ggen
Jedi Master
I had the epiphany that has been haunting me for the last year. Today. Being a female my brain 'technically' processes things different than a males brain. Anyway, I've read the books on "now", "intention", tearing up the personality (smoothing "my stone"), "nobody ever really knows ANYONE ect. ect. ect. "ALL of knowing 'now' is one huge math equation. or IS IT?!....perpetuated by WHOM? Last year to in February "I saw". Everything as it was. Naked and objectively . I told my friend who had helped to open my eyes, I felt like a butterfly. Now I fear I've lost the one person in the world who could and would "intentionally" try and understand me, would be conscious and 'knowing of that this is NOW', to work as a unit to tear away our I's. Now why should I hold onto an emotional attachment to this person? We actually "UNDERSTAND" one and other. I realize now that 'language' and 'meaning doomed us from the beginning. Why? We met by staring at one and other for 3-4 minutes straight. He finally says "I know were just mirroring one and other." I laugh and agree. In our silence over the last year we were both always 'aware of the others presence. In our communication we always misunderstood each other. Three days ago against his wishes, he was forced to move across the country. In those 3 days I've had my epiphany. I don't want to do this completely alone now that I 'KNOW" someone else is on the same page. It's almost as if I had to see how my reaction would be when he left. What was the 'lesson' I had to learn. I've got what he's been trying to 'show' me to the best of my ability. Now, instead of a butterfly, I feel like slug waiting to be stepped on. Please, if anyone has any advice on this spiritual love story and devastation at the 'truth' let me know. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I've never been one for 'drama' or pouring out my feelings to anyone. The lesson I've recently learned is that sometimes it's okay to ask for help.
