Totally frustrated!

[LadyRodgers]

My dad has been sick and wheelchair bound for nearly 15 years now with some sort of neurological disorder, at one time was diagnosed as having "SupraNuclear Palsy" disorder. It progressed quickly the first couple of years and then has been somewhat at the same point and slowly progressing in the last 10 yrs. Throughout the years I have asked him and my step mother about changing his diet, whatever, to try something new, but they've just continually taken they multiple pharmaceutical drugs and just sat and I guess waited for a change. In the beginning they said that he wouldn't last more than about 7 yrs.... anyhow... after reading about the paleo diet and all the bad stuff about gluten, grains, dairy, sugar, etc...., I recently asked my dad about changing his diet, at first he was excited and I asked him to have his wife call me and I would send her the web links to check it out for herself. Well apparently, she just won't do it and doesn't have the time to be bothered. (She’s gotten very angry over the years... understandably so... but...) She just constantly talks about HER time and HER life & that she cooks what she can and that it's all healthy, which is basically an outright lie! MY GOD he's the one suffering! She said that he was already on a strict diabetic and heart diet... I asked her; doesn't that mostly consist of protein and veggies anyway? And she said "yes" but, he's just recently been released from the hospital again... and his sugar levels and CO2 levels were extremely high, (oh yeah he developed diabetes a few years ago...) I'm thinking that the strict diet isn't all that strict!
And I know that my dad can be very difficult and stubborn at times... but in this case I just don't know what to think!
I'm frustrated as hell and am feeling so very helpless....
It just seems to me that the doctors gave up long ago, and anything is worth a try at this point! But it may be way too late… And Carol has certainly given up and is basically just waiting…
She also recently took in her 4 yr old grandson that was born a drug baby and he has multiple issues as well… RAD for sure…
I do feel for her, I really do, but I’m soooo very frustrated right now. I know, I know, free will right? You just can’t make people do things…

 

[Galaxia2002]

it is a difficult situation because you see how your father's health deteriorates. Is it not a way you cook for him or pay to someone to do it?

 

[anart]

I know, I know, free will right? You just can’t make people do things…

You have your answer right there. Yes, it's horrible, but it's the truth of the situation. There is nothing you can do if a person does not want to change and even though it sounds like his dynamic with his wife might not be the healthiest thing in the world, it's still his dynamic - his choice - his life and his lessons.

I wish I had an easier response, but it is what it is. I went through a very similar thing with my own father and know how it feels, so I wish it were different.

 

[Buddy]

Hi LadyRodgers. I'm sorry to hear about this. I can practically feel your frustration. I can definitely relate to caring about a family member in a situation like this.

In case you might find it interesting, when I try to read your post as objectively as possible, the following mostly stands out for me:

I recently asked my dad about changing his diet, at first he was excited and I asked him to have his wife call me and I would send her the web links to check it out for herself. Well apparently, she just won't do it and doesn't have the time to be bothered.
[...]
I just don't know what to think!
I'm frustrated as hell and am feeling so very helpless....
It just seems to me that the doctors gave up long ago...

...and reminds me of back when I was in "sales" as this was my first lesson:

My boss would have said something like: "it seems you got your Dad excited and "ready to buy and benefit", so that's a very good thing. The 'problem' is a very, very common one: lack of follow through. This would have cost you the sale, the product manufacturer the profit and for the 'customer' the loss of benefit(s) from the 'product'. Sell objective benefits, not features, he would emphasize.

Please don't take this the wrong way. I know that this was not a sales job, though I do believe the lesson has an esoteric equivalent. Situations like this can be complicated and involve many unmentioned factors. I am also aware that people in this Work use various ways and means of introducing beneficial alternatives to others awareness's and then leave them alone to make their informed choice. I also do think it was good to have brought this to your Dad's attention.

...and anything is worth a try at this point!

I was also curious like Galaxia2002. I wonder what kind of response you would get if, at least once in awhile, you prepared, or had prepared, a meal or two for your Dad according to the proper diet? Might that effort also be appreciated by the wife as well?

Just some thoughts that could very well be off base for some reason. :)

 

[LadyRodgers]

Thanks for your responses and I will keep on trying!
And that's a great idea about actually doing the cooking myself.
I'm headed over there @ lunch today, fully loaded with lots of articles and Dr. quotes about celiac disease and gluten sensitivity.
Hopefully they will at least ask the neurologist about getting tested.

thanks again, :)

 

[Renaissance]

I forget where I read it, but it is something like 80% of those who are sensitive to gluten won't have it show up in a celiac test. I think it may have been in 'Life without Bread'.

Usually the best impression from others about diet related stuff happens with me in casual conversation about how I read 'this' and 'tried that' and 'this happened'...'it's amazing!' Tackling lifestyles head on when someone is engaged in a particular way of doing things isn't usually met with openness. If they are interested, something may develop by finding out about certain benefits and interesting tid-bits that come from reading and practicing the diet, and isn't discussed as directly. At lest that's been my experience. It turns into a possibility to explore if they wish rather than feeling like they're being 'told' to do this or that.

 

[LadyRodgers]

Very well put, thanks!

I did take over some articles and such at lunch and she did at least look at them. I didn't push them on her, I just said that they were interesting and she might be surprised at how much it seems to relate to his illness(s).

There was a mention of another test besides the antibody test, now they're saying that a genetic test can be done.

http://www.celiacdisease.net/testing

 

[pete02]

I know exactly where your coming from LadyRodgers. My dad's gone under the knife twice now with heart related problems and it all started when they told him he was a diabetic and start giving him prescriptions for it. The doctors of course blamed it on his smoking but I feel the meds are what put him in this shape and they plan to keep him there for as long as they can. With all the info I have given my parents they still continue to eat crap. My mother complains that her bowel movements are just not normal anymore and my father never really recovered from his stroke. I could probably print out a books worth of things for them to do and it would end up on the coffee table collecting dust. Just the other day I told my dad about the latest studies that have found type 2 diabetes is curable with the proper diet change and he said 'really?' while he slugged down his coffee with milk and splenda. All I do anymore is make comments and suggestions but I don't expect them to change their ways. I know its difficult but for me it only turns into an argument if I push, so I've stopped and just try to enjoy the time we have left together.

I suppose if you have the opportunity to cook for your dad you should but unless you continue to do it will it really help? I've gotten my mom to start using things like coconut oil and quinoa but they still eat at burger king when they go out so I can't expect them to get better if they're only half trying. Hopefully you will have better luck with your dad but these situations can be hard and if all else fails, at least you tried right?

 

[LadyRodgers]

thanks again for all the responses and support!

I found out a couple of days ago that dad was just diagnosed with a Vitamin B12 defeciency. I googled that with celiac disease, surprise! another symtom of celiac disease!
I just tried to talk to my step mother again about this, she still hasn't even read the documentation that I took to her a week ago...
I told her about the B12 deficiency being related to celiac disease and again she just brushed me off, i pleaded with her to have his doctor test him on their next appt, which is this wednesday, she said she would, by GOD I hope that they do!

I also contacted my sister, she's a medical transcriptionist, she's brushing me off as well! I just feel that no one cares, and they feel like its just some new Fad that I'm going through.... I need a better approach I think cuz I just want to SCREAM!