Relationship Problems: Advice?

[Nienna]

I really appreciate your cutting straight with me Nienna, the only way is to be honest, and have "In Search of the Miraculous" ready to go.
I see my self important issues, and its hard to say but also narcissistic self obsessed/absorbed traits. I notice I get distracted or hypnotized by my reflection, have practiced maintaining awareness while looking in the mirror. Though Its hard to define the line because it seems logical that if your main focus is to work and change yourself then you're going to need to be substantially self orientated. yes?

I guess it all depends on what you mean by "self orientated". Which I am taking for self-oriented since the online dictionary doesn't really deal with orientate(d).

From the Merriam-Webster's dictionary: Self-oriented - overly concerned with one's own desires, needs, or interests

So I'd say No to your question. You seem to be trying to defend your programs by saying that you need them to do the Work. To do the Work on oneself is to observe oneself to see the programs running. Not be self-absorbed. A lot of times, finding the programs cannot be done without being told about them by others. Once we see our programs, we can start working on them, trying to get them under control.

Doing the Work does not mean demeaning others who are not doing the Work.

One who is doing the Work is expected to be 10 times more considerate of others than people who are not doing the Work, according to Gurdjieff. And, I see no problem defining "the line" for those who are doing the Work.

Since you say that you see your self-important issues, narcissistic self-obsessed/absorbed traits and that you are hypnotized by your reflection, you, then, just toss it all away by saying that it is logical to have these traits in order to do the Work. Who are you trying to fool, everyone else, or yourself?

 

[Psalehesost]

I really appreciate your cutting straight with me Nienna, the only way is to be honest, and have "In Search of the Miraculous" ready to go.
I see my self important issues, and its hard to say but also narcissistic self obsessed/absorbed traits. I notice I get distracted or hypnotized by my reflection, have practiced maintaining awareness while looking in the mirror. Though Its hard to define the line because it seems logical that if your main focus is to work and change yourself then you're going to need to be substantially self orientated. yes?

I guess it all depends on what you mean by "self orientated".

Of relevance to this, Gurdjieff differentiated between two kinds of self-love (in a talk in Views from the Real World). One kind is self-importance. The other is the good kind of self-love: the kind that keeps us from reacting uselessly, wasting energy, and acting against our better interests. In caring about ourselves genuinely, we do what actually helps us - instead of hinders us.

That kind of "self-orientation" seems an essential thing to cultivate - but it also seems the very opposite of what malachi is speaking of.