Speaking with your children-Calling all parental advisors

[Magpie]

Magpie here, seeking to start a dialogue on the ways we speak and interact with our children regarding the upcoming events, the way, and all things paleo christian.

Some of us are in Boat A--we live with our children and they don't have to leave our immediate care to go and stay with another parent. This situation obviously offers a more stable home environment (of course provided both parents are in the same boat), in which certain topics can be discussed about say, the dinner table. However, what topics should be discussed with kids? Some of the concepts we are discussing (the end of the world as we know it) can be completely overwhelming to a child's limited perspective. Oh, and there's always the unfortunate ones that still have their kids in public schools...nothing like your child telling the teacher that Mommy thinks Jesus is Julius Caesar. (Don't get me started on UFO's and lizzies).

Then there are those of us who still deal with everything in Boat A, with the added complication of Boat B: our child has to spend some amount of time with the other parent. Anyone who is dealing with this knows what a nightmare it can bring about. Total ignorance regarding their diet, which of course if anyone who is ketoadapted knows, can really really put your system in total turmoil. Nothing like McDonald's on a keto-tummy---UGH! :( And then there's also the fear that somehow the child might say something odd (like Mommy/Daddy says that I don't need vaccines anymore and that they are bad for me.) and the other parent immediately starts challenging you on custody.

Either Boat-A or B-raising children against the mainstream can be...well like swimming upstream. I would like this thread to be a sharing space for parents on how we start some of these difficult conversations with our kids. Conversations about: the plague, religion, diet, the fourth way, the wave series, UFO's, weather phenomenon----you name it! Please share ways that worked, ways that didn't, and practical parenting advice on how you are surviving and thriving with your family.

Our daughter is 11. And we are in Boat B. While my husband (who is a Super Stepdad) is more like a father to her than her own biological dad, she still spends some time with her bio-dad and his new wife and their new son. My husband and I follow a paleo/keto-adapted diet with her as closely as possible at home. We have had a slow road de-carbing and de-sugaring her, but we are almost there...and then her bio-dad takes her to McDonald's.
Sigh.
And we are back to square one. It was really hard at first. She didn't even notice that the food was hurting her. Lately though, her system has started to push back and she realizes: wow-this food is really bad for me and it's making me sick. But, when you are only 11 and this is the only food your bio-dad will give you-your choice is: see my bio-dad and eat gross stuff or don't see him at all. That is a choice that she's not ready to make. She still loves him because he's her "dad". (He's also super manipulative, but I can't exactly scream it from the rooftops without looking like I'm being petty, snitty, and hateful.) She's respecting him less and less. She has resisted his requests that she become a christian. She even complains about the food. But it's still not a perfect situation. I have tried talking to my ex, and his wife. They both tell me to my face: oh yes! Gluten free is no problem. Sure thing.
Only to say to our daughter once they are home: oh my god, your mother has RUINED you. We're not going out of our way because you need all this special food. This doesn't make any sense. You need to grow up and quit being babied.

Technically, I could forbid her to go there. I do have sole custody. But...as I'm sure other parents can attest to, forbidding a child from doing something is usually the fastest way to get them to do it.
So, hello rock. Meet hard place.

What about you other parents and grandparents? Anyone have any good coping advice for when the kids have to go over to an ex's house? What about age appropriate ways to introduce the C's? Anyone else live in a highly religious area and dealing with a lot of societal pressure to conform to a religious viewpoint at their child's school?
And what about those filters? I don't want to hide the truth from my daughter, but I know there are things she's not ready to hear, and doesn't need to tell people outside our "safe circle."

And I'm no expert on forum etiquette. I'm not sure if this should be broken up into different pieces or put another place, so please re-direct if need be.

 

[KTC]

Hi Magpie,

I have a 4 year old.. different scenario I know and I have followed the forum since he was a wee baby so am learning along the way what works best for our family.

In the long term, like when he is old enough to make bigger choices, I figure it is ultimately his decision on what to believe, what path to take, be it religion, career, life choices, diet, the work, etc.

All I can do is live my life the way I see best practice from what I have learned and continue to learn. Maybe if I imitate the wind, that the breeze I blow on might eventually be the one he chooses either wholly or partially, depending on where his universal journey takes him.

We are all influenced in different ways by those around us whether its our parents, friends, colleagues. But that is also part of our learning, to decipher the truth, to gain knowledge and prepare for our own future.

As hard as it is to accept and as desperate as I am to 'save' my son, to do the absolute utmost to move him along the path I want for him, the choice in the end is his.

If your daughters father is causing her no harm and she loves him and wants to see him I would ask myself if I was interfering with her free will by taking sole custody.

Many things to consider indeed

 

[KTC]

Also,

There are great ways to introduce ideas to our children.

I used Prayer of the Soul as a lullaby when Cassidy was a baby. Now we say it as a poem or make it into a song for fun. You could stick it on the bathroom door to be read in times of solitude ;)

I make up stories at bedtime about heroes and villains and how the greed took over until the meteors came and blew all the misery up and the World started over as a beautiful beginning. We use our imaginations to regrow our perfect World. Of course his new World is full of watersides and present dropping aeroplanes, tree houses and sunny days but the emotions attached to the ideas are spot on.

We love cooking so spend a lot of time in the kitchen together. Even at 4 years of age my son already understands how bread makes him feel simply because its not part of his diet unless he goes to a friends house. He has slip ups but generally makes good food choices because he is already aware of how different foods makes his body feel.

He knows what homeopathic remedies and which essential oils he responds to when he has a sniffly nose or a tummy ache and even a bit of mag powder with cold water makes for a fun drink.

Lets not scare our kids, rather empower them to be the future we aspire them to be.

Make stuff fun, interesting and interactive and enjoy the process.

 

[daddycat]

If you moved away, then your daughter could not see her bio-dad regularly. As you are the sole custodian, you can decide what is best for her at 11.

I don't know where that line is between letting a child make their own decisions, and stepping in as the parent and making the decision. eg Would you let a child make a decision whether to get a vaccine? Would you let a child decide home school or public school?

 

[Lizziespreparetogovegan]

Magpie here, seeking to start a dialogue on the ways we speak and interact with our children regarding the upcoming events, the way, and all things paleo christian.

......However, what topics should be discussed with kids? Some of the concepts we are discussing (the end of the world as we know it) can be completely overwhelming to a child's limited perspective. Oh, and there's always the unfortunate ones that still have their kids in public schools...nothing like your child telling the teacher that Mommy thinks Jesus is Julius Caesar. (Don't get me started on UFO's and lizzies).

My feeling is that it's crucial how such messages and information are delivered rather than exactly what is introduced. I think it's important to introduce concepts that will gel with other, familiar subjects relative to their age and world-view as opposed to sitting them down for a 'serious talk' about 'the big bad world'.

For instance, my son is 8 and perhaps surprisingly, one of the easiest concepts I've addressed with him is that of psychopathy. Many if not most kids story books and films have 'goodies and baddies' and the baddies usually have the traits of psychopaths. I've told him quite openly that there are people like that in the real world, people who can't feel sad when others get hurt, that they're very good at lying and pretend to be good guys and indeed try to make others feel sad so they can get something from it. He seems entirely comfortable with that I guess cause it's to some extent 'familiar' to him already through the super-heroe world he loves so much :)

In terms of 'the end of the world' that you mention I guess none of us really know what the 'end' will look like so that's tricky. I think speaking to our kids quite openly about death and not making a huge deal about it is a healthy venture. My son understands that death is a very natural process that happens to us all and is nothing to fear as such. I've touched on re-incarnation with him and about how we're all here to have experiences and learn our lessons the best we can.

I think in this area (re-incarnation) I've tried to stress that not everyone believes in this and people have very different views and beliefs. My thinking is that in not being dogmatic about this, he'll see it as perhaps an area for exploration and interest later on in life rather than a cut and dried 'fact' which, as you say can get tricky when mixing with other kids and in different social situations. There's perhaps a trap in telling kids 'what to think' rather than 'how to think' even if we do feel we have many of the answers here. He knows that I believe in different dimensions and a 'spirit world' of sorts but I haven't made a big deal of this.

I don't want to hide the truth from my daughter, but I know there are things she's not ready to hear, and doesn't need to tell people outside our "safe circle."

I guess ultimately we have to use our own intuition, learning and knowledge regarding our kids to discern what they're ready for. In a general sense I guess it's perhaps more important to focus on their emotional health and well being rather than 'what they know' in terms of the more esoteric side of things. FWIW

 

[Gary]

Hi magpie. The issue of how and what information to share with our children is a common concern for many of us here. As a Father with shared care of two teenage girls, I have tried to be as open and honest with them as I deem appropriate. Are you familiar with 'strategic enclosure' and 'external considering'? Learning about these two concepts (see Glossary) helped me a lot, particularly in relation to communicating with my children.

Children learn so much from just observing the actions of their parents. By striving to be as 'authentic' as we can be; showing humility and compassion, talking about and expressing our feelings, accepting that we make mistakes and can learn from them, being a 'warrior' by not conforming to the pathology of 'normal' society - actions rather than just words sends a very clear signal to our children (and cosmos too!).

We can't 'save' anybody but ourselves, and of course our children have their own lessons to learn. But we are the parents, and therefore have a responsibility, a duty of care - which our children understandably often do not appreciate. For example, my youngest girl really wanted the HPV vaccine (cervical cancer) - all her friends were getting it after all. But when myself and my ex did not consent (we agreed on this issue, albeit she supports vaccinations generally) she screamed, "why can't you be a normal Daddy!". That hurt me at the time. But then making a stand against pathology is never going to be an easy ride. That is why networking on here is so very important, as we support one another, and share what we can. :)

My feeling is that it's crucial how such messages and information are delivered rather than exactly what is introduced. I think it's important to introduce concepts that will gel with other, familiar subjects relative to their age and world-view as opposed to sitting them down for a 'serious talk' about 'the big bad world

'.

I very much agree Zenith. Sharing information relative to their levels of awareness is important. Lecturing, even if well intentioned, could potentially have an adverse effect I think. I have spoken to my girls about alot of the topics that we discuss on here, couched in terms they can relate to. Having a good, open communication channel with our children is essential though. Anyway, good luck to you. :)