Regrets of the Dying.

[Johnno]

Found this via the Crikey website this morning. Whilst I don't agree 100% with the writer's commentary on each point, I do find the five points interesting.

The fifth I'm not so sure about (particularly the way it is presented here)....seems a bit love and light. I'm more of the opinion that being dis-satisfied (with oneself, the world etc) seems to be a part of the Work. Although I do know some that have been rather "happy" hanging on to their misery.

Perhaps the 'happy medium" is best?

_http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

REGRETS OF THE DYING

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:


1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.



2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.



3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.



4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.



5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

 

[Al Today]

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

I don't quite agree with the words, but I can understand regret in that one could be so wrapped up in mechanical life, where instead they could've just lived life with childlike happiness. Regret of not allowing oneself to enjoy the blessings of each day. To enjoy nature, smells, tastes, sounds, and social friendships. Many are so wrapped up in the day to day mechanics of this environment that the simple joys of life have simply passed them by. And near death of the body, it would may be painful to realize that joy could have been chosen instead of selfish interests. Perhaps feeling a sadness of missed opportunity to look outside the box, to stop and smell the flowers...
This made me think for I am often guilty of these things.

 

[Ca.]

Found this via the Crikey website this morning. Whilst I don't agree 100% with the writer's commentary on each point, I do find the five points interesting.

The fifth I'm not so sure about (particularly the way it is presented here)....seems a bit love and light. I'm more of the opinion that being dis-satisfied (with oneself, the world etc) seems to be a part of the Work. Although I do know some that have been rather "happy" hanging on to their misery.

Perhaps the 'happy medium" is best?

_http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

REGRETS OF THE DYING

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:



1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Thanks Johnno for the wise words of wisdom, as a way of living life to its fullest. As a life so planned before we got here in an adventure called "lessons" of life. With no regrests, of alllowing the past from hardening ones soul, to those around us.

Moby - Dream About Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbGUrNtoRC4&feature=related

 

[truth seeker]

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

I don't quite agree with the words, but I can understand regret in that one could be so wrapped up in mechanical life, where instead they could've just lived life with childlike happiness. Regret of not allowing oneself to enjoy the blessings of each day. To enjoy nature, smells, tastes, sounds, and social friendships. Many are so wrapped up in the day to day mechanics of this environment that the simple joys of life have simply passed them by. And near death of the body, it would may be painful to realize that joy could have been chosen instead of selfish interests. Perhaps feeling a sadness of missed opportunity to look outside the box, to stop and smell the flowers...
This made me think for I am often guilty of these things.

I agree. Someone asked me recently if I had to live my life over again, would I do anything differently. I said I would've worried less. Perhaps this is where the author is going with their statement concerning happiness. As Al said, to not get so caught up in the everyday practical existence of living. Also just to be freer and not let fear encompass our thoughts of trying new things.

 

[nwigal]

Found this via the Crikey website this morning. Whilst I don't agree 100% with the writer's commentary on each point, I do find the five points interesting.

The fifth I'm not so sure about (particularly the way it is presented here)....seems a bit love and light. I'm more of the opinion that being dis-satisfied (with oneself, the world etc) seems to be a part of the Work. Although I do know some that have been rather "happy" hanging on to their misery.

Perhaps the 'happy medium" is best?

_http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html



REGRETS OF THE DYING

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:


1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

I think if you live a life true to the self that includes the expectations of certain others, not all, that life may be more dangerous, and more rewarding, depending on the choices made of what information is available.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

This is modern thinking by those who have not lived by sweat and pain. Try digging and lifting for several years, and report back, if you can. You can simplify the lifestyle and make conscious choices along the way, the ground will still have its pound of flesh, regardless of your intentions.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

Speaking truth to power can get you stalked or killed when dealing with the ponerized or broken people on this earth. Throwing things up in the air, ignorant of the dynamics involved, doesn't seem like winning, more like gambling.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

Maybe there is a forgotten sense of sharing that is sensitive to the psychological time line, in the sense that "it's now or never", coupled with the sense of what is right, what is wrong, and the situations that determine which is which; with many windows of opportunity closing quickly.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Many tend to equate happiness with an easing of struggle, instead of an increase. Getting comfortable, rather than jumping in deeper into battle. The researched stages of death, like most information, excludes the fools and warriors who have tasted another Way. Unless you've held the dying in your arms, and flatlined yourself, maybe more than once, it's all academic.