That feeling of having run out of time?

[MrGullible]

I have been doing a lot of reading here on the forums and in some of the recommended books (now reading High Strangeness) lately. Usually I have spent 6-8 hours per week reading in this vein but lately I am sort of obsessed. I am also anxious, distressed, and becoming depressed for many reasons.

Based on many things I have read, I seriously fear that I have "missed the boat". One example of something that stimulates this is the many references in books and here that it takes months for baby steps and many years just to get to some first or second step where one can actually progress. And, based on many predictions, it seems like there may not be that much time left.

By not having much time left, it could mean anything from dying in a catastrophe to all the various QF* learning sources being knocked off line or shut down ad nauseum. Intellectually I think that there is no more or less likely possibility of that than of me dying as I'm typing this, but this feeling of hopelessness is seriously trying to dominate me right now.

These feelings have me pushing to learn everything I can as quickly as possible in order to make *some* progress, even to the extent that I may be abusing the forum by posting too much (feedback on this please if you think it so).

Do you have these feelings and how are you dealing with them? What are your opinions on the future for us neophytes?

 

[Bobo08]

Hi MrGullible,

See this thread. And to quote Anart:

[quote author=Anart]
So - relax - have a little faith - and simply focus on doing what is in you to do - and enjoy it! ;)
[/quote]

 

[T.C.]

These feelings have me pushing to learn everything I can as quickly as possible in order to make *some* progress, even to the extent that I may be abusing the forum by posting too much (feedback on this please if you think it so).

I think one of the problems is that we aren't taught as children HOW to learn. The education system just isn't set up for that, it's set up to create brainwashed sheep for whom "learning" means memorising whatever someone tells them.

When you say, "learn everything I can as quickly as possible", maybe you mean you're "reading" as much as possible; but that doesn't mean you're learning anything. The result is that you have too much different and complicated information in your head that you haven't really thought about, "meditated on", and then you have to write posts about all these different things to have them clarified, when really, you have all the power of mind you could ever need to understand these things on your own. You just need to practice thinking.

What are your opinions on the future for us neophytes?

I think us neophytes came across this info at the time it was right for us. The biggest effect it should have on a person (especially a lazy one) is not to put off till tomorrow what one can do today.

Remember Laura's signature?

When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight it concentrates his mind wonderfully. Samuel Johnson

 

[webglider]

By not having much time left, it could mean anything from dying in a catastrophe to all the various QF* learning sources being knocked off line or shut down ad nauseum. Intellectually I think that there is no more or less likely possibility of that than of me dying as I'm typing this, but this feeling of hopelessness is seriously trying to dominate me right now.

I suggest that you read up on the proper use of the centers. I'm sorry to suggest yet another book, [It's short] but perhaps "The Psychology of Man's Evolution, by Ouspensky which can be read in pdf form at
http://files.meetup.com/938723/TPOMPE.PDF might help you understand how much energy you're expending allowing yourself to become ensnared and sidetracked by negative emotions.

As you read the transcripts from Laura's sessions with the Cs, you'll notice that many of the questions are answered by the word "open". "Open" seems to mean that there is no definitive date or even answer. Even the Cs who have the perspective of 6th Density can not or will not predict with absolute certainty what will happen or when.

There are things you can control, and things you can't. You can begin by understanding the way your mind and body work, and then strive to bring them into proper alignment. If you begin to seriously work on that Aim, you may find yourself with little time to worry about future catastrophes and the disappearance of The Casssiopaean website because just trying to make sense of what is going on in all your own centers, all the usurptions, petty tyrants, wars, histories etc. that is going on inside you may take quite a bit of your energy and concentration.

I think T.C. has offered you some excellent advice:

I think us neophytes came across this info at the time it was right for us. The biggest effect it should have on a person (especially a lazy one) is not to put off till tomorrow what one can do today.

Remember Laura's signature?


Quote
When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight it concentrates his mind wonderfully. Samuel Johnson

 

[PepperFritz]

...this feeling of hopelessness is seriously trying to dominate me right now....

As indicated in another thread, you are currently involved in a number of addictive behaviours. Addictions are huge distractions and buffers, used by the Self to avoid facing certain emotions and realities. The "Work" involved in getting to the source of those emotions and realities is really quite simple and uncomplicated -- but you have to DO it. It seems to me that you have instead been distracting yourself further by trying to make the simplicity of the Work a needlessly complex and convoluted process (see Using temptation or eradication to "heat the crucible"). And now it seems that "hopelessness" as yet another distraction, another reason not to begin.

I would suggest that you take a break from reading and theorizing about the Work and instead turn your energy, focus, and attention to actually DOING the Work. It cannot be done in a hurried, time and goal-oriented fashion, but it needs to be practiced as consistently as possible. Cast aside for now the idea of actually CHANGING your behaviour, and instead just take the time to get to know your machine, which is accomplished by Self-Observation. It will lead you to discover (1) your mechanical thoughts and behaviours, and (2) the emotions that lead to those mechanical thoughts and behaviours. It's like taking apart a malfunctioning machine; it is only once you learn how all of its various parts work and function together that you can begin to take steps to "fix" it.

Think of it this way: Right now, with regards to the Work, you cannot DO -- you can only OBSERVE, DEDUCE, and REPORT back to the group for feedback. Are you ready to do that?

 

[Beau]

PF, for clarification sake you quoted in your post a part of a sentence written by Mr. Gullible, not webglider. Maybe you can modify your post to show this?

 

[PepperFritz]

PF, for clarification sake you quoted in your post a part of a sentence written by Mr. Gullible, not webglider. Maybe you can modify your post to show this?

Ooops. Sorry about that, webglider. It has now been corrected.

 

[MrGullible]

Thank you all for your considerate posts. I'm feeling some kind of strong internal pressure right now that I can't put my finger on and I am allowing it to manifest in different ways, including a couple of indescriminate type posts. My apologies for wasting some of your bandwidth.

I would suggest that you take a break from reading and theorizing about the Work and instead turn your energy, focus, and attention to actually DOING the Work. It cannot be done in a hurried, time and goal-oriented fashion, but it must be practiced as consistently as possible. Throw away the idea of actually CHANGING your behaviour right now, you must first take the time to get to know your machine, and you can only do that by Self-Observation. It will lead you to discover (1) your mechanical thoughts and behaviours, and (2) the emotions that lead to those mechanical thoughts and behaviours. It's like taking apart a malfunctioning machine; it is only once you learn how all of its various parts work and function together that you can begin to take steps to "fix" it.

Think of it this way: Right now, with regards to the Work, you cannot DO -- you can only OBSERVE, DEDUCE, and REPORT back to the group for feedback. Are you ready to do that?

I'm teetering on the brink. I *want* to do that, but that is very different from committing fully. I will act on your advice and follow it, and I will be attempting some deep thinking on whether I was to commit fully.

Thank you

 

[PepperFritz]

I'm feeling some kind of strong internal pressure right now that I can't put my finger on....

I suspect it is the pressure of General Law, which can begin to be felt as soon as a man begins to even contemplate escaping the General Law of mechanical life.

My apologies for wasting some of your bandwidth.

No need for apologies. You have not wasted anyone's time or bandwidth. (Self-pty and self-condemnation are also pretty useless distractions, by the way.... ;) )

I'm teetering on the brink. I *want* to do that, but that is very different from committing fully. I will act on your advice and follow it, and I will be attempting some deep thinking on whether I was to commit fully.

It is of course your decision as to when you want to begin the Work -- or whether you want to begin it at all! It was not my intention to pressure you into a certain action or direction, only to point out what you may not have consciously realized: That talking and theorizing about the Work is not the same as doing it. I also did not mean to imply that, as you consider if and when to pursue the Work, you should not ask questions here about aspects of it you may not understand. At least you are clear as to where you are in the whole process, and that is good.

Have you considered just doing some experimental "test runs" that do not involve any kind of "commitment" on your part? For example, why not just determine that the next time you feel an addictive behaviour coming on, you will not try and stop it in any way, but just try to split yourself into two perspectives -- one being the "I" who mechanically follows through on the behaviour, and the other being the "I" that simply objectively observes, in a non-critical manner, the thoughts, circumstances, emotions, etc. that play a part in the behaviour. Or, if doing that in conjunction with such a "loaded" behaviour feels like too much "pressure", try doing it, say, for an hour, while you are doing something relatively innocuous.

Just some suggestions that might help you "try" some of the techniques and methods involved, without becoming side-tracked by corresponding feelings of "pressure". I sense that "fear" is playing a part -- fear of what you might discover about yourself, fear of some deeply-buried emotions, perhaps. So perhaps a lighter, almost "playful" approach would be better, one that is driven more by curiosity and inquisitiveness than "I should"s....

:)

 

[MrGullible]

It is of course your decision as to when you want to begin the Work -- or whether you want to begin it at all! It was not my intention to pressure you into a certain action or direction, only to point out what you may not have consciously realized: That talking and theorizing about the Work is not the same as doing it. I also did not mean to imply that, as you consider if and when to pursue the Work, you should not ask questions here about aspects of it you may not understand. At least you are clear as to where you are in the whole process, and that is good.

No worries on those points, I didn't take anything you said as pressure or admonition, just as more objective observation and advice to consider.

Have you considered just doing some experimental "test runs" that do not involve any kind of "commitment" on your part?

Yes, I have been doing a little of that, here and there, with the intent to develop the ability, but not with prolonged effort. The Gnosis et. al. stuff I've read so far has made a lot of sense and failing to work on clearing my head using/testing sensible techniques like these would just be dumb.

For example, why not just determine that the next time you feel an addictive behaviour coming on, you will not try and stop it in any way, but just try to split yourself into two perspectives -- one being the "I" who mechanically follows through on the behaviour, and the other being the "I" that simply objectively observes, in a non-critical manner, the thoughts, circumstances, emotions, etc. that play a part in the behaviour. Or, if doing that in conjunction with such a "loaded" behaviour feels like too much "pressure", try doing it, say, for an hour, while you are doing something relatively innocuous.

Hey, great way to practice/test! Never thought of that.

Just some suggestions that might help you "try" some of the techniques and methods involved, without becoming side-tracked by corresponding feelings of "pressure". I sense that "fear" is playing a part -- fear of what you might discover about yourself, fear of some deeply-buried emotions, perhaps. So perhaps a lighter, almost "playful" approach would be better, one that is driven more by curiosity and inquisitiveness than "I should"s....

:)

Yep, you've got the fear part nailed, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what is causing it. Maybe the fear of the possibilities of certain types of suffering.

Your help here has been great, PepperFritz. Thank you.

 

[gwb1995]

Mr Gullible,

For what it worth, I have experienced a lot of what you are currently experiencing. I started out with the same mindset, that time was limited, and that I had to 'get it' NOW! I read and read and read, but with little real understanding or learning. The bottom line is that one can read everything available, but gaining any true knowledge only comes with understanding the lessons being provided.

For myself, the learning started when I finally accepted 'myself' as I truly was at that time. We are where we are, and nothing can change this fact. So, when you are ready to accept where you are, you can then start the work, and begin to move forward. I don't know if I will be one who moves to 4D this time or not, but I can't focus on that. All I can focus on is doing the work and doing all I can to learn and further myself in the learning process.

I only know that we are where we are, and anything else is wishful thinking.

fwiw

 

[PepperFritz]

I don't know if I will be one who moves to 4D this time or not, but I can't focus on that.

Exactly. I have to work on the assumption that I will not be moving to 4th density, and instead try to focus exclusively on the lessons I am here to learn during this lifetime -- whatever they may be and wherever they may lead. Because I know that my learning those lessons successfully will provide a good foundation for my next time around, and the next set of lessons -- whether that be in 4th density or another 3rd density life.

Fourth-density is not an end in itself and/or some kind of "reward" for having done the "right things" in this lifetime. It's just another step on the ladder. That's how I see it, anyway.

 

[webglider]

PF, for clarification sake you quoted in your post a part of a sentence written by Mr. Gullible, not webglider. Maybe you can modify your post to show this?

Ooops. Sorry about that, webglider. It has now been corrected.

Thanks Pepperfritz. Feelings of hopelessness is one of the few negative emotions I don't seem to have. In fact, I'm hopeful to a fault.

Anger, however, is another story. In your reply to MrGullible you write:

For example, why not just determine that the next time you feel an addictive behaviour coming on, you will not try and stop it in any way, but just try to split yourself into two perspectives -- one being the "I" who mechanically follows through on the behaviour, and the other being the "I" that simply objectively observes, in a non-critical manner, the thoughts, circumstances, emotions, etc. that play a part in the behaviour.

My experience with this process may help MrGullible.

Yesterday, out of no where, I suddenly found myself very angry about something which, frankly, I can't even remember now. I watched myself, and as I did so, the eternal dialogue went something like this:

"Oh dear, she's angry now. Again. Now she's breathing up in her chest and her muscles are tightening especially in the area of the face. She's running that tape about what she's going to do to let everyone know exactly how she feels..."

As I was doing that, just watching the group of i's that were experiencing these emotions, I didn't call them "I", but instead labeled them "she". Doing that helped me stay more objective and separate.

Those kinds of scenarios come up several times a day at least. I have my hands full with all the things "she" gets herself into, so I'm not really worried about the wave, the comets, or making it to 4D . Instead, I'm trying to keep "her" from messing up my life in this 3D reality. My focus is to try to enlist the observer inside of me to help me keep any of those brilliant ideas "she" has when "she" is in that state from popping out of "her mouth" and messing up my life, so my aim is to keep all those words below the level of the throat.

I'm just working on "little things" like that. In most of the Greek hero myths, most of the heros, despite their ability to accomplish amazing things, lose everything because of a character flaw. Hercules' flaw was anger as was Achilles', and they both lost what was most dear to them.

The gods can be angry, jealous, vindictive, but we mortals can not.

I hope that helps.

 

[MrGullible]

Thank you all for those perspectives and experiences. It is worth a lot to me. I find myself bouncing between periods of "it is what it is" and "aaaiiieeeeeeeeeyaaahhh!" panic :) Any and all perspectives help me to get grounded somewhat again. I am glad I have everyone here to bounce things off of.

 

[MrGullible]

I have been trying the approach of watching myself all day. As I think is to be expected, I haven't been able to maintain it for long before disappearing into identification with everything. But, I remember and start trying again. Any way, this may be just a total coincidence but in the space of 2 hours late this afternoon I have become sick. My wife was sick but she got over it and I wasn't having any symptoms but I swear it seems like it hit me with a ton of bricks within 2 hours. Bad head cold, head pressure, fever, and nausea.

This prompts the question of whether I should expect weakened immunity or any other thing while practicing? This is just a curiosity question and sort of CMA to make sure there isn't something I missed that I need to know to practice the simple self-awareness technique.