Thoughts on anxiety

[Trajan]

I remember when I was a child growing up that I had no problem with public speaking. Getting up in front of my class, acting in a small play that we did was not an issue. But for some reason starting in middle school and only getting worse as I got older public speaking and anxiety become intertwined. Some people can get up in front of a crowd no problem and be masterful speakers or at least comfortable in there own skin but for me its like "something happened" that turned on this anxiety trigger that just will not go away.

Granted as I have become aware of the problem and worked on various issues to deal with it, it has gotten much better. I address the diet but am not 100% doing what I should all the time. I also exercise a few times a week and have tried various techniques such as EFT, positive affirmations, and meditation but I will admit they have been half hearted attempts at times. I have also tried supplements ordering a myriad of various products in an effort to find that "magical potion" that does it for me.

It seems that I become way to self conscious and worried about embarrassing myself and what others will think. Anytime I have to engage a crowd in conversation I always walk away worried that I just made a fool of myself. I feel like others can sense my fear/panic, they don't say anything but that they feel sorry for me or take pity, neither of which I want. I am curious to know what advice anyone would have in regards to this, thanks.

 

[Serendipity]

You may want to try http://eiriu-eolas.org/ breathing program, if you're not already aware of it.

My case is similar as yours, and I can tell you that it worked wonders for me :)

 

[LQB]

It seems that I become way to self conscious and worried about embarrassing myself and what others will think. Anytime I have to engage a crowd in conversation I always walk away worried that I just made a fool of myself. I feel like others can sense my fear/panic, they don't say anything but that they feel sorry for me or take pity, neither of which I want. I am curious to know what advice anyone would have in regards to this, thanks.

Well, you're in good company with most folks on this one. Many that have no problem with this exhibit character disorder all the way up to out and out psychopaths - just look at our politicians and other "smooth" public speakers.

Serendipity's suggestion to engage EE is a very good one. Pipe breaths before the presentation will help normalize your breathing and help relieve nervous stress.

Another thing you can do is to engage some of the audience in pleasant "small talk" just prior to your talk/presentation. IOW, get to know some of your audience - even for just a little while. This will help make the start of your presentation seem less discontinuous from relaxed conversation. Another thing is to be well-prepared and confident of your material. And lastly, practice, practice, practice.

Hope this helps. :)

 

[loreta]

Put passion in your conferences, feel that what you say is important, practice before, but passion in what you give as a talk is very important. Passion is something that will take out your nerves, your stress, your fears. Nobody is going to have pity from passion, but the contrary. Even if you feel nervous. Sometimes we see conferences and the people who does them are nervous, this is normal, we as a spectator or listeners don't judge if the person is nervous, not me anyway. And if I feel that the person talking feels what she is telling, wanted that I can feel what she feels, wanted to give the information with all her being, even if she is nervous what I will remember is her message. Talking in front of a crowd is like acting, with practice you will be more secure. This is what I think.

I agree, relaxation, EE, meditation, respiration, stretching are exercises that are very important and will help very much.

 

[Trajan]

I do try the small talk and that has some success. I also notice that as time goes on with the presentation/conference that I get calmer the more I talk. But I still find it difficult to say what I want to. I will often just put out the bare minimum when I know that there is more to be said. I can also tell that it is irritating my boss a little bit.

 

[LQB]

I do try the small talk and that has some success. I also notice that as time goes on with the presentation/conference that I get calmer the more I talk. But I still find it difficult to say what I want to. I will often just put out the bare minimum when I know that there is more to be said. I can also tell that it is irritating my boss a little bit.

Sounds like you might need to slow down the presentation a bit and use charts/handouts that are crafted to lead smoothly through the material and remind you of all the connected points you want to make. The charts/handouts are for both the audience and you - the presenter.

 

[Oxajil]

Re: Thoughts on anxiety

Anytime I have to engage a crowd in conversation I always walk away worried that I just made a fool of myself. I feel like others can sense my fear/panic, they don't say anything but that they feel sorry for me or take pity, neither of which I want.

But that's what you assume what they think, feel or see. We have done a lot of feedback-rounds after someone did a presentation, giving comments on what went well and what could be worked on. And I've witnessed many times that when the presenters said that they were VERY nervous, the people who were attending the presentation responded that their nervousness didn't come through at all. What you think you are perceived as from the outside could be very different than what others actually see. And even if it happens that you stutter at some point or can't get through the words (not that that would be wrong), sure people could notice that, but usually they forget about it when you continue speaking. Knowing the material well and practicing at home could be helpful as others also mentioned. There was this one girl who kept stumbling over her words in the beginning but eventually got more relaxed as she went on. She prepared her presentation very well and many people liked it, they didn't mind her nervousness at all, and even forgot about it at some point; i.e. they didn't really found it so important that it had happened. And I personally don't think there is anything wrong with some nervousness, it's just the assumptions that we make that make everything seem very bad and disastrous than it really may be.

In case it may help, there are several cognitive ''errors'' that may play a role. You can check some of them out here (see "challenging unhelpful thoughts'' but the other sections may also be of interest): _http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/shynesssocialphobia.asp

The following may also be helpful (not saying it applies to you necessarily). If you have the assumption that you're going to be doing a bad job you may also be unconsciously scanning the crowd to notice those couple of people who may be yawning or looking blank up in the sky or two people talking together and you may conclude from that that you're not doing well, when in reality their expressions could be related to something totally else. This ''selective attention to negative stimuli'' also prevents you from a more realistic overview of the audience. But most importantly, it might prevent you from focusing on that what you would like to do; to present your material as best as you can and to keep order in the room if there is too much noise and things like that. And I would think this ties in with learning to be externally considerate as well, as most of this kind of worrying is internal consideration. If that makes sense?

And even if there truly are people who feel sad for you, pity you or laugh at you, how much would that truly matter? As long as you prepare as best as you can, do your best on stage, challenge beliefs and keep trying, what matters in the end is your effort. I'm sure the more you practice, the more it will feel easier. And I definitely agree with doing a couple of pipe-breaths before the presentation, I know it has helped me.

Hope this helps. :)

 

[RedFox]

As someone who has mastered the art of self destructive internal criticism through assuming what others think of me, I can see where you are coming from.
Oxajils points are particularly valid in this.

Getting up in front of my class, acting in a small play that we did was not an issue. But for some reason starting in middle school and only getting worse as I got older public speaking and anxiety become intertwined.

Plays for the fun of it and public speaking are actually two different things, especially if it's part of your job to present or sell something.
They are different because the motivations for speaking and perceived outcomes are different. Fun/exploration/expression vs your educational grade/pay check depending on it. The public speaking also carries more perceived social feedback, which brings up this point....

I do try the small talk and that has some success. I also notice that as time goes on with the presentation/conference that I get calmer the more I talk. But I still find it difficult to say what I want to. I will often just put out the bare minimum when I know that there is more to be said. I can also tell that it is irritating my boss a little bit.

So when you did plays as a kid, what was the outcome you focused on (was there even a outcome to focus on)? Did people looking bored or frustrated matter so much? For that matter did you even notice (as oxajil points out)?
How could you turn the public speaking into something with more enjoyment (passion as loreta put it)? Could you turn it into a play by changing the goals?

Some points to consider that will increase anxiety - gluten and dairy can cause anxiety, sugar and caffeine will raise your adrenaline and heighten any existing anxiety. Avoiding (at the very least) sugar and caffeine before presentations would be a good idea.
When anxious, and especially if your adrenaline levels are up you will tend to breathe incorrectly - which will add to the feeling of anxiety. Check out the pipe breathing in the link Serendipity posted. As you go along in your presentation, your breathing will tend to correct itself (due to needing to use your diaphragm in order to project your voice) - which will relax you.
Not preparing material before hand will cause a massive amount of anxiety.
Avoiding preparing material can be a result of the memory of previous stress - all of the above will help or hinder the ability to prepare.
Not being given enough time to prepare will be much worse, but is also not your fault. Is this what's happening?

Getting feedback afterwards is a good way to correct internal biases you have in how others perceive you. Also taking criticism (including your own internal criticism) in a constructive way rather than a self defeating/destructive way is very important.
Try imagining yourself sat at the back of the audience watching your body language, listening to your voice, and knowing how you feel. What are they telling you about your performance? Is it over critical? Are they heckling you? Are they telling you, that you don't know what you are talking about? In short are they beating you up?
Or are they adding praise and pointing out where improvements can be made? The point is pointing out improvement rather than making them into failings. Making you feel a failure.

Another point to consider is you may actually just hate presenting this particular subject/the audience, acknowledging that means you can start to make it more enjoyable for yourself to present. If it's boring as heck, then how can you get more expression/fun into it? Some of the best sales people either enjoy what they are selling because they believe in it, or more likely are just very good actors (getting past the point that you think the audience will see through faked passion for something you don't believe in) - it's about enjoying the performance rather than enjoying the product your presenting.

The last point about anxiety in such situations is feeling like a failure will increase anxiety, because it makes you feel you are powerless to change and make corrections or improvements. Doing small things to give your self a sense of control over the situation can be another way to get past the anxiety. :)

*Edit to add*
Actually, there is one rather simple key point about presentations I forgot - they are stressful and do create anxiety! If you are trapped in thinking that you shouldn't be anxious about a presentation then you are denying a natural physiological reaction that is perfectly normal, which will make it worse.
Accepting that you are anxious and that it's natural can give you the space to decide what to do with that. Fight it and your perceptions will be clouded by the thought that everything is wrong/out to get you or utilise it by turning that energy into a performance.

 

[Buddy]

I do try the small talk and that has some success. I also notice that as time goes on with the presentation/conference that I get calmer the more I talk. But I still find it difficult to say what I want to. I will often just put out the bare minimum when I know that there is more to be said. I can also tell that it is irritating my boss a little bit.

How well do you know the material you're presenting? Also, can you give an example of a time you found it difficult to say what you wanted to? What were you wanting to say, and what was the actual result?

 

[Renaissance]

You need to give presentations on a regular basis for work? If you are in the US you might consider joining a toastmasters organization (they have chapters pretty much everywhere that you can find online). They meet each week or a couple of times a month top give small presentations to their group and provide feedback for that purpose. I've heard they can be pretty effective.

 

[seek10]

You need to give presentations on a regular basis for work? If you are in the US you might consider joining a toastmasters organization (they have chapters pretty much everywhere that you can find online). They meet each week or a couple of times a month top give small presentations to their group and provide feedback for that purpose. I've heard they can be pretty effective.

EE, checking your diet, Toastmasters are things you may want to check. Toastmasters have a good short documentation on corporate presentations. You may want to identify causes of your chronic anxiety too( often prenatal child hood program's). If you haven't read the books on narcissism, you may want to read it.

 

[Trajan]

EE, checking your diet, Toastmasters are things you may want to check. Toastmasters have a good short documentation on corporate presentations. You may want to identify causes of your chronic anxiety too( often prenatal child hood program's). If you haven't read the books on narcissism, you may want to read it.

Could you elaborate on this a little bit please?



Mod: quote corrected

 

[Trajan]

I guess for the above post I quoted incorrectly :(

 

[Buddy]

If you haven't read the books on narcissism, you may want to read it.

I agree. Many of us were raised in a narcissistic environment. People who tend to use children to satisfy their own emotional needs also tend to use a lot of scolding and nagging and commands to "think about what you're doing!". This can be internalized as "talk to yourself about what you're doing" thus triggering appropriate, or inappropriate as the case may be, moral judgments. This language-driven self-stimulation can easily induce anxiety as a fear-induced partial dissociation, OSIT.

 

[shijing]

I guess for the above post I quoted incorrectly :(

It was probably just a problem with the way the quote tags were aligned or something similar -- not a big deal, so don't worry.