Romantic Fiction, Reality Shaping and The Work

[Matai]

One issue I have had with the dark and modern romances in particular, and also some of the other romance novels, is the speed with which the protagonists make love. As we know from Laura's research, making love too early is one of the worst things a woman (or man) can do, given the personality disorders and emotional and spiritual hang ups so many carry.

In the good novels, the characters fortunately are not personality disordered and work through their emotional trauma together. In reality, the chances of this happening when you barely know someone are much slimmer and the risks of physical/emotional damage are far greater. Most female characters remain relatively pure as virgins in the romantic history books so they come less 'damaged' from sexual entanglements but the men are all depicted as rakes.

Little thought seems to be given to the emotional and spiritual damage this can be inflicting on these male characters. In some of the modern and dark romances the women also have exposure to previous partners and this is a lack of protection of women that is reflected in modern society.

Perhaps the rakes represent the rampant sex motivated fake 'love' present many in men and the overall male dominated competitive hierarchy of men which is driven by the sex drive as depicted by Gurdjieff and others like Barry Long.

Recently I have been reading the Barry long journal number two in which I think he accurately captures the reality for women dealing with the average man and how they can best compose themselves in a way which is not often represented in the modern and dark romance novels:

The greatest joke Have you heard the greatest joke of all time? A man comes up to a woman and says, ‘Lets make love. Are you available for love? You should be available. Barry Long says so. So be my lover! Let’s make love’. Well, Barry Long does not say that. That’s a misquote by man. Woman, never ever put up with that again. In future, this is what you do, if it is the truth for you. You say this: – ‘Are you joking? Make love? You must be talking about a different love to the love I know. ‘You’ve got to love me, man. You’ve got to walk along beside me and show me that you love being with me. You’ve got to do that day after day. You’ve got to take me to the pictures, and sit there and hold my hand – if I allow you to. You’ve got to stay with me overnight and not even think of making love to me. ‘Am I available? Be my lover? You can forget it. You’re not capable of making love to me if you talk like that. No man who says that can ever really make love.’ A man who does that will not make love. He will make trouble and you will weep. He will never get rid of your unhappiness for you. He will never be responsible enough in love to clear all your past lovers out of you, and your Dad and all your own wicked, wicked ways. How many times have you fallen for it, woman? I’m asking you: Is that the sort of love you want? It’s the greatest joke of all times, isn’t it? And he’s always got away with it. And he’s getting away with it in the name of Barry Long, unfortunately. But that is what comes of not hearing what I say. Man must face you. He must never get your body until he shows he has the capacity to love you. It seems to be the popular idea that you just go and make love and dip in anywhere to ‘remove the blockage’ or something. Great idea. But you know whose idea it is, don’t you? – man’s idea! Silly master’s idea. Silly therapist’s idea. Is that what you want, woman? Do you think that will ever take the blockage out of you? My God, it won’t. Only love takes the blockages out of you. The only thing that man wants from you woman (and I wish you would get rid of any other idea) is what’s between your legs. I have to be very crude, but that is what he wants. If you want to prove that he doesn’t, (because he mightn’t want that, might he?) you say ‘Well then, love me, be with me, walk beside me, just take me out’. Then you’ll know if he loves you for all those other reasons – your great intellect, your conversation etc. Or you will find out that your presence fits his; you just flow into him as you walk along and he enjoys walking with you, enjoys sitting beside you, wants to get on the phone to just talk to you, not about problems, but just to say how good it is to be with you. If you hop into bed with him, you’re finished. Love has got to be on your terms, woman. When you meet him, certainly you’ve got to be available for love. But what love? He’s going to bluster at you. He’s going to accuse you of being frightened, fearful, emotional, ridiculous, a denial of woman. You’ve got to be able to handle him. You’ve got to say, ‘Fair enough. See you later. Before you have me, you will love me – and not the way you think’. Takes a lot of guts. You’re going to lose a lot of men. You could be getting older and feel you haven’t many chances and then up he comes and you think ‘He looks alright. It seems alright. If I don’t sleep with him, am I going to lose him?’ Well, lose him. You are going to have to die for love sooner or later. Haven’t you been dying for love long enough?