STS job

[truth seeker]

The only issue I can think of with that place is me being the smallest bouncer in an authoritarian position. I think a lot of it comes from me just looking scrawny but doing my job and carding everyone. Almost every night my boss comes up to me and has some story about how some guy thinks he can take me on physically and my boss being not so bright tells them to take me on, all though they never do. I've since talked with him about this issue, but i think he's simply jealous of me for reasons i can not see at this point.

A couple of thoughts here. You mentioned earlier that you are the smallest bouncer in the place. While this may be true in terms of your physical state, the issue with this may be in your mind. I have known people who had a very strong "don't mess with me" presence who happened to be quite small. The person I'm thinking of in particular is a short woman. When I say a "don't mess with me" presence, I don't mean that she had a chip on her shoulder. In fact, it was the very opposite.

Predatory types know this well. They may at first try to dominate people of smaller stature in order to find out where their boundaries lie, but I think that most of the time (if they aren't psychopathic) will back off when they meet resistance. They like easy prey. So perhaps one area you may want to consider working on is what it is that you tell yourself when these situations arise. How do you view yourself?

Another interesting issue is what you've just mentioned regarding your boss. Earlier, you said he was your best friend. You may want to look into why someone who's your best friend would encourage anyone to mess with you. To me, it should be quite the opposite. He's in charge and should be using his authority as being the final word. Something like "Shadowsaround is not only my best friend but a good worker and if you mess with him, I'll either put you our myself or call the cops."

As your friend and employer at a workplace where you can potentially be harmed, he should be a source of support not added frustration.

 

[shadowsaround]

A couple of thoughts here. You mentioned earlier that you are the smallest bouncer in the place. While this may be true in terms of your physical state, the issue with this may be in your mind. I have known people who had a very strong "don't mess with me" presence who happened to be quite small. The person I'm thinking of in particular is a short woman. When I say a "don't mess with me" presence, I don't mean that she had a chip on her shoulder. In fact, it was the very opposite.

Before I go to work I try to repeat the POTS along with the phrase "I intend to be safe in all I do". I may be the smallest but I think I am also one of the tougher bouncer's in the fact of my mind and my skills that I have been taught by the army as far as non violent restraint techniques.

Predatory types know this well. They may at first try to dominate people of smaller stature in order to find out where their boundaries lie, but I think that most of the time (if they aren't psychopathic) will back off when they meet resistance. They like easy prey. So perhaps one area you may want to consider working on is what it is that you tell yourself when these situations arise. How do you view yourself?

I refuse to be dominated at any point but i try to avoid confrontation at all costs. I view myself as a quiet determined individual who can take care of myself.

Another interesting issue is what you've just mentioned regarding your boss. Earlier, you said he was your best friend. You may want to look into why someone who's your best friend would encourage anyone to mess with you. To me, it should be quite the opposite. He's in charge and should be using his authority as being the final word. Something like "Shadowsaround is not only my best friend but a good worker and if you mess with him, I'll either put you our myself or call the cops."

I have been having serious doubts about my friend as of lately. I totally agree with you on the fact he should be backing me up all the way. I think he does this out of jealousy because of my background. I have lately started seeing that he is two faced. For example, I had to work Monday night which is usually his night to work. His reason was he needed to do "homework" No big deal for me to help out there after all I get paid regardless. What really steamed me was the fact that the next day he told me he lied to his live in girlfriend about him working Monday night and the fact that he has been constantly complaining about money issue's. Then he asked me to go along with it at which point i refused. I don't lie for anyone. Of course he got mad but i refuse to be treated like a pawn in his games. Either way my time is limited at that bar.

 

[Dick]

I currently work as a Corrections Officer in a county jail. We generally get the people, who after leaving the bar drunk, try to drive, picks fights with patrons, or family member when they get home. A lot that come in are tweaking on drugs, both legal and illegal, and want to attack anyone near them, some can understand what your saying to them, most don't. They all have a hard time remembering what they did to get them there. At first the job was very stressful, but I created the stress, since I wasn't used to that invironment. What has worked for me, is telling them, before the cuffs come off, that if you treat me with respect, you will be treated the same way. They generally accept that and began to tell you all their issues. The ones that are by far the worst, are the combat military people, with PTSS, they want to hurt everyone, including themselves. I believe the vast majority of jobs out there are STS, dealing with bosses, the economy, and families. Taking time to remove yourself from it and read the forum is like a mini vacation.

 

[iloveyoghurt]

I have been trying to find ways like that. My latest is when female's say's "really your carding me?" I simply say sure I want to make sure your photo is good looking as you.

I didn't know that even though you might know someone is old enough that you "still need to make sure they have there id on them"

Maybe your patrons are not aware of this either and sometimes jump to the assessment that you are just "power tripping" on them by carding them when you know that they meet the age (like the locals).

Instead of (what I would think is) manipulating them, by flattering their ego (a bit patronising me thinks too), have you tried simply telling them this - informing your patrons of the facts? I imagine you could assert yourself directly and firmly, explaining to them quickly, and politely that: "even though we know you are the right age we still need to ensure you have your id on you."

Informing the people of your situation, thereby doing your bit toward contributing to clear and honest communication


When feeling generous you might even throw in an empathy bone by beginning with something like - "I know it's a pain but......."

 

[shadowsaround]

Instead of (what I would think is) manipulating them, by flattering their ego (a bit patronising me thinks too), have you tried simply telling them this - informing your patrons of the facts? I imagine you could assert yourself directly and firmly, explaining to them quickly, and politely that: "even though we know you are the right age we still need to ensure you have your id on you."

Informing the people of your situation, thereby doing your bit toward contributing to clear and honest communication

I've patiently told everyone at least twice that Colorado law requires us to card everyone, but when they are halfway drunk they tend to forget easily. Even if they have grey hair I still card them because the police do check on us from time to time.

It should be interesting to see how the next two weeks play out with this job. I love the extra money but not at the expense of my serenity. Aside from that fact my boss is probably quite mad at me for not taking his shift over the weekend. On the plus side I guess my feelings are starting to show as everyone at work has noticed a huge change in me. Personally I don't think anything has changed except the fact that I really don't talk with them much nor joke around. Yet apparently they think because I am really quite now they think I am mad or upset over something. I usually get quite like that when I'm doing some serious contemplating. Aside from that fact, I quit telling my boss everything going on in my life and he is quite irate, Oh well I suppose he'll get over it soon enough. What an energy draining job. Something I have come to realize during my contemplation.