Two dreams: running away from the police and being arrested

[Gertrudes]

This past night I had 2 consecutive dreams with a similar theme. Since having started EE my dream life that used to be very active has almost disappeared from my conscious awareness, so nowadays I tend to really pay attention to any dream I have, particularly if they are as vivid and emotionally strong as these 2.

First let me give some context, in real life my brother is in jail and has been since September/October (can't remember which) last year, although I only came to know of it when I went to my parent's this Christmas. The whole thing was a huge shock for me, and it took me days of crying and agony to start seeing the situation more objectively. My relationship with my brother has been profoundly painful since I was a child as I suffered 10 years of abuse at his hands. As many victims, I normalized his behaviour and suffered from Stockholm Syndrome for many years until this was brought to my attention. I have been working on this very issue over the past 6 months.
I am not sure of how much this would have to do with the 2 dreams I am about to describe, but I think it is best to provide this context so that you may have a clearer perspective of what's going on.

In the first dream I had I was with a group of people camping at the riverside just being together and celebrating. Something bad that I can't remember happened, none of us was responsible but we all knew that by the simple fact of being there we would be incriminated and arrested. So one of us decided that it was best to run away. We packed our stuff and in the middle of the night we started to run, we were extremely tired but we just kept running and running. Days passed and we kept running, stopping here and there to catch our breath as we felt that we were gaining distance from the police. In the meantime I was starting to feel extremely frustrated and hopeless. I felt that the fact that we had run away only made things look worse, if we had stayed we could at least tried to prove our innocence, now we didn't stand a chance and were doomed to keep running for years until the whole process would be archived. I think in the dream that meant 12 years. I felt completely desperate when I realized this, angry and frustrated, and could only think, why didn't we just stay?? I think the dream ended here.

Second dream: my brother had either ran away from jail, or the police was chasing him to get him arrested for something he had done. The police came to see me and that was so unexpected that I reacted automatically and although I knew where he was, I said I didn't. I recognized there and then that this was an automatic reaction belonging to my past, the way in real life I always defended his cruel disturbing acts in my head.
Well, the police somehow found out that I was lying and arrested me. I was heart broken, I had lied to the police and had ruined my life. In the dream I was supposed to stay in jail for a number of years.
After having taken me to jail they allowed me a week where they would take me to my classes (I teach in my real life) and I could say goodbye to the class attendants. I could only cry during the class and barely said a word. I felt absolutely devastated, it felt very similar to past dreams I had about dying, here I felt that my old life had just died and there was nothing I could do about it.

Now a relevant part of this last dream was when I was talking with the police at the end and said in tears: if you had only given me a chance, if you had only said that you were coming I could have prepared myself and not reacted automatically like I did, deffending my brother again as I did in the past. That is past, I See him now but I still react automatically if I'm not given time....if you had only warned me I could have prepared myself..
The police was actually very understanding and seemed caring, but there was nothing they could do. I had to go to jail and stay there.

I really don't know what to make of this. Was the police some part of my inner self?
The only thing I can put my finger on, of which I have very recently become aware of was a program I have been intending to post in the swamp but haven't done so due to pure lack of time. This program involves a deep seated fear of having things taken away from me, losing people or having them taken away from me. As I have been thinking of this lately I sort of connected it with my brother and how by having been emotionally and mentally raped by him for so many years, I felt that every part of myself had indeed been taken away from me and only during recent years did I began to claim them back.
Again, I don't know how relevant this is to the 2 dreams, but since it is something I realized about 3 days ago I figured it might have some connection. I'll post it in the swamp as soon as I have more time in my hands.

Any feedback whatsoever is welcomed. I really struggle to understand dreams, particularly my own.

 

[RedFox]

Hi Getrudes
There seems to be a common theme/message in the two dreams.
The first one boils down to running away - a hasty (middle of the knight when things are blackest) automatic reaction, that left you 'on the run' for 12 years. What was done could not (in your eyes) be undone. You may have well been in jail for those 12 years.
The second dream you saw the dynamic again, automatic reaction leads to 'loss of all you hold dear' and 'cannot be undone'. The police may well represent masculine/authoritative figures in your life even if they are only internal (your 'internal' brother perhaps?). They may be mixed with your own (perception of your) masculine side.

The emotional component tied to all this is also very important.

I felt completely desperate when I realized this, angry and frustrated, and could only think, why didn't we just stay??[..]
I could only cry during the class and barely said a word. I felt absolutely devastated, it felt very similar to past dreams I had about dying, here I felt that my old life had just died and there was nothing I could do about it.

Anger and frustration are obvious, but they stem from regret about a decision you where unable to make (automatic response?). I think perhaps check to make sure you are not blaming yourself harshly and punishing yourself unnecessary for some decision you actually had not control over. If automatic programs/reactions are still a problem, learning to be gentle on yourself is just as important as spotting them.
Despair, sadness and loss at what was important that has been taken away (it was overly harsh to have that taken away due to lieing). Perhaps accepting that 'there was nothing you could do about it' (beyond what you did) is important?

Something bad that I can't remember happened, none of us was responsible[..]So one of us decided that it was best to run away.

Could it be that this is how you perceived earlier your life with your brother, and it is only now being allowed to express? That (should you have to live through interacting with your brother again) it would be as if 'your old life had died' and could be described as being in jail (physically) or on the run (mentally/emotionally/physically)? You didn't happen to live with/suffer at the hands of your brother for 12 years did you?
Identifying, acknowledging and experiencing the thoughts and emotions of the initial trauma is deeply healing fwiw.

In the meantime I was starting to feel extremely frustrated and hopeless.[..]if we had stayed we could at least tried to prove our innocence, now we didn't stand a chance and were doomed to keep running for years until the whole process would be archived.

If it is about your past with your brother, then perhaps the highlighted part is to do with thinking that you had some responsibility in what happened to you, or some control over it, or could have changed it if......which all just avoids the painful fact that you didn't (where complete blameless/where not responsible for what happened - his actions where his own), couldn't (how could a child stand up to him? why should a child have to?) and where completely at his mercy.
Perhaps this may relate to the stockholm syndrome too? Taking on unfounded responsibility (which may get projected as attachment/guilt/some how feeling responsible for 'his' actions?) for what happened to you, as a buffer to the pain?

I do not know if this is the case, but the 'old life had died'/going on the run/to jail part didn't seem like a positive transition period. Which may or may not fit.

Whatever the dream may be, it sounds like some deep processing going on.

 

[Ollie]

Hi Gertrudes

According to a dream directory, ‘police’ indicates: structure and control, and breaking laws may show your urge toward self-assertion and your desire to test the limits imposed by others – frustrated by your circumstances and feeling that life is unjust. ‘Police may symbolise the upholding of rules of conduct. They may represent inhibition and the censorship of natural impulses by the conscious mind. Possibly, being arrested may symbolise sexuality or emotions being restrained by feelings of guilt. If you dream of being chased by the police, it can indicate that you need to face the accusations of a guilty conscience or learn from past mistakes.

Added to this, prison symbolises: that you may feel that your life is restricted at the moment and your dream reflects your need to change your routines. To release yourself you may need to make major changes to your waking life. Another interpretation is that you are restricted by behaviour that enslaves you or you have repressed your emotions. If you dream of someone else in prison this may represent the element of your personality that you are unable to set free.

Putting the two together may help.

Not knowing what you are about to write in the Swamp, but reading what you have written at the end of your post, the above may go some way to explaining it – repressed emotions?

 

[Gertrudes]

Redfox and Trevrizent, many thanks for your help. Your posts really hit something in me.

Redfox, I read your post on my lunch break this afternoon before Trevrizent had posted his, and what you said had such a strong effect in me that I had to stop a few times to prevent me from going into an emotional state that wouldn't enable me to go back to work. I was swallowing my tears as I left, and felt as if I had been stabbed on my stomach several times in a row. I know stabbed is a strong word and has a very negative connotation, but it felt like something deep in me had been pierced through and revolved, I just wanted to curl and protect my tummy.

What was done could not (in your eyes) be undone. You may have well been in jail for those 12 years.
The second dream you saw the dynamic again, automatic reaction leads to 'loss of all you hold dear' and 'cannot be undone
(...)
Could it be that this is how you perceived earlier your life with your brother, and it is only now being allowed to express? That (should you have to live through interacting with your brother again) it would be as if 'your old life had died' and could be described as being in jail
You didn't happen to live with/suffer at the hands of your brother for 12 years did you?

Reading this was like having a deafening gong ringing inside me. Indeed, for many years I felt that my past had caused me such harm that I would never become a normal person. The feeling of what couldn't be undone was extremely present in me. Well, after much work my perspective has totally changed, my relationship with myself and my past has improved beyond what I could have ever expected but it is still, of course, a work in progress.
However, when realizations such as the one I had recently about how I fear losing or having things and people taken away from me come to surface, I tend to be very self punitive....I haven't been aware of it.

When I was talking about this realization with my partner he, a perceptive person, kept saying: I don't like the way you're saying it, you seem to be attacking yourself.
I didn't feel it at the time but looking back now and assessing my emotions it becomes crystal clear, I felt ugly, dirty and shameful for having that fear. It just felt so normal to feel that way that I didn't acknowledge it.

About the 12 years, my brother's abuse started when I was 6 and lasted until I was about 16, when he left home. However, I only felt free when I finally left my parents home just a couple of months before turning 18. My relationship with my parents was very destructive at the time and leaving was just pure freedom, and pure bliss. All in all, it was indeed 12 years of feeling like I was in a jail, and ALWAYS running away trying to hide from my brother.
This was followed by another 12 year period that ended at the end of last year when I turned 30. During this second 12 year period I dedicated myself to licking my wounds, giving my first baby steps into the real world and learning how to firm my feet on the ground. Just before my birthday I had a major breakthrough that ended that 12 year period by, once again, completely reshaping my relationship with myself and my past.

The police may well represent masculine/authoritative figures in your life even if they are only internal (your 'internal' brother perhaps?). They may be mixed with your own (perception of your) masculine side.

One interesting thing that I forgot to mention is the presence of a female police woman in my second dream, the main element with whom I interacted. The rest of the team was composed by men and they all look sorry for the fact that I was going to jail. The police woman had a concerned caring attitude towards me but she had to abide by the rules, I protected a criminal and had to be arrested. It almost seemed like none of them really wanted for me to go, but they had to.

I think perhaps check to make sure you are not blaming yourself harshly and punishing yourself unnecessary for some decision you actually had not control over. If automatic programs/reactions are still a problem, learning to be gentle on yourself is just as important as spotting them.
(...)
Identifying, acknowledging and experiencing the thoughts and emotions of the initial trauma is deeply healing fwiw.

Perhaps my unacknowledged self blame after my recent realizations, the hopelessness I felt upon seeing my programs and how it connected to my past, perhaps that was punishing me in my dreams.

Taking on unfounded responsibility (which may get projected as attachment/guilt/some how feeling responsible for 'his' actions?) for what happened to you, as a buffer to the pain?

I have done that a lot in the past. In fact, I used to feel responsible for the wellbeing of whomever would be around me. I have worked a lot on that through the years and it is immensely better, although it makes sense that such an ingrained program still manifests itself here and there.

Possibly, being arrested may symbolise sexuality or emotions being restrained by feelings of guilt. If you dream of being chased by the police, it can indicate that you need to face the accusations of a guilty conscience or learn from past mistakes.

Yes....it seems that might be what I have been doing, particularly recently with my new found program.

Added to this, prison symbolises: that you may feel that your life is restricted at the moment and your dream reflects your need to change your routines. To release yourself you may need to make major changes to your waking life. Another interpretation is that you are restricted by behaviour that enslaves you or you have repressed your emotions.

Well, on a conscious level I don't feel like my life is restricted. In fact, on the second dream I felt a deep pain for leaving behind the life I had built for myself, a life that in both the dream and real life I shaped and really like. The dreams did happen after I went on a weekend mini holyday with my partner though, but getting away might have been just the right trigger to release something from my subconscious, so I'm more inclined to the second interpretation.

Lately I have been doing some inner house cleaning. This came naturally in the course of these last 6 months where I've been gaining a new view of my past and the people involved in it. Having gained much more emotional and mental stability (the diet was a major factor in this as well), I naturally began to assess whatever "mess" I might have done during the 12 years that preceded these 6 months. These were 12 years of much growth, but also when, at times, I reacted like a badly traumatized wild animal, licking her wounds and learning how to be part of the world again. I made "mistakes" that I don't really see as mistakes, but unfortunate acts defined by how my wild bruised animal reacted. It could have been no other way, I was hurt and learning how to live amongst more normal people.
This particular "cleaning" has been happening for about 2 weeks now, culminating with the realization of 3 days ago. That might have been what released all of these self recriminatory feelings towards the behaviors that I still find present in me and the fact that they are automatic...perhaps the dream was a metaphor for how I punished myself for being automatic in real life. I don't know yet.

 

[Gertrudes]

I just want to add one thing, although it has been brought to my attention several times this self blame and guilt tendency of mine, something inside me that not my conscious awareness doesn't always believe it. In theory it makes perfect sense, and I KNOW (intellectually) that that is true. In practice, if I dig deeply enough I'll find that my real feelings tell me that I'm just a very, very bad person.
Oh boy...that says a lot doesn't it?

 

[Windmill knight]

I interpreted your dreams similar to Redfox and yourself. You are recriminating yourself for having 'protected a criminal' and 'not defending yourself when you were innocent'. So your internal police comes and knocks at your door and now you have to pay by going into an inner 'prison' or being 'a runaway' (which in real life you already did). However, I think there is something very positive in this, and that is that these are not the dreams of someone with Stockholm Syndrome or in denial. They sound like the dreams of someone who is processing painful emotions (regret, guilt), and that can only be good! They are not the end of the story, but part of the process and they show that things are moving along.

I just want to add one thing, although it has been brought to my attention several times this self blame and guilt tendency of mine, something inside me that not my conscious awareness doesn't always believe it. In theory it makes perfect sense, and I KNOW (intellectually) that that is true. In practice, if I dig deeply enough I'll find that my real feelings tell me that I'm just a very, very bad person.
Oh boy...that says a lot doesn't it?

Notice that in the first dream you knew you were innocent and your only regret was not defending yourself. And in the second, even the police held sympathy for you. Maybe your self blame is slowly starting to lose its grip?

 

[Gertrudes]

They sound like the dreams of someone who is processing painful emotions (regret, guilt), and that can only be good! They are not the end of the story, but part of the process and they show that things are moving along.
(...)
Notice that in the first dream you knew you were innocent and your only regret was not defending yourself. And in the second, even the police held sympathy for you. Maybe your self blame is slowly starting to lose its grip?

Mmmm...I hadn't thought of that. Well, that sure is a more appealing possibility :D

 

[cubbex]

I had to!!!

But they were not the police, and I was in some kind of old town jumping over the houses like van hellsing lol, and I did scape, but t was funny because it was lot of people shooting at me.

 

[Gertrudes]

I'm not completely sure of what prompted me to revisit this thread today, but I'm glad I did.
For some reason, lately I've been finding myself having emotional outbursts and sudden cries with the bizarrest triggers. The other day, for example, I was all happy decorating my Christmas tree, and decided to put a "christmassy" CD I kept hearing last year. Within minutes I was tucked in a ball on the floor crying. It hadn't crossed my mind that that was the same CD I heard a lot last year during the period that I learned that my brother was in jail, after which I burned my esophagus so bad it has taken an year to heal. So, a very emotional period.
The funny thing is, although it is painful when I cry, it is a totally different type of pain from reliving a trauma, it feels more like a letting it go, and it is profoundly relieving.

When I began to read this thread today, I had another of those unexpected, disabling cries and, interestingly, I instantly knew what the dreams were about. Guilt. Profound, immense, deep, deep, core seated GUILT. Guilt so gigantic that is almost bigger then myself. Guilt for the years of abuse and, mostly, for the years post abuse where I suffered from several types of self destructive compulsive behaviors. Although I've dealt with every single one of them over the past 12 years, the GUILT for having used them has ingrained itself right into my core. I see it very clearly now, and although some of you have pointed that out a number of times, and spelled it out clearly in this thread, it is just hitting me deeper now. There is so much guilt I could drown myself in it.

Lately I've been dealing with also very deeply seated feelings of resentment towards my parents after an event that shed a new light on our relationship. It was so brutal that something broke inside me (I can actually hear a sound), it may mend some day, but whatever was there will no doubt take a completely different shape. The reason I'm mention this is that I realize how these feelings make me feel guilty as well. Not for thinking bad of my parents, but rather for having such nasty feelings lingering inside me. Good thing is that I'm learning how not suppres "bad" feelings, despite what my "police self" says I feel them anyway, and it feels relieving and empowering to feel them. It feels great, period!
Not sure about resentment though, as it has a taste of stale anger. But I trust it will eventually mutate into something else, as long as I don't ignore the feeling is there.
I just need to really learn how to tackle that internal policeman/woman, that is, the guilt.

As always, it helps (immensely) to share my thoughts as it makes everything more concrete and palpable, so thanks much for letting me do it!

Edit: clarification

 

[EmeraldHope]

I'm not completely sure of what prompted me to revisit this thread today, but I'm glad I did.
For some reason, lately I've been finding myself having emotional outbursts and sudden cries with the bizarrest triggers. The other day, for example, I was all happy decorating my Christmas tree, and decided to put a "christmassy" CD I kept hearing last year. Within minutes I was tucked in a ball on the floor crying. It hadn't crossed my mind that that was the same CD I heard a lot last year during the period that I learned that my brother was in jail, after which I burned my esophagus so bad it has taken an year to heal. So, a very emotional period.
The funny thing is, although it is painful when I cry, it is a totally different type of pain from reliving a trauma, it feels more like a letting it go, and it is profoundly relieving.

When I began to read this thread today, I had another of those unexpected, disabling cries and, interestingly, I instantly knew what the dreams were about. Guilt. Profound, immense, deep, deep, core seated GUILT. Guilt so gigantic that is almost bigger then myself. Guilt for the years of abuse and, mostly, for the years post abuse where I suffered from several types of self destructive compulsive behaviors. Although I've dealt with every single one of them over the past 12 years, the GUILT for having used them has ingrained itself right into my core. I see it very clearly now, and although some of you have pointed that out a number of times, and spelled it out clearly in this thread, it is just hitting me deeper now. There is so much guilt I could drown myself in it.

Lately I've been dealing with also very deeply seated feelings of resentment towards my parents after an event that shed a new light on our relationship. It was so brutal that something broke inside me (I can actually hear a sound), it may mend some day, but whatever was there will no doubt take a completely different shape. The reason I'm mention this is that I realize how these feelings make me feel guilty as well. Not for thinking bad of my parents, but rather for having such nasty feelings lingering inside me. Good thing is that I'm learning how not suppres "bad" feelings, despite what my "police self" says I feel them anyway, and it feels relieving and empowering to feel them. It feels great, period!
Not sure about resentment though, as it has a taste of stale anger. But I trust it will eventually mutate into something else, as long as I don't ignore the feeling is there.
I just need to really learn how to tackle that internal policeman/woman, that is, the guilt.

As always, it helps (immensely) to share my thoughts as it makes everything more concrete and palpable, so thanks much for letting me do it!

Edit: clarification

Gertrudes,


If it is of any consolation at all I understand. The levels of guilt, rage, and apathy I have processed amaze me sometimes. I had guilt of epic proportions when I became angry with my Nana, which for most of my life was the perfect human to me. I came to the realization that the very things she told me to protect me, were, actually, what made me blind and made made me prey more than anything else because I never questioned her, even though reality told me something different. To be so angry at her scared me to no end, and I was overwhelmed with guilt. I guess it is just a process that we have to go through to get better, but it sure is not fun, even though learning is supposed to be.


Guilt of victim hood, guilt of ponerization, guilt of self destructive tendencies.....I could go on and on. But, the way to the other side of something is to go through it. The more I understand and implement the knowledge here, I am getting to the point of understanding, as Anart says, it could be no other way. How can we know other than what is around us?

 

[Gertrudes]

I am getting to the point of understanding, as Anart says, it could be no other way. How can we know other than what is around us?

That is the crux of the matter for me EmeraldHope. You're very right, how can we know other than what is around us? And this is what makes me darn angry with my guilt! I'm putting myself between a rock and a hard place, on the one hand I KNOW I couldn't have done it any differently, in fact, the things that make me feel the most guilty and dirty (previous addictions and compulsive behavior) are, in a twisted way, the very things that kept me sane. New me knows this very well. Old me doesn't, and crucifies itself for the past behavior that saved her.

You know, I think this may be the beginning of the long process of letting guilt go. It is that internal fight, that burning inside between two ore more me's, that burns and burns into a crescendo, until eventually you just make a choice and don't look back. There's a me that feels guilt, and there's another me that's just utterly fed up with guilty me. Having posted about this actually helped make latter me feel more solid and present.

Although I wasn't aware of it I think I've indulged in guilt now for long enough....It is such a waste of energy, time for some fresh air! I know it isn't as easy as just stating that it is time for a change. It would be nice if it were, but it isn't. Stating it though, makes it more real, and helps me focus on a concrete goal.

But, the way to the other side of something is to go through it.

Thank you EmeraldHope. That sure makes sense

ADDED:

If it is of any consolation at all I understand. The levels of guilt, rage, and apathy I have processed amaze me sometimes.

It is of consolation, thank you. Not that I'm in any way glad you've gone through it, but only in the sense that it helps me put my feet on the ground again and remember that there are many of us with similarly nasty experiences, and better, seen the other side.

 

[Oxajil]

Hi Gertrudes,

I'm sorry about what you had to go through.

That is the crux of the matter for me EmeraldHope. You're very right, how can we know other than what is around us? And this is what makes me darn angry with my guilt! I'm putting myself between a rock and a hard place, on the one hand I KNOW I couldn't have done it any differently, in fact, the things that make me feel the most guilty and dirty (previous addictions and compulsive behavior) are, in a twisted way, the very things that kept me sane. New me knows this very well. Old me doesn't, and crucifies itself for the past behavior that saved her.

You know, I think this may be the beginning of the long process of letting guilt go. It is that internal fight, that burning inside between two ore more me's, that burns and burns into a crescendo, until eventually you just make a choice and don't look back. There's a me that feels guilt, and there's another me that's just utterly fed up with guilty me. Having posted about this actually helped make latter me feel more solid and present.

Although I wasn't aware of it I think I've indulged in guilt now for long enough....It is such a waste of energy, time for some fresh air! I know it isn't as easy as just stating that it is time for a change. It would be nice if it were, but it isn't. Stating it though, makes it more real, and helps me focus on a concrete goal.

That sounds like a good approach! As Laura usually would say, what you've been through didn't all happen overnight, and healing from it probably won't either. I guess healing takes time.

Your feelings of guilt kind of reminds me of a passage from the Narcissistic Family:

Because patients at this stage tend to ''get stuck'' in all the ways they have ''screwed up'' their lives, all the bad choices they have made, all the things they did not say and should have (and vice versa), all the people they have let walk all over them, and so forth, it is very important that the therapist constantly give the patient positive reinforcement. One of the ways of doing this is to reflect the following:

- the patient was operating with limited information at the time, and he made his decisions based on that limited information
- the patient's coping mechanisms may not be working for him now, but they kept him going - maybe even kept him alive - as a child. It was good that he developed them, not bad; he may in adulthood, however, wish to develop new ones

[...]

The only conclusion she could reach about herself was that she was stupid, bad, and defective. The idea that running away with Bill was a judgment she made based on (1) her life experiences up to that certain point and (2) the options available to her at that time was inconceivable to her.

In order to help patients like Lennie better conceptualize the difficulty they have in recognizing and considering options, we have developed a teaching tool that we call ''The Story of Purple.''

The Story of Purple Once upon a time, there was a great land called Purple. It was named Purple because everything in it was, in fact, purple! The grass was a deep purple, the sky was a pinkish purple, the cows were pale purple with mauve spots, and the three suns and thirteen moons were shades of purple ranging from mist lavender to midnight plum. Even the people were varying shades of purple. Everything was purple. In this land, not only were there no other colors, no one even knew that any other colors existed!
It is likely, do you think, in this land - where everything was as completely purple as purple can possibly be - that one day, a young purple person would get out of her purple bed, put on her purple clothing, and while brushing her purple hair, look in the mirror and announce, ''I think I'd look better in green''? [At this point, most patients ''get it'', and you elicit some laughter.]
The answers is, of course not! Green is not an option!

So like EmeraldHope wrote, it could be no other way. You did what you did, and like you said, in a way it kept you sane, but now with all you've learned so far, you can change and grow even more, at your own pace. Thanks for sharing.

 

[SeekinTruth]

Yeah, what Oxajil wrote is very important. You already know that you did what you did to cope with the worst stages of your abuse and consequent experiences. It actually got you through the worst of it. And now you'll be able to get through this stage of misplaced guilt with much more knowledge and maturity.

Your growth that you've described in other threads as well is actually quite inspiring and I admire your courage. Hang in there, Gertrudes. And thanks for sharing.

 

[RobertB]

Gertrude:

"if you had only warned me I could have prepared myself.."
That would be interfering with Free Will.
"but there was nothing they could do. I had to go to jail and stay there."
The water that has passed under the proverbial bridge is not available for do-over in this life.
Remember they are all about lessons, and do-overs simply put off the lesson application.
By applying the lesson, the jail sentence is fulfilled.
You're free to go.

 

[EmeraldHope]

Gertrudes,


I found a thread that I think may help. It sure helped me reframe this guilt thing.


http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,24389.0.html