Sexual Harassment? At work coworkers acting oddly.

[Cyre2067]

Personally, I would be offended if this is how my friends introduced me. What does sexual orientation have to do with anything? Also, if I was the person who was being introduced to you, I would also be offended. I don't see why someone being gay is "shock value", maybe to people who are narrow-minded and put a box around what a person of a certain orientation should look/be like it is shocking. Who cares what people like that think anyway?

It sounds like you don't really 'wish they didn't do that' - it sounds like you get a charge out of it, actually - like it boosts your ego to be so 'straight looking' yet gay. If your friends do it all the time, they must think you get something out of it - or at the very least don't mind - which sounds like ego to me.

It's a strange feeling. On one hand I do take pride in my unusual characteristics, they make me unique. On the other I've told a few of my friends (who did it often enough to bother me) not to introduce me in that way, it makes me feel objectified, and those I've told 'get it'. This particular individual never did it prior to this weekend, I'll bring it up next time i see him.

To me it seems as if Voldie's behaving as if he's trying to out himself, i mean, now it's starting to get obvious. This whole bit is just plain weird.

Isn't the more obvious point that he is not doing his job well? Why does his 'outing himself' matter so much - clearly his 'reputation' is shot at this lab anyway if the coworkers and boss treat him with such obvious disrespect.

Apologies, Cyre, but it still sounds like you're still at least peripherally involved in this situation - it interests you - you are listening to these women and involved in the conversation. When I suggested zero energy -that meant zero energy - no thinking about it, no wondering, no thinking it's weird, no thinking he's trying to out himself and certainly no discussion of it with these people who are feeding on it.

This could turn out to be a rather dangerous situation and it seems you are not practicing vigilance. With a greater level of awareness, you are the person responsible for behaving not only correctly, but intelligently in this situation - vigilance.

You're right, it doesn't matter, and the point is that he isn't doing his job well not the reasons behind that. I'll implement your enboldened suggestion.

 

[Z...]

Personally, I would be offended if this is how my friends introduced me. What does sexual orientation have to do with anything? Also, if I was the person who was being introduced to you, I would also be offended. I don't see why someone being gay is "shock value", maybe to people who are narrow-minded and put a box around what a person of a certain orientation should look/be like it is shocking. Who cares what people like that think anyway?

It sounds like you don't really 'wish they didn't do that' - it sounds like you get a charge out of it, actually - like it boosts your ego to be so 'straight looking' yet gay. If your friends do it all the time, they must think you get something out of it - or at the very least don't mind - which sounds like ego to me.

It's a strange feeling. On one hand I do take pride in my unusual characteristics, they make me unique. On the other I've told a few of my friends (who did it often enough to bother me) not to introduce me in that way, it makes me feel objectified, and those I've told 'get it'. This particular individual never did it prior to this weekend, I'll bring it up next time i see him.

I am with beau on this one, but what sounded very strange to me was your reply.
What are your unusual characteristics- the fact that you are gay and you are str8 looking?!
That doesnt make you unique and its nothing to take pride out of.

Since you are so proud of your straight image there is another possibility with regard to your work situation -
are you sure you were not flirting with these girls?
Maybe its you whose sexuality is being probed here and Valdie is just being used for that purpose.

 

[Amanecer]

I don't know if "Suzanne" & Co. are the vicious types or not, but I would be very careful about participating in or gossiping about anything that they could possibly "hold over your head" later on down the road. She could be a "Wolf in Sheep's clothing". Don't be distracted by the programs ya got going on. (not so easy when your'e right in the middle of it i know!) I definitely agree with Anart's wise advice...zero energy. Stay the course and happy de-programming.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenver you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:2-4

 

[Z...]

or - " a problem is just opportunity in disguise" :)

 

[Amanecer]

"a problem is just opportunity in disguise"

Well said, and succinctly put. :)

 

[mada85]

Cyre, something that struck me forcibly is that you have chosen to work in a laboratory:

A place equipped for scientific experiment, testing or analysis.

Chambers Dictionary of Etymology tells us:

laboratory n. 1605, borrowed from Medieval Latin laboratorium a place for labour or work, from Latin laborare to work, labour.

You yourself chose to be there with all that the situation entails, and it seems that you are being called to a deep work on yourself. Your programs are the subject and you are the scientist and the experiment.

It seems to me that Suzanne and Lois have in themselves programs that equate liking or attraction with sexual desire, and they cannot see attraction in another without having their program activated.

I think that there has been some very wise advice offered in this thread, and that is to give the situation absolutely zero energy, as you could get sucked into something unpleasant. Besides which, just as you have not come out at work, neither is Voldemort’s orientation any business of yours. However, ‘easier said than done’ might be a key phrase here.

All that said, I empathise with you strongly. I myself have been in work situations where I have not come out. In fact that is my general rule. I can see myself when you describe your make nice program which, if you are anything like me, arises when situations like the one you have described arise. People often develop an idea about one’s orientation, and then seem to think they have some kind of god-given right to know about it, and try to engineer a situation to force an acknowledgement.

I wish you all the best in this situation.

 

[Keit]

Hello, I am Keit and I am a straight.

What? I made you uncomfortable? How so? By revealing my bed preferences?
Sorry, I thought that it was a norm in this Star System...
Ohh, ok..What a peculiar handshake...


Hey, I am joking. And in no way want to offend anyone. But please see it as an example how sharing our inner preferences can be grasped as something really unnecessary or written in stone, or just wrong.

 

[ScioAgapeOmnis]

It's a strange feeling. On one hand I do take pride in my unusual characteristics, they make me unique.

Why is unique a good thing? If everybody is the same, but they are all STO, and then there's one guy who is a jerk, making him rather unique, should he be proud cuz he's unique and not "like everybody else"? Then there's people who are proud when they are "like everybody else". This makes me think of what is advertised to be socially improtant - in America you have individuality/uniqueness. In places like Japan and China I think it's more "the group" that is valued and not the individual, so you have people being proud of being like others, being a gear that fits in the giant machine, the group, and doing their part, not being different and "disrupting the flow" etc. In the end, I am not sure it makes sense to be proud of being unique, or of being the same, just for because it is unique or the same. Those aren't "qualities" that add value to your essence, to who you are. If you go to another planet, you'll be the only human there, totally unique - but you didn't become any better by moving to another planet, you're still the same person you were on this planet, so turning into something "unique" seems at best a superficial/external quality, which belongs in the realm of "A" influences, osit. Like a unique tattoo, haircut, clothes, attitude, even sexual orientation. It's not "who we are", it adds no objective value to us, like a new coat of paint. Superficial at best, illusory at worst, osit.

 

[Z...]

How can sexual orientation be unique,
and how can it define our personality or character?
Maybe if there was only one human being to represent every single way of sexual expression that there is under the sun.
Actually that is my only problem with gay world, a lot of people out there
stop being anything else but their sexuality, they live in a gay ghetto and they stop being anything else but gay which is really sad

Every human being is way much more then its sexual orientation.

 

[Beau]

It's a strange feeling. On one hand I do take pride in my unusual characteristics, they make me unique.

Being unique has different meanings to people. One could say that it means "to be different". Another person could say it means "to be special". But like Scio said, one's sexual orientation is not really something that goes to the essence of who you are. At least it shouldn't. So when you say it makes you unique, it sounds as though you are focusing on the exterior. You, or anyone else, should not be defined by the superficial. It does not matter to anyone here who truly knows the real Cyre what your orientation is. You know that. You just need to start acting that way out in the real world.

Be who you are and let the petty gossip go on. Be above that stuff while not trying to act better than others. Save your energy for better things.

 

[Cyre2067]

Why is unique a good thing?

Well, unique for me means different from everyone else. Given the state of things i guess I've subjectively labeled that as 'good' or 'desirable'. This idea crystallized in junior high school and from what I've seen being different from everyone else fits the description of everyone who's on this forum.

So when you say it makes you unique, it sounds as though you are focusing on the exterior. You, or anyone else, should not be defined by the superficial. It does not matter to anyone here who truly knows the real Cyre what your orientation is. You know that. You just need to start acting that way out in the real world.

You're right. It is exterior, its the perception other people have of me. I act the way I act and people think I'm straight. I'm not 'acting' straight thou... i hope that makes sense.

Admittedly I've gotten a lot of positive reinforcement growing up for displaying 'straight' characteristics. I did go through a lot of phases growing up, and while I'm totally comfortable with who I am telling people I'm gay isn't the first thing that comes to mind when i meet them, especially in a professional environment. Given that - people assume I'm straight, which i think they kinda do with everyone until their subjective programming gives them a reason to doubt it. I'm guilty of the same behavior. Other then that I'm totally out. I wasn't out at my last job, except to one coworker who I got friendly with, and i don't expect I'll be out at this one either, it's just none of their business.

Seeing this side of the people that I've been working with was a shock to say the least.

Thanks for your opine above mada, that's a very very awesome way of looking at it and it makes a lot of sense.

Oh, I don't flirt with the girls at work. Not actively, do we have friendly conversation - yes. Could that be interpreted as flirting - yes. However all the girls that i work with are married, engaged or have a long term boyfriend. That and I don't flirt with people unless I'm physically attracted to them, not intentionally. I do have a lot of 'be nice' programming, and thus i come across as a 'nice guy', osit.

Be who you are and let the petty gossip go on. Be above that stuff while not trying to act better than others. Save your energy for better things.

Done and will do.

 

[Argo]

Actually that is my only problem with gay world, a lot of people out there
stop being anything else but their sexuality, they live in a gay ghetto and they stop being anything else but gay which is really sad

Yes, but 'gay world' is a vast term, and I do not think so this is problem what you described. I think the point is, that this part of 'gay world' is more transparent than the others which do not promote their sexuality. I know many gay guys who are not just "their sexuality" and who have various interests. And I do not think they are so minority in the gay world, they just don't attract attention.

On the other hand, it's seems that 'straight world' is exactly the same as 'gay world' on this case, and straight men also can be nothing else but their sexuality, for example man who strongly identified himself in the "macho male" programs.

 

[ScioAgapeOmnis]

Ironically it seems that part of the reason that "straight" men might often see "gay" men as very sexually open and sexually-oriented, is because it's men, and not women, who are at the "targets". So men don't see this in themselves because they do this to women only, but when other men do it to men, it "stands out" more to straight men who aren't used to this dynamic, and they notice it a lot more, and might think that gay men do it more than straight men do as a result of this slight "shock". But I think they probably just get a glimpse of what it's like to be a woman, how all men are perceived by women anyway. So they get a reflection of themselves, they just never realised it until they were put in the place of women, and suddenly it seems like "oh my god, gay men are always thinking about sex, but not me of course!" - when it is exactly like them. Kinda like you don't smell your own body odor, and if everybody else has your body odor too nobody smells it, everybody things it's normal, there is no odor. Then somebody comes along with a different body odor and suddenly everybody smells it and thinks that this person stinks, but in reality, they all stink, they're just used to it, to them it's "normal".

 

[Amanecer]

Actually that is my only problem with gay world, a lot of people out there
stop being anything else but their sexuality, they live in a gay ghetto and they stop being anything else but gay which is really sad

Well, I think there are a lot of men(no matter what their orientation) who are controlled by sex. Women know this too...why else would women go through countless surgeries to "enhance" their bodies? Look at all the pornography, strip clubs, phone sex,....ad nauseum. I dont see sexual orientation as the issue , it is how gay or straight men go about dealing with their sex drive program. At least, that's how i see it from my female perspective :)

Along the same lines....could it be possible that Suzanne & Co. are running the female "drama" program? Women (generally speaking), feed their sexual programs by indulging in "soap opera/ prince charming" type fantasies. Perhaps these women (married or not), enjoy indulging themselves by creating a real live drama at work...

 

[Renaissance]

Well, unique for me means different from everyone else. Given the state of things i guess I've subjectively labeled that as 'good' or 'desirable'. This idea crystallized in junior high school and from what I've seen being different from everyone else fits the description of everyone who's on this forum.

Gurdjieff said he tried to live by the advice given to him by his grandmother(?) on her death bed - to always do things differently than others. But what is the meaning in this? It brings to mind what Laura wrote about how the Goth kids in wanting to be different just ended up wearing the same uniform as everyone else (to paraphrase). In identification we'll never be our real selves as the images we attach to end up mediating our relationships. So being different through superficial exterior ways is living a lie, and it's the same old same old. It would seem to find and be our true selves is to be genuinely different.