What am I possibly missing as an only child?

[Ollie]

What am I possibly missing as an only child? I’m seeking enlightenment on this.

Q: (Galaxia) Does being an only child cause some of them to be missing something in their brain because they didn't have any siblings? Do they have brain damage or something?

This is a little like a Chief Feature in a way, what can others see that I as an only child am unaware of? Also, what could be missing in the brain?

As a starter there is this:

I was interested in the information about only children. Both my parents are only children and I think that they have missed out on opportunities that I had with two siblings. Opportunities to share, to have someone to be close to who knows what life was like in your family, compare memories etc.

 

[EmeraldHope]

I wondered the same thing when I read the C's session. Thank you for starting this topic. I ,too, for all practical purposes was raised an only child.

 

[Keit]

What am I possibly missing as an only child? I’m seeking enlightenment on this.

It is possible that as an only child I probably can't really answer this question in its fullest, but since this feeling of a missed opportunity always followed me, here are my thoughts.

It's not only having an opportunity to develop care and bond of friendship and love with a member of your family. One of the things I heard a lot was that siblings do fight and have conflicts. There can be jealousy and even resentment, feelings of unfairness if one perceives that the other is treated more fairly or gets more attention. But if parents provide their children with a healthy environment, all these issues can be worked on and allow the siblings to develop a healthy sense of living with mixed emotions (that it is not black and white, and it's ok to feel anger toward the sibling but also continue to care for them), work on cooperation, developing understanding for each others emotions and needs, and how to put their own needs aside for the other.

Maybe it also means to learn to respect the boundaries of another person, their personal space, basically having an opportunity to interact with another person who is not a grown up or a parent, and at the same time develop an understanding and discipline that one doesn't get everything from their parents (love, attention, toys, etc.), that there is also someone else that has the same right, and that this should be respected. Maybe it assists with lessening child's narcissism when they see that the world doesn't revolve only around them.

edit: spelling

 

[Al Today]

What am I possibly missing as an only child? I’m seeking enlightenment on this.

I cannot answer with knowledge, but all I had was sister that after a lifetime I will have nothing to do with. This may be a lesson for me to learn. Most likely, that lesson was not on your "plan". One child, two, or eleven, I dunno. I think we chose where we are born to learn... no, WORK on the lessons we have to accomplish. I have read nothing definitive, nor do I have an inclination to think that an only child has "wierd" wiring.
Oh sure, you may not have the experience of multiple siblings but what does anyone know of the lessons to be learnt? You know your situation and you are what you are.
We all have what we have and must WORK with what we have. So... perhaps we must accept what "it" is and continue with getting to know thyself in the situation we are in. And do not contemplate what you "think" you do not have. I mean no disrespect or wanna be krass, I myself have contemplated over "things" I have no control over and have come to the realization that I must just accept the situation as it is and work with what I have.

 

[Mrs.Tigersoap]

I'll paste what I had written in the 22 July session thread, if that's OK:

Does being an only child cause some of them to be missing something in their brain because they didn't have any siblings? Do they have brain damage or something?
A: Sometimes, yes. The important thing about discipline for children is activation of brain chemistry mixes at certain windows of imprinting. The human organism is largely a product of evolutionary pressures. To act as if there are no dangers in the environment, to raise a child without exposure to the natural consequences of growing in a hostile environment, is to deprive the child of many systemic cascades of brain activity necessary for proper growth and development.

This caught my attention. I was an only child until my parents divorced and got together with other people who had children. So in a way, I have been both, so I don't know if I qualify for being an 'only child'. I don't know about anything missing in my brain or if I have brain damage (but then again, if something is missing, I'm probably not qualified to judge!), but I know I have empathy, for example. And I was like that before suddenly having siblings. I know people who were 'only children' who are also very empathic. On the other hand, one of my friends who has two siblings admits himself that he is very very selfish and 'lives for himself only' (and his actions surely prove that point). And my friend who got beaten up by her parents has a brother (who received the same treatment) who is very selfish. My father has 6 siblings and is unconcerned with anything but himself.
So I think that the balance is really delicate and will depend a lot on the child, osit.

It's not only having an opportunity to develop care and bond of friendship and love with a member of your family. One of the things I heard a lot was that siblings do fight and have conflicts. There can be jealousy and even resentment, feelings of unfairness if one perceives that the other is treated more fairly or gets more attention. But if parents provide their children with a healthy environment, all these issues can be worked on and allow the siblings to develop a healthy sense of living with mixed emotions (that it is not black and white, and it's ok to feel anger toward the sibling but also continue to care for them), work on cooperation, developing understanding for each others emotions and needs, and how to put their own needs aside for the other.

Maybe it also means to learn to respect the boundaries of another person, their personal space, basically having an opportunity to interact with another person who is not a grown up or a parent, and at the same time develop an understanding and discipline that one doesn't get everything from their parents (love, attention, toys, etc.), that there is also someone else that has the same right, and that this should be respected. Maybe it assists with lessening child's narcissism when they see that the world doesn't revolve only around them.

I'm wondering if children who go to school and who are exposed every day, 8 hours a day to a (sometimes very) hostile environment can actually learn there to face some of the 'challenges/conflicts' that are lacking at home from a lack of siblings? From what I see in my daughter's classroom, they constantly have to defend themselves, to learn to share, to deal with different personalities and characters, to understand people from all sorts of backgrounds, to obey someone else than the parents, etc.
This should also assist with lessening a child's narcissism, osit to me.

 

[Al Today]

Does being an only child cause some of them to be missing something in their brain because they didn't have any siblings? Do they have brain damage or something?
A: Sometimes, yes. The important thing about discipline for children is activation of brain chemistry mixes at certain windows of imprinting. The human organism is largely a product of evolutionary pressures. To act as if there are no dangers in the environment, to raise a child without exposure to the natural consequences of growing in a hostile environment, is to deprive the child of many systemic cascades of brain activity necessary for proper growth and development.

Thank You. So evidently within youth, siblings could expose a child to hostile conditions earlier to somehow build "the wiring" whereas a single child being exposed to hostility at a later age has passed the window of opportunity for imprinting. So therefor the single child must work harder to understand the situation. Is this what is said?

 

[Laura]

Possibly missing nothing. Every child is different.

 

[Ollie]

It is possible that as an only child I probably can't really answer this question in its fullest, but since this feeling of a missed opportunity always followed me, here are my thoughts.

This is other than anything that I have experienced as an only child.

So I think that the balance is really delicate and will depend a lot on the child, osit.

and this ties in with what Laura says:

Possibly missing nothing. Every child is different.

From my perspective, through life, my own views, prior to reading the C's answer, were in line with Mrs.Tigersoap, in that, from what I've experienced, there appear to be pros and cons for being an only child, just as there appear to be pros and cons for children with siblings. And, as we are all different, we experience things differently whatever our familial and societal influences.

I was just curious to see if there were any specific traits that stood out, outside of personal awareness.

 

[the_hammer]

I was just curious to see if there were any specific traits that stood out, outside of personal awareness.

When I was a child, I remember that we used to excuse an other childs lack of ability to work with someone else or being self centered with him og her being an only child. Nowadays I don't think this bears so much truth anymore.

I think that every person has a specific personality when being born and that it is this personality which determines how situations are interpreted and therefore the outcome.

 

[Keit]

When I was a child, I remember that we used to excuse an other childs lack of ability to work with someone else or being self centered with him og her being an only child.

This is what I heard too.

 

[rrraven]

an only child with narcissistic parents would also be more ''wounded'' as there is no one to share the ''workload'' of taking care of the parent's needs
I was told in school that the more industrialized a country is, the more only children there are...hmm another way to ponorize the population?