Thoughts on anxiety

[seek10]

EE, checking your diet, Toastmasters are things you may want to check. Toastmasters have a good short documentation on corporate presentations. You may want to identify causes of your chronic anxiety too( often prenatal child hood program's). If you haven't read the books on narcissism, you may want to read it.

Could you elaborate on this a little bit please?

Mod: quote corrected

anxiety has many reasons and the causes/manifestations/interpretations always change with circumstances.

Brain chemicals - they could be from early child hood prenatal programs(difficult to distinguish), Food induced imbalance etc : EE helps to cope, KD (diet ) helps to control

Programs Habits/Lack of knowledge of self - read narcissistic family and other recommended books

Lack of knowledge in human interactions in professional life : Toast masters books has some techniques and their sessions gives practice in safe settings to process the emotions and gives opportunity to practice. In the process you will understand how others gives impressive messages ( some for good purpose and many for bad purposes ). Also WORK itself introduces lot of opportunity to learn ( http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/board,74.0.html)

No need to get overwhelmed with this. Take one thing at a time, though all are interconnected.

 

[Trajan]

I do try the small talk and that has some success. I also notice that as time goes on with the presentation/conference that I get calmer the more I talk. But I still find it difficult to say what I want to. I will often just put out the bare minimum when I know that there is more to be said. I can also tell that it is irritating my boss a little bit.

How well do you know the material you're presenting? Also, can you give an example of a time you found it difficult to say what you wanted to? What were you wanting to say, and what was the actual result?

I know it well enough, its just the notion of saying it in front of large numbers of people (Not really that large but more then what I care for). I wanted to say a fair amount in regards to a program that I am working on but I only sputtered out the bare minimum so as to get the spot light off of me. In this instance it was a round robin sit down where everyone was taking turns giving input/speaking.

 

[Nienna]

I do try the small talk and that has some success. I also notice that as time goes on with the presentation/conference that I get calmer the more I talk. But I still find it difficult to say what I want to. I will often just put out the bare minimum when I know that there is more to be said. I can also tell that it is irritating my boss a little bit.

How well do you know the material you're presenting? Also, can you give an example of a time you found it difficult to say what you wanted to? What were you wanting to say, and what was the actual result?

I know it well enough, its just the notion of saying it in front of large numbers of people (Not really that large but more then what I care for). I wanted to say a fair amount in regards to a program that I am working on but I only sputtered out the bare minimum so as to get the spot light off of me. In this instance it was a round robin sit down where everyone was taking turns giving input/speaking.

Maybe you should stop thinking of you and start thinking of helping those who you are giving the talk to? What you are doing is internal considering instead of external considering.

I have had the same difficulties in being in front of others to teach anything. What I finally realized, as anart says, it's not all about me. It's what I can offer to help others. You giving a speech on a specific topic would qualify as helping others to learn what you know. So if you could change the spotlight from you onto how you can help others, maybe that would help?

External and Internal Considering

 

[Buddy]

I agree with Nienna. Trajan, there is an anxiety that seems to come from over-motivation. Have you heard of that? It's when a person becomes so sure that they'll do everything wrong, they become afraid to do anything at all. That's where you seem to be at. You do the bare minimum because that's all you really can do at the moment and only when you feel forced to do that much. This is an affective, or emotional block that is possible to break down.

Probably the best solution does relate to cutting off internal consideration as Nienna points out. Maybe you can somehow bring yourself to feel that even if you stutter, trip and fall down, spill drink on your shirt or whatever, you still intend to convey to your audience--to make them feel--that you think more of their need to know what you have to say than of your own need to "get it perfect".

People can always ask for clarifications and elaborations, but when they feel your discomfort they may inhibit themselves for your benefit but that is really wasting your time and theirs.

Gotta take small steps here, I think, but you probably really know somewhere inside that you can do it if you want to.

 

[Yas]

Hello Trajan!

I think I understand how you feel... It has been the same for me. As a child I was very 'extroverted' and didn't have any problem to act in small plays and give presentations, even to a large public... But then I started getting anxious and it was almost impossible for me to stand in public and say something - This included giving opinions in the classroom, or dancing in front of a small group of people (and that was terrible because I'm a dancer ), giving presentations was the most terrible thing for me -.

Now I'm much better, really... I'm a teacher so I kind of 'give presentations' to a small groups all the time. What worked for me?

I think that everything everybody posted here are very important things to think on... Work on the diet, and go through the narcissism books to find out what is it that makes you think that you are wrong all the time. (taking it easy... step by step)

Self-awareness and observation of my physical signs of anxiety were useful to me (my breathing, the 'butteflies in the stomach' - or all over the body sometimes). By observing this physical reactions and accepting them - acknowledging that it is normal to feel a little nervous - then doing some breathing like Pipe Breath and sometimes even dancing a little bit before giving a presentation, I learned to manage that stress in some way.

It also helps (at least for me) to know that most of the people have at least a little empathy and, as a lot of people have the same issue in different degrees, they will not judge you if you are a little nervous at the beginning - remember that it is quite normal to feel a little nervous when beginning a presentation.

Another thing that worked for me is: Be natural! I remember that once I had to give a speech in front of a lot of people and I was so nervous that I tried to memorize the speech I had written so I was repeating it several times before I went to the stage. Once over it, I forgot all of it, and it was a mess, so I just started saying what I had to say in a natural way. Then I learned that having an outline of the ideas you want develop and just go trough them naturally is much better than trying to remember a written speech or something like that. But, as others said here... you have to be sure of what you are saying so preparing well for the subject you are presenting and understanding it are important things for you to feel assurance and be able to develop the subject.

The last time I had to speak in front of a lot of people, I still felt a little bit nervous and Pipe Breath was indeed very useful. Then I just got on the stage and spoke naturally. They way I spoke wasn't the way everybody was speaking that day, but after it I realized that a lot of people liked my presentation and they gave me a lot of good feedback. I believe that maybe some people don't like the way you present or say something, but... you can't never make everyone happy, can you? There will always be people who will not like your presentation... it is good to be aware of this - that there will always be some people who might not like what you do, say or think and will criticize you. And this applies to other areas of life too... so, take it easy and if somebody criticize you, think about it and if you think that the person is right, take it as a feedback. If the person criticize you in a rude manner, you can think of the other just as you think of yourself - this person is probably having an emotional reaction and what he/she is saying is driven by impulses and internal considering as well so you don't have to feel sorry for it, it is what normal people do, we all do it in some sort of way. OSIT

Also, we are not perfect and we are in constant development, so, taking this as a fun way of learning is good, OSIT. You can observe yourself and learn each time you do it and improve with each experience... taking it as a good opportunity to do The Work: practicing external consideration, observing yourself, etc. Remember that learning is fun and that you are learning all the time. ;D

I don't know if this will help you or not... it is just what I've experienced.

My best wishes to you!

 

[Trajan]

I agree with Nienna. Trajan, there is an anxiety that seems to come from over-motivation. Have you heard of that? It's when a person becomes so sure that they'll do everything wrong, they become afraid to do anything at all. That's where you seem to be at. You do the bare minimum because that's all you really can do at the moment and only when you feel forced to do that much. This is an affective, or emotional block that is possible to break down.

I see this a lot, I have a fear of failing or being embarrassed so it is much easier to do nothing at all.

An added caveat is that I am an extremely indecisive person, I see so many tangents in life that I become paralyzed with "what if" scenarios playing through my head. Though I am getting much better at the decisiveness factor.

 

[Explorer]

Another person chipping in for the benefit of EE. It really is amazing what it can do for anxiety - I suffer from it pretty badly, and the breathing exercises have helped massively. You might have some suppressed emotions floating around that can contribute to anxiety. The program will help bring these up gently.

Another thing: if you're watching pornography this can also induce severe anxiety in some due to a chemical overload in the brain. Just throwing it out there.

 

[Eva]

An added caveat is that I am an extremely indecisive person, I see so many tangents in life that I become paralyzed with "what if" scenarios playing through my head. Though I am getting much better at the decisiveness factor.

I hear you. What's fun sometimes though is to keep asking "what if" untill you get a real answer. Take this unnerving line of thought to the very edge, and see what answer really lies there. ie. -What if I stutter? , then take the reply to this and make a question out of it, a new "what if" question, and keep going. You need to be very sincere in your answers though!
If I do that I usually end up with such a hilarious answer that I really can't help laughing and moving on.
This was suggested to me years ago from a dear friend who was mainly working with energy healing but at that time was testing out nlp.

 

[Nook]

Some very good points were made before, so I would just like to offer my two cents.

EE, KD Diet, doing research on narcissism, cognitive psychology and psychology in general should help.

Also, being an actor, there's definitely a big difference (as RedFox pointed out) between performing something on stage - as someone else - and giving a presentation as ourselves.
In the latter, at least in my experience, we are more vulnerable, 'this is me talking, I will be judged not some character', even it's us in both cases.
I have anxiety to this day when giving a presentation or a speech in front of people as myself but I can use some of the acting principles I have adopted.

Maybe you should stop thinking of you and start thinking of helping those who you are giving the talk to?

I think this is a very important point, not focusing on yourself but focusing on the fact that you're giving the presentation to people that are ready to take in the information you're about to share, even if it's a small percentage of the whole audience. Concentrating on your audience and/or the subject to be presented can take the heat off of you and help you not think about what you might be doing wrong.

The 'What if' principle can be counter-productive imo, unless you eventually get to a thought that's funny and will help you relax like Eva did in her own example.
In my case, it usually just gets worse and worse if I go down that path mentally.

I have a fear of failing or being embarrassed so it is much easier to do nothing at all.

An added caveat is that I am an extremely indecisive person, I see so many tangents in life that I become paralyzed with "what if" scenarios playing through my head. Though I am getting much better at the decisiveness factor.

I still get these also unless I consciously get ready for them. I've been trying to adapt a happy-go-lucky attitude for some time now though.
And if my mind gets going
'What if I fall on stage before I get to the podium?
What if I jumble my words?
What if I'll look like an idiot?'

Then I follow the 'so what' principle and say to myself, 'there's no what if. So what if I fall? I'll get back up, it's not like I'm the only one that ever fell before giving a speech.
So what if I jumble my words? It can happen to anyone!', etc..
The need for perfection should only manifest itself during the preparation period. Once we're there live, accidents are out of our hands.
The projector or the microphone can fail, should that make me angry?
The stain on my shirt that I spilled just 5 minutes before I'm due to give the presentation, should it make me anxious? The answers to both are no.
Chances are, once you begin your speech, people will listen to what you're saying, not the stain or the fact that you fell, if you don't make a big deal out of it, no one will.

Also being ok with the presentation not being perfect is important imo.
Nothing is perfect in real life. So you're presentation not being perfect only makes it more real, right?

Getting the message across to those in the audience that actually listen is the most important.

Some people also advise that imagining you're talking to your best friend - or someone else you're comfortable talking to - about it is a good idea.
If it works for you, I'd say that's also helpful.

Not looking directly at anyone in the audience as you might notice someone reacting - or at least seemingly reacting - to your speech which can be distracting but rather looking over their heads.
If you need to be more intimate in your presentation later on and it doesn't cause you more anxiety, than you can start making eye contact.

Another thing that helped me is asking myself directly: what's the use of anxiety?
Nothing. It doesn't help, it only makes things worse. It's a snowball that can end up in an avalanche if we let it.
So why be anxious?
If something goes wrong, it will go wrong anyway but at least I'll do my best with what I got.

to summarize:
- Take the heat off of yourself, focus on something outside of yourself (like the audience's need to understand and/or the subject at hand)
- Counter the 'what if' principle with the 'so what' principle or steer your thoughts to something funny that will help ease your mind.
- Don't judge or beat yourself up - or others - if something goes wrong.
- Don't worry about your self-image, don't worry about being embarrassed. Or just forget about embarrassment as it is.
- In moments of being indecisive, you can say to yourself 'Forget about it, just do it'.
It doesn't have to be exactly as you wanted it to be, 'however it will come out will be the right way, because I'm prepared!'
- It's ok to be nervous. Just don't let it get to you. Don't overcomplicate it. (being nervous is actually a good thing, it means you care and it can give you the energy necessary to get through it)

I hope this can be of help even though I'm not sure I was clear with every point (now I'm getting anxious ;D)

P.S.: I've never heard of Toastmasters but based on what Shane and Seek10 said, it sounds good!

 

[Trajan]

I am doing much better the more I actively address the issue. I notice that when I stick to a meat/fat/veggie diet for a few days I feel much calmer. If I cave in and have some sugary foods or even after a Friday night where I have a few beers the next day I feel noticeably more anxious.

This I found almost humorous but I am handling criticism far better then what I was even a few months ago. I guess it has to do with feeling calmer and more even keel but for as long as I can remember I have always been hypersensitive to criticism to the extent that I would take any form of criticism be it constructive or not as a personal insult. I would be absolutely fuming one moment, ready to fight the next, or feel utterly depressed and defeated like my world had just ended and the police were coming to lock me up and throw away the key. Granted I still do not "appreciate" all criticism but I shrug it off much faster or if it does bother me it does not linger near as long. Before if you criticised me in the AM my day was ruined since it was all I could think about and only in a negative manner at that.

One issue I am having that is diet related is the fact that I am used to eating three meals a day plus the occasional snack. If I go to lunch and am not hungry I still eat simply out of habit, same goes for dinner and breakfast. I am not so used to be satiated for long periods of time so I need to listen to my body more and do some deprogramming in that regard.

I HAVE NOT been consistent with EE, my fault. I accept responsibility and will work on it as such.

I will do some more self reflection and update accordingly.

Thanks to all for the input.

 

[Carl]

I am doing much better the more I actively address the issue. I notice that when I stick to a meat/fat/veggie diet for a few days I feel much calmer. If I cave in and have some sugary foods or even after a Friday night where I have a few beers the next day I feel noticeably more anxious.

Do you also drink bone broth? A glass in the morning has magical effects on my 'personal energy field' throughout the day. I somehow feel a lot more solid, happy from the inside, and not afraid of criticism or confrontation.

One issue I am having that is diet related is the fact that I am used to eating three meals a day plus the occasional snack. If I go to lunch and am not hungry I still eat simply out of habit, same goes for dinner and breakfast. I am not so used to be satiated for long periods of time so I need to listen to my body more and do some deprogramming in that regard.

Yeah the hunger thing becomes a total non issue and forces you to change your relationship with food. You might be surprised by the amount of surplus energy you gain by fasting unintentionally throughout the day, rather than eating out of habit. A few hours after breakfast (8 am) my energy steadily increases throughout the day until I eat again at around 4-5 pm. Really allows you to focus on other things :)