Struggle at work - How to handle an STS colleague?

[Ellipse]

Here at work we have a consultant dedicated to manage a project we are working on. The problem is that the person is just unskilled. So very often he asked me questions :
- which can't be easily answered because three quarters of the path to the solution is missing
- which he should know the solution
- which are fragmented so he interrupt me 4 times instead of one
and so on...

So I lost my time instead of doing my work. Over that I think the person is deeply STS because he have just learnt to be like that to advance his carrier.

It's not easy to resist because I'm in the sense to help and I want that the whole project go head. For me it's a dilemma between being more STS and advance or being STO but at my expense.

An idea? Thanks.

 

[Carl]

Here at work we have a consultant dedicated to manage a project we are working on. The problem is that the person is just unskilled. So very often he asked me questions :
- which can't be easily answered because three quarters of the path to the solution is missing
- which he should know the solution
- which are fragmented so he interrupt me 4 times instead of one
and so on...

So I lost my time instead of doing my work. Over that I think the person is deeply STS because he have just learnt to be like that to advance his carrier.

Could you develop this situation more and possibly give some more examples without giving too much away in terms of privacy? It's a pain in the ass to get a very unskilled manager, but he might just be that - the clueless ones or authoritarian followers who end up in middle management and stay there. Not necessarily 'STS' or malicious.

It's not easy to resist because I'm in the sense to help and I want that the whole project go head. For me it's a dilemma between being more STS and advance or being STO but at my expense.

What are your options in the above scenario? It sounds like you have some power to change things, so what is the STS plan as you see it, and what is the STO plan?

 

[Adaryn]

Could you develop this situation more and possibly give some more examples without giving too much away in terms of privacy? It's a pain in the ass to get a very unskilled manager, but he might just be that - the clueless ones or authoritarian followers who end up in middle management and stay there. Not necessarily 'STS' or malicious.

I agree. If the guy is unskilled, he's bound to be a pain and an energy drain, but it's not necessarily conscious on his part, doesn't mean he's evil - just annoying. But we'd need to know more about his general attitude, and how he interacts with you. Is he nice and polite when he asks for help, or nasty/bossy?

 

[Ellipse]

Thanks for your answers. It took some time to answer because we have to deliver the project and so I work very late each day.

Could you develop this situation more and possibly give some more examples without giving too much away in terms of privacy? It's a pain in the ass to get a very unskilled manager, but he might just be that - the clueless ones or authoritarian followers who end up in middle management and stay there. Not necessarily 'STS' or malicious.

Well, for example the project manager have to determine very precisely what need to be produced but here it was very vague. Let's say you are called to open a shop which will sell cakes and that the only information the project manager give you is "I want you to find a shop, and you will have to sell 30 cakes each day". In this situation you don't need the project manager, only the boss.
So I finished with my colleagues in a meeting room to determine all the details because I want the project to progress AND I must build the shop at the same time.

I think you have a point Carl, I think the person is an authoritarian follower. The person just report to the boss and distribute good and bad points. You see the picture. This is a very psychorigide person too, I've the sensation to be in front of a robot. And all what I say or present can be used against me, incredible.

What are your options in the above scenario? It sounds like you have some power to change things, so what is the STS plan as you see it, and what is the STO plan?

The STS plan as I see it, is to make myself and my manager to lost their nerves (hard with me but it can be done because a lot of stress is generated and I physically feel it and I'm tired) and be fired for both of us.
The STO plan is to talk robot language, I've some success... and avoid a complete clash and finish the job at all cost.

I agree. If the guy is unskilled, he's bound to be a pain and an energy drain, but it's not necessarily conscious on his part, doesn't mean he's evil - just annoying. But we'd need to know more about his general attitude, and how he interacts with you. Is he nice and polite when he asks for help, or nasty/bossy?

Very polite but intrusive. I mean, you start to answer on a minor point and you finish to lost 45mn explaining or defending your position instead of working. The other technique is just to impose. If you refuse to answer, this will be retain against you and transmit to the boss if needed.

So externals views are welcome.

Thanks.

 

[zak]

Ellipse how long have you been working with him ?

 

[Deleted member 4320]

Ellipse, have you ever said to him about how you feel and what influence his behaviour has on your work?

If it doesn't work, then just go to the superior and review the whole situation.

If this doesn't help, then learn how to be and strive to be assertive.

 

[Anamarija]

I like this kind of situation because we have opportunity to learn more about ourselves, not just theorizing about the Work.

Maybe you can just observe what is going on in you next time when he reach for your help. You are right, you will not be so productively and up to date as much you want but you will receive many quality information about yourself. Perhaps you will be grateful to him after you found out something about yourself that you didn't know.

 

[Ellipse]

Ellipse how long have you been working with him ?

Six months. Since the start we saw a problem but interactions was scarce the first tree months. A meeting should have been done a this moment to clarify the roles. As I'm not the manager and I gave him my trust to handle the situation but in fact he didn't at the very beginning. It' a repetitive situation for me. I don't want to say to a manager what he have to do and finally we end up with a big problem.

I like this kind of situation because we have opportunity to learn more about ourselves, not just theorizing about the Work.

Maybe you can just observe what is going on in you next time when he reach for your help. You are right, you will not be so productively and up to date as much you want but you will receive many quality information about yourself. Perhaps you will be grateful to him after you found out something about yourself that you didn't know.

Ellipse, have you ever said to him about how you feel and what influence his behaviour has on your work?

If it doesn't work, then just go to the superior and review the whole situation.

If this doesn't help, then learn how to be and strive to be assertive.

Point 1: yes but refuse to talk at this level.
Point 2: done x10 and the superior said him what he have to say but the answer was a lot of denial and "your are losing your nerves". The problem is the timing. Now it's too late, project must be finished quick.
Point 3: you're right, I read a book long ago on the subject, no easy to change the program and acting with more assertiveness give me the sensation to act on a more STS way.

I like this kind of situation because we have opportunity to learn more about ourselves, not just theorizing about the Work.

Maybe you can just observe what is going on in you next time when he reach for your help. You are right, you will not be so productively and up to date as much you want but you will receive many quality information about yourself. Perhaps you will be grateful to him after you found out something about yourself that you didn't know.

OK so come into my company! International environment, actually lot of pressure to push you to your limits, fast progresses garanted ;)

Yes, but I'm trained to handle emotions so I do not lost my nerves or whatever but I think I need to find the key to protect myself. I have the sensation to be eaten.

 

[Deleted member 4320]

Point 3: you're right, I read a book long ago on the subject, no easy to change the program and acting with more assertiveness give me the sensation to act on a more STS way.

It is in your hand. Remember that everybody have right to defend themselves. I am not expert in assertive behaviour and language, but most techniques are far away of be real nasty and are suitable for use in office and group work. It's not just your problem, a lot of people was in the similar situation in the job.

Otherwise: I don't perfectly remember what C's said, but it was something like: It takes two to tango and if some of you do not respond and do not break, you both get burned.

 

[liffy]

Maybe it could be an idea to point out to him how his behaviour is affecting you, and the work you are trying to do? Preferably with other people present, so that they may be 'on your side' in the potential argument, given that they agree with your view, that is.

 

[Chu]

I think you should do whatever gets the project done, and not over-analyze the situation. Trying to conserve your energy to focus on the project, instead of focusing on this colleague. Be strategic and don't engage more than is necessary. No need to be labeling him as STS or use esoteric terms for this situation, IMO. From the little you've shared, it simply looks as if you're dealing with an incompetent person who thinks he knows more (Dunning-Kruger effect). You can navigate through that.

 

[kenlee]

Point 1: yes but refuse to talk at this level.
Point 2: done x10 and the superior said him what he have to say but the answer was a lot of denial and "your are losing your nerves". The problem is the timing. Now it's too late, project must be finished quick.
Point 3: you're right, I read a book long ago on the subject, no easy to change the program and acting with more assertiveness give me the sensation to act on a more STS way.

I think the important thing is to not lose your valuable emotional energy in all of this from an identification with the expectations of the results of your actions to better this situation. If you acted as best as you are able in the above 3 actions the there's not much you can do but accept the resulting situation and your responsibility in it and proceed accordingly. It may help if you go to the boss and simply ask him to clarify as simply and as precisely as possible what you responsibility in all of this is. Then leave it at that. The important thing is not to waste your emotional energy on unknowns, arguing and disappointments based of expectations of outcomes. That doesn't mean it's not going to happen but at least you can keep your energy loss to a minimum if you act more consciously in your actions and utilize that energy to best navigate the situation.

 

[Anamarija]

OK so come into my company! International environment, actually lot of pressure to push you to your limits, fast progresses garanted ;)

Yes, but I'm trained to handle emotions so I do not lost my nerves or whatever but I think I need to find the key to protect myself. I have the sensation to be eaten.

:D, I know what you mean ;).

If you already talked with your superior about this problems, for me, it looks like this is standard loop, when someone feels like he can't escape. Weak and very irritating point.

You said that you need to find the key to protect yourself and have the sensation to be eaten. Maybe this is opportunity to learn how can you protect yourself. Perhaps this helps:
http://www.sott.net/article/297703-How-to-be-assertive-without-being-aggressive

http://www.sott.net/article/290950-Make-Nice-Program-Is-your-kindness-killing-you

and this:
http://www.sott.net/article/281166-Are-you-seen-as-jerk-at-work-A-new-study-reveals-that-many-people-are-oblivious-to-how-they-come-across-to-counterparts-and-colleagues

 

[Ellipse]

Maybe it could be an idea to point out to him how his behaviour is affecting you, and the work you are trying to do? Preferably with other people present, so that they may be 'on your side' in the potential argument, given that they agree with your view, that is.

Yes, done. We agreed I present advancement when a step is finished. Counterpart is to not disturb me any more. It was very, very, very hard to obtain an OK. It can be understandable. If I present nothing, there's nothing to report to the boss. But usually to do reporting, the common method is to do a point at the very start or at the end of the journey. Someone skilled would naturally propose that.

I think you should do whatever gets the project done, and not over-analyze the situation. Trying to conserve your energy to focus on the project, instead of focusing on this colleague. Be strategic and don't engage more than is necessary. No need to be labeling him as STS or use esoteric terms for this situation, IMO. From the little you've shared, it simply looks as if you're dealing with an incompetent person who thinks he knows more (Dunning-Kruger effect). You can navigate through that.

Yes, but I think that one of the lessons is to take this kind of situation seriously at the very start. To be aware how it will unfold. I guess it's always the same more or less.
Thanks you for the Dunning-Kruger effect reminder, I will review.

I think the important thing is to not lose your valuable emotional energy in all of this from an identification with the expectations of the results of your actions to better this situation. If you acted as best as you are able in the above 3 actions the there's not much you can do but accept the resulting situation and your responsibility in it and proceed accordingly. It may help if you go to the boss and simply ask him to clarify as simply and as precisely as possible what you responsibility in all of this is. Then leave it at that. The important thing is not to waste your emotional energy on unknowns, arguing and disappointments based of expectations of outcomes. That doesn't mean it's not going to happen but at least you can keep your energy loss to a minimum if you act more consciously in your actions and utilize that energy to best navigate the situation.

Yes, absolutely and already aware of to the necessity to conserve my energy. But the counter effect is that I tend to have no reaction at all now. Real life example: we had an advancement point with the middle boss. M not present at the point. He said "Thanks to M to did the task A". I thought: "He! I did 80% of the task A", "Thanks to N to did the task B", "He! I did 90% of task B". But I did not react to not engaged and I don't think it's OK, so not so simple.
About reaching the boss, yes, this is something I'm thinking about but not so easy as this someone who is over sea and I never meet.

If you already talked with your superior about this problems, for me, it looks like this is standard loop, when someone feels like he can't escape. Weak and very irritating point.

You said that you need to find the key to protect yourself and have the sensation to be eaten. Maybe this is opportunity to learn how can you protect yourself. Perhaps this helps:
http://www.sott.net/article/297703-How-to-be-assertive-without-being-aggressive

http://www.sott.net/article/290950-Make-Nice-Program-Is-your-kindness-killing-you

and this:
http://www.sott.net/article/281166-Are-you-seen-as-jerk-at-work-A-new-study-reveals-that-many-people-are-oblivious-to-how-they-come-across-to-counterparts-and-colleagues

Thanks Dakota for those excellent links, will read.

Rethinking about the assertiveness, I'm assertive in private life but not enough at job. Have to think about that.

 

[kenlee]

Yes, absolutely and already aware of to the necessity to conserve my energy. But the counter effect is that I tend to have no reaction at all now. Real life example: we had an advancement point with the middle boss. M not present at the point. He said "Thanks to M to did the task A". I thought: "He! I did 80% of the task A", "Thanks to N to did the task B", "He! I did 90% of task B". But I did not react to not engaged and I don't think it's OK, so not so simple.
About reaching the boss, yes, this is something I'm thinking about but not so easy as this someone who is over sea and I never meet.

I think that having "no reaction" doesn't mean that you didn't have a reaction in the past and won't have a similar reaction in the future. It's just that you're not having it at the moment because you are more localized in your head, thinking about what happened. The challenge is to be in front of the reaction even before it happens so that you can catch it happening in the moment.

Regarding the "counter effect," in some situations if one is 'able' enough to do it, it may sometimes be necessary to go opposite to a strong automatic reaction (almost "brutally") so that it can be counter balanced and bring one back to center. An example would be is that if there is a strong automatic/unconscious reaction in the workplace to be passive in a certain situation then consciously making an effort to go to the opposite extreme and being very assertive can help to bring one back to center, all the while observing the dynamic and not identifying with it so that one can stop on a dime if necessary and not go too far to the other extreme and lose conscious awareness and then make the matter worse. But it takes a lot of conscious control to be able to do this. Better to focus on what's going on inside yourself and how you are connected to the whole dynamic. One has to be aware of one's reactions and it's circumstances in the first place and this is where self observation is so important at the beginning, for starts. Better, IMO, to observe your inner reactions while all this is happening and always best to err on the side of caution.