Still Around at Times But Lots on My Mind

[Brenda86]

Hey everyone... I know it's been a while. I've been checking in from time to time to read here and there.

I have to say in the last several months I have managed to get my level of stress down by a lot and only rarely do I find myself getting worked up about this or that - mostly because my boyfriend and I are still living with my mom. We are saving money and plan to be out of here by November/December (before the baby arrives). I cannot and will not raise this child in the same house as my mother. Though I can honestly say I am FINALLY starting to see some improvements in how she handles herself and my sister.

She is finally ACTIVELY working towards getting my sister back in school and went and talked to someone at the school board a few days ago. And she is finally starting to actually act like a mother towards her.

She also finally seemed to actually grasp that she has been blaming me for things SHE has done. I had told her a few weeks ago that, "You are perfectly free to blame me all you want for your problems and actions, but I refuse to accept that responsibility." And it seemed like it finally clicked with her. Part of my stress level going down has been not allowing her to blame me, not allowing her to step all over me. I also finally told her that I have a baby on the way and she is able to do whatever she wants with her money and I won't hound her about it, but stop asking me and my boyfriend for money. We are not a bank. And if we continue to pay for her overspending, we will not be able to move and that is NOT an option. And I have been very firm on this and it has really helped me AND her. She has been a lot more careful about what she buys knowing she has no backup.

The biggest struggle for me really has been this pregnancy... It was not expected/planned. We were careful, but not careful enough.

I cannot help but be happy about this baby. But I am also terrified to bring this baby into the world the way it is.

I am also scared about having another baby born early. For anyone who doesn't know or remember... I was in a pretty emotionally abusive relationship in the past which had me under chronic high levels of stress and the abuse gradually became physical and led me to have our baby at only 26 weeks. He was on life support for 2 weeks before all his complications led us to decide to take him off life support so we could be with him when he died... It was a matter of hours/days as it was with his increasing levels of oxygen, severely damaged lungs and blood on his brain.

It's probably the hardest thing I've ever been through and I know I HAVE the strength to do it again if necessary but I do not WANT that. I want a healthy baby. But then back to once the baby is here... just thinking about how crazy this world is and the direction things are going...

Well, I guess I just have to focus on being the best parent I can be... keep working on myself and try to help my child become whatever it is they want to become in whatever time we have...

Also for anyone that is curious I am 17 weeks along in the pregnancy now... the baby is due January 9th 2011

 

[Rhys]

Wow Brenda86, you have a lot to deal with right now!

I don't feel qualified to offer any more advice than keeping off the gluten and dairy and doing plenty of pipe breathing to help you (AND and the baby) deal with any stresses you are facing, and to meditate on the Prayer of the Soul. It must be a scary time for you, but the network is here for you when you need it. Maybe someone else can offer some better advice :)

I hope you guys manage to find a place of your own in time - it sounds like it's for the best for all concerned.

Good luck

 

[herondancer]

Hi Brenda86,

Thanks for the update. It sound like you've made a lot of progress in untangling your relationship with your mother. Rhys has given some good suggestions. You may have to adjust your supplements a bit to account for the extra demand on your body. Psyche should be able to give you some guidance. And don't let anyone give you the "you have to drink milk when you're expecting" routine. There's lots of other ways to get calcium and whatever else they're worried about. You can't go wrong with the diet and doing EE.

Herondancer

 

[truth seeker]

Thanks for checking in Brenda. While you still have quite a bit on your plate, you seem to be handling it beautifully! Hang in there and let us know if there's anything we can do for you. :)

 

[Brenda86]

Thanks everyone! :)

I especially appreciate the reminder about diet... The way I was feeling in the beginning of the pregnancy it was really hard for me to stick to the way I was eating before. I literally ate a lot of junk. Of course, the one thing I have definitely stuck to is no aspartame. And the amount of sugar I eat is extremely low now, too. I'm not a huge dairy person anyway, but I have had a bit more lately, so I'll go back to working on cutting out the dairy and gluten now that I've got aspartame and sugar under better control. I do think it'll be a bit easier knowing it's in the best interest of my unborn baby, too.

I think now the most important thing for me to do is to start preparing the better food BEFORE the hunger really hits because THAT'S when it's the hardest to eat what I know I SHOULD eat - especially being pregnant.

And even though I have not been doing the pipe breathing on a truly regular basis, I ALWAYS do it when I start to feel stressed and within moments I feel myself relaxing. I'm going to commit time every day to doing the pipe breathing and meditating on the POTS. I've been doing it again the past few days and I think it probably has a lot to do with why I decided to update everyone, too. It always makes me feel reconnected, you know?

 

[theos]

Hi Brenda,

I'm glad things are going better for you. Please continue to check in from time to time.

 

[Oxajil]

Thank you Brenda for the update. I can understand your sadness about bringing a baby to this world, but maybe at some level the baby chose to be born and be with you.

I hope you stay on the right diet, now you're responsible for two :)

Take care

 

[Gawan]

Hi Brenda,

I think now the most important thing for me to do is to start preparing the better food BEFORE the hunger really hits because THAT'S when it's the hardest to eat what I know I SHOULD eat - especially being pregnant.

One step at a time Brenda, maybe you could make a shopping list with things you are "allowed" to eat, when you are for example on the gluten-free diet. It could give you time to prepare yourself for shopping when you are still at home, because at the beginning of a diet change it takes a rather long time to check out the labels of the products, but it will get better and faster with the time.

And even though I have not been doing the pipe breathing on a truly regular basis, I ALWAYS do it when I start to feel stressed and within moments I feel myself relaxing. I'm going to commit time every day to doing the pipe breathing and meditating on the POTS. I've been doing it again the past few days and I think it probably has a lot to do with why I decided to update everyone, too. It always makes me feel reconnected, you know?

That sounds good to me.

I have to say in the last several months I have managed to get my level of stress down by a lot and only rarely do I find myself getting worked up about this or that - mostly because my boyfriend and I are still living with my mom. We are saving money and plan to be out of here by November/December (before the baby arrives). I cannot and will not raise this child in the same house as my mother. Though I can honestly say I am FINALLY starting to see some improvements in how she handles herself and my sister.

She is finally ACTIVELY working towards getting my sister back in school and went and talked to someone at the school board a few days ago. And she is finally starting to actually act like a mother towards her.

Is there also a chance to help your mother and sister out (i.e. social service, counseling)? That means, so it seems to me she depends on you, which is imo bad in your current state.

Well, I guess I just have to focus on being the best parent I can be... keep working on myself and try to help my child become whatever it is they want to become in whatever time we have...

I'm not sure if it has been already suggested, maybe the big 5 psychological books may of help for you to spot -narcissistic- programs.

Narcissism "Big Five"
Myth of Sanity - Martha Stout
The Narcissistic Family - Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman
Trapped in the Mirror - Elan Golomb
Unholy Hungers - Barbara E. Hort
In Sheep's Clothing - George K. Simon

I wish you and your -yet- unborn child all the best.