Wow, i came back and there's two pages of posts here! thank you all for the kind words and for your input... Bird (her name) is resting quietly in the corner, seemingly glad to be back home and out of the cold. She's been wandering around for 11 days! We've played and cuddled a bit, and I got her some tasty treats... It's really something else to have her back here after being prepared for the possibility that she'd be gone for good.
Leoursa said:
PS - I would be interested to hear what you find the meaning to be behind this event? In other words, what did you take from it/learn?
Well, I learned quite a few things from this ordeal. One thing is that which a few people have pointed out here - that society tells us to think of our 2D friends as things, and to think they don't deserve the same love as the rest of us do from each other. After dealing with the emotions of her potential loss and/or death, I learned that that is a lie that society had effectively embedded deep in my thinking process. I learned that I love her and I don't need to diminish that by saying she's "just a dog" or "just" anything. When I sat down and thought hard about this a few days ago, the tears flowed again and I realized I'd been holding them back - for some subconscious acquiescence to society's opinions about animals and their worth.
Another thing is definitely chagrin/regret/embarrassment over not having kept a better eye on her. Leoursa, anart, thanks for pointing that out. I've kicked myself hard a number of times over the last couple weeks for that. I've made her an ID and it's attached firmly to her harness.
I have let her out for quite a while, well, for most of her life, without a collar - and she has always come back. Obviously that was not going to last forever and this is a good lesson that I have my responsibilities as her caretaker to make sure she's properly identified and paid attention to when she's outside. We used to live on a farm, but now I live in town (a rural town but a town nonetheless), and she can't roam around now like she used to on the farm.
I've also learned some lessons about emotional containment and release. I hold a lot of my emotions under the surface, and instead of dealing with them, I intellectualize them and waste the energy when it should just stay where it is, in the emotional center. I don't know how to put that in better words, but for now I'm keeping a wary eye on how my emotions arise and what I do/don't do with them.
Thanks again for everyone's support, it certainly is a joy to have Bird back safe in the home. I'm gonna go take her for a walk (with a leash and ID!)