the cost. I wouldn't consider cheating on me on par with neglecting to tell me about something to protect me from heartache or significant stress (like not telling me that a relative said something nasty about me).
I'd also be looking for patterns of lying before I decided the lies affected trust. While a few might be understandable, depending on the reasons, a pattern of deception cannot be ignored or excused.
You are choosing not to tell your partner how you feel, as you are trying to protect her from the pain during a stressful time. Although this is dishonest, where on the scale would you place it?
Finally, I'd be looking to see if we are somehow trapped in a form of feeding dynamic, where we both derive energy from the relationship at the expense of the other.
Relationships are complex, rarely easy, and require constant work and open, honest communication. Do you think you are both up to the challenge of uncovering your flaws and remaining vulnerable with each other while working on those flaws?
Gonzo
Edit: removed duplicate paragraphs from cut and paste error. Apologies for the noise.
Regarding the concept of using someone, we all do it in one form or another, being STS. You wouldn't be in the relationship if you weren't getting something out of it therefore, you are taking/using and so is the other person. It's a mutually agreed upon dynamic.
You asked if the relationship can improve. I have had some benefit in seeing relationship/marriage counselors with partners in the past. I learned a lot about myself as did my partner. As I mentioned earlier, we all carry baggage into a relationship. Understanding the why behind certain behaviour helps a person change and aids the other partner in realization the sources of their partner's behaviour and the triggers. This helps the relationship, if both parties are honest and not too screwed up, as they can support each other through the changes. Such relationship work, however, takes a lot of patience, skill, hope, faith and love.
I've also attempted to attend such counseling with a partner who refused to see her role in our relationship. I ended up doing all of the work and it validated in her mind that I was to blame for everything. She wouldn't hear anything about herself, only my flaws. This was quite damaging for me. So, both parties would have to be equally motivated and committed to change.
Relationships often provide ways for us to repeat scenarios from our childhood sometimes in an attempt to have a different outcome, but almost always resulting in the same dynamics, since we choose our partners so well that there is little room for anything else but to play out the script. The more work you do on yourself, the more you break away from repeating those past scenarios.
For example, and I'm not suggesting this is the case for you, some people constantly look for someone who needs "improving" or another might look for someone who needs to be nurtured. These could be ways to play out childhood dynamics of being criticized or neglected. Perhaps you can see some of those dynamics, perhaps not. They are often rather hidden from the person involved in them and better seen through hindsight, or through the eyes of friends or a counselor.
Trust and honesty are paramount to a relationship. However, there's a big difference between someone hiding an addictive or entrenched behaviour versus actually doing something destructive to a relationship and lying about it.
Creating a strategic enclosure and external considering can also involve lying in ways that aren't destructive to the relationship.
If I found out my partner lied, I'd be gauging the reason of the lie as well as the cost. I wouldn't consider cheating on me on par with neglecting to tell me about something to protect me from heartache or significant stress (like not telling me that a relative said something nasty about me).
I'd also be looking for patterns of lying before I decided the lies affected trust. While a few might be understandable, depending on the reasons, a pattern of deception cannot be ignored or excused.
You are choosing not to tell your partner how you feel, as you are trying to protect her from the pain during a stressful time. Although this is dishonest, where on the scale would you place it?
Finally, I'd be looking to see if we are somehow trapped in a form of feeding dynamic, where we both derive energy from the relationship at the expense of the other.
Relationships are complex, rarely easy, and require constant work and open, honest communication. Do you think you are both up to the challenge of uncovering your flaws and remaining vulnerable with each other while working on those flaws?
Gonzo
Edit: removed duplicate paragraphs from cut and paste error. Apologies for the noise.
Menna
The Living Force
I didn't hide my feelings. I talked to her the day after it happened. Then I was still upset bc of what happened and for the simple fact that when I confronted her she came up with excuses and was trying to justify herself she wasn't very apologetic.
I spoke to her last night. She said I don't want this tension between us. I said that I was still upset. She said that I was taking it to personally and that I was reading into things. She said what she was doing was hurting herself not me. To this I replied you forcefully pushed my hand away twice then when I questioned you, you still didn't admit it how else am I suppose to take it. I said I am telling you what you did and how I feel I'm not reading into anything I am presenting facts. I said anything that hurts you hurts me. After we talked for a while she admitted it was a mistake and she said it was a shitty thing to do that she isn't smoking anymore. That she is happy with me that's why she didn't bring it up after it happened. I said if you don't say anything how do I know if you think your actions are right or wrong I told her there will be positive and negative and then there's the truthif you tell me the truth I will never be upset. We ended the conversation saying that we would see eachother today.
She finally admitted what she did was wrong but at times I'm not sure if everything she says is genuine that she doesn't just tell me what I want to hear wether she does this subconsciously or consciously I'm not sure.
I am going to see her for who she is and drop my expectations of what a relationship should be. Come back with love and if it's not ment to be life will present me with a situation that points to that. For now be myself and love her for her and drop my relationship expectations. Going to see how that goes.
Thank you for all your input a truly great forum
I spoke to her last night. She said I don't want this tension between us. I said that I was still upset. She said that I was taking it to personally and that I was reading into things. She said what she was doing was hurting herself not me. To this I replied you forcefully pushed my hand away twice then when I questioned you, you still didn't admit it how else am I suppose to take it. I said I am telling you what you did and how I feel I'm not reading into anything I am presenting facts. I said anything that hurts you hurts me. After we talked for a while she admitted it was a mistake and she said it was a shitty thing to do that she isn't smoking anymore. That she is happy with me that's why she didn't bring it up after it happened. I said if you don't say anything how do I know if you think your actions are right or wrong I told her there will be positive and negative and then there's the truthif you tell me the truth I will never be upset. We ended the conversation saying that we would see eachother today.
She finally admitted what she did was wrong but at times I'm not sure if everything she says is genuine that she doesn't just tell me what I want to hear wether she does this subconsciously or consciously I'm not sure.
I am going to see her for who she is and drop my expectations of what a relationship should be. Come back with love and if it's not ment to be life will present me with a situation that points to that. For now be myself and love her for her and drop my relationship expectations. Going to see how that goes.
Thank you for all your input a truly great forum
luke wilson
The Living Force
Good luck menna. :)
Sometimes I hear other people say this 'relationship is work.'
Sometimes I hear other people say this 'relationship is work.'
Gonzo
The Living Force
Thanks, Heimdallr. I seem to be having trouble with my computer. There seems to be lag after I paste, even in notepad. Then, when I copy and paste to the forum, some text is missing, some is duplicated. My internet connection is slow as well, so that's not helping. I'm sorry for the added noise. My post was already long enough. I'll try to be more brief and use the preview before posting again.Heimdallr said:
Gonzo
happyliza
The Living Force
FWIW people have reminded you about the smoking topics. It must be difficult to completely understand if you are not a smoker. Remember the research pointed out that some people need to smoke. I am one of these since age 14. In relationships I too tried to 'give up' and felt awful when I had to accept that I was 'too weak' to do so - even after 3 or 6months. Though I did stop during my pregnancies.
Luckily I have now transferred to purely organic and natural tobacco (and my lungs are clear because of that). I didnot feel I could function properly or 'be myself' if not smoking, like it was some kind of punishment I was under. It is like an 'addiction' for me. I get more panic and anxiety as well as intrusive thoughts through the'lack'.
I don't know how long your girlfriend has smoked, nor how many per day, or if she is purely a social smoker, however if she is of the type who needs to smoke (and does not know the reasearch about this of course), it is worth following this up. I thought I was being selfish by smoking and tried to give up to please someone else who did not smoke. It didn't work. I too needed to be me.
This may or may not be appropriate. A good thread about relationship dynamics though.
Luckily I have now transferred to purely organic and natural tobacco (and my lungs are clear because of that). I didnot feel I could function properly or 'be myself' if not smoking, like it was some kind of punishment I was under. It is like an 'addiction' for me. I get more panic and anxiety as well as intrusive thoughts through the'lack'.
I don't know how long your girlfriend has smoked, nor how many per day, or if she is purely a social smoker, however if she is of the type who needs to smoke (and does not know the reasearch about this of course), it is worth following this up. I thought I was being selfish by smoking and tried to give up to please someone else who did not smoke. It didn't work. I too needed to be me.
This may or may not be appropriate. A good thread about relationship dynamics though.
Menna
The Living Force
If you never started smoking then you wouldn't feel like you need it. It may aide you but the word need is very strong. We need water, food, air, impressions.
Yes there is alot of great smoking info and natural tabacco is not all that bad I know.
You said you tried to quit smoking in relationships
If in those relationships after a month of dating you took out a toxic cig and said I know its a bad HABBIT I am going to quit and your date said great because it bothers me and I don't like it bc its not good for you. Then continued to smoke for 8 months saying you wanted to quit for yourself finnaly quit then a few months later start up again because of "stress" hide it from your mate then physicaly push their hand away to hide it futher and deny it when questioned about it - I believe that to be wrong. At that point smoking isnt the concern - thats why I was saying all through the thread smoking isnt the problem. I understand it is hard to quit they say it is more addictive then heroin. But cigs and dishonisty are two seperate things and I just wanted peoples opinions if this situation was a sign of seriouse trouble in a relationship. The post about different levels of lying. Saying I need to focus on her qualities MORE and love her for her has helped and through posting and reading the replies on this thread I have realized things about myslef that I have room for improvment in this relationship. I was just woundering if the way she handled this situation is the sign of someone who cant have an open and honest relationship or trouble to come or something deeper. But we have been hanging out alot lately as I have come back to the relationship with love trying to understand her more I can feel my feelings for her increase. She said she has stopped smoking and I believe she hid it bc she knew she only "needed" one or two during the day/night to help deal with her mothers situation and when that got better she would stop so she didnt want to confront the situation. She was a smoker then quit for two years then became a social smoker and now has quit. I told her its not about the smoking if you want to have a cig ok but don't hide it from me and push me away be open and honest and that natural tabacco isnt nearly as harmfull and there are also those electronic cigs. She knows that I wouldnt end the relationship bc she smokes but at the same time I wouldnt be as happy because she knows that this relationship would have then started on false pretenses (pulling out a cig a month into dating and at the same time saying she was going to quit)
I do love her for her with this situation I wanted to make it clear that what ever happens between us I will never be ashamed of her and I will always love her but she needs to be honest with everything that I am not perfect and make mistakes too and I am a very reasonable person that I have never yelled at her and over the past year I have understood everything she has told me and done and never tried to control her but at the same time I have feelings and a need to express them I believe she knows that I was more upset with the lieing and hiding as I told her this then the smoking. I feel this situation has made us understand eachother better.
Cheers happy Halloween
lol
Yes there is alot of great smoking info and natural tabacco is not all that bad I know.
You said you tried to quit smoking in relationships
If in those relationships after a month of dating you took out a toxic cig and said I know its a bad HABBIT I am going to quit and your date said great because it bothers me and I don't like it bc its not good for you. Then continued to smoke for 8 months saying you wanted to quit for yourself finnaly quit then a few months later start up again because of "stress" hide it from your mate then physicaly push their hand away to hide it futher and deny it when questioned about it - I believe that to be wrong. At that point smoking isnt the concern - thats why I was saying all through the thread smoking isnt the problem. I understand it is hard to quit they say it is more addictive then heroin. But cigs and dishonisty are two seperate things and I just wanted peoples opinions if this situation was a sign of seriouse trouble in a relationship. The post about different levels of lying. Saying I need to focus on her qualities MORE and love her for her has helped and through posting and reading the replies on this thread I have realized things about myslef that I have room for improvment in this relationship. I was just woundering if the way she handled this situation is the sign of someone who cant have an open and honest relationship or trouble to come or something deeper. But we have been hanging out alot lately as I have come back to the relationship with love trying to understand her more I can feel my feelings for her increase. She said she has stopped smoking and I believe she hid it bc she knew she only "needed" one or two during the day/night to help deal with her mothers situation and when that got better she would stop so she didnt want to confront the situation. She was a smoker then quit for two years then became a social smoker and now has quit. I told her its not about the smoking if you want to have a cig ok but don't hide it from me and push me away be open and honest and that natural tabacco isnt nearly as harmfull and there are also those electronic cigs. She knows that I wouldnt end the relationship bc she smokes but at the same time I wouldnt be as happy because she knows that this relationship would have then started on false pretenses (pulling out a cig a month into dating and at the same time saying she was going to quit)
I do love her for her with this situation I wanted to make it clear that what ever happens between us I will never be ashamed of her and I will always love her but she needs to be honest with everything that I am not perfect and make mistakes too and I am a very reasonable person that I have never yelled at her and over the past year I have understood everything she has told me and done and never tried to control her but at the same time I have feelings and a need to express them I believe she knows that I was more upset with the lieing and hiding as I told her this then the smoking. I feel this situation has made us understand eachother better.
Cheers happy Halloween
lol
Gonzo
The Living Force
I believe a healthy relationship requires trust, respect and honesty, and the three walk hand in hand. I certainly understand you being concerned when you feel your partner has not been honest and upfront.
I also think one needs to look at things both from the microcosm and the macrocosm. We should consider every incident on it's own merit as a singular event while also considering patterns of similar incidents.
As a singular event, yes a form of dishonesty occurred, but it requires an understanding of the complexities of personal dynamics, external influences and relationship dynamics.
Personal dynamics include all of the psychological baggage we carry throughout our lives, including our accumulated wounds and their effect on our behaviour, like our ability to trust and our desire to avoid further wounds.
You both have had unique experiences, both positive and negative, that have shaped your respective perceptions, thoughts and behaviours.
For example, your partner may have developed a pattern in childhood of hiding certain bahaviour in order to avoid being judged and rejected by a parent. She therfore needs to hide from you both the fact that she failed at quitting and her smoking, lest she suffer your judgment or rejection.
You, on the other hand, might have some wound associated with honesty and react to dishonesty in a disproportionate way.
External influences can involve, in this case, the social conditioning one receives about smoking as well as the effect smoking has on a person, as they relate to personal dynamics. Most smokers today have developed beliefs that smoking is evil; that it both kills smokers and those around them, that it is highly addictive, and that one needs to hide it from society. Long before your relation with this person, she had already been conditioned to hide her smoking, to lie about it, since it is allegedly a sin against humanity and the environment and those who smoke must have something wrong with them and should be separated from society.
Smoking is also pleasurable, has several health benefits, enhances intellectual abilities and contains chemicals that can be highly addictive. All of these attributes provide incredibly potent reinforcements to continue smoking.
So there are powerful forces at play upon the smoker, both to make them want to quit and to want to smoke. An even greater schism can form when we connect these forces to personal dynamics, including, for example, one's fear of rejection on one hand and one's desire to nurture (or gratify) one's self on the other hand.
The relationship dynamics combine both individual's personal dynamics as well as the effects of external influences as they relate to the respective individual's personal dynamics.
Although you both have had access to the same social conditioning, the effect will be different due to several factors, including the fact that one of you have received the conditioning as a smoker and have had the threat of societal rejection looming over their head and the other has rarely been afforded the opportunity to empathize with the former's experience as a smoker.
One often needs to trust in order to be honest. A smoker learns early on that they cannot trust society to treat them fairly and to not reject them, and therefore, cannot easily separate a partner's distaste for smoking from society's distaste. The fears of society's judgment and rejection is easily transferred onto the relationship.
So, from a microcosmic view, as a singular event, this issue of honesty is complex and should initially be viewed in light of several considerations, including the aforementioned.
However, from the macrocosmic view, if there are other instances of dishonest behaviour, you would also need to take them into consideration after initially viewing them on their own merits and assigning them certain values.
As I mentioned in an earlier comment, there are several forms of dishonesty, some of which are both understandable and forgivable and some which are so dangerous to a relationship that they should provide a giant red flag, accompanied by a trumpet blowing the signal to retreat.
For example, you are choosing to be dishonest, through omission, by not telling your partner your current thoughts and feelings during this difficult time in hers and her family's lives. Yet this form of dishonesty doesn't seem to register with you as dishonesty and, if it did, probably wouldn't be assigned the same value as your partner's choice to hide her smoking from you.
Although it seems to me that you are overreacting to her trying to hide her failure to quite from you, if there are patterns of dishonest behaviour, or other childish ways she handles being confronted with her behaviour, then these need to be taken into consideration and your reaction would be more understandable.
Just make sure you are reacting to the right thing and the other person knows what you are reacting to.
From a personal development perspective, perhaps there's something for you to learn about yourself from your reactions. You seem to be hanging onto the honesty aspect, as if she had hurt you with her dishonesty. It might be beneficial for you to work backward through your life to your early childhood and review times when people had been dishonest with you and how you felt.
Perhaps the concept of honesty got hammered into you in a very specific and painful way when you were young and, although you are reacting to your partner's perceived dishonesty, you are actually replaying a scenario from your childhood and the pain you feel from your partner's behaviour merely echoes an earlier wound.
I apologize for the length if this post but I thought it could be beneficial to break things down the way I did and I could find a briefer way of doing it.
Gonzo
I also think one needs to look at things both from the microcosm and the macrocosm. We should consider every incident on it's own merit as a singular event while also considering patterns of similar incidents.
As a singular event, yes a form of dishonesty occurred, but it requires an understanding of the complexities of personal dynamics, external influences and relationship dynamics.
Personal dynamics include all of the psychological baggage we carry throughout our lives, including our accumulated wounds and their effect on our behaviour, like our ability to trust and our desire to avoid further wounds.
You both have had unique experiences, both positive and negative, that have shaped your respective perceptions, thoughts and behaviours.
For example, your partner may have developed a pattern in childhood of hiding certain bahaviour in order to avoid being judged and rejected by a parent. She therfore needs to hide from you both the fact that she failed at quitting and her smoking, lest she suffer your judgment or rejection.
You, on the other hand, might have some wound associated with honesty and react to dishonesty in a disproportionate way.
External influences can involve, in this case, the social conditioning one receives about smoking as well as the effect smoking has on a person, as they relate to personal dynamics. Most smokers today have developed beliefs that smoking is evil; that it both kills smokers and those around them, that it is highly addictive, and that one needs to hide it from society. Long before your relation with this person, she had already been conditioned to hide her smoking, to lie about it, since it is allegedly a sin against humanity and the environment and those who smoke must have something wrong with them and should be separated from society.
Smoking is also pleasurable, has several health benefits, enhances intellectual abilities and contains chemicals that can be highly addictive. All of these attributes provide incredibly potent reinforcements to continue smoking.
So there are powerful forces at play upon the smoker, both to make them want to quit and to want to smoke. An even greater schism can form when we connect these forces to personal dynamics, including, for example, one's fear of rejection on one hand and one's desire to nurture (or gratify) one's self on the other hand.
The relationship dynamics combine both individual's personal dynamics as well as the effects of external influences as they relate to the respective individual's personal dynamics.
Although you both have had access to the same social conditioning, the effect will be different due to several factors, including the fact that one of you have received the conditioning as a smoker and have had the threat of societal rejection looming over their head and the other has rarely been afforded the opportunity to empathize with the former's experience as a smoker.
One often needs to trust in order to be honest. A smoker learns early on that they cannot trust society to treat them fairly and to not reject them, and therefore, cannot easily separate a partner's distaste for smoking from society's distaste. The fears of society's judgment and rejection is easily transferred onto the relationship.
So, from a microcosmic view, as a singular event, this issue of honesty is complex and should initially be viewed in light of several considerations, including the aforementioned.
However, from the macrocosmic view, if there are other instances of dishonest behaviour, you would also need to take them into consideration after initially viewing them on their own merits and assigning them certain values.
As I mentioned in an earlier comment, there are several forms of dishonesty, some of which are both understandable and forgivable and some which are so dangerous to a relationship that they should provide a giant red flag, accompanied by a trumpet blowing the signal to retreat.
For example, you are choosing to be dishonest, through omission, by not telling your partner your current thoughts and feelings during this difficult time in hers and her family's lives. Yet this form of dishonesty doesn't seem to register with you as dishonesty and, if it did, probably wouldn't be assigned the same value as your partner's choice to hide her smoking from you.
Although it seems to me that you are overreacting to her trying to hide her failure to quite from you, if there are patterns of dishonest behaviour, or other childish ways she handles being confronted with her behaviour, then these need to be taken into consideration and your reaction would be more understandable.
Just make sure you are reacting to the right thing and the other person knows what you are reacting to.
From a personal development perspective, perhaps there's something for you to learn about yourself from your reactions. You seem to be hanging onto the honesty aspect, as if she had hurt you with her dishonesty. It might be beneficial for you to work backward through your life to your early childhood and review times when people had been dishonest with you and how you felt.
Perhaps the concept of honesty got hammered into you in a very specific and painful way when you were young and, although you are reacting to your partner's perceived dishonesty, you are actually replaying a scenario from your childhood and the pain you feel from your partner's behaviour merely echoes an earlier wound.
I apologize for the length if this post but I thought it could be beneficial to break things down the way I did and I could find a briefer way of doing it.
Gonzo
Menna
The Living Force
After reading up on Organic Portals and viewing the last video at 1:03:40 http://www.youtube.com/user/TimeOfTransition and reading this web page http://veilofreality.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/organic-portals-soulless-humans/
and this picture...http://veilofreality.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/organic-portals-soulless-humans/op_and_soul_centers/
I am beginning to think that the unusual experience that I described at the beginning of this thread was the reflection of my own energy maybe that is why I felt a "force" hit against something inside my stomach/chest area.
I also read that OP steal energy in order to mimic this could be why I feel that I have more energy now and I am not sleeping during the day anymore now that I am not in the relationship.
Who am I to say that she is an OP or that what I experienced was the reflection of my own energy there is no way I can be 100% sure about any of this but this new information about organic portals really hits home with me after my experience with this relationship.
I think that I need to trust myself more...not as an absolute but more so then I do now
and this picture...http://veilofreality.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/organic-portals-soulless-humans/op_and_soul_centers/
I am beginning to think that the unusual experience that I described at the beginning of this thread was the reflection of my own energy maybe that is why I felt a "force" hit against something inside my stomach/chest area.
I also read that OP steal energy in order to mimic this could be why I feel that I have more energy now and I am not sleeping during the day anymore now that I am not in the relationship.
Who am I to say that she is an OP or that what I experienced was the reflection of my own energy there is no way I can be 100% sure about any of this but this new information about organic portals really hits home with me after my experience with this relationship.
I think that I need to trust myself more...not as an absolute but more so then I do now
anart
A Disturbance in the Force
It's possible, but one can also be drained by lies to the self. Many times it was brought up here what was likely going on in your relationship and your own illusions and you brushed it all off because you knew better. Doing that is lying to the self which is incredibly draining energetically, so she need not have been an OP for this to happen.Menna said:
m said:
In what way? It seems to me that you trusted yourself and the feelings provoked by physiological chemicals in your brain (from "love") too much. In fact, often when given input on this forum, you respond with "yes, but... ..." - trusting your own thinking far more than input given here, so it might make more sense to question your thinking more.
Menna
The Living Force
The "yes but" was more me defending my actions, comments and thoughts I have also realized I have a justification program if that is a program. I value all the advice given by this forum It has made me realize that in a relationship it is better to not force if you don't like something communicate but you shouldn't try and force something that you want if you do that then you might going against the persons individual lesson/path and going against the universe and that when entropy begins. The forum has taught me In order to be successful in a relationship accept people for who they are if you dont like something you cant force change communicate and let it infold and if stuff works out and you are both happy the that's a great step
Trending content
-
Thread 'Coronavirus Pandemic: Apocalypse Now! Or exaggerated scare story?'
- wanderingthomas
Replies: 30K -
-
