Sexual energy and relationships

[Amor]

I didn't know where to post this so I am posting it here.

I wanted to ask some of you who are in a romantic relationship with women. I wondered how do you deal with sexual energy. My issue is that I have ended several relationships in my life just of the moment of darkness every time I have sex with a girlfriend. As if my lifeforce being sucked out on many levels. After an ejaculation comes an experience of "small death". I know by now the importance of nutrition and the sense of separation becomes strong to the point of apathy towards life it self and I always need a month or so to get together. I feel like that sex is pointless because of it. I have read some of the Mantak Chia material but didn't try the techniques and I am wondering if some of you have done them and if you could say they are effective. Maybe you know some other ways how to avoid that loss of energy? Maybe I am centering my relationships around such values unconsciously which leads me to such experiences? I will be very grateful for your insights

 

[AndrewMn]

Hello, @Amor
There was an interesting answer in sessions on your topic (January 7, 1995).

Q: (L) Let's go back to a question I asked in another session on this same subject: what happens to our energy at the point of orgasm? Where does that energy go?

A: Drains to 4th level STS.

Q: (T) Is this a manifestation of the Lizards feeding off of us?

A: STSers there retrieve it.

Q: (T) So, orgasm is a 3rd density manifestation of the 4th density consumption of 3rd density energy?

A: One of their methods.

I will assume that you may be more energetically attractive to the Lizzie.

I'm also not sure yet, but maybe it's still a matter of sincerity of feelings. I could not find the exact information whether this is so, but it seems to me that if we are talking about love between two sincere people, then the sexual energy remains with you more.

 

[AndrewMn]

And our more advice on literature on this topic

Sex and sexuality on the spiritual and physical planes is given an excellent treatment by Ibn al-'Arabi in William Chittick's book "The Sufi Path of Knowledge." This is one of my favorite books because, even though there is an Islamic gloss, the material is so similar to the concepts presented by the C's - and many things explicated by Gurdjieff. Very HIGHLY recommended.

 

[Amor]

Hello, @Amor
There was an interesting answer in sessions on your topic (January 7, 1995).


I will assume that you may be more energetically attractive to the Lizzie.

I'm also not sure yet, but maybe it's still a matter of sincerity of feelings. I could not find the exact information whether this is so, but it seems to me that if we are talking about love between two sincere people, then the sexual energy remains with you more.

Thank you for your input! Interesting because it feels like that.

 

[Alejo]

I didn't know where to post this so I am posting it here.

I wanted to ask some of you who are in a romantic relationship with women. I wondered how do you deal with sexual energy. My issue is that I have ended several relationships in my life just of the moment of darkness every time I have sex with a girlfriend. As if my lifeforce being sucked out on many levels. After an ejaculation comes an experience of "small death". I know by now the importance of nutrition and the sense of separation becomes strong to the point of apathy towards life it self and I always need a month or so to get together. I feel like that sex is pointless because of it. I have read some of the Mantak Chia material but didn't try the techniques and I am wondering if some of you have done them and if you could say they are effective. Maybe you know some other ways how to avoid that loss of energy? Maybe I am centering my relationships around such values unconsciously which leads me to such experiences? I will be very grateful for your insights

Hi Amor,

I think before delving into abstract concepts of where your energy might be draining towards, I would look at your inner world.

From a merely physical point of view, sexual activity implies a physical strain that can be draining, also the release of certain hormones during and after the experience is meant to make us feel a certain way, which I think you may be experiencing as a drain or exhaustion, I think that some energy exchange does occur between individuals when the deed is done, however from what you're writing, the source of what you feel afterwards may lie elsewhere and not in the act itself external to you.

Sexual experience means many different things to many different people, it's an expression of a lot of what we hold inside and our history and culture are all tied in to how we perceive the act. It's natural to have feelings of shame and regret, of curiosity and anxiety, confusion and so on and so forth, and it's all very personal, no other individual on this earth has lived your life and thus only you have your very unique set of experiences that inform what sex means to you.

So, I would perhaps look within, and ask yourself what this act means to you? how do you go about it? what do you intend on expressing to your partner and to yourself? I don't want to pressure you to answer anything you're not comfortable doing so in public, these are questions that are really meant for you to explore on your own and hopefully find the answers.

How are the relationships? what kind of dynamics rule them?

Perhaps the drain you feel afterwards comes from the way you see the act emotionally and what it means to you.

Just my two cents

 

[BHelmet]

Context is everything. I'd say it revolves around a few key areas: 1. the type of relationship you have with your partner. What is being expressed through sex? Is it just personal pleasure or automatic mindless drive? Sex can be an area where it is hardest to fool yourself about your own STS nature. It is right there in your face. Are you being authentic? Allowing your partner to be deluded as to your intentions? Is the communication on the table? etc - So examine your relationship with that other person.

2. And it has to do with your relationship with yourself as Alejo said: your relationship to your own existence. Your relationship with your bodily machine.

3. Lastly, your relationship with the infinite...God...the universe...call it what you will.

There ARE higher places to go with it. Read St. Paul about husbands and wives. It really describes an STO (as much as possible in this STS world) approach to relating. BUT that occurs inside a commitment and compact that is super challenging as Jordan Peterson alludes to many times. IF sex happens in a relationship where you are literally giving yourself to that other person, (until death do you part!) it takes on a different flavor. Sex can become an act of mercy, or forgiveness, or celebration, or affirmation, a kind of prayer, a release of anger, surrender, the soothing of sorrow...Many different flavors!!

But if you are just "screwing around" for ... practice? pleasure? because you are an unconscious robot? You feel it is expected? Well your results may (will) differ.

Anyway - you have to ask yourself those questions... Why. why this and why that... what is really going on beneath the surface and why is that?

IF you think about it - there is no intrinsic reason to feel bad about a sexual experience. (Unless: it was forced/unwanted/selfish taking/manipulation/caused expectations and misunderstandings based on false assumptions etc etc.) But in and of itself sex is just sex and has no meaning. Only the meaning we give to it.

IF you feel bad about it - there IS a reason...and it is your reason...and you owe it to yourself to figure it out.

Interesting that your name is Amor !!

 

[AndrewMn]

@Amor Found on the forum a whole selection - see. Perhaps it will also help you figure out.

Sex

I think that many of forum members would like to know how to engage in sexual life in a way which would minimize, or even completely eliminate any energy transfer to STS 4 dimentional beings. Available C's transcripts and SOTT glossary shed some light, but only in most basic way. It seems that...

cassiopaea.org

 

[riccadus]

There may be a more menial explanation. One of the symptoms of Kidney Yin Deficiency (from Kidney Yin Deficiency - Acupuncture Points) is:

• Prolonged exhaustion, tiredness and other symptoms in this list, after ejaculation. (Q: How long is ‘prolonged’? A: The next day or later, for instance.)

Kidney Yin Deficiency also seems to be correlated with Hyperthyroiditis and Graves Disease. It may be helpful to see if you share any other symptoms with either Kidney Yin Deficiency or Hyperthyroiditis.

 

[Amor]

Thank you everyone. I see value in your feedback. I agree sex is a tool and I need to think what I want to use it for. I have read about qi qong before but didn't go into it any deeper so it seems great opportunity to do it.

 

[Amor]

Context is everything. I'd say it revolves around a few key areas: 1. the type of relationship you have with your partner. What is being expressed through sex? Is it just personal pleasure or automatic mindless drive? Sex can be an area where it is hardest to fool yourself about your own STS nature. It is right there in your face. Are you being authentic? Allowing your partner to be deluded as to your intentions? Is the communication on the table? etc - So examine your relationship with that other person.

2. And it has to do with your relationship with yourself as Alejo said: your relationship to your own existence. Your relationship with your bodily machine.

3. Lastly, your relationship with the infinite...God...the universe...call it what you will.

There ARE higher places to go with it. Read St. Paul about husbands and wives. It really describes an STO (as much as possible in this STS world) approach to relating. BUT that occurs inside a commitment and compact that is super challenging as Jordan Peterson alludes to many times. IF sex happens in a relationship where you are literally giving yourself to that other person, (until death do you part!) it takes on a different flavor. Sex can become an act of mercy, or forgiveness, or celebration, or affirmation, a kind of prayer, a release of anger, surrender, the soothing of sorrow...Many different flavors!!

But if you are just "screwing around" for ... practice? pleasure? because you are an unconscious robot? You feel it is expected? Well your results may (will) differ.

Anyway - you have to ask yourself those questions... Why. why this and why that... what is really going on beneath the surface and why is that?

IF you think about it - there is no intrinsic reason to feel bad about a sexual experience. (Unless: it was forced/unwanted/selfish taking/manipulation/caused expectations and misunderstandings based on false assumptions etc etc.) But in and of itself sex is just sex and has no meaning. Only the meaning we give to it.

IF you feel bad about it - there IS a reason...and it is your reason...and you owe it to yourself to figure it out.

Interesting that your name is Amor !!

It feels like something in that direction most of the time. Like a sense of duty as a man, but it seems my feelings are telling me that it shouldn't be that way. Btw my real name is Roman. My mother calls me Roma, so in backwards spelling is Amor. Thank you for your input!

 

[Alejo]

Thank you everyone. I see value in your feedback. I agree sex is a tool and I need to think what I want to use it for. I have read about qi qong before but didn't go into it any deeper so it seems great opportunity to do it.

Also, if you haven't caught this thread, this is probably one of the best ways to start to articulate a conscious use for the habit of sex and what it could be: New title: Romantic Fiction, Reality Shaping and The Work

 

[Gallo]

Hi @Amor
(I apologize in advance if my text is badly written, but being French, I can't express myself freely and clearly in English. So I used a translator for this answer)

I'm going to share with you my personal experience, which is different from yours but in a way similar.
From the beginning of my sexuality until recently, sex was an important part of my life. I loved, did, shared, A LOT. The emotions and sensations were present and intense. However, during all those years (and I only realize it now), I was very badly surrounded; the relationships I had did not bring me the serenity and love that should come out of a couple. Basically, these relationships were pulling me down, because I was only thinking about that, and there was no real sharing between 2 souls. I felt lonely, sad for no reason, in constant need. Worse, my non-sexual entourage (friends, professional relations, family) was distant and false to me; I was constantly angry, I couldn't communicate serenely, I was closed in on myself, and I did all sorts of excesses: sex, drugs and rock'n'roll...

Then, one day, I met my future wife. Ironically, I contacted her through the internet, after a relationship that had broken my heart, and with the conviction that I would not commit myself emotionally anymore and that I would take advantage of my "sexual power". Since that day, everything has changed. First we fell madly in love! And the sex changed radically: I still enjoyed it, but this particular person blew away all my prejudices. The act became no longer a necessity and a duty, but a mixture and a dialogue; our souls were in tune and our bodies understood each other. I no longer needed to prove anything to her or myself. My dependence turned into BEING; I no longer depend on my impulses but "I am us".

The result? I have much less sex, I don't think about it constantly anymore, and when the act happens, we feel that it is a connection out of time and body that is at work, and not a need to empty one's energy anymore. Most importantly, my life has been transformed. I have left my bad relationships behind, I can talk calmly to EVERYONE, external aggressions are much less frequent and temptations no longer exist. "The dead that surrounded my lifestyle have disappeared.

To come back to you, I think that your sexual acts are not directed by the right intentions nor towards/with the right people. Your feelings of small deaths after ejaculation are, it seems to me, the expression of malevolent energies. I think you are blessed, in the sense that you FEEL these bad energies directly after giving them up. Without knowing why, you feel deep inside you the death in an act that would seem good and beautiful. You are fortunate to be connected to your self. Many humans NEVER understand this and lock themselves into a heightened and obsessive physicality all their lives, maintaining vice and drift (our society engages us in abundant and unhealthy sexuality: porn, "culture" ... everything is SEX oriented).
What I can advise you is not to freak out, because you are not abnormal. Then listen to yourself and especially see WHO you are dating and for WHAT REASONS.

Maybe I'm completely wrong and your relationships are healthy. But that's not the problem, because you can be with someone who has the best of care but who is guided by bad energies... This is the struggle of our generation!
Sorry if I got carried away and didn't answer your questions.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Nienna]

Also, if you haven't caught this thread, this is probably one of the best ways to start to articulate a conscious use for the habit of sex and what it could be: New title: Romantic Fiction, Reality Shaping and The Work

I totally agree with Alejo! That thread, along with the books recommended by Laura (and no other romance novel books) can teach us quite a bit about many different ways of being.

It seems like someone is trying very hard to disconnect us from treating others with love, friendship and compassion. They want us to fear, hate, abuse and conquer others. They are trying to take our humanity away from us in order to make us more like them. These Romance novels suggested by Laura do benefit us in showing us our many programs and how the characters of the stories overcame their similar programs. There are many pearls of wisdom in these books having to do with our psychological make up and how we should be treating others, both of the opposite sex and the same sex.

If you read through the thread Alejo linked to, you will see that both guys and gals have found many quite remarkable things hidden within the pages that help us to see our programs and deal with them. But, only with the books Laura has suggested as they were suggested for this very reason.

If you've read the latest C's session, you will see that they concur.

 

[Amor]

Hi @Amor
(I apologize in advance if my text is badly written, but being French, I can't express myself freely and clearly in English. So I used a translator for this answer)

I'm going to share with you my personal experience, which is different from yours but in a way similar.
From the beginning of my sexuality until recently, sex was an important part of my life. I loved, did, shared, A LOT. The emotions and sensations were present and intense. However, during all those years (and I only realize it now), I was very badly surrounded; the relationships I had did not bring me the serenity and love that should come out of a couple. Basically, these relationships were pulling me down, because I was only thinking about that, and there was no real sharing between 2 souls. I felt lonely, sad for no reason, in constant need. Worse, my non-sexual entourage (friends, professional relations, family) was distant and false to me; I was constantly angry, I couldn't communicate serenely, I was closed in on myself, and I did all sorts of excesses: sex, drugs and rock'n'roll...

Then, one day, I met my future wife. Ironically, I contacted her through the internet, after a relationship that had broken my heart, and with the conviction that I would not commit myself emotionally anymore and that I would take advantage of my "sexual power". Since that day, everything has changed. First we fell madly in love! And the sex changed radically: I still enjoyed it, but this particular person blew away all my prejudices. The act became no longer a necessity and a duty, but a mixture and a dialogue; our souls were in tune and our bodies understood each other. I no longer needed to prove anything to her or myself. My dependence turned into BEING; I no longer depend on my impulses but "I am us".

The result? I have much less sex, I don't think about it constantly anymore, and when the act happens, we feel that it is a connection out of time and body that is at work, and not a need to empty one's energy anymore. Most importantly, my life has been transformed. I have left my bad relationships behind, I can talk calmly to EVERYONE, external aggressions are much less frequent and temptations no longer exist. "The dead that surrounded my lifestyle have disappeared.

To come back to you, I think that your sexual acts are not directed by the right intentions nor towards/with the right people. Your feelings of small deaths after ejaculation are, it seems to me, the expression of malevolent energies. I think you are blessed, in the sense that you FEEL these bad energies directly after giving them up. Without knowing why, you feel deep inside you the death in an act that would seem good and beautiful. You are fortunate to be connected to your self. Many humans NEVER understand this and lock themselves into a heightened and obsessive physicality all their lives, maintaining vice and drift (our society engages us in abundant and unhealthy sexuality: porn, "culture" ... everything is SEX oriented).
What I can advise you is not to freak out, because you are not abnormal. Then listen to yourself and especially see WHO you are dating and for WHAT REASONS.

Maybe I'm completely wrong and your relationships are healthy. But that's not the problem, because you can be with someone who has the best of care but who is guided by bad energies... This is the struggle of our generation!
Sorry if I got carried away and didn't answer your questions.

Take care of yourself.

Thank you for sharing. I can find a little bit of my self in your story. I have thought about reasons of why I was in the relationship to begin with and as hard it is to admit it was really domination and sex. Once I stopped both those things, the relationship ended and I am glad. Both of us are more free in a sense maybe not both parts do realize what was really happening but I feel like I made right choice for both. I am know at the stage where I would rather focus my sexual energies.

 

[Amor]

I totally agree with Alejo! That thread, along with the books recommended by Laura (and no other romance novel books) can teach us quite a bit about many different ways of being.

It seems like someone is trying very hard to disconnect us from treating others with love, friendship and compassion. They want us to fear, hate, abuse and conquer others. They are trying to take our humanity away from us in order to make us more like them. These Romance novels suggested by Laura do benefit us in showing us our many programs and how the characters of the stories overcame their similar programs. There are many pearls of wisdom in these books having to do with our psychological make up and how we should be treating others, both of the opposite sex and the same sex.

If you read through the thread Alejo linked to, you will see that both guys and gals have found many quite remarkable things hidden within the pages that help us to see our programs and deal with them. But, only with the books Laura has suggested as they were suggested for this very reason.

If you've read the latest C's session, you will see that they concur.

Yes. I have looked in to it. As I am getting involved with you guys I realize that I have a reading list for a couple of years forward if not for the rest of my life which is good :). Thank you for reminding. :)