I have been reflecting a lot on 2020 and I resonate with some of you who have had positive experiences amongst the chaos. 2020 was definitely the most stressful year as a small biz owner. We were shut down and the pressure was immense. I think I had a nervous breakdown and one day whilst sitting at my computer working like a maniac to reinvent our services to save the business and keep my staff employed I had a total meltdown. My mind went blank, I couldn't for the life of me remember my password to access my computer and I started speaking jibberish. Next thing I know I have woken up on my bed - apparently my husband carried me there after I fell off the stool I was sitting on and blacked out. I could not comprehend that the company I had built for over a decade had been ripped away in the blink of an eye and I was free falling in complete darkness.
I realised as I sat with that grief that my business had been distracting me from some fundamental important aspects of life including The Work, connecting and networking on this forum, practicing EE regularly and participating actively right here. For me I don't think that would have happened without the disruption and for that I am so very grateful.
When I reflect on my business in general, I first opened it at about the same time as finding this forum and I remember thinking of how I could create a working life that served my community with STO principles in mind. Along the way as the business grew my predator mind took over and although the job itself is STO, my ego was running the show and my competitive program was stronger than my STO intentions. It is a difficult and sobering realisation because the system we live in applauds the ego, the narcissist and the predator and it took 2020 to strip that back so that I could see the trap I had fallen into.
Last year I felt grief and depression and sadness at a depth that I had never before known. I felt for my loved ones and for humanity. For the World that has been and for the World that we must endure. The grief has affected my physical health and I am grateful for EE, for this network and the diet information which has definitely pulled me through. On reflection 2020 for me has been like a clearing of the fog, a cleansing of people and activities that were harmful and although letting go was scary, it has also been freeing and has created more space for growth.
I feel better equipped to face what may come and am walking into 2021 with clarity. May we continue to walk this journey together and may the future be bright beyond the darkness.
I realised as I sat with that grief that my business had been distracting me from some fundamental important aspects of life including The Work, connecting and networking on this forum, practicing EE regularly and participating actively right here. For me I don't think that would have happened without the disruption and for that I am so very grateful.
When I reflect on my business in general, I first opened it at about the same time as finding this forum and I remember thinking of how I could create a working life that served my community with STO principles in mind. Along the way as the business grew my predator mind took over and although the job itself is STO, my ego was running the show and my competitive program was stronger than my STO intentions. It is a difficult and sobering realisation because the system we live in applauds the ego, the narcissist and the predator and it took 2020 to strip that back so that I could see the trap I had fallen into.
Last year I felt grief and depression and sadness at a depth that I had never before known. I felt for my loved ones and for humanity. For the World that has been and for the World that we must endure. The grief has affected my physical health and I am grateful for EE, for this network and the diet information which has definitely pulled me through. On reflection 2020 for me has been like a clearing of the fog, a cleansing of people and activities that were harmful and although letting go was scary, it has also been freeing and has created more space for growth.
I feel better equipped to face what may come and am walking into 2021 with clarity. May we continue to walk this journey together and may the future be bright beyond the darkness.
