Things on my mind - PS: not of global concern.

[casper]

You can not escape from the past, with it we have to learn to live, drawing the best out of it.
On every continent there are specific environments in which psychopaths camped, some of them in suits, some with a machine gun in the hands didn 't matter if you are a child, male or female, for they represent a danger for thinking outside the box and you have gained a certain knowledge . It's hard to enjoy the present, if you past that hampers. The system of their management can not change, I tried it and lost the battle.
Maybe because I did it as an individual, but at least I tried.

Welcome to the Croatia!

 

[CelticWarrior]

Luke, let's step back a bit further... as you've mentioned you are "okay" as can be in the noticeably screwy ways of things around you. I don't know for certain but I have a hunch you're just wanting to sound brave. When it comes to dealing with your physical nature, behaviors, emotions etc. these things will not operate so well without a good foundation of nutrition. Are you sticking to whole foods? Avoiding lots of sugars? Alcohol?

Also, how's your nutrition? Might sound like a dumb question, but I promise you, a large part of how your brain works results from whether or not it has the correct fuel and the correct balance of transmitters to fire correctly. Are you eating well? Sleeping well? Sick much? Anxious much? These are all factors that play into how you think about yourself and the world around you.

Regarding your wondering about all of the "paths" in life that you feel like you're on the wrong side of - sorry to be blunt - but that's just dumb. What society has set up as the model of who and what you should be is totally ridiculous.

As Jonathan points out there a number of things that could be dampening your drive to further pursue the things that you want in life - both physically and this idea of not falling under the correct paths laid out by a 'sheep like' society. Your actions in life will always lead you to the right way, as long as there is a right way of thinking, which I can tell you is achieved by vigilance in your health as well as your ability to find truly meaningful experiences. Not just what others are doing - for example must get married, must have lots of money, car, etc.

What does this all mean to my general psychological well being.. well, other than the girl problem (which is a big problem - top of the current list!) I am ok really. As ok as you can be in an insane world. Not thriving (don't have the energy for that really) but rather existing, getting through, surviving, blending in etc. It kind of applies to the forum and SOTT as well now that I think about it. I really don't have the energy to thrive but I optimize in order to get through, to stay afloat. To learn and know what I need to keep from falling into complete sheeplike ignorance about everything important.

Nevertheless, I'm sure you'll agree that although survival strategies are necessary to stay alive at all, surviving the madness as such doesn't equate to living a rich and purposeful life. You need to develop strategies for that aim as well, and no better place to start finding and practicing those than this forum, I would say.

Palinurus is making some great points here. Find more to life than mere survival and just getting through that harsh daily grind. Have you been reading enough? Researching all the topics that interest you lately? Posting about them? This my friend will equate to that thriving you've mentioned. Keep in mind one more thing, that reflection is a powerful tool so journaling what you're going through can help immensely. Hope you find what works!

 

[luke wilson]

Hey Casper, thanks for all your advice. I know I haven't replied to you directly. But thanks! :)

Hey Celtic Warrior, thanks for those words. I have to admit that since the turn of the year, I have let my diet slip. Why? Just lack of willpower when I am in situations where it's either eat things that are not good for me or not eat at all.

Disclamer: This is an excuse;

I was wired to do things for a reason. Usually the reason has to be fear driven and their has to be real external motivation for doing it. For example, when I moved countries and started attending school in my new country, I didn't push myself as hard in class. It was simple really, I lacked the reason to. There was no reason to. I was programmed to push myself based on the fear of that whip on my back. When it was gone, it was like, why should I push hard? At work, I have to admit I don't push myself without a reason either. I work harder, efficiently, faster and better under pressure. Basically when I'm under fire - If there is a deadline, if there is a cost to not completing, if the manager is pushing you, relying on you etc. If it's just at my leisure, then yes, no sense of urgency, no reason. I can't call upon focus and drive. It's always in bursts though, not sustained. I can't sustain effort. I can only exert it then withdraw to recuperate. It's very pavlovian really.

Hopefully that makes sense. It's just how I've observed myself to be.

I know this and I think it's down to willpower and I've recently been thinking about building my will power. I've been wondering, if I pick just one thing and exert sustained willpower in it, over time, will that built up willpower spill over to other things? e.g. if I sustain willpower in being a regular reader of books, or of exercising everyday, or of getting up at a specific time everyday etc... something that goes slightly against the grain of how I function mechanically... I don't know. Something I've been thinking about.

To answer your questions, I haven't been doing anything enough recently. Living below my performance limits.

 

[Drea]

Luke, it sounds like a good plan to me. Pick one thing to work on and remind yourself daily why you're doing it. When it becomes natural then move on to the next and rinse and repeat.
When you fall down don't be hard on yourself, we all do it, sometimes over and over again. Maybe you could use the anger/hurt that you experienced to move you forward.
I know it's hard to imagine the possibility of a life where those kinds of horrors don't exist but if there is to ever be one then it starts here with us and everyone on this planet who is capable of holding on to their humanity through these times. Also, it may be helpful to ask yourself daily: how do I feel? Since you weren't able to express that side of you it would be worthwhile to give your emotions some recognition.
Keeping a journal was already mentioned but this article gives a little bit more of a guideline on using it to heal. http://www.sott.net/article/291929-Writing-for-health

 

[casper]

Some would call it laziness and lack of respect (your current status), I think you just had enough, you've lost a lot of energy in meeting others' desires (neglecting his) and that in the new environment is currently not getting along because there is no enforcement, no whip. Do not let yourself be fooled because wherever you come, you will always bump (unfortunately) the psychopaths who are everywhere (in the new environment are only a little better camouflaged), work on yourself, gather the needed energy again, because you are in this condition for them so ideal target and hardly will welcome you in their crosshairs.
I look forward to your new posts who have always given for thinking!