Was/Am I a Psychopath?! :( ?
- Thread starter The_Seeker
- Start date
Bewildered
The Force is Strong With This One
Thank you, The_Seeker, for sharing as you have done in this thread. I'm not sure how else to put it: you have touched me so very deeply with what you have written. I identify with so much you've described here. I'm not just referring to abuse at the hands of others (my family was/still is dysfunctional), but more importantly pain and abuse that I myself have caused and done to others because of my own pathology. It crushes me when I consider all the damage that I have done and the innocent people I have hurt. :(
It's not my intention to "hijack" this thread, so I should end my post here. I apologize to you, The_Seeker, and to the moderators if I added any noise here. Reading your post seemed to open the floodgates inside of me, and the emotions I am experiencing are overwhelming to say the least.
It's not my intention to "hijack" this thread, so I should end my post here. I apologize to you, The_Seeker, and to the moderators if I added any noise here. Reading your post seemed to open the floodgates inside of me, and the emotions I am experiencing are overwhelming to say the least.
Denis
Jedi Master
Hi The_Seeker.
As far as I know, psychopaths never stop and question their thoughts, words and deeds. Introspection does not come into consideration for them. Idk about the soul (including me :)), but based on what I have read about you from your own writing you are fully fledged human being who has the conscience and feels compassion for others, most certainly NOT psychopath. Thanks for sharing yourself here you're helping others along the way too, you know?
Man, this forum is amazing, I've learned so much about myself and in general here. And still... my journey's just begun. Sure glad I'm not the only one. ;)
Ok, time to go back to school!
As far as I know, psychopaths never stop and question their thoughts, words and deeds. Introspection does not come into consideration for them. Idk about the soul (including me :)), but based on what I have read about you from your own writing you are fully fledged human being who has the conscience and feels compassion for others, most certainly NOT psychopath. Thanks for sharing yourself here you're helping others along the way too, you know?
Man, this forum is amazing, I've learned so much about myself and in general here. And still... my journey's just begun. Sure glad I'm not the only one. ;)
Ok, time to go back to school!
cubbex
The Living Force
Well, as I have learned (this is my own observation), your own description looks more like a sociopath, when your context produces your state of mind, I know some cases about people that suffer more or less like you while they are young, yeah indeed, some heal themselves, and others become little more than an inteligent animal, but every one of them look like they have to deal with that challenge of overcoming those darky behaviors.
The difference is that some born being evil or in an einstanian mode, they are just simply lack of conscience, and others well... things happen, a child is gross potential and depending on what they perceive in that moment will shape his/her personality, the worst problem is a little ironical, while psychopaths feel powerful and all mighty, without remorse or shame, without suffering so to speak, those raised on a dysfunctional context live persecuted by shame, guilt, depression, confusion, so being honest why to still be in that way if it brings suffering? and that's more or less a start point on those who become aware of their behavior, and roots of that behavior. The miraculous thing about observing yourself in many aspects, OSIT.
As some write my two... well I just have one cent, sorry :P
The difference is that some born being evil or in an einstanian mode, they are just simply lack of conscience, and others well... things happen, a child is gross potential and depending on what they perceive in that moment will shape his/her personality, the worst problem is a little ironical, while psychopaths feel powerful and all mighty, without remorse or shame, without suffering so to speak, those raised on a dysfunctional context live persecuted by shame, guilt, depression, confusion, so being honest why to still be in that way if it brings suffering? and that's more or less a start point on those who become aware of their behavior, and roots of that behavior. The miraculous thing about observing yourself in many aspects, OSIT.
As some write my two... well I just have one cent, sorry :P
Fester
Jedi
Well done Seeker... I know where you're coming from. I have many similar or identical incidents in my past- it's quite possible that if we compared I'd look even worse. And of course, when asking these questions, "Am I sane?" "Do I have a soul?" others often tell you that because you are asking the question, if it's honest, then it proves that you are sane/do have a soul. Basically true of course, but when its a personal question, the self questioning the self in a brutally honest way, then it's an answer that doesn't seem to help at all, isn't it? It somehow doesn't feel like a "real" answer, more like a clever wordplay to get one off the hook. [Please understand that I'm describing how this answer felt to me, when I have done this.]
If you feel that way too, this may help-
I looked back through my life to see if I could isolate any points where I truly felt deeply about the welfare of another for non-selfish reasons. [For instance if I am in the right frame of mind, seeing those world-vision ads on tv with starving children can make me have to fight off tears. I'm a sentimental bugger, too, and hungry kids make me want to cry.]
I also isolated an incident (or several) in my life where I had been badly wronged and badly treated and I had blamed myself at the time.
I also isolated several times in my life where I have refrained from acting on a quite righteous anger and truly forgiven the person (forgiving someone feels goood :D ) by which I mean without making an issue of it, by expecting apologies first or gratitude after.
In short, isolating all the times I could remember when I acted in a way that, in the given set of circumstances, a psychopath would not only not have acted that way, a psychopath could not have imagined acting that way.
This is the manner in which I eventually proved to my own satisfaction that I am not psychopathic. Proving it to the satisfaction of others is a different story though...
I hope this helps you with those interior-dialogue battles that come with the question you've had the guts to ask yourself, Seeker. Well done, mate!
If you feel that way too, this may help-
I looked back through my life to see if I could isolate any points where I truly felt deeply about the welfare of another for non-selfish reasons. [For instance if I am in the right frame of mind, seeing those world-vision ads on tv with starving children can make me have to fight off tears. I'm a sentimental bugger, too, and hungry kids make me want to cry.]
I also isolated an incident (or several) in my life where I had been badly wronged and badly treated and I had blamed myself at the time.
I also isolated several times in my life where I have refrained from acting on a quite righteous anger and truly forgiven the person (forgiving someone feels goood :D ) by which I mean without making an issue of it, by expecting apologies first or gratitude after.
In short, isolating all the times I could remember when I acted in a way that, in the given set of circumstances, a psychopath would not only not have acted that way, a psychopath could not have imagined acting that way.
This is the manner in which I eventually proved to my own satisfaction that I am not psychopathic. Proving it to the satisfaction of others is a different story though...
I hope this helps you with those interior-dialogue battles that come with the question you've had the guts to ask yourself, Seeker. Well done, mate!
Griller
The Force is Strong With This One
This post made me reflect my past life, put some things into a context.
Opening your heart is a brave and often painful thing too. But from your post one can see there's much good one can gain from doing so. Or more like, the black-and-white world may start to show more warmer colours. Since your condition, whatever it is, can be turned better, be glad. :) I've not had this rough past but there have been times when I've asked myself these things. One can always run from them, it happens a lot, but the solitude of making your stand and facing these things may open you a nice warm world.
Even with aging physically and facing hardships, we should not grow old mentally, emotionally, in a certain way. In a cynical, cold way. Not too much. This is what I think. Have strength, Seeker, and thanks for sharing your thoughts. I found your post very warm and honest, I hope you the best in life.
Opening your heart is a brave and often painful thing too. But from your post one can see there's much good one can gain from doing so. Or more like, the black-and-white world may start to show more warmer colours. Since your condition, whatever it is, can be turned better, be glad. :) I've not had this rough past but there have been times when I've asked myself these things. One can always run from them, it happens a lot, but the solitude of making your stand and facing these things may open you a nice warm world.
Even with aging physically and facing hardships, we should not grow old mentally, emotionally, in a certain way. In a cynical, cold way. Not too much. This is what I think. Have strength, Seeker, and thanks for sharing your thoughts. I found your post very warm and honest, I hope you the best in life.
