Sensitivity, shivering, and shaking

[Menna]

Over the past 4-6 months I have become very sensitive to STS energies, narsasistic, controlling and codependent actions and words from others. Over the past half year I have used strategic enclosure, gained more knowledge and practice EE but as of late I have been shivering and shaking when I am removed from these people and think about the STS interactions. People at work, family, friends and gf (as well as myself) all have these traits and I feel stressed, uncomfortable, and Squeamish on a daily basis. I feel that the more knowledge I gain the more sensitive I am to these STS actions I guess because I am more aware. I guess the best thing to do is practice SE and continue with EE but these negative traits still impact me and I feel them waring me down.

Being that I'm still in my 20's how am I suppose to make it through this long life very hard to navigate any other recommendations besides EE and Stra. Enc.

Sometimes I wish I was blind to this stuff it would be less stressful and I would have more hair ;)

 

[mkrnhr]

Hello Menna,
Being able to sense unhealthy interactions may be unpleasant sometimes but is a good thing. It permits to take action and modify the interaction with people (depending on each case) in order to make it less harmful. It is analogous to the situations when the body signals the presence of danger. we take action accordingly to avoid that danger. OSIT

 

[webglider]

quote from Menna:

Over the past 4-6 months I have become very sensitive to STS energies, narsasistic, controlling and codependent actions and words from others. Over the past half year I have used strategic enclosure, gained more knowledge and practice EE but as of late I have been shivering and shaking when I am removed from these people and think about the STS interactions. People at work, family, friends and gf (as well as myself) all have these traits and I feel stressed, uncomfortable, and Squeamish on a daily basis. I feel that the more knowledge I gain the more sensitive I am to these STS actions I guess because I am more aware. I guess the best thing to do is practice SE and continue with EE but these negative traits still impact me and I feel them waring me down.

Being that I'm still in my 20's how am I suppose to make it through this long life very hard to navigate any other recommendations besides EE and Stra. Enc.

Sometimes I wish I was blind to this stuff it would be less stressful and I would have more hair ;)

It seems that you're really experiencing the horror of the situation in a very visceral way. Perhaps your buffers no longer work and the shock of what's out there seems too much to bear. I don't think though, that you would be experiencing what you are feeling now if you weren't ready or your system couldn't handle it.

If it's any comfort, I'm experiencing something very similar. Everyday there is a new pathological shock that I find myself reacting to. The shocks just keep coming one right after the other - especially the shocks that illuminate my understanding of the pathology in myself.

I'm working on that part as it's the only aspect over which I may have influence.

I'll always be grateful to you Menna: your advice really helped my relationship with my daughter. So you contributed a little bit to eradicating a tiny bit of the pathology in the world when you responded to me. Thank you.

 

[Cyre2067]

Hey Menna, if it's causing you that much anxiety I'd suggest chronicling your daily adventures in a journal. I found writing by hand helps get my thoughts and emotions out on paper in a way I can process and reflect on them that's constructive toward learning.

Good luck.

 

[Menna]

Thank you for your post webglider the last part made me tear up. The thing is I don't want to be repelled from others especially my gf or family members in order to interact and take care of myself I don't want to have to separate myself do EE and rest for an hour. I want to be here and interact with others without feeling uncomfortable by their words and actions. But obviously why should the universe conform to what I want.

Journaling about the individual interactions is a great idea

 

[Buddy]

Menna, I agree with others. I think this shivering and shaking may be an example of how certain unpleasant experiential insights naturally follow the related conceptual insights.

[quote author=Menna]
I want to be here and interact with others without feeling uncomfortable by their words and actions.[/quote]

With respect to interactions with them, why not breath deeply and give yourself time to relax? Think of others as having forgotten that they are just playing a role on a stage with you, but that you still remember. You can "look after them", in a way, by not voluntarily saying or doing anything to make them feel that their performance is not up to par. It's like having realized how the importance of strategic enclosure just went up a notch, but that you'll still be there for them when they ask.

 

[Menna]

Yes when I think about the interaction or words that are spoken and then think of the work and information here I get an unsettling emotion that runs through me it's not only noticing the horror of the situation but the objectivity (truth) of it also.

 

[Paragon]

Hi Menna,

I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this, as I have also been going through the same thing over a similar timescale to yourself OSIT. I have become sensitive to others energies and dare I say it, their thoughts and feelings, or so I sometimes believe. Who knows if becoming more aware and conscious allows us to become psychic to a certain degree?

It does drive me mad sometimes as I work with the public and I pick up on every single persons 'vibe'. It does get draining. I was writing this down in a journal back in the summer and I found it helped a great deal, just to have an outlet for my feelings and thoughts. Helped to 'cleanse' my mind of all the energetic clutter of the day.

FWIW :)

 

[loreta]

Today I was almost sick, in fact I was sick, after talking to a friend that is just a human being that thinks only in making money. He is absolutely unaware of this planet, of anything, he just is obsessed by himself. I chatted with him during 5 minutes (he lives in Madrid) and I was thinking that for him, a person like me is an aberration. People who are so egoistical, so individualist, see us as persons out of touch of reality. We really live in two different worlds, talk a different language, have surely a different brain. Today I really saw the abyss between people like this friend an people like us. And after talking with him I started to feel very bad, with nausea and wanted to vomit. It is not the first time I feel bad when with this friend that I don't want to see or talk to him anymore.

Strange things are happening between people in these strange and drastic times. Strange feelings also, strange sensations and a lot of insights that some times give us vertigo.

 

[Menna]

"Strange things are happening between people in these strange and drastic times. Strange feelings also, strange sensations and a lot of insights that some times give us vertigo"

Yes at work the other day. I was told that I have to work a half hour for free I was strong armed after the principle said he would call and get the hour/pay dispute figured out. If I will get over time or not have to work the extra half hour. I work in a union free school district. During our first meeting the principle was very friendly he said that I don't have to explain myself that he was going to get it taken care of I felt that he was on my side and that he was a fair man he told me he was going to call and for me to come back. Then when I went back to find out what was going to happen I felt a click in my brain almost like a re calibrating when I looked at him and he said "You have to work 6 and a half hours (even though I only get paid for 6) are we on the same page." I said "ok" then walked out. I felt that switch from the friendly I will figure this out for you person to the authoritative you have to do it this way person.

Also my gf was lying on top of me i was holding her (clothes on) but I still consider this to be very close and intimate. She began to talk about her frist boyfriend and how she would "hook up" with him after they broke up. I was able to control my outward reactions as in not get upset or make a face or move I staid still and just listened but I couldn't control my inside reaction. She then said are you angry I feel your heart is beating really fast. I said no not angry but in a healthy relationship there should be healthy boundries when we are being intimate it makes me uncomfortable when you talk about other people you were intimate with." Helllooo

Other situations have happened as of late but this is just what has happened this week

 

[Paragon]

"Strange things are happening between people in these strange and drastic times. Strange feelings also, strange sensations and a lot of insights that some times give us vertigo"

Yes at work the other day. I was told that I have to work a half hour for free I was strong armed after the principle said he would call and get the hour/pay dispute figured out. If I will get over time or not have to work the extra half hour. I work in a union free school district. During our first meeting the principle was very friendly he said that I don't have to explain myself that he was going to get it taken care of I felt that he was on my side and that he was a fair man he told me he was going to call and for me to come back. Then when I went back to find out what was going to happen I felt a click in my brain almost like a re calibrating when I looked at him and he said "You have to work 6 and a half hours (even though I only get paid for 6) are we on the same page." I said "ok" then walked out. I felt that switch from the friendly I will figure this out for you person to the authoritative you have to do it this way person.

Also my gf was lying on top of me i was holding her (clothes on) but I still consider this to be very close and intimate. She began to talk about her frist boyfriend and how she would "hook up" with him after they broke up. I was able to control my outward reactions as in not get upset or make a face or move I staid still and just listened but I couldn't control my inside reaction. She then said are you angry I feel your heart is beating really fast. I said no not angry but in a healthy relationship there should be healthy boundries when we are being intimate it makes me uncomfortable when you talk about other people you were intimate with." Helllooo

Other situations have happened as of late but this is just what has happened this week

I would be raging if I had been told to work half an hour for free, in that kind of manner that you describe. I'm wondering, did you work that extra half hour? I sometimes have to work 10 or 20 minutes over when my shift ends to clean up because I can't get the time to do it on my shift due to constantly serving people. I usually don't bother adding it onto the sheet for some reason ( a pleaser/hard worker type programme I guess), but there has never been a problem if I asked about it, they say to stick it on since I worked it! Every workplace has it's own little vibe and rules for what's what. Perhaps others will chime in, but that doesn't sound like a 'fair' situation to me Menna, especially after he said he would sort it out and then didn't, switched his 'mode' towards you and expected you to work for free. OSIT

As for the situation with your Girlfriend, it sounds as if you were beating yourself up for having an internal reaction to an event that most males would probably feel the same. Were you angry? I know that would trigger programmes and reactions in me, probably an insecurity issue and also betrayal of a kind, especially if it was as an intimate situation as yours.

I think you done well to not react externally, plus it's totally okay to feel like you did inside and it seems you tried to find a way to communicate your emotions to her. Why did she mention that though? Unfortunately, I have done this myself in the past and I know exactly why I done it. To make me feel superior in some way and to control and dominate the other person, basically an STS hook onto the other person. I'm not saying this IS what is happening, rather just from my own experience, that is why it happened with me.

 

[Menna]

1) About the working for free issue. To sum up the whole situation in a few sentences this is what it is. I am certified in Physical Education and Health Education I have the aim of becoming a physical education or health teachers or both. This is my aim. In order to be a good candidate to be hired for a education position it helps greatly if you are working in education. I am currently a special education aide where I restrain kids supervise them in the bathroom and other unusual teaching responsibilities but in NY state the education jobs are far and few between. The administration knows this and it's a union free school district and even though it's wrong and the contract says I get paid for 6hrs they say I have to work till 3 which is an extra 30min unpaid (8-3pm with 30min lunch break) If I make a stink or complain I won't get a recommendation and could get let go. I need to stay in education to have a better chance of fulfilling my aim. So I have to suck it up and work 2.5hrs a week for free.

2) The second situation I understand why she said what she said we were talking about one Of her friends relationships and she related it to one of hers. She says she feels safe and comfortable when lying with me so I guess she feels like she can talk about anything at any moment (which I think isn't I negative thing I just can't help it if my heart starts racing or maybe I can but I don't know how to). I told her you can talk to me about your previouse relationships and other guys you have been with but there is a time and place for it when we are intimate and you talk about others you were intimate with it makes me uncomfortable she said she can respect that. Situation solved all good. I find it interesting that even though I didn't react in my outer appearance I couldn't control my heart or biological response. I wonder if anyone can? Wether my heart started beating because of an insecurity or program or not that is a response that I think is just part of who I am. In any relationship that I enter into 10 out of 10 times I will feel uncomfortable if I am being close with a women and in that exact moment they are talking about other men they were close with because if they are talking about it then they are thinking about it and then I am thinking about it and it ruins the special momentm for me. That's who I am if through working on my self it changes in a few years great and if not I am ok with the reaction I have now.

Thank you for the dialog I started journaling two nights ago it helps along with explaining myself on this forum

You could also say that it is disrespectful to talk about my relationship with strangers and that I am being a hypocrite but I have told her about the forum and how I received advice about my last relationship that has helped me and she said that this is a great asset to have. She is aware that I sometimes talk about things that happen with us that I dont fully understand on here.

 

[Paragon]

1) About the working for free issue. To sum up the whole situation in a few sentences this is what it is. I am certified in Physical Education and Health Education I have the aim of becoming a physical education or health teachers or both. This is my aim. In order to be a good candidate to be hired for a education position it helps greatly if you are working in education. I am currently a special education aide where I restrain kids supervise them in the bathroom and other unusual teaching responsibilities but in NY state the education jobs are far and few between. The administration knows this and it's a union free school district and even though it's wrong and the contract says I get paid for 6hrs they say I have to work till 3 which is an extra 30min unpaid (8-3pm with 30min lunch break) If I make a stink or complain I won't get a recommendation and could get let go. I need to stay in education to have a better chance of fulfilling my aim. So I have to suck it up and work 2.5hrs a week for free.

2) The second situation I understand why she said what she said we were talking about one Of her friends relationships and she related it to one of hers. She says she feels safe and comfortable when lying with me so I guess she feels like she can talk about anything at any moment (which I think isn't I negative thing I just can't help it if my heart starts racing or maybe I can but I don't know how to). I told her you can talk to me about your previouse relationships and other guys you have been with but there is a time and place for it when we are intimate and you talk about others you were intimate with it makes me uncomfortable she said she can respect that. Situation solved all good. I find it interesting that even though I didn't react in my outer appearance I couldn't control my heart or biological response. I wonder if anyone can? Wether my heart started beating because of an insecurity or program or not that is a response that I think is just part of who I am. In any relationship that I enter into 10 out of 10 times I will feel uncomfortable if I am being close with a women and in that exact moment they are talking about other men they were close with because if they are talking about it then they are thinking about it and then I am thinking about it and it ruins the special momentm for me. That's who I am if through working on my self it changes in a few years great and if not I am ok with the reaction I have now.

Thank you for the dialog I started journaling two nights ago it helps along with explaining myself on this forum

You could also say that it is disrespectful to talk about my relationship with strangers and that I am being a hypocrite but I have told her about the forum and how I received advice about my last relationship that has helped me and she said that this is a great asset to have. She is aware that I sometimes talk about things that happen with us that I dont fully understand on here.

I see, seems to be that it's a 'necessary evil' for you to get the goal in the end. Yeah, sometimes in life we gotta suck up those kinds of situations, even though we know its wrong. Such is the way the world is. Could even think of it in work terms as 'paying in advance' and no anticipation for the outcome. You may learn more about who you are through these kinds of things, OSIT.

I think that, eventually, one may be able to change enough inside that certain things don't evoke an internal reaction, through the work and such. I have noticed that I have changed internally in ways that before, would provide an internal reaction so yes, it's possible. But you are right, it's who you are right now and it's a completely normal reaction to have anyway, I think most people would feel the same way if they cared about another being.

I'm glad the Journaling helps, I sometimes find it a laboring process, but I always feel better in the end, just jotting it down and having something external in which to view your thoughts, rather than have them clogging up your mind. For me anyway.

That's good Menna, sounds like you have an understanding woman in your life, who respects your choice to network about things, for the benefit of you both :)

 

[Paragon]

Today I was almost sick, in fact I was sick, after talking to a friend that is just a human being that thinks only in making money. He is absolutely unaware of this planet, of anything, he just is obsessed by himself. I chatted with him during 5 minutes (he lives in Madrid) and I was thinking that for him, a person like me is an aberration. People who are so egoistical, so individualist, see us as persons out of touch of reality. We really live in two different worlds, talk a different language, have surely a different brain. Today I really saw the abyss between people like this friend an people like us. And after talking with him I started to feel very bad, with nausea and wanted to vomit. It is not the first time I feel bad when with this friend that I don't want to see or talk to him anymore.

Strange things are happening between people in these strange and drastic times. Strange feelings also, strange sensations and a lot of insights that some times give us vertigo.

Hey loreta,

Perhaps the divide between whats really inside people, is growing and we are all noticing it much more consciously, due to events happening in the world and many other factors. And I agree, we DO appear to live in different realities and people who are like that, really are different. They are a 'dream' in the past. I personally still find it very hard to believe that everyone looks the same but can be very different underneath. Seeing the 'unseen' perhaps?

Just remember that all of us here are on the same journey, and have similar feelings towards things like that, like your experience. So anytime that happens again, remember that you are not alone in these thoughts.

Hope that helps a little :)