Reaffirming my goals - sharing a journal entry

[T.C.]

Hi everyone.

In the iodine thread, ennio posted:

So just another way to understand it maybe. But when we're going though it, it can be awful tough I know. Something that has helped me is just friendly interactions with people I feel close to. Friendly, funny, caring communication about anything at all. It sustains me when I'm going through something in general, and I think that just being that way with others helps them too. Thank god for humor too! And that we don't have to suffer alone.

At the same time though, I try to remember why I'm doing this: Its being proactive for the future. And no matter how unpleasant it may be at points, the doing of it adds immeasurably to the chances of being less sick and incapacitated later on – when we want, and will need to be, strong and functional.

These two paragraphs really resonate with me at the moment (in fact, if you haven't read the whole post, check it out - it's REALLY helpful. Thanks ennio!)

And it's timely, because the other night, I made this journal entry and I thought I'd share it because it was just a really helpful affirmation of why I'm doing what I'm doing. The last few weeks have been tough for me, too, and going through the process of getting it down on paper has really helped me redouble my efforts.

The entry starts to go round and round a bit towards the end, but I was just chipping away at the idea to refine it as best I could.

What the hell can I do?
Am I doing enough?
Am I doing the right things?

Q: I have my little daily routines, try to save (money), try to stock up (preparation), try to keep up with what's going on, try to keep disciplined and healthy, try to network with the forum, try not to violate people's free will, try to stay sane and emotionally healthy/see friends and family, etc., and what am I actually achieving? What difference am I making?

A: I am a living embodiment of love and effort and empathy and sanity and concern and objective reality. I am the white dot in the black half of the yin-yang. (this reply was a reference to and inspired by Joe's post here)

I'm not SUPPOSED to have power and influence over the world and the people in it - neither would I want such power. I'm supposed to have power over myself. I am the only thing I can control; I am the only thing I can change and I am the only thing I have any power over.

Q: To what end? What's the point? Why do you do what you do? Why aren't you still just wasting your life and your time, eating crap and drinking beer every night?

Why do you live as you do? What's the point? Why did you change your life? Why not just go back to sleep if you can't make any difference?

Why continue to strive and struggle?

A: Because I don't want to be ill, I don't want to be homeless, I don't want to suffer in the way that I suffered before.

If I have a choice between health and illness, I choose health because that's what a sane person would choose.

Q: Why?

A: Illness brings suffering, pain, misery and death.

If I could choose between uncomfortable truths and dreamy lies, I choose the truth because lies lead to chaos which leads to suffering - and especially causes suffering in others, too.

I choose life over death because while I'm alive I have the chance to help people and make the world a better place: I can't do this if I'm dead. (This last statement was inspired by Chu's post, here)

Stability

In Strength will I Establish this mine house that it may stand firm (This is a masonic maxim that seemed totally fitting to what I was thinking about)

I choose order over chaos because chaos brings suffering.

I choose knowledge over lies because lies cause suffering.

I choose work over laziness because laziness leads to suffering.

I choose life over death because in life I have the chance to alleviate suffering.

Q: But you're suffering from what you're doing. Suffering being alone.

A: Yes, but what I'm learning brings with it the opportunity to inform others and make choices which lead to less suffering. And however much I may suffer in loneliness pales in comparison to the suffering I would cause a sleeping person and in turn cause myself.

I know - I've tried it.

Q: So your entire way of life is based on not suffering and the possibility of helping others alleviate their suffering?

A: Yes, I suppose so. (Note: this isn't coming from a place of "not wanting to suffer/avoidance of suffering". It was part of a crystallisation for me that 'the good life' is about the pursuit and application of knowledge to make it easier to live and to then have the opportunity to pass that on to others so that they might find it easier to live, too)

Q: Well, aren't you just Mr. Noble!

A: That's the sort of response I'd expect from a psychopath who doesn't care about other people.

I have suffered greatly and it was all due to selfishness, laziness, indulgence, the desire for an easy life.

If I could help someone else not to suffer the way I have, just one person in one instance, then that would make my life have been worth something - to help someone with the knowledge I've aquired.

Q: Why do you care?

A: Because I know what it is to suffer and have learned many causes of it and many preventions. And if I wouldn't wish suffering on someone else, then that's no different to being able - through the knowledge I've gained - to help or alleviate the suffering of another.

(Conclusion)

So really, the only reason I stay alive is to learn how to live a good life and to pass that knowledge on to others, to help them to live a good life too, because I have suffered from living a bad life and wouldn't wish that on anyone else and if I have information on how to prevent such suffering and change such a life, then I want to share it and help someone else to change their life so that they can improve their health, their work and increase their knowledge and maybe, in turn, help others themselves.

It was a nice realisation to come to: that The Work works! That through gaining knowledge and applying it, we can change our lives for the better and pass that knowledge onto others who are looking to change their lives for the better, too.

We can acquire an aim, and then live our lives by it for a period of time, but after a while, that way of life can become automatic and if it reaches that point, we can start to become disillusioned and wonder what the point is. I changed my life based on a simple and self-referencing reason: I had to work away with a band all year and 1) I couldn't afford to get ill and have to miss any gigs and 2) if I couldn't gig, then the other band members couldn't either, and I didn't want that to happen.

Now, it seems like I've melted down that specific, starting aim and reforged it into a more general, wider-encompassing one: that looking after myself makes my life easier and that might be beneficial to others, too.

 

[Anamarija]

Maybe this article is good addition to this subject:

http://www.sott.net/article/309426-Why-people-fail-to-keep-their-New-Years-resolution

People often like the way that sounds their goals but usually fail because they really didn't mean to achieve all of that. Good plan is right start to real deal with your goals.

 

[luc]

Hi T.C., thanks for sharing. This part:

We can acquire an aim, and then live our lives by it for a period of time, but after a while, that way of life can become automatic and if it reaches that point, we can start to become disillusioned and wonder what the point is. I changed my life based on a simple and self-referencing reason: I had to work away with a band all year and 1) I couldn't afford to get ill and have to miss any gigs and 2) if I couldn't gig, then the other band members couldn't either, and I didn't want that to happen.

Now, it seems like I've melted down that specific, starting aim and reforged it into a more general, wider-encompassing one: that looking after myself makes my life easier and that might be beneficial to others, too.

is an important observation imho - as far as I understand it, this is what the Work is about: reprogramming our brain/body/emotions. By setting small goals, we exercise our willpower muscle and by receiving 'shocks', we get in touch with ourselves and learn what makes us 'tick'. Then - based on our understanding of ourselves - we can use the willpower muscle to forge new pathways. And interestingly, overtime, without even realizing it, what required a lot of willpower before can be done 'automatically', or at least without much effort. But then, motivations/goals etc. can also "melt down", as you said, which can cause trouble. I think that maybe it's the universe telling us to take the next step? It also reminds me of Dabrowski's positive disintegration - the process of replacing lower motivations with higher values.

It's also interesting how you described your 'simple' motivation. In my experience, in order to change things, we need a strong motivation, we need those shocks and these painful realizations to really start changing something. But, it is not always possible to have such 'higher motivations', so everything we come up with to motivate ourselves is good I think. As G. said - everything that assists us in reaching our (Work-)goals is good. Sometimes we even have to fool ourselves, or use very 'simple' motivations. And one day, we suddenly notice that something we always struggled with has become second nature - osit.

Thank you again for sharing!

 

[Yupo]

.

I have suffered greatly and it was all due to selfishness, laziness, indulgence, the desire for an easy life.

If I could help someone else not to suffer the way I have, just one person in one instance, then that would make my life have been worth something - to help someone with the knowledge I've aquired.

This really resonates with me.

 

[placematt]

Hey T.c,

thanks for sharing your journal entry. The part about being isolated really resonated with me, and i've never really tried a question answer format when journaling which i think is a really good idea. What i like about your journal entry is that its objective, it goes somewhere. Your treating the entry as a form of progression and problem solving instead of a vent or whinge. I hope this isn't rude but as an example if i could share my own journal entry.

Within such a thought, can i see before me an answer. The uncertainty of risk, perhaps needed most of all. For stagnation is ripe in this life i lead.
Unsure, as ever, in what is needed for me. I truly see nothing, as nothing sees me. Within dark fields, these thoughts hold sway. What to do and who to be.
These questions grip my days tight. Unless i swim through disassociation, i face these blanks all night.

What was once so clear slyly moved away in silence. And as i try to pick up where i left off, i realise how i never had even begun. The force of illusion is overwhelming
and at times i wonder how can one face odds such as these. Curious though, what to do and who to be. Im unsure when i made a decision as of late? Quitting my job was the consequence of stagnation, no honour was had upon it;s wake. Foolish i feel and as the days once more bring reflection i see how juvenile i am in perfection. No man stands here, tall or proud. not even a boy, an infant. Why would anyone choose to be proud. Weighty and rigid the world feels, slipping from the path i thought i could feel.

weakness i believe is the force of desire. Discipline and strength of will i wish i had, and now desire. For this machine i inhabit, is ripe with its pattern. So difficult to break the mechanism of habit. Alone i feel, as everyone surely is. How could i fall so far? Truly? When did what i saw become so far removed from any reality? How could i have let slip the development of my character? It's worrisome to see myself, in a complexity as i am. I hoard external value in books as a mechanism for cowardice. How can i apply myself, what does that even mean. Gurdjieffs wisdom i fear is beyond me? Julius Caeser amid the great people of time. I measure in no way of service to others, has my life been the ultimate crime?

The shades of my tears scream black. Pulling deeper into it's palette i fear of attack. How long can the last stand wither in fright. Will the bottomed out rock, rise from it's shell? To reach for others i feel is a curse. Is this way of service to them more illusion than reality. What binding force exits this wound of my essence and how much is fatal. As the last of it goes, how karmic reality spurs thought. This desire for truth is a curse, but one i would wish to have, through all time of course.

Mine is very much more of a vent/ letting off of steam and or frustration. I have used my feeling of emotion instead of objectively trying to see the reality I'm at. This is what I'm taking from your journal entry the most. I can see the difference and the power that potentially mine takes, compared to the power that your journal entry gives. At this moment for me, that's actually a really eye opening example of someone who is set in their path. Your journal entry although could potentially have similar themes, is done in a form that shows potentially how your handling your reality compared to mine. I just thought it was really interesting and I'm very sorry again if i hijacked your thread or anything. Just wanted to show a comparison. Really appreciate your post T.c as i learned the difference between the two and its a very valuable lesson for me!

Thanks again!

 

[T.C.]

i've never really tried a question answer format when journaling which i think is a really good idea.

It doesn't always happen like that. In fact, I added the Q)'s and A)'s just into the forum post for clarity, as there can be multiple me's asking and answering when I'm doing this and I just let them out onto the paper. So I don't restrict the process by starting with a Q) and then feeling I have to come up with an A) and then another Q) etc.

Do you have that voice of the impartial observer, that non-judgemental part that is just always there to see you and what you're doing, thinking, feeling, etc.? I think trying to become aware of it and introducing it into journalling can be good practice for trying to have a contact with it constantly.

I will often write entries that don't have a Q and A format at all, but sometimes when I need some help with something, I start asking myself questions.

What i like about your journal entry is that its objective, it goes somewhere.

I don't know if I'd have called it objective, but I was definitely trying to get somewhere. The thing is with journalling, it's your own personal space and there's no one there to point out whether you're close or whether you're out in left field. For all I know, the conclusions I came to and the time I spent doing that writing was intellectualisation of the frustration emotions I was feeling, and the process was just a means of self-calming and the conclusions were just new buffers!

So I write what I write to try to come up with something useful, but I also take what I write in my journal with a pinch of salt - I still try to keep a healthy scepticism towards it. It was just that ennio's post got me thinking about that journal entry, so I kind of felt like what I'd written may have been worthwhile for sharing.

Your treating the entry as a form of progression and problem solving instead of a vent or whinge.

Well, I do still use it to vent and whinge, now and again. But more so when I first started journalling. After a while, I started to see that side of journalling as potentially dangerous - or at least, not always helpful. I mean that in the sense of the cassiopaean's warning about people who "Wallow" in the mud/self-pity/suffering. So that's why I'm trying to get somewhere with my entries, rather than just writing about how much I hate things or feel bad.

I have an ongoing debate with myself, actually, about what I should really be writing in my journal because basically, everything I write is about ME. It doesn't matter if what I'm writing is actually good and useful and helpful because sure enough, it's always about me, and I'm conflicted as to how narcissistic that is. There's healthy selfishness, right? If journalling about me helps me work out issues and is a good adjunct to the Work then that's great. But I do wish I had more knowledge about the world and everything in it, so that I could sit down and journal about something other than myself. I hate the fact that my journals are pretty much evidence that nothing's more important in my thinking than I am.

I hope this isn't rude but as an example if i could share my own journal entry.

Not at all! Thanks for sharing.

Within such a thought, can i see before me an answer. The uncertainty of risk, perhaps needed most of all. For stagnation is ripe in this life i lead.
Unsure, as ever, in what is needed for me. I truly see nothing, as nothing sees me. Within dark fields, these thoughts hold sway. What to do and who to be.
These questions grip my days tight. Unless i swim through disassociation, i face these blanks all night.

What was once so clear slyly moved away in silence. And as i try to pick up where i left off, i realise how i never had even begun. The force of illusion is overwhelming
and at times i wonder how can one face odds such as these. Curious though, what to do and who to be. Im unsure when i made a decision as of late? Quitting my job was the consequence of stagnation, no honour was had upon it;s wake. Foolish i feel and as the days once more bring reflection i see how juvenile i am in perfection. No man stands here, tall or proud. not even a boy, an infant. Why would anyone choose to be proud. Weighty and rigid the world feels, slipping from the path i thought i could feel.

weakness i believe is the force of desire. Discipline and strength of will i wish i had, and now desire. For this machine i inhabit, is ripe with its pattern. So difficult to break the mechanism of habit. Alone i feel, as everyone surely is. How could i fall so far? Truly? When did what i saw become so far removed from any reality? How could i have let slip the development of my character? It's worrisome to see myself, in a complexity as i am. I hoard external value in books as a mechanism for cowardice. How can i apply myself, what does that even mean. Gurdjieffs wisdom i fear is beyond me? Julius Caeser amid the great people of time. I measure in no way of service to others, has my life been the ultimate crime?

The shades of my tears scream black. Pulling deeper into it's palette i fear of attack. How long can the last stand wither in fright. Will the bottomed out rock, rise from it's shell? To reach for others i feel is a curse. Is this way of service to them more illusion than reality. What binding force exits this wound of my essence and how much is fatal. As the last of it goes, how karmic reality spurs thought. This desire for truth is a curse, but one i would wish to have, through all time of course.

The flavour of your journal entry really takes me back to when I first found the work and the types of things I was writing in my journal. There's a palpable shock and anger at what you see in yourself. A melodrama and injustice at the WHY of everything. The whole "mourning the death of an illusion of imbalance". Like you've been hit on the head really hard and everything's spinning and you're trying to find your balance

I see a man sat in the middle of a crossroads, not wanting to walk back down the path that lead him there, but knowing that in order to take any of the new routes, he first has to stand up - and he feels like he's never used his legs before. At least, that's certainly how I felt during that time.

I wonder at the type of language you used. It seems like a tool to help access a flow of thought and emotion that you might not be able to do in your more usual use of language. On the one hand, that's a good thing because you're getting to explore a role, a little i, that may have a lot of things tied up inside it that you just need to unravel, but on the other hand, there's a one dimensional, closed aspect to it - like a negative feedback loop (and I mean that in the purely scientific sense, not a moralising one): there's no input of other energy, so to speak (like a different you asking this 'i' a few critical questions) and any system that doesn't receive energy is doomed to entropy.

Mine is very much more of a vent/ letting off of steam and or frustration. I have used my feeling of emotion instead of objectively trying to see the reality I'm at.

But, the reality you see is a product of your emotion, so using your journal to access your emotions can be a very important way to process them and work towards that objectivity you're after.

This is what I'm taking from your journal entry the most. I can see the difference and the power that potentially mine takes, compared to the power that your journal entry gives.

Maybe not give and take. Approach it more from a place of expansion versus contraction.

At this moment for me, that's actually a really eye opening example of someone who is set in their path.

Today, but I've been here before and fallen. So I can't afford to let my guard down, which is why I'm trying to process things in my journal and network more on the forum :)

Your journal entry although could potentially have similar themes, is done in a form that shows potentially how your handling your reality compared to mine.

Maybe. But again, neither of us know that for sure unless, 1) you try it out yourself and observe the results and that 2) we're lucky to be able to talk about this in the forum setting and others can point out whether we're - again - close or out in left field.

I just thought it was really interesting and I'm very sorry again if i hijacked your thread or anything.

No, the whole reason I posted it was to hopefully add something of value to a current theme that's 'trending' here with other forum members, and that others could give me feedback, too.

Just wanted to show a comparison. Really appreciate your post T.c as i learned the difference between the two and its a very valuable lesson for me!

Thanks again!

If it's opened your mind to a new possibility then that's great, but try it out for yourself without anticipation of the results. I think the question and answering is helpful for me in certain circumstances, but we're all different. I just kind of stumbled upon it and it seems to suit me.

 

[placematt]

Hey T.c,

i've never really tried a question answer format when journaling which i think is a really good idea.

It doesn't always happen like that. In fact, I added the Q)'s and A)'s just into the forum post for clarity, as there can be multiple me's asking and answering when I'm doing this and I just let them out onto the paper. So I don't restrict the process by starting with a Q) and then feeling I have to come up with an A) and then another Q) etc.

Do you have that voice of the impartial observer, that non-judgemental part that is just always there to see you and what you're doing, thinking, feeling, etc.? I think trying to become aware of it and introducing it into journalling can be good practice for trying to have a contact with it constantly.

I will often write entries that don't have a Q and A format at all, but sometimes when I need some help with something, I start asking myself questions.

What i like about your journal entry is that its objective, it goes somewhere.

I don't know if I'd have called it objective, but I was definitely trying to get somewhere. The thing is with journalling, it's your own personal space and there's no one there to point out whether you're close or whether you're out in left field. For all I know, the conclusions I came to and the time I spent doing that writing was intellectualisation of the frustration emotions I was feeling, and the process was just a means of self-calming and the conclusions were just new buffers!

So I write what I write to try to come up with something useful, but I also take what I write in my journal with a pinch of salt - I still try to keep a healthy scepticism towards it. It was just that ennio's post got me thinking about that journal entry, so I kind of felt like what I'd written may have been worthwhile for sharing.

i think perhaps maybe i meant your at least reasoning with yourself here. You can in a way see the different I's that are battling with each other. This is something i have always struggled with, however i think if i began to journal this way. It could help me reason with the I's at least enough to get some dicispline back on track. I guess its kinda like a mirror, the journal entry is very telling in that it shows the internal dialogue of oneself.

The flavour of your journal entry really takes me back to when I first found the work and the types of things I was writing in my journal. There's a palpable shock and anger at what you see in yourself. A melodrama and injustice at the WHY of everything. The whole "mourning the death of an illusion of imbalance". Like you've been hit on the head really hard and everything's spinning and you're trying to find your balance

I see a man sat in the middle of a crossroads, not wanting to walk back down the path that lead him there, but knowing that in order to take any of the new routes, he first has to stand up - and he feels like he's never used his legs before. At least, that's certainly how I felt during that time.

I wonder at the type of language you used. It seems like a tool to help access a flow of thought and emotion that you might not be able to do in your more usual use of language. On the one hand, that's a good thing because you're getting to explore a role, a little i, that may have a lot of things tied up inside it that you just need to unravel, but on the other hand, there's a one dimensional, closed aspect to it - like a negative feedback loop (and I mean that in the purely scientific sense, not a moralising one): there's no input of other energy, so to speak (like a different you asking this 'i' a few critical questions) and any system that doesn't receive energy is doomed to entropy.

in a way you've hit the nail on the head to a degree. And i do see that there is only one emotion, I that is communicating in what I had written. WHich i why i saw so much value in your's because you had a dialogue. I would definitely say it was a tool, i could even say a level of what i used to call art in this flow, emotional deluge. Kinda like a big dumping ground of an I. I think this also could give that I or emotional grip more power because as you said below, their is no wider expansion going on with the dialogue. Its very one dimensional.

This is what I'm taking from your journal entry the most. I can see the difference and the power that potentially mine takes, compared to the power that your journal entry gives.

Maybe not give and take. Approach it more from a place of expansion versus contraction.

At this moment for me, that's actually a really eye opening example of someone who is set in their path.

Today, but I've been here before and fallen. So I can't afford to let my guard down, which is why I'm trying to process things in my journal and network more on the forum :)

I can see what your saying, and i really appreciate the time you took replying. in return i apologise for the time its taken me to reply back. But i very much see and also see the power in framing or looking at it from a expansion, vs contraction. Instead of a giving and taking power because that language in itself is very telling i suppose of where i am. But again, appreciate your response!!

Kind regards,

Matt

 

[Chu]

I think both methods for journaling have their place. The trick is to use whatever helps us process and understand things, without going into self-pity or despair, but almost like problem solving. At least that's what helps me most when journaling, FWIW. Whether it's a set of questions and replies, or a train of thought that you pour into the paper till the end, anything can help you see a lot more than when, say, you just have emotions you can't put into words, or you have an internal dialogue that you don't write down and which doesn't go anywhere because your intellect and your emotions are both messed up.

It's also interesting how you described your 'simple' motivation. In my experience, in order to change things, we need a strong motivation, we need those shocks and these painful realizations to really start changing something. But, it is not always possible to have such 'higher motivations', so everything we come up with to motivate ourselves is good I think. As G. said - everything that assists us in reaching our (Work-)goals is good. Sometimes we even have to fool ourselves, or use very 'simple' motivations. And one day, we suddenly notice that something we always struggled with has become second nature - osit.

Yes, IMO small motivators can sometimes become important. For example, say you aim at being all you can be. Well, where do you start with that one? There's so much to do, and to change, plus you know yourself so little that you don't know how to visualize being all you can be! But when you think about it, it is through smaller goals and accomplishments that you build the necessary steps in the staircase to get to the bigger goal (which is in the back of your mind anyway). And in showing yourself that you can take those smaller steps, it proves at least one thing: that you don't give up easily, no matter how daunting the task at hand. That has sometimes given me courage to keep going. So, breaking it into realistic "chunks" may be a good thing, even when we're trying to understand dynamics, programs, tendencies, etc. or when we have big and "idealistic" goals. Don't say: "This is ALL bad and I'll never be able to fix it." List what is bad, and fix one thing at a time. Don't say "I want to be a super-human". List the attributes you want to develop, and work on them step by step. Even when you feel that it's too late, or that guilt will consume you and is paralyzing you, or "what's the point?", Do it, and see where it takes you. After all, you have nothing to lose. One thing at a time. Rome wasn't built in one day, as they say, so reprogramming ourselves cannot take only one day either. :)

 

[Yupo]

I added the Q)'s and A)'s just into the forum post for clarity, as there can be multiple me's asking and answering when I'm doing this and I just let them out onto the paper.

I took the Hoffman Quadrinity class about 16 years ago. https://www.hoffmaninstitute.org/
It was interesting to say the least. Anyway...
In there, we learned to ask and try to get answers regarding our needs and needed course of action from the 4 parts of ourselves; playful child, rational adult, physical body and spiritual core.
Seems like they all have needs/desires. It gives some balance and clarity to let all of them have a voice.

 

[Joe]

I took the Hoffman Quadrinity class about 16 years ago. https://www.hoffmaninstitute.org/
It was interesting to say the least. Anyway...

Hi Yupo, can you share a bit about what the Hoffman class involved/was like?

 

[Yupo]

Hoffman had this idea of a negative love syndrome. We learn many not so great things from our flawed, but usually well-intentioned parents, then we 1) emulate those very behaviors 2) rebel against those behaviors 3) find a partner that will do the same thing to us, etc.
http://www.institut-hoffman.com/articles/the%20negative%20love%20syndrome.pdf

We (group of about 20) took a lengthy inventory of all of this stuff as prep work, then spent the week learning how to disconnect from this stuff. It was incredibly painful, to see things as they really were. Many curtains got dropped. Such a shock. It was a good thing to find some balance in perspective and to reach a point of self- and family forgiveness. I think I got some access to information from way back in my family, that I could not have learned in any other setting. Weird. But it helped me understand my parents and grandparents, helped me forgive and love.

Most of us were in a bit of an altered state following it. It is advised to avoid music, talking, business, and most of all toxic people right after until fully recovered. I went to a monastery for a few days. I had some trouble driving, as it seemed my slate was wiped of a lot of stuff.

There are a great many people in this world that look incredibly happy and successful, but inside are in horrific misery. Addictions everywhere, to any and everything. Hoffman thought that he could bring about world peace, one person at a time, if everyone went through this process. There is an ongoing effort to bring the process to world leaders, I have been told.

I think this is a great thing to do, helped me a lot. But, only the beginning of the journey of work, you know? I recommend the process to anyone with multigenerational family 'issues'. Maybe we can stop passing it all down, help our children and grandchildren live happier lives this way. I encouraged my siblings and parents to go, but didn't happen.

 

[Joe]

Hoffman had this idea of a negative love syndrome. We learn many not so great things from our flawed, but usually well-intentioned parents, then we 1) emulate those very behaviors 2) rebel against those behaviors 3) find a partner that will do the same thing to us, etc.
http://www.institut-hoffman.com/articles/the%20negative%20love%20syndrome.pdf

We (group of about 20) took a lengthy inventory of all of this stuff as prep work, then spent the week learning how to disconnect from this stuff. It was incredibly painful, to see things as they really were. Many curtains got dropped. Such a shock. It was a good thing to find some balance in perspective and to reach a point of self- and family forgiveness. I think I got some access to information from way back in my family, that I could not have learned in any other setting. Weird. But it helped me understand my parents and grandparents, helped me forgive and love.

Most of us were in a bit of an altered state following it. It is advised to avoid music, talking, business, and most of all toxic people right after until fully recovered. I went to a monastery for a few days. I had some trouble driving, as it seemed my slate was wiped of a lot of stuff.

There are a great many people in this world that look incredibly happy and successful, but inside are in horrific misery. Addictions everywhere, to any and everything. Hoffman thought that he could bring about world peace, one person at a time, if everyone went through this process. There is an ongoing effort to bring the process to world leaders, I have been told.

I think this is a great thing to do, helped me a lot. But, only the beginning of the journey of work, you know? I recommend the process to anyone with multigenerational family 'issues'. Maybe we can stop passing it all down, help our children and grandchildren live happier lives this way. I encouraged my siblings and parents to go, but didn't happen.

Thanks, very interesting. Given that access to such course is limited for many, is there a book available that outlines the process in detail?

 

[Yupo]

There is at least one book out about the process, several articles from that period too (about 16 years ago). I looked at these, was surprised by the content. I guess everyone has a different experience.
For a budget experience, I would recommend reading Negative Love Syndrome, then meditate on how this might be affecting your life. Then you want to try to disconnect from each of the behaviors, one at a time. The fearless inventory is important.
I could not afford to take such a retreat today.