STS job

[shadowsaround]

If this needs to be moved into a different section please forgive me. I haven't posted in awhile or been on here due to my job working as a bouncer for a local bar as I usually don't get home till around 3am and usually wake up at noon. After the few books and articles I've read on the site and SOTT, my first thought was to change jobs. I've thought about it and slept on it for quite some time now and I decided to stick with it though it is very draining energy wise and takes alot of patience. Of which I don't seem to have alot of. I also have a huge anger issue with most people, but thankfully due to this website and all involved, I have actually started taking 5HTP and gaba and I have noticed a big difference in my attitude and my ability to control myself. With my anger issue's being said I came to the conclusion that working in the bar and dealing with all the drunk people in there it would be a perfect place to work on my anger and patience skills, not to mention there is a wide variety of "Petty tyrants" that come in.

Most nights are peacefull if a bit stressfull. Some nights there's fight after fight. Other nights the crowd just loves to get in security's face's and start talking rudely. For all that has transpired at that bar, I've been amazed that even though I have been in fights I have never actually hit someone. I usually let my boss do that then I grab them and escort them to the door. After things calm down I'll stay outside and do some PB till i can get the adrenaline to stop flowing as much. With all that being said I still have issue's with my anger usually over the dumbest things. For example the other night I was working the door checking id's and one of the "regulars" came in. I asked her for her id card ( I knew she was old enough but we still need to make sure they have there id on them) and she said "give me one minute." Then she walks right by me and goes and sits down at a table. I told myself "OK maybe she will come back and show it to me" but she never did. So I just stood there by the door and kept glancing at her for about 5 minutes all the while getting madder and madder. I finally went up to the boss and asked him what I should do. He told me to go over and card her. So I did and she got snippy with me but she showed me her id card anyways. After that I was mad at being snubbed by her. One of the main thoughts that kept going through my head was what Don Juan told Carlos Casteneda about anger. "You only get angry if you think her actions are important." I knew that but still i was mad and it took me a bit to calm back down. With everything I have learned at the bar why can I not change my thinking process? I'm not mad at myself as this is something I think will take awhile, but I have been working at the bar for awhile and it's been at least two months since I've read "The Fire Within". For some reason I still have trouble in changing myself to how i think i should act. Mainly just not getting angry at people. The other thing I have noticed about myself though is when I tend to get annoyed with people I have a real tough time getting the right words out. Either I start stuttering or I just simply can't keep up with words.

On the flip side of the coin I have noticed that I am becoming more patient with people. I have been noticing the actions of people and psychopaths and it is very interesting to say the least. Usually the trend I notice now is the female's that wear low cut revealing clothes come and flirt with the guys then leave them hanging in the wind, sometimes literally. It strikes me as "power" trip as if they try to get them going then go there own way. As far as my own actions I've noticed that most of the time I simply stay quiet and observe people and occasionally joke around with a few people. Most people in the bar either hate me or consider me down to earth, but its hilarious as to how some treat me. They usually ignore me all the way or smile and ignore me. I don't mind it because i find it mildly amusing.

My apology's for the long post but I have been trying to find a way to get this off my mind and get some feedback to see how to continue to change myself and my perspective. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[aragorn]

Hi shadowsaround, from what you wrote I would say that you seem to have a good seed of self observation planted - just keep observing and 'let it grow'!

Some thoughts about your situation came to my mind:

I have no idea if this is the case with you, nor am I suggesting that, but from my experience with bouncers it seems that that type of men are bodybuilders who have, at least at some point of their training, used 'enhancing substances' to grow their muscles. I don't have the expertise to say for sure, but it seems that hormones and chemicals that builds muscle mass have a heavily negative impact on mental health, particularly inducing anger and violent behavior. But this was just something that came to my mind, nothing I hope you take personally. :) I'm just saying this because I know from own experience how greatly chemical imbalances in the brain can affect your mental state. So, as for us all, detoxing and going on a strict diet would probably be a good start if you haven't done so already.

It seems that you are starting to recognize your different programs and 'buttons' that can be pushed (to make you angry), but you still don't know how to neutralize them. For me the key was to read the recommended psychology books (the big-5) and ISOTM (Gurdjieff), they helped me greatly. Seeing and understanding the roots of your programs and so called narcissistic woundings is an effective way to clean up your machine. 5-HTP and GABA are of course a great help, but they are not the 'final solution', osit.

For all that has transpired at that bar, I've been amazed that even though I have been in fights I have never actually hit someone. I usually let my boss do that then I grab them and escort them to the door.

Are you saying that your boss hits people? :O

I have been noticing the actions of people and psychopaths and it is very interesting to say the least. Usually the trend I notice now is the female's that wear low cut revealing clothes come and flirt with the guys then leave them hanging in the wind, sometimes literally. It strikes me as "power" trip as if they try to get them going then go there own way.

I'm sure you agree, that recognizing real psychopaths is very difficult, almost impossible. Even experts with decades of experience can be fooled. I hope that you're not suggesting that females who wear revealing clothes and play with the guys are all psychopaths?

 

[truth seeker]

I agree with Aragorn's assessment and think you're doing fine. I also agree that some dietary changes and the suggested reading (if you haven't done so) is a good direction to take. :)

 

[Laura]

You could turn situations like that around by saying something like: "You are so beautiful that, for me, you don't need to show your ID, but for my boss, who is watching me, and doesn't think I'm so beautiful, I have to ask to see it!"

Try to think of ways to get people to do what you want them to do - which is, after all, the objective - by making them feel good about doing it.

 

[mcb]

Many work situations can be stressful and draining, depending on how you react. Yours sounds like a terrific "accelerated learning environment" if you can manage it. And yes, it immediately made me think of The Fire From Within.

What is the noise level? Do you protect your ears? Does it affect your "chemical balance?"

 

[shadowsaround]

I have no idea if this is the case with you, nor am I suggesting that, but from my experience with bouncers it seems that that type of men are bodybuilders who have, at least at some point of their training, used 'enhancing substances' to grow their muscles. I don't have the expertise to say for sure, but it seems that hormones and chemicals that builds muscle mass have a heavily negative impact on mental health, particularly inducing anger and violent behavior. But this was just something that came to my mind, nothing I hope you take personally. Smiley I'm just saying this because I know from own experience how greatly chemical imbalances in the brain can affect your mental state. So, as for us all, detoxing and going on a strict diet would probably be a good start if you haven't done so already.

No by all means I do not take anything of that nature unless broccoli and spinach count! :D I think that is one of the reasons i get messed with alot is because i only weigh about 150lbs. Most people take one look at me and think I can't handle the job.

Are you saying that your boss hits people?

Only if he gets hit first. For example, about a month and a half ago we had one heck of a bar fight and my boss got sucker punched in the head so he hit back.

I'm sure you agree, that recognizing real psychopaths is very difficult, almost impossible. Even experts with decades of experience can be fooled. I hope that you're not suggesting that females who wear revealing clothes and play with the guys are all psychopaths?

No not at all. I was just stating what I have been seeing alot of lately. It may be a repeating occurrence in the bar scene I do not know. It is just one of my observations.

 

[shadowsaround]

You could turn situations like that around by saying something like: "You are so beautiful that, for me, you don't need to show your ID, but for my boss, who is watching me, and doesn't think I'm so beautiful, I have to ask to see it!"

Try to think of ways to get people to do what you want them to do - which is, after all, the objective - by making them feel good about doing it.

I have been trying to find ways like that. My latest is when female's say's "really your carding me?" I simply say sure I want to make sure your photo is good looking as you. The guys don't really give me too much trouble but I usually say I just want to make sure your fake is a good one. We have a Colorado ID book to that gives us tips on how to spot fake id's. I seem to have more issue's with females than male's. Allthough I think this could represent an issue in my own life that keeps coming up.

 

[shadowsaround]

Many work situations can be stressful and draining, depending on how you react. Yours sounds like a terrific "accelerated learning environment" if you can manage it. And yes, it immediately made me think of The Fire From Within.

What is the noise level? Do you protect your ears? Does it affect your "chemical balance?"

The major downfall to working there is the bar next door. The bar used to be a good size restaurant and the current owners decided to split it in two and make two bars right next door. The bar where I work at only holds 67 people and is usually pretty quiet for the most part. The "Other Side", yes that's what the bar is named, holds 130 people and has a DJ booth and a dance floor. On the days where my bar shuts down early I go over to the other side and help out over there and the noise tends to get to me. It is always loud over there and I usually just stand outside that door smoking as much as i can. My boss is also my best friend so he knows about my ptsd and issue's. He usually lets me stay outside when i work the other side. I think it does affect my chemical balance to some extent in the fact that I have problems with huge crowds and loud music and that it can set me off alot more. I try to deal with it the best i can and work on my issue's and just walk outside when it gets too bad or when i just need a break. I think it is a great accelerated learning environment as long as i can continue to work on myself and my observations and most importantly work on my patience.

 

[Renaissance]

It is always loud over there and I usually just stand outside that door smoking as much as i can. My boss is also my best friend so he knows about my ptsd and issue's.

When you mention having PTSD, are you speaking literally? If so, my thoughts are that it could be a good idea to find another job, if possible, that will let your adrenals rest. This would allow your body to heal and then maybe you could work out the underlying emotions with more clarity.

 

[Menna]

I use to work at a bar in Boston, as a bouncer it is annoying you just want to do your job, not have to deal with too much crap but the people who are going out from 10pm - 2am are looking to have fun. In a bar scene people care about how they are perceived, their social status and worth, their egos are out and you as a bouncer have to deal with this. You can't take things personally. For example you said that girl gave you an attitude its not so much that it was YOU who was asking for the id, it was the fact that someone was asking for it. If another bouncer was working that night and asked for her id she would most likely give him the same attitude. And if you feel you are being taken advantage of and you feel your need to defend yourself you could say. "I asked for your Id not your attitude, smile and walk away."

 

[shadowsaround]

It is always loud over there and I usually just stand outside that door smoking as much as i can. My boss is also my best friend so he knows about my ptsd and issue's.

When you mention having PTSD, are you speaking literally? If so, my thoughts are that it could be a good idea to find another job, if possible, that will let your adrenals rest. This would allow your body to heal and then maybe you could work out the underlying emotions with more clarity.

Yes I mean literally. I feel alot better after i started the vitamins/supplements and the detox but I still have a long way to go. I did think of switching jobs but I feel this is a good place to basically force myself to deal with my issue's. If i can deal with 50+ drunk people and still keep my cool then i think i could go a long ways on my road to wherever it leads. The one thing i have learned about myself is that unless i kind of throw myself into odd/tough situations i really do not go anywhere. Being a Capricorn gives me the stubbornness needed for situations like this. In all reality this job isn't as bad as having PTSD and driving a semi truck on the I-5 in California in rush hour traffic. :D

 

[shadowsaround]

I use to work at a bar in Boston, as a bouncer it is annoying you just want to do your job, not have to deal with too much crap but the people who are going out from 10pm - 2am are looking to have fun. In a bar scene people care about how they are perceived, their social status and worth, their egos are out and you as a bouncer have to deal with this. You can't take things personally. For example you said that girl gave you an attitude its not so much that it was YOU who was asking for the id, it was the fact that someone was asking for it. If another bouncer was working that night and asked for her id she would most likely give him the same attitude. And if you feel you are being taken advantage of and you feel your need to defend yourself you could say. "I asked for your Id not your attitude, smile and walk away."

I think you hit the nail on the head with your post. Most of the people in the bar care about how there perceived, it's very interesting.

 

[Brewer]

Hi shadowsaround, from what you wrote I would say that you seem to have a good seed of self observation planted - just keep observing and 'let it grow'!

Some thoughts about your situation came to my mind:

I have no idea if this is the case with you, nor am I suggesting that, but from my experience with bouncers it seems that that type of men are bodybuilders who have, at least at some point of their training, used 'enhancing substances' to grow their muscles. I don't have the expertise to say for sure, but it seems that hormones and chemicals that builds muscle mass have a heavily negative impact on mental health, particularly inducing anger and violent behavior. But this was just something that came to my mind, nothing I hope you take personally. :) I'm just saying this because I know from own experience how greatly chemical imbalances in the brain can affect your mental state. So, as for us all, detoxing and going on a strict diet would probably be a good start if you haven't done so already.

G'day

I used to work as a security guard. Some my fellow security guards used steroids and it did seem to mess them up a great deal mentally. They were of a certain ethnic and religious minority and it's associated programs too. Which didn't help either.

Interesting observations there shadows. Glad to see that you're working on yourself. Learn what you can and bailout!

Cheers

Brewer

 

[truth seeker]

I use to work at a bar in Boston, as a bouncer it is annoying you just want to do your job, not have to deal with too much crap but the people who are going out from 10pm - 2am are looking to have fun. In a bar scene people care about how they are perceived, their social status and worth, their egos are out and you as a bouncer have to deal with this. You can't take things personally. For example you said that girl gave you an attitude its not so much that it was YOU who was asking for the id, it was the fact that someone was asking for it. If another bouncer was working that night and asked for her id she would most likely give him the same attitude. And if you feel you are being taken advantage of and you feel your need to defend yourself you could say. "I asked for your Id not your attitude, smile and walk away."

I think you hit the nail on the head with your post. Most of the people in the bar care about how there perceived, it's very interesting.

I think so as well. Good point, Menna. There could be many reasons why she responded the way she did. She may have had some issue being uncomfortable with her age (even if she was young) or even just perceived authority. More than likely it had nothing to do with you.

 

[shadowsaround]

The only issue I can think of with that place is me being the smallest bouncer in an authoritarian position. I think a lot of it comes from me just looking scrawny but doing my job and carding everyone. Almost every night my boss comes up to me and has some story about how some guy thinks he can take me on physically and my boss being not so bright tells them to take me on, all though they never do. I've since talked with him about this issue, but i think he's simply jealous of me for reasons i can not see at this point.

The female i think simply has issue's with authority figures. I was talking with all the other employee's and apparently no one likes her. She seems to be on a "high and mighty" trip.