Sometimes I feel so tired and helpless

[Al Today]

Forgive this coming rant, I need to "talk"
The SOTT article "Russia warns response to missile shield will go beyond diplomacy" triggered my emotions and let this comment fly:

I am not amused anymore. I'm gonna spit if the elections are put on hold. The PTB are just a bunch of heathen that want us to die, or be obedient robots to serve their warped desires. Sweet BeeGeeBus, just get it over with already guys and gals. Oh yeah, can't do that... They gotta generate massive lingering suffering, hysteria, panic, fear, etc... Where are those damn comets anyway? If we gotta live with this krap, if this BBM is gonna continue to contain parasites that serve only themselves, let 'em have it. I'm through. Somehow I'm gonna find me another place. This is a big universe and this place just ain't fun anymore. Sometimes I'd prefer a big ole comet to smack this place and start over. I'd rather stand on the tracks, stare at the train that's gonna hit me rather than be manipulated and have emotional instability.

Well, is this BBM gonna stay STS or become STO? I DO NOT KNOW. But sometimes I just get tired of what I see and I want no part of it. I’m not suicidal or anything like that, but if I get a couple minutes before a comet hits, I’m gonna get a lawn chair, a cold beer, light up a smoke and watch it come in…. Stare, unflinching, right into it's "eye". There is NOTHING I can do to change what this is. Oh, I know if enough people could really see what’s going on things can change, but I just feel that ain’t gonna happen.
I WILL get over this, but right now I’m just sick and tired of all these soulless sucks that control this planet…
I know this is noise, but I have nowhere else to vent. Thank you for ALL for BEing here.
AL


I feel like, I almost replaced my forum signature to:

It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. - Joseph Stalin

Men are so simple and so much inclined to obey immediate needs that a deceiver will never lack victims for his deceptions. - Niccolo Machiavelli

All propaganda has to be popular and has to accommodate itself to the comprehension of the least intelligent of those whom it seeks to reach. - Adolf Hitler

 

[ScioAgapeOmnis]

If we gotta live with this krap, if this BBM is gonna continue to contain parasites that serve only themselves, let 'em have it. I'm through. Somehow I'm gonna find me another place. This is a big universe and this place just ain't fun anymore.

Al think about it, this place has never been "fun". If you've been having fun before you've just not been aware of what's really been going on. The only difference is that you're noticing it now, and upon this realization at the emotional level, you're outraged and frustrated. The psychopaths in power have always been playing this game of lies and war, and humanity has always been ignorant pawns kept in artificially created fear and fed with lies. If you're disgusted by the terror of the situation, good. When our emotional center wakes up we can use this energy in a productive and useful way, or we can let it drive us into self-destruction.

I WILL get over this, but right now I’m just sick and tired of all these soulless sucks that control this planet…

You're probably right, unfortunately you probably will. But I'm not sure that would be such a good thing. After momentary awakening, the emotional center does have a tendency to just go back to sleep and you'll go back to emotional apathy, not being really urked by the terror of the situation and not being "prompted" to DO anything.

Consider what "venting" means. Your emotional center is finally waking up, and it bothers you so much that you cannot handle it, not even for a few minutes. You're instantly prompted to shut off this uncomfortable feeling, so you "vent" it into the air just to feel better again. And then what? You vent, you feel "better", you go back to emotional sleep, all is well in the world again. What have you accomplished? Nothing.

Why is it every time our emotional center wakes up to the terror of the situation we are so afraid of this heat that our machine's main priority becomes getting rid of it? Why do we want to "run away" and stick our head in the sand? If you wanna get pissed at something, get pissed at your machine throwing away your emotional energy and putting itself back to comfortable sleep.

I think it is a good idea to hang on to this momentary awakening of your emotional center and channel that energy into Work that benefits you and humanity. Reveal the terror of the situation for what it is. And maybe then it won't be momentary?

Think about it - you're here cuz this is where you fit. You know what will happen if you could just die and disappear from this horrible place? You'd just reincarnate back, or into another very similar place until you learn. So why prolong your own suffering? Face the lessons now, face the world, feel the burn and use it to wake up, learn, and help others do the same.

Here's a good example of somebody who really felt the terror of the situation and his machine almost drove him into pointless self destruction that would've helped neither him nor anybody else in any way:
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=4347.0

Here is Henry's reply to Danny that I think you would really benefit from reading, understanding, and applying right now:

Hi Danny,

You know, when it comes down to it, in many ways we are all alone. There's this big, ugly world out there, doing the most horrible things to innocent people, destroying their lives when they aren't being killed outright. And there's the lies. God are there lies. Everywhere. Damn. It just is so hard to sit by and watch and want to do something and feel powerless to stop it.

So, one day we make a decision that the old life is over, I'm going to DO something. I'm going to make a difference. I'm going to stand up and the consequences be damned! We want to be heard. You lay awake at night hurting in places that have never hurt before. The pain is too much. And you see yourself safe in your home, comfortable compared to a Palestinian family or an Iraqi family, and you wonder why you are so lucky. And then you feel guilty about it, because you're comfortable and you think that you aren't doing anything.

But you know what? You are doing something. You have been doing something. You've been waking up. You've been throwing off the illusion and starting to really see. How many people on this planet, how many of the 6 billion people do you think can really see things as clearly as the members of this forum? You can't write that off and dismiss it and say it is nothing.

It is the necessary first step. Until someone goes through what you're going through now, really seeing the horror of it all and wanting to do something, anything, to wake others up, how can you do anything else?

That pain you're feeling is your emotional center waking up. That's a precious gift from the universe to you, Danny. But it is a gift you are earning because you have been working for it. It isn't given for nothing. That pain and suffering you're going through is the most valuable gift you're ever going to receive. It is your door out, and if enough of us get there, it may be the door out for millions more. The price is sitting in that pain and suffering and staring at it and all teh horrors, feeling all those horrors, and refusing to give in because when you can do that, fully acknowledge it but not allow it to get the better of you, that's when you can start to act. That's when you become a warrior. You can start learning to stalk the ones that are responsible.

It isn't easy, learning to channel that pain and anger and frustration and guilt. And you have to do it alone, but it can be done.

However, even if it is you hurting all over, on another level you aren't alone. Others have passed through it. What you seem to be missing is the knowledge that can give all that pain a context and a meaning. That is the esoteric work that is part of what we do here. I look at what you are going through, and I can see its meaning. I am putting that meaning into words in this message. To find your way out, one path, the path forward, is to find that meaning by acquiring the knowledge you need to make sense of it. That knowledge will help you to understand that you are already DOing in ways that you, and perhaps none of us, really understand at the moment.

You no doubt know the famous story of the flapping of the butterfly wings that can create a storm halfway around the globe. They call it non-linear dynamics. Small things can have great effects.

This thread is Danny beating his butterfly wings so fast that he is ready to pass out.

In time, you can figure out the meaning. You can give a purpose to your life. You can DO something more with each day. You just need the knowledge.

That's why this forum exists.

Laura suggested reading Casteneda's The Fire From Within. Think about that title. That's the fire you're feeling right now. That fire within you. You can use that fire to create something new.

And you can talk about what you are going through here, too. You can find a context.

Take care, Danny. Accept the gift from the universe, that gift you've earned.

Henry

 

[Al Today]

Thanks SAO.
It's like getting hit with a bat. Kinda gets your attention. Many times I kinda "knew/thought" this world sucks. That's krap. I'm full of shite. I do not know how it feels to have no food, no shelter, live in fear, have flies fly in my eyes, have no water to drink, no clothes to wear, have someone drag me outta my house and do whatever to me, or my family. I fool myself into thinking I understand others plight. But hell, I'm a hypocrite. I do live in comfort. I am spoiled, I like beer and football. I brag that I have only two channels on TV (rabbit ears), but I live in freakin LUXURY. Jeeze, I can see with my eyes and read, but I cannot truly understand the pain of the less fortunate. This deception of living in this usa is somewhat impossible to resist. Channeling this anger, I must ask: Is that appropriate? I've been conditioned/taught that anger usually accomplishes nothing. If I can't change things, accept the situation and "move on". So I shrug it aside and continue on with my illusion. I fear that if I get close to BEing a warrior, I'm just gonna lose everything. Yep, that's it. FEAR of DOing. God, I need a smoke. I will read what I can. If I even let loose on this subject with those around me, I feel I could lose everything. Ridicule is another fear. If I do what I feel that needs to be done, again, I will lose the life that I am used to. That’s my fear. Of becoming alone…
Something tells me, I feel that I must keep this anger, somehow. But I don’t know how. It’s so easy to slide back into my comfort zone, go home after work, have a cold beer, have a good smoke, and enjoy the simple things. I AM gonna find that book, Casteneda's The Fire From Within. I hope it’s at the library. I WILL find out. I don’t wanna be like this krap I see, forever. I am selfish, I don’t wanna be sucked into a black hole. I want to live. That last statement seems STS to me. But that’s how I feel.

 

[ScioAgapeOmnis]

Channeling this anger, I must ask: Is that appropriate? I've been conditioned/taught that anger usually accomplishes nothing.

And who is doing the "conditioning/teaching"? It helps to keep in mind the law of 3 - there is good, there is evil, and there is the specific situation that decides which is which. There is nothing "inappropriate" about anger, it is what you do as a result of it that makes all the difference.

This article can help you sort out what you're going through and what can be done:
http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/the_abyss.htm

Also please read this about the nature and usefulness of shocks:
http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/shocks.htm

And this one is just priceless and goes into much elaboration about a number of things, not the least of which is the effects of emotions and what we can do with them:
http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/ascension1.htm

If I can't change things, accept the situation and "move on".

Ok this pathological statement is completely backwards. One, who says you can't change things? Did you read Henry's post above - the part about butterfly wings? Two, you don't have to "accept" anything - only in the sense of acknowleding objective reality as it is, but not in the sense of liking it or agreeing with it as "normal". And "move on" - just ignore the terror and the suffering and injustice, ignore it all and go play football instead.

I fear that if I get close to BEing a warrior, I'm just gonna lose everything.

And what is it that you have? Lies? Illusions? Attachments? False i's?

If I even let loose on this subject with those around me, I feel I could lose everything.

What about their free will? You will not only violate that, you'll hurt yourself and your ability to DO also. Have you heard about the concept of strategic enclosure?

From here: http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/Laura-Knight-Jadczyk/article-lkj-04-03-06-k.htm

Because of millennia of cultural and religious conditioning, everything about us is limited, beginning with our nervous resistance. The rule which can be deduced from this is that we must - as much as possible - work silently so as not to draw increased attention and pressure upon ourselves while working on the process of awakening and assimilating knowledge and interior force that can restore us to the Edenic condition. This is true for the average Radiant being, because if he attracts the attention of what Mouravieff calls the General Law that mechanically rules this reality, he will be lost, as the reaction of the 'World' against him will be extreme.

What the Radiant being must do is to consciously master the material that is part of his interior world - his Belief Centers - by gaining sufficient knowledge to be able to exercise perspicacity and SEEing. This enables him to divide that which he perceives and to choose that which is assimilated, or "enters within" his "strategic enclosure." This allows him to accumulate force and put it in reserve. When the false beliefs, the illusions of this world, no longer have any part within the Radiant Being, then he will be able to step out of the flow of Linear Time.

The principle of the strategic enclosure is, then, that the individual or group must initially work silently to create this enclosure, without drawing the attention of the forces of life of this world to himself. These forces are systematically hostile to anyone who persistently searches for the Truth.

There are two parts to the Strategic Enclosure: The first is to shelter oneself physically from the harmful influence of the 'World' as much as possible. Gurdjieff referred to this as the activity of the "sly man." Unfortunately, this has often been twisted to mean the "monastic life" or "withdrawal from the world" which is an essentially useless approach when the thing that needs most to be learned is the objective truth of the reality in which we live.

The second part of the Strategic Enclosure is that the shelter must be built in his inner world. Mouravieff writes that "The picturesque language of the Tradition says that man must build a cage in himself. This must be provided with all means of connection with and direction of the centres. It must also be solid enough to effectively resist all rebellions of the little 'I's', singly or 'federated'. This construction takes time. To play its role as an organ of direction, it must be continually enlarged, improved and perfected."

In other words, the Strategic Enclosure is an allegory that refers to an ontological state where the individual basically declares his independence from the Law of Entropy that seems to govern the Material Universe. Using the concepts explained by Mouravieff, this state could also be described as a manifestation of a resolution to shut oneself up to the influences of illusion and instead open only to those influences that lead one to objectivity.

Ridicule is another fear. If I do what I feel that needs to be done, again, I will lose the life that I am used to. That’s my fear. Of becoming alone…

But you already ARE alone - you just entertain the illusion that people around you know you and love you and are "with you". They can only know you and love you to the extent of their own self development and love/knowledge of themselves, they can only be "with you" so far as they are able to understand who you are and what your path is and why. So what illusions of "not being alone" are you clinging to? On the other hand, you're never alone - this forum is a testament to that.

Something tells me, I feel that I must keep this anger, somehow. But I don’t know how. It’s so easy to slide back into my comfort zone, go home after work, have a cold beer, have a good smoke, and enjoy the simple things.

Read the articles above for starters :)

I don’t wanna be like this krap I see, forever. I am selfish, I don’t wanna be sucked into a black hole. I want to live. That last statement seems STS to me. But that’s how I feel.

Well you can't give anything to anyone if you are nothing and have nothing to give. STO is really "service to self through others". I think STO is just balance - you want to know the truth because you are fed up with lies, but you also want to help others learn it too because you empathize with them. So you end up helping both, self and others. You can't help others without being awake and knowing the truth yourself. But you also cannot obtain the truth without networking and working with others and working to help others obtain it. So I think the sincere drive to GIVE must necessarily result in giving AND receiving - and I think that's a beautiful thing :)

 

[hungrig]

Ever catch yourself to feel be alone, but still your "friends" and family are around, like its there but no connection sort of. felt that gravity burst in your chest which make you wanna be not talking and then feeling a sort of longing to be yourself, survey you are just acting in the daily world like an "fake".

People wanna be like others, predators. Or are socially shaped to be something like "rightneous" or racists or something other similar twisted fraudlike totally pscychos machines.

What is funny about this is that we are afraid to be alone from them. Not saying all people are like that, just almost what seems to be all, it feels.

I noticed in my case that anger let loose are even woorser than being unwanted food..
My fist always end up at myself, maybe because of me not used the shocks right.

And I tell ya, all my ex friends and family always use frases like:
think about the kids in africa, or think about the manny manny people who are living without shelter around the world.(with some agenda ) / and yet most of them don't know about the wars and the war mongerers, an global scale matters.

Its just words that works.

I would read SAOs post twice and reflect deeper.

 

[Al Today]

Well, talk ain't gonna do it. At lunch time, I found a copy of Casteneda's The Fire From Within. SAO, I will read all the links you have provided. I'm going to DO it. At least start...

I APPRECIATE y'all reaching out with helpful suggestions. I have much to DO. I have been reading but not applying the information. I try, but fall back into the daily grind, routine, and physicalities. Let's see if this all sinks in. I don't think this is instantaineous but will take work. Duh... Hence: The Work.

Amazing is the information that can be accumulated, but not applied. If I don't TRY to apply, this is just a waste of time.
Good grief, feels like I need or am starting therapy or something. If y'all don't mind, I may post my progress or failure within this thread.

Again, THANK YOU.

 

[go2]

Amazing is the information that can be accumulated, but not applied. If I don't TRY to apply, this is just a waste of time.

Al Today, the reading will provide context and a map, but the application I always use
in moments of shock, which are fewer these days, is to observe my reaction to events.
This is a struggle, but each time you see your machine react to the horror, you will add
to being. It has taken me years to be able to look at the suffering and lies of this world and
not experience the automatic emotions of fear and rage. Your stating your experience
of outrage is a step, now you can go back over this thread again and again, and see the
truth, you are an automatic reaction machine. I even resorted to keeping a written record of
what I saw happen when my ideal was thwarted. At first I tried to control the reaction. This failed,
but slowly, without comment from the mind the observing I begins to grow in strengh and
capacity. SAO's comments and links are invaluable. Our proposed purpose in living, stated in
the thread you posted on earlier today,

http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=9398.0

is to debug the programming of the Universe, starting with ourselves, and the tool is
our attention and observation of self in relationship. Oh, I have heard it said,
"Trying is lying!" :)

 

[Al Today]

and the tool is our attention and observation of self in relationship.

DOH...
Oh, I get it, relationship with self. I took this as relationships with others.
Didin't think of it that way. Thanks.
Yep, gotta put myself in debug mode. Thanks for the support. I want to DO this, and I'll find out if I can DO this. Practice, and more practice.
I feel like such a liar and hypocrite, and I'm pretty good with the talk, I wanna see if I can walk the talk, or am I just full of bullshite.!.!.! Seems so damn hard. But one has to start somewhere.
Thanks go2

 

[mamadrama]

Al, you've been given some great insights by SAO and go2. I hope this supports you as well:

Q. There are two kinds of suffering: one is due to seeing my own mechanicalness and weakness, and the other is suffering from seeing someone you are fond of ill or unhappy. How to work against it or use it for the work?
A. The question is, can you do something or not? If you can, you can, but if you cannot, it is another thing. If we begin suffering about everything we cannot help, then we shall certainly never cease suffering. The chief thing is to find how much imagination there is in it. We may be perfectly sure there is none, but if we make one more effort we often see that it is all imaginary. We have a wrong picture of ourselves, and at the same time we ascribe to this wrong picture real features. But if this picture is false, then everything about it is bound to be false, and its suffering is also false. It may be very acute, but this does not make any difference. Imaginary suffering is generally more unpleasant than real, because with real suffering you can do something, but with imaginary suffering you can do nothing. You can only get rid of it, but if you are fond of it or proud of it, then you will have to keep it.

 

[Al Today]

… most of us have experienced this feeling of almost rage when lies are
being told while, at the same time, when we face the truth about things,

Lately I’ve been stewing over the upcoming elections. What choices?

And usa putting missles in Poland, 115 miles from Russia? What is that about? Terrist nations? Yeah right. Pass the barf bag…

And I’m just sick of the garbage the MSM spit out. Biased? No not the MSM. Without the television news, many would have absolutely no idea what’s going on. What would the joe six packs do? Seems many have forgotten how to read. I thank god for internet news. And I fear this will be taken away. Perhaps China is the beta site for internet censorship?

And the tazer thing. Good grief. Protect and serve? I don’t think so… Seems they think it’s them versus us. We (not police) are guilty till proven innocent. In their eyes, anyone may be a bad dude. So why take a chance. Tazer ‘em… They probably have fun. Jokes probably fly around the locker room. Geeze…

So, it seems that much is happening around this ole BBM.

I wonder in what state is the human experiential cycle nowadays? Doesn’t seem to be getting better, to me anyway.

And then the following quotes I recently read fed fuel to the upcoming bonfire within me…

It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. - Joseph Stalin

Men are so simple and so much inclined to obey immediate needs that a deceiver will never lack victims for his deceptions. - Niccolo Machiavelli

All propaganda has to be popular and has to accommodate itself to the comprehension of the least intelligent of those whom it seeks to reach. - Adolf Hitler

… it's mostly felt as heat in the torso area (perhaps emotional center?) and it comes from the "i won't take anymore of this!" state of mind. …

Yep, in another thread, on 19 August, I had great pain in my midsection.
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=9398.msg67929#msg67929

On 20 August, the building anger just triggered an emotional frenzy.
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=9423.msg68086#msg68086

Mad as hell? Hell yeah.!.!.!

[quote author=Carlos Castaneda— "The Fire From Within"]
… explain to me the three facets of their knowledge: the mastery of awareness, the mastery of stalking, and the mastery of intent. [/quote]

Awareness is what I believe I should be working on. I believe The Work entails building a relationship with oneself.

Even here is said:
[quote author=From the Bible, Luke 4:23 (King James Version):]
… Physician, heal thyself … [/quote]
because:
The cobbler always wears the worst shoes.
Physicians, while often being able to help the sick, cannot always do so and, when sick themselves.
One cannot help others if they cannot help themselves…

Now, about the DOing portion of the equation. Am I DOing what I should, working on myself (seems selfish) or should I DO something external to myself and try to make a change somehow in this messed up world? I want to DO both, but I do need to get more familiar with this here biological machine that is trying to rule me.

In summary, seems the logical path to follow is: Work on myself, live by example and flap my little butterfly wings.

SMOKE TIME

 

[Alana]

Now, about the DOing portion of the equation. Am I DOing what I should, working on myself (seems selfish) or should I DO something external to myself and try to make a change somehow in this messed up world? I want to DO both, but I do need to get more familiar with this here biological machine that is trying to rule me.

In summary, seems the logical path to follow is: Work on myself, live by example and flap my little butterfly wings.

LOL Al! I think the reason you fret and fuss about stuff (and i say that in a very caring way, and i very well understand your anger) , is because you know the answers to your questions already, theoretically at least, but you have't taken that knowledge to the experience level. I go through similar process as you describe: i read news and start pacing frantically up and down in the room, fuming from ears and mouth, wasting lots of energy on being pissed off. There are creative ways for all of us to pour that energy into, both inside of us and outside, as per the answers you received and the ones you gave yourself.

I live you with the advice that a wise man gave me not long ago - my driving teacher ;)

You are the one in charge in this car!

 

[Al Today]

the reason you fret and fuss about stuff (and i say that in a very caring way, and i very well understand your anger) , is because you know the answers to your questions already, theoretically at least, but you have't taken that knowledge to the experience level.

Thank you Smaragde. I know you hit the mark. :O It is called PROCRASTINATION

1) To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness. [<<-- That's Me]

2) To postpone or delay needlessly. [<<-- That's Me Too]

Question is am I gonna DO this or or just WISH... Must take on the challange.!.!.!
Seems I am at WAR with myself.

 

[Alana]

Question is am I gonna DO this or or just WISH... Must take on the challange.!.!.!
Seems I am at WAR with myself.

Well, isn't it that the most fights we win inside, the less we'll have to win outside? ;)

If you remember from In search for the Miraculous, it was again a very entropic period when Gurdgieff tried to spread the word/Work, under very difficult circumstances. But as he told Ouspensky (paraphrasing) the conditions where perfect at the time for this type of work. And as per Lobaczewski, "happy times" numb the mind and the psychological reality understanding in people. Don Juan also told Castaneda that the seers of old times took advantage of the arrival of the Spanish conquerors to sharpen their skills in the presence of all those petty tyrants. So it seems that we live in "perfect conditions" for this work. Who knows, we might have even chosen this

 

[Buddy]

I just want to say thanks for this thread. It is being an immense help to me right now as I study all the advice and links to relevant threads. As I followed the link over to Danny's thread (http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=4347.0) and studied that, I posted the only thing I could think of that might contribute to the overall effort here.

If you don't mind, I'd like to ask a couple of questions though.
1) Does the following partial quote:

...The chief thing is to find how much imagination there is in it. We may be perfectly sure there is none, but if we make one more effort we often see that it is all imaginary. We have a wrong picture of ourselves, and at the same time we ascribe to this wrong picture real features...

refer to the idea of wishful thinking in terms of acting on illusions or false assumptions that we may have about what the reality is in a given situation including our view of ourself? In other words, does it represent reading something into a situation that's not really there? It seems so.

2)I've been noticing an effect on me lately when I leave this forum for the night. I usually feel energized and in a much better mood - even a little happy at times. Is this a common experience?
In the past, as I studied various other subjects like neo-tech, theosophy, magick or whatever, I usually came away with a feeling of arrogance, cockyness or some version of the "I know more that you" emotion.