Snakes In Suits

[Erna]

A friend just recently sent this made up portrayal of a psychopath boss -- _http://www.hallmark.com/wcsstore/HallmarkStore/images/products/ecards/nfg1969.swf

Ha-ha-ha...why doesn't it lift my spirits?

Alan, I know you're right.

The key thing is to do something strategically, and that takes time.

I just don't know if it's that important to me anymore, if you know what I mean.

Remember, these kind have skills you don't have and probably can't get.

Yeh, they lie and cheat well, but I have a little thing going for myself as well. I think that's why I wasn't fired on the spot. They bought out my design firm in 2005, and for 2 years I practically worked day and night on these brands. Starting with the basics (corporate identities, corporate stationery, websites, corporate brochures), we are entering the 'bells and whistles' phase now. The psychopath is always on holiday, now he's off again to the Rugby World Cup in France. Has the world gone mad?

Do you see why I say it's just not important to me anymore. I don't want to be part of this anymore, part of Corporate, anywhere. It kills you slowly from the inside.

 

[Miss Isness]

Erna wrote:
Do you see why I say it's just not important to me anymore. I don't want to be part of this anymore, part of Corporate, anywhere. It kills you slowly from the inside.

Hmmm, I can definitely understand why you don't want to be a part of it anymore, and I know what you mean about it slowly killing you from the inside. So, what's your game plan? Are you secure enough financially that you don't need one immediately, or do you have an idea of what you mean to be moving towards?

I left the corporate environment a few years ago, and it was a huge relief. Fortunately, I had an exit strategy that allowed me to move towards an alternative, and by the time I left, I already had enough of my own materials/clients to cover my expenses. Nonetheless, it was a difficult adjustment. My ego took and is still taking a beating, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but more importantly I found that I just encountered a whole new set of slightly less soul killing evils in my new work environment. I don't regret my choice, not even for a nano-second, but I'm really glad I planned for the change. What was really great was that each step I took to prepare for leaving made it easier to tolerate the corporate environment that much longer, and I ended up staying on my own terms until all my ground work had been laid.

I used to always act on the spur of the moment. Sometimes I landed on my feet and sometimes I didn't , but the times when it worked out better than I could have ever planned it were incredibly freeing. It's different now that I'm getting older. It's just a lot harder to start from scratch when you are in your mid-40's, so I avoid that kind of risk taking now. Anyway, I just wanted to share my own experience for what it's worth.

 

[Beau]

I agree with Miss Isness Erna. It sounds like, from what you have written, that you are going to make a rather impetuous decision because of your disgust at corporate life. While I can sympathize with that feeling, it's not really strategic if you don't have a plan on what you're going to do once you leave. So maybe try to rein in the horses a bit and come up with a few rational options before cutting the cord on your current employment.

If you have already done that, then you can disregard what I wrote, but from what you are writing it just sounds like your emotions are getting the best of you, without allowing for any proper planning.

 

[allen]

Do you see why I say it's just not important to me anymore. I don't want to be part of this anymore, part of Corporate, anywhere. It kills you slowly from the inside.

Yes, I get it completely. Corporate can feel like it is slowly killing you from the inside, because it is soulless. So, IF YOU IDENTIFY WITH IT AND THINK WHAT YOU DO FOR WORK IS YOU then, yeah, it will definitely feel like it is killing you from the inside. I mean, who wants to identify with corporate soullessness?

So you have some options. You can tilt at the windmill of this single psychopath/corporate lack of soul and go down in a blaze of Quixotic glory, or you can take some time pondering your identification with Corporate and learn from it. Or, you can quietly work on getting a new job and getting out of there. But even with that, you will be faced with a difficult task...fighting that urge to take a few shots at the psychopath as you leave.

Remember, a psychopath is thinking using game theory, several moves ahead of you in a very dispassionate way. In other words, unless you have really planned things out, not a single one of your "shots" will find its mark. They will all be deflected and you will end up looking the fool. Everyone will be happy to see the troublemaker (you) finally gone.

 

[dant]

For what it's worth, I tried going that route, to "hang in there" until I could find
something better, a new position. Unfortunately, it turned out to be the worst thing
I did, at least for me in pursuing this path. The corporate bosses promised me in time,
I would be "readjusted" into the company, but what they really wanted to do was to "squeeze
blood from a turnip" with the same pay and then later reduce my pay to be that "inline with with
that of my peers". This was all in keeping of the "tightening of the belt" of corporate finances whist
the CEO and selected officers were in effect padding their wallets with bonuses and raises in league
with the board. Sounds like game theory?

Meanwhile, it was very nigh impossible for me to find the time for job searching and networking. I was
left emotionally stripped, frustrated, exhausted, and angry.

Well, at this point, I refused to continue in this game, knowing that was not in control of my financial
goals, not having a job offer under my belt, but I saw myself going into oblivion physically and
emotionally and I had to get out, so I quit. After 2.5 years of living hell, I can state emphatically I
made the right move and I am very, very happy to have left this company with no regrets. Since
leaving, I have picked up the shattered remains of myself and moved into better aims. I found
a silver-lining in all that transpired and learned to live with less materialism, and my family struggled
and followed suit.

I am not advocating that Erna abruptly cuts off connections with her present company without
careful introspection and analysis, but it may be necessary if one is about to lose their soul in
keeping on with it. In some cases, it is better to cut off the cords completely and get on with
your life, or so it seems. This reminds me of the adage: "Life is too short".

OSIT

 

[Erna]

So, what's your game plan? Are you secure enough financially that you don't need one immediately, or do you have an idea of what you mean to be moving towards?

I'm earned good money with this firm, so I will be fine for a couple of months without income. Game plan? Well, funny enough, beginning of August (before this whole episode) I drove down to Durban with 2 friends to go talk to this husband/wife team who are widely considered to be the pioneers of sailing in SA. They have been running their sailing school for 30 years, and trained 25 000 students already.

We talked for about 2 hours, I had a list of questions of a couple of pages. The 3 of us wanted to do sailing charters in Zanzibar. They said we must forget about Zanzibar, too little infrastructure, they said the Caribbean is where it's all happening. On the way back in the car one thing they said kept ringing in my head. I'm 31 now, and they said that if we are going to do it, we must do it now, otherwise it might be too late. I booked a 7 day sailing course for myself from 16 - 24 December, and I was going to make my desicion then. I wanted to see if I can overcome motion sickness, which I'm very prone to.

I'll stick it out until December. After that trip I'll know what to do.

I used to always act on the spur of the moment.

I'm exactly the same :)

from what you are writing it just sounds like your emotions are getting the best of you

Yes, I'm too passionate about what I do. Up to this point my job has been my life, as sad as that may sound. You can't have passion without emotion. At least I can't. Then I might as well be dead. I'm not cut out for Corporate, it has always been a bit of a joke to me, people being tapped over the fingers for being 5 minutes late, women too afraid to announce to their bosses when they fall pregnant, someone getting a fit when someone else parked in his/her place. The adjustment in the beginning for me was hectic, I thought I was on a different planet, one where no-one grants anyone anything.

That's why I'm not considering joining another 'corporate' firm. Different name, different address, same soul killing stuff. My idea might sound a little drastic to you, but believe me, I have been contemplating it for years. I knew that it would always take the slightest trigger.

"Life is too short".

It is, and if I don't do this now, the forever wondering what it might have been like, would kill me in the end. Fortunately, even if I get very little money living my dream, the fact that the $ is 7.5 times stronger than the Rand, and that there is no income tax, means that I might actually be okay financially, cause I will always bring my money back to SA.

 

[Miss Isness]

Wow! So you actually have a sailing opportunity in the pipeline. That's great! I think it's really wise of you to do the course before making your decision. Motion sickness is a bummer. It often interfered with my love for sailing, but once I moved to Hawaii I didn't let that stop me. It was just to wonderful out there on the ocean with the whales and dolphins to let that ruin it. Not that I didn't have some bad trips - a lot depended on the weather and the speed/size of the boat. Fortunately, in the event that it got too much to bear, there was always what was it, dramamine?, on hand.

Eventually, I found out that getting over seasickness was as simple as steering the boat. Once, when attending a birthday party, I was turning green much to the dismay of the captain and he insisted I take his place after explaining how to do it. I don't know if it was simply the feeling of being in control, or the fact that I had to keep one eye fixed on the horizon that did it. Probably the latter. I've noticed I get car sick if I try to read, or focus too strongly on anything inside the car. So, maybe it's possible to 'grow sea legs' even if you weren't born with them.

Anyway, I wish you a great adventure during your course and thereafter, and until then hang in there and try to balance out that passion by being logical, and don't lose sight of the big picture. Putting a rational damper on all that passion will just burn away the dross and give you more clarity of vision, which you can use to chart your journey.

 

[Erna]

:)

 

[Erna]

It's now a couple of months down the line and I thought I'd give an update on the situation.

The good news: The psychopath has resigned in December, and he worked his last day a couple of days ago. He is taking up a large position at one of the biggest SA banks. I feel extremely sorry for anyone who will come in direct contact with him on a regular basis. I am just relieved that I never have to deal with him again.

He attacked me behind my back up to the very end, but it had no effect, since I have come a long way with the people whom he tried to turn against me. When I decided that I don't care if I lose my job, the Chairman sensed the change in me, and realized that his quiet diplomacy could cost him dearly. I'm one of those stupid people who throw my whole life into my job.

I guess the psychopath decided to move on when his plan didn't work out the way he hoped. It's good to be at the office again without having to look over my shoulder continuously. Halelujah.

The psychopath did me a favour though, cause I became able to let go. Something that probably would have occured eventually, he just helped to speed up the process.

 

[Lirpa]

My personal experience first hand with a psycopath targeting me at work has led me to this conclusion. Only a psychopath can beat another psychopath. The best thing for me in the future if I run into another psycopath at work is to lay low, plan my escape, engage my plans for leaving and then leave. Wasted energy in battling a psychopath. Run. Lesson learned for me :) Bosses will pretend they are interested in truth and justice but it is all a lie. Corporations and employers love psychopaths as they do their dirty work for them while they come out smelling like a rose (the sympathetic boss) . Always remember, you are replaceable.

 

[Miss Isness]

I'm really glad to hear the good news Erna. Thanks for the update! It's true he will move on to have a negative impact elsewhere, but you and your officemates have grown from the experience. Hats off to all of you!

 

[Erna]

Only a psychopath can beat another psychopath.

I would pay handsomly for front row seats where he is concerned. Hie-hie.

but you and your officemates have grown from the experience

I think I am still a little shell shocked. The good news is still sinking in.
The sailing was GREAT by the way. Met some interesting people. People with different outlooks on life. Lot's of people turning their backs on the corporate world. Now why would that be...

 

[Azur]

It's now a couple of months down the line and I thought I'd give an update on the situation.

[snip]

The psychopath did me a favour though, cause I became able to let go. Something that probably would have occured eventually, he just helped to speed up the process.

Happy to hear this Erna!


Petty tyrants do have their uses, eh? ;)

 

[Lirpa]

ha ha that would be funny to watch Psycopath Wrestling Mania! Let them destroy each other lol.

 

[cindyj]

Hi All,

I really appreciate being able to read this thread, as I am currently undergoing a "battle" of my own. (I read Robert Hare's other book, but have just ordered "Snakes in Suits" for more specific info about workplace dynamics). My energy level is taking a hit right now, so I am going to set aside some extra time today to relax and breathe! It's been unbelievably helpful to hear your stories and learn from your experiences. Thank you! If you think my story would also be helpful, perhaps I can relate more as things continue, but right now, I'm still processing. The short story is: we've just taken steps to remove a consultant from our midst and take on all data admin and tech support in-house. The two of us assuming these responsibilities are also receiving the brunt of attacks from said consultant, who has had his hands in everything. It's not a pretty situation this week. I'm working to be as diplomatic and non-emotional (and certainly not provocative!) as possible-- hopefully we're still receiving emotional backing and support of our company owners, but it's hard to say as things progress. And, having to figure out what access to remove, account passwords to change, etc. has been hard, never having had to do this kind of thing before. In other circumstances, taking these measures wouldn't be necessary, but we have enough experience with this particular person to need a clean cut-off. I fear we may have even missed some things, but I suppose we'll know eventually! Anyone else have experience to share or advise on how we can limit our exposure?