Torn between hope and anger

[David Topi]

The last few days have been like an emotional rollercoaster. Despite diet, meditation, a bit of EE, trying to accept reality as it is, etc, etc, well, I have felt just overloaded, and pretty much torn between "hope" and "anger". Today seems I woke up with a more calmer attitude, so thought about sharing some thoughts with you guys.


Initially everything comes from a saturation of news, worries and problems of what is going on here in Spain. Panic is in the streets, at least everywhere around me (family, colleagues, friends, etc). It does not matter how much you know it is all staged, manipulated, created on purpose to create distractions, etc, the atmosphere in general is untenable.


I, of course, need to worry about what could happen and what strategies could I implement to live through this turmoil, not to lose our savings, home, income, etc, so my family can go through these peculiar times in a more or less peaceful way.


It could get better or it could get worse, and because I have no idea, we use to discuss on the worse scenario possible for us. That is really energy consuming and that raises internal anger, because it is something I have no control of (the macro economical situation of the country).


On the othe side, I feel some hope within because I know that these seems to be the final "moments" of the world as we know it, because the Cs and Laura's work raises some hope that, maybe, just maybe, things could change within a few years. However, I wonder how long can somebody resist emotionally/mentally (even with all the tools we have), having to worry about the day to day issues (finantially speaking, "surviving" the collapse), then "knowing" that a possible rain of meteorites could start dropping any time in the coming months-years, that new illneses could arise, that there is no way to know that if the wave, if coming, is going to help us as we think it will, etc.


So anger is back, because another part of me is screaming that I should not live thinking that in two years time everything is over, that I should keep moving, working, doing everything I want to do as if there were still 50 years ahead for me (or more), so, why having a limited thinking or short term plans?


I realise that I have plenty of motivation to do things, to travel, to know the world, to keep doing what I do, to learn more, to improve as a person, to try to improve my life style, to be happy, etc. I realise there is a lot of hope within that thinks that I will be able to do this for a lot of years to come, and I realise that I feel anger because I may not.


There is a voice (figuratively speaking) that says to me that the coming 2-3 years are very important and I should pay attention to learning my pending lessons and "survive" the chaos, and another voice that says that even if that is true, I should not live with that mentality. One raises anger and the other raises hope.


Kind of rollercoaster as said, not sure if anybody else has felt a bit torn as well between these two feelings/perspectives, so far, I seem to be still in the middle of both, calm and able to perceive my emotions, but still a bit overwhelmed by them!

 

[maxim.m]

I, of course, need to worry about what could happen and what strategies could I implement to live through this turmoil, not to lose our savings, home, income, etc, so my family can go through these peculiar times in a more or less peaceful way.

Be ready to lose everything physical and concentrate on soul develepment.
Try to model incoming events and realize, that when many lose everything, they will be in despair and first thought will be "get something from those who have something left". So there is no way to be "more or less peaceful way". You cannot defend yourself/your family in this conditions. The only way to pass is to realize that uniting can save all.

 

[Carl]

I feel the same way. However, comets and ice ages aside, it is pretty clear that we are headed for a total financial meltdown. This idea really hit home last night in a big way, and it is becoming clearer every day that we cannot afford to waste the 'time' we have left.

Generally our 'hopes and dreams' of travelling the world, meeting new friends, and having a good happy life are just illusions. Just look at how messed up the world is, how relentlessly our society is ponerised and human values eroded every day. Is this really the world in which you want to live out the rest of your life? If we are all wrong about The Wave and catacylsm, then that still leaves us living in a world dominated by psychopaths who hold practically all the pieces on the chess board.

Personally, in a way, I welcome the changes that may be coming. Sure, it still scares the hell out of me, and it will be a very difficult time. But imagine all that you could experience given an opportunity like that? You could learn a lifetime of lessons in a 2-3 year period of intense struggle, providing you are adequately prepared.

Provided a big enough shock like this, people are going to have to abandon their programs and illusions very fast, and it is going to be incredibly painful. If we have already slowly gone through this process, then this is a great opportunity to be of service to others. To be people that can guide others and be a source of hope by setting an example.

We have been given enough information to have a good idea that we are coming to the end of an era, and in my opinion it is our responsibility to prepare ourselves. We may be very, very glad that we did.


Also I think that cataclysm or no cataclysm, it shouldn't really make a huge difference to our attitude. If we would learn to fully embrace life, then we would get the most out of each day spent and each lesson learnt anyway

 

[loreta]

It is complicated. I feel the same, anger, hope, desperation, curiosity... In my case I have to decide if I stay here, in Spain, or leave. I have no house, no family, just my husband and my dogs. But no money. So I am angry with myself to have me put in that situation. Something is coming and maybe we are like the people who were looking, amazing, the tsunami approaching without moving, just looking. Are we like this people on the beach? I remember a picture of a woman looking the tsunami and I remember telling myself: surely me too I would have look like her without reacting. So now we are here, and the tsunami is coming. So it is time to sit down and talk with your family and see what alternatives you have. And then move. Maybe it is better to stay, maybe no. As I think it is very complicated. And if we stay in that doomed country, what can we do? I myself live in a village of 20 habitants, the tsunami will come here but maybe not so strongly. But for sure it will come here too. All the country will suffer. Are there alternatives?

I try to see what is happening like a unique experience, when I feel hope. Hope that what we are living is teaching us something. About the world, about our-selves, about life. Surely we are learning. Surely all this is making us stronger.

 

[manitoban]

Kind of rollercoaster as said, not sure if anybody else has felt a bit torn as well between these two feelings/perspectives, so far, I seem to be still in the middle of both, calm and able to perceive my emotions, but still a bit overwhelmed by them!

Hi David,

I think that these conflicting feelings are not unusual given the grave situation we are facing. It is plain that the situation could hardly be worse, and yet there is still light right here on this forum, which is growing every day in numbers. It ain't over yet and I still have hope, plenty of it!

I've certainly gone through various stages of both anger and hope at different times, and I've actually found them to be quite cyclical in nature. If you can begin to simply observe the various phases, they tend to lose their hold on you, as you notice over time that they come and go. When I have a low period, what helps me is to try to stop anticipating and to focus on what is in front of me at the moment. Just doing what needs to be done in the moment, trying to be externally considerate, understanding the basic 3D lessons. After all, for all I know, the day to day interactions with others that aren't at all dramatic might be the most important lesson of my life.

 

[Buddy]

what helps me is to try to stop anticipating and to focus on what is in front of me at the moment. Just doing what needs to be done in the moment, trying to be externally considerate, understanding the basic 3D lessons.

Hi David. FWIW, I agree with what manitoban is expressing.

Personally, I had a sort of shock when I realized a 'constant' present in all my swinging back and forth between various 'conscious states', whether supposedly 'positive' like hope, or 'negative' like anger, was me (essentially "me") simply being sympathetic towards myself (personality structure "me"); or something similar involving two parts of myself.

For me, being in the moment is about having most all your sensory awareness on your personal and expanded environments, which includes what others are saying and doing, so you don't miss much of the input you will need in order to 'know' what to do and when to do it, etc--assuming you're connected to Aim and you're in a process of getting stuff done.

Considering the way you describe how you're being affected, this excerpt from Boris Sidis' book Nervous Ills, Chapter X: The Subconscious, might be appropriate here:

It is not of advantage to an individual of a complex organization to respond with reaction to all impressions coming from the external environment. Hence, that organism will succeed best in the struggle for existence that possesses some selective, critical, inhibitory "choice and will" centers. The more organized and the more sensitive and delicate those centers are, the better will the organism succeed in its life existence.

Do you remember how Gurdjieff lived even when war was going on? Also, if you've done some research on life in Armenia where G was born, you probably even know that general daily life was, and is, conducive to arranging one's life to be fluid and mobile.

And I was wondering...are you fluid and mobile in all your various contexts--especially in terms of personal assets, property, ability to change geographical locations, etc? If so, you may have, less, overall, to worry about than you think. :)

 

[Laura]

One thing is for certain, our paleolithic ancestors were sharp as tacks; they had to be to survive. I reckon what is going on now is modern time's equivalent of the paleolithic hostile environment; those who are sharp enough to read the signs and deal with what is, will survive. You might even think of it as an evolutionary culling. If you look at it as a challenge, and are driven by love for others, it's not so bad as bad as it is.

 

[ROEL]

If you look at it as a challenge, and are driven by love for others, it's not so bad as bad as it is.

I wish that the Forum remains available through the present and coming difficult times. It is one of our primary anchors to sanity.

 

[SeekinTruth]

If you look at it as a challenge, and are driven by love for others, it's not so bad as bad as it is.

I wish that the Forum remains available through the present and coming difficult times. It is one of our primary anchors to sanity.

:D Couldn't have said it better, in fact you took the words right out of my mouth. But I guess we have to factor in the possibility that the day will come that the forum won't be available. :(

 

[David Topi]

Very wise and helpful advice! thank you all. I will keep in mind two things: to stay more in the present and be more flexible, those two concepts right now seem indeed the most important ones for me.


To be able to adapt to whatever happens is a big lesson, but change is inevitable and even now I think it is going to be welcomed, with this new point of view. It will provide opportunities for growth like you guys have said that probably will boost personal development.


I wonder if this is also a shared feeling for many, after each small "crisis" or ups and downs I seem to come out "stronger", or at least with renewed energy. I read the thread about depression as a step stone for soul growth, maybe my emotional state was not a depression, but it looks like these kind of "small personal crisis" do indeed boost inner "strenght", being the help of this forum the trigger or detonant for it. Hoping also that it will resist the times to come.

 

[loreta]

Very wise and helpful advice! thank you all. I will keep in mind two things: to stay more in the present and be more flexible, those two concepts right now seem indeed the most important ones for me.


To be able to adapt to whatever happens is a big lesson, but change is inevitable and even now I think it is going to be welcomed, with this new point of view. It will provide opportunities for growth like you guys have said that probably will boost personal development.


I wonder if this is also a shared feeling for many, after each small "crisis" or ups and downs I seem to come out "stronger", or at least with renewed energy. I read the thread about depression as a step stone for soul growth, maybe my emotional state was not a depression, but it looks like these kind of "small personal crisis" do indeed boost inner "strenght", being the help of this forum the trigger or detonant for it. Hoping also that it will resist the times to come.

It is very normal to feel what you feel with all this situation. And frankly, I really don't know how people will be able to pass through this crisis (and this is a big crisis) without a net support. This forum is so important. I don't want to imagine that one day it can disappear. Till then we have support that help us in this growth that is our road, for now. We will see what will happen.

I am happy that you feel better and stronger!

 

[Carl]

It is very normal to feel what you feel with all this situation. And frankly, I really don't know how people will be able to pass through this crisis (and this is a big crisis) without a net support. This forum is so important. I don't want to imagine that one day it can disappear. Till then we have support that help us in this growth that is our road, for now. We will see what will happen.

I really think we should face the fact that the (free) internet may not survive what is coming, and in fact all forms of electronic communication may well go down if things get really bad. Unless we develop some kind of 4d ability to keep in contact (not ruling anything out), then we may be 'on our own'.

But the level of loneliness we face will be determined by our development in my opinion. I think that by applying all the concepts and skills that we have learned here, we should be able to form our own local networks and spread awareness that way. I am already seeing this happening to a small extent in my personal life, and I think it will become much easier to do this when a major disaster shocks people into awakening and distractions are removed.

As G said, 4th way schools serve a particular purpose, and they come and go when the time is right. This network has provided the means for exponential growth for so many of us in terms of how we deal with the world and others. IMO the ultimate test of what we have learned would be to go out on our own and use what we have learned help unite people into a proper community, and help those who are struggling.

Personally I don't think I am ready for that task yet, but would certainly give it my best shot if the situation was forced upon me.

Just my opinion anyway

 

[cubbie]

David, I feel the same way. Things are still fairly normal here in SE Asia, economically. People are still going about their normal routines. In a way it feels lonely for having these thoughts daily by myself.. That's when I'll come here and lurk around. :)

I wish you all the best in your future undertakings.

 

[abeofarrell]

Looking at my own "roller coaster ride" I can only say that times like these are the best you will get for truly understanding your "machine". Every extreme emotion has its trigger and also is a trigger for a chain of events. Follow the chain and it usually leads you to something in your past still not dealt with. Yes, times are tough for all and it can be exhausting going "up and down", but it is all lessons. I cannot imagine what you are going through in Spain, but I wish you the best in your work.

 

[David Topi]

Looking at my own "roller coaster ride" I can only say that times like these are the best you will get for truly understanding your "machine". Every extreme emotion has its trigger and also is a trigger for a chain of events. Follow the chain and it usually leads you to something in your past still not dealt with.

Absolutely, and in case it is of interest for anybody, the way I find best for me to understand my machine is by doing a lot of diagrams. If I am a machine, well, I can write my own manual of instructions .


Basically what I have been doing in the last 6 months more or less is something like drawing schemas to link emotions with programs triggered.
For instance:




I feel XXX ---> I discover it has trigger the reaction or program YYY on me. ---> What caused the XXX feeling? ---> The situation ZZZZ ---> What can I do about the situation ZZZ? ---> Alternatives exposed ---> Can I implement them or fix them ----> Solutions described ----> Solutions implemented.


After solution has been implemented (can be anything, just a stupid decision not made can change the whole chain) --- >Has feeling XXX dissapeared? --> I am triggering again program YYY?


And surprisingly I am discovering what programs I trigger when some feelings are present and viceversa, what feelings I have when some programs have been triggered. At the end, seems it should not be so difficult to write the manual of instructions for the human machine.


Sorry for the messy explanation, thought it could help if you are a bit of a linear thinker.