sevensama
Padawan Learner
Hello all. These past months were filled with ups and downs for me as I adapted some things in my lifestyle, including changing my diet and regular EE sessions. Though I can't say it's been particularly easy, I'm getting more used to the differences now and am able to say that I enjoy the results. Along the way I've come to reflect on some choices I made in the past and was wondering whether someone is willing to shed some light on this topic.
- For some reason, one which I still can't really put a finger on, I've always held a fascination for Japan. This started during my second to last year in elementary school and included interest in said country's mythology, language and culture in general. Before I left elementary school I had already decided that I'd study the language once I'd graduate from high school, come what may. Throughout my high school years that idea stuck with me and though I had also developed a strong fondness for arts, I never wavered from my initial plan; after high school I enrolled into a university course known as Oriental Language and Communication, majoring Japanese.
As soon as I started studying, my interest started to lessen. After visiting Japan for the first time on an exchange, I knew for sure I wasn't going to try and enter a Japanese company and as I progressed, I realized I didn't necessarily want a job that had anything to do with Japan or Japanese. I've been trying to figure out what exactly put me off - I am still fond of Japan and its language, but there are many things in its society which I don't agree with, in particular the socially preferred masks that allow people to lie in many a situation and get away with it (an almost split-personality kind of way of handling things known as honne and tatemae) and its growing materialism.
Aside from the external factors, I have a weakness of not being able to put myself to do things that are mandatory. In this case, Japanese is no longer a hobby, but something which I have to do according to someone else's rules and program which methods I don't completely agree with.
Lately I've had a lot of thoughts on what to do next - do I finish this course (which will take me one more year if I study hard enough, if not- two more years) - or do I find a way to quit, thereby putting myself in a very unstable position financially (monthly government funded university money will all become a 'loan' instead of a 'gift' - one of the 'money traps' which usually persuades people to stay in school and graduate - meaning I'll have to start paying back a big sum of money). It will also be an emotional blow to my family, who have put a lot of time and effort in keeping me safe and sound whilst living on my own - I'd have to move back in with my parents and though we have a good relationship, I feel that this would be an unwise decision considering the differences in our lifestyle.
On the other hand, if I don't quit, I will be doing something that will consume a lot of my time which I could spend wisely on other things - my priorities lean towards learning more about things such as discussed here on the forum, towards adapting myself and my environment to a more safer direction, to prepare myself more seriously for things to come...
yet at the same time, I might be too 'chicken' to quit as well, considering the consequences.
I'm going around in circles here. I would very much welcome another point of view or opinion. :)
- For some reason, one which I still can't really put a finger on, I've always held a fascination for Japan. This started during my second to last year in elementary school and included interest in said country's mythology, language and culture in general. Before I left elementary school I had already decided that I'd study the language once I'd graduate from high school, come what may. Throughout my high school years that idea stuck with me and though I had also developed a strong fondness for arts, I never wavered from my initial plan; after high school I enrolled into a university course known as Oriental Language and Communication, majoring Japanese.
As soon as I started studying, my interest started to lessen. After visiting Japan for the first time on an exchange, I knew for sure I wasn't going to try and enter a Japanese company and as I progressed, I realized I didn't necessarily want a job that had anything to do with Japan or Japanese. I've been trying to figure out what exactly put me off - I am still fond of Japan and its language, but there are many things in its society which I don't agree with, in particular the socially preferred masks that allow people to lie in many a situation and get away with it (an almost split-personality kind of way of handling things known as honne and tatemae) and its growing materialism.
Aside from the external factors, I have a weakness of not being able to put myself to do things that are mandatory. In this case, Japanese is no longer a hobby, but something which I have to do according to someone else's rules and program which methods I don't completely agree with.
Lately I've had a lot of thoughts on what to do next - do I finish this course (which will take me one more year if I study hard enough, if not- two more years) - or do I find a way to quit, thereby putting myself in a very unstable position financially (monthly government funded university money will all become a 'loan' instead of a 'gift' - one of the 'money traps' which usually persuades people to stay in school and graduate - meaning I'll have to start paying back a big sum of money). It will also be an emotional blow to my family, who have put a lot of time and effort in keeping me safe and sound whilst living on my own - I'd have to move back in with my parents and though we have a good relationship, I feel that this would be an unwise decision considering the differences in our lifestyle.
On the other hand, if I don't quit, I will be doing something that will consume a lot of my time which I could spend wisely on other things - my priorities lean towards learning more about things such as discussed here on the forum, towards adapting myself and my environment to a more safer direction, to prepare myself more seriously for things to come...
yet at the same time, I might be too 'chicken' to quit as well, considering the consequences.
I'm going around in circles here. I would very much welcome another point of view or opinion. :)
