Well, to add to that, my parents used to laugh when I hurt myself as a child like falling or whatever. They did not laugh *at* me exactly, they did it to change my own reaction to it. My reaction was like all kids, panic, and then crying. And yeah it made me mad when they laughed. But over some time I got used to it, and I laughed too at my own pain, it became funny rather than a tragedy, I understood that they were laughing at the situation/how funny I looked, and not as enjoying my pain. Cuz I don't think we cry strictly because it hurts. I think a big part of the reason is we want pity/energy, we feel sorry for ourselves and want others to feel sorry for us, so we make pain into something worse/more than it is - and as kids, that means crying. Ever notice how kids tend to cry even harder as soon as they are hugged and told its ok?
Not to say that it's wrong to hug and comfort somebody, but perhaps there is a way to do it without enciting more self pity. I dunno what the best approach would be, but my parents chose laughing (as long as the pain/accident wasn't something serious or really bad, and I only acted like it was by crying), and it worked. My reaction to my own pain now is humor/laughter, which actually helps me keep cool about it and not be thrown into panic and be overwhelmed with a flood of emotions and self pity that interfere with thinking.
And on a similar note, probably *the* best way I know to make a baby or a child stop crying is to mimic it, fake-cry in the same tone right back at it. It works exactly the same every time - the crying stops with a look of confusion as in "Uhh.. you're not supposed to cry, I'm supposed to cry, what's going on here?!?". Again, not to say that crying is bad or wrong, because it is a release and sometimes there is no replacement for it, but I mean when it's just habitual/manipulative, when it's a way to get attention or to get your way, or just self pity for no good reason, etc. Most if not all kids tend to cry cuz they've learned it gets them what they want from their parents. Children learn to be manipulative from infanthood, and if it works, they'll use it unconsciously without thinking. Then they all end up on the Murray show being sent to Boot Camp because their parents are incapable of raising a child, which requires at least some psychological clue as one of the requirements. Oy!
Not to say that it's wrong to hug and comfort somebody, but perhaps there is a way to do it without enciting more self pity. I dunno what the best approach would be, but my parents chose laughing (as long as the pain/accident wasn't something serious or really bad, and I only acted like it was by crying), and it worked. My reaction to my own pain now is humor/laughter, which actually helps me keep cool about it and not be thrown into panic and be overwhelmed with a flood of emotions and self pity that interfere with thinking.
And on a similar note, probably *the* best way I know to make a baby or a child stop crying is to mimic it, fake-cry in the same tone right back at it. It works exactly the same every time - the crying stops with a look of confusion as in "Uhh.. you're not supposed to cry, I'm supposed to cry, what's going on here?!?". Again, not to say that crying is bad or wrong, because it is a release and sometimes there is no replacement for it, but I mean when it's just habitual/manipulative, when it's a way to get attention or to get your way, or just self pity for no good reason, etc. Most if not all kids tend to cry cuz they've learned it gets them what they want from their parents. Children learn to be manipulative from infanthood, and if it works, they'll use it unconsciously without thinking. Then they all end up on the Murray show being sent to Boot Camp because their parents are incapable of raising a child, which requires at least some psychological clue as one of the requirements. Oy!
