What is going on with me?

T

the_pope

Guest
Namaste.

I'm not going to bother with details at this point in time, but I'll lay down the basics.

I'm a 20 year old male, August 20th, 1986 to be exact. That makes me a Leo/Virgo I guess, and a Fire Tiger. My mayan dreamspell is that of "Rhythmic White Wizard"

I believe I am what is referred to as an Indigo Child.

Over the course of the last... say 8 months, I've been practicing meditation. Occasionally I would toss some psychotrophic drugs into the mix (LSD or Psilocybin)

Well, I don't know if I've done some sort of irrepairable damage, or if my third eye is simply gaping open.

Everyday, I am vaguely aware of magnetic sensations inside of my head. When I meditate, I am able to move around my center of consciousness, inside of my brain. My vision, is innundated with a vaguely fluid energy wave, which I can only speculate to be prana. They appear to be counter rotating, and actually from time to time I see quite clearly the outlines of the infinity symbol (that is to say a figure 8 sideways). From time to time, during periods of intense meditation, which involve me moving my point of consciousness either through the kaballistic/qaballistic tree of life, or in a circle around what I can only guess to be my pineal gland, I get ghostly images of holographic bluish light. Usually these holographs are of a very sexual nature, almost always in fact. I haven't touched hallucinogens in months now, and I've even given up my regularly routine habit of smoking cannabis (Which, was one of the few things that made this energy perception tolerable) Now, I am assaulted at night, an incredible pressure once the threshhold of day to night completes inside of my head. I often feel like I am swimming inside of myself.

I believe some of these experiences to be part of what is described as kundilani awakening. I'm also vaguely aware of multidimensional entities from time to time, some nice, some malevolent. What am I to do? I've practiced merkaba, and I believe that perhaps I'm just having a difficult time really awakening my light body, I feel like I'm stuck between universes almost.

Last night, while attempting to relax, I was doing some deep breathing excersises. One particular exhale, it was if someone blew into my ear.

I have some thoughts on the framework of our existence, but I'm not sure I want to discuss them outwardly, as it has seemed that discussing them in the past has caused me a great deal of difficulty.

I live in the Toronto area. I am considering joining an esoteric group such as the hermetic order of the golden dawn, or the rosicrucians, or the free masons, but I worry for my eternal self. I've heard some not so nice things about the masons in particular, and the deities they choose to worship, and while I'm not deeply religious, I wouldn't want to completely -flick- myself over. Of course, does quantum existence translate into the parables of christ only being instructional, or will he be back?

You see, I am plagued by doubt every day, and I do my best to ignore it. I listen to Tool alot, they help me more than words could explain.

Does anyone have any insight? Any advice? I feel like I'm being victimized everywhere I go, that the people in my life are really just there to suck the life out of me, to make me quit. I'm almost on the brink, I've lost everyone I love to completely irrational behaviours on their part, suddenly, out of the blue. I could use a coincidence. I could use some advice on how to make this energy work for me, rather than against me. I could use some peace of mind.

I appreciate your responses, in advance.

Love, light and truth,
The Pope
 
Love light and truth, Indigo child, hallucinogenic drugs, hermetic order of the golden dawn and my favorite "My mayan dreamspell is that of "Rhythmic White Wizard"".

I don't even know where to start.
 
moonwalker said:
Love light and truth, Indigo child, hallucinogenic drugs, hermetic order of the golden dawn and my favorite "My mayan dreamspell is that of "Rhythmic White Wizard"".

I don't even know where to start.
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I'm sorry, is your ignorance about the topics I've spoken of clouding your ability to have compassion? A little knowledge goes a long way my friend, why don't you pull your head out of your ass and try again?

And for the record, I saw a psychiatrist to sort out if this was a mental illness. No luck.
 
the_pope said:
moonwalker said:
Love light and truth, Indigo child, hallucinogenic drugs, hermetic order of the golden dawn and my favorite "My mayan dreamspell is that of "Rhythmic White Wizard"".

I don't even know where to start.
Click to expand...
I'm sorry, is your ignorance about the topics I've spoken of clouding your ability to have compassion? A little knowledge goes a long way my friend, why don't you pull your head out of your ass and try again?

And for the record, I saw a psychiatrist to sort out if this was a mental illness. No luck.
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Hey don't start OK.

First of all none of the experiences you described can be attributed to a full kundalini awakening and this is from my experience and others whom I know who have been through fully blown kundalini awakenings.

That's not the point though. You're so lost in a sewer of new age distraction and disorientation that I don't even know why you're posting here. Now I compassionatly request you go here http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/site_map_qfg.htm and study.
 
the_pope said:
Does anyone have any insight? Any advice?
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Take all that you just said above, and throw it out the window. Stop making any and all assumptions and start questioning everything from scratch. That doesn't mean meditate, that means read, research, THINK, and network.
 
Love, light, truth. You've come to the right place brother :)

I'm 24 years old. I thought I was a 'Wanderer Awakened' for a while. Then I came here.. an realised I was just a-wanderin'

Like the rest of us, you need to FOCUS. Advice: do what Moonwalker said an get studying.

Hang in there bud
 
what is there to quit if you havn't even started??? Stop reading books and get out there.
create your own language, see your own patterns.

"clueless pidgeons with a grimy roost can be most happy when left......to find for themselves which flavour to try next"-- (Dalsell St gordon 1655)
 
starsailor said:
Like the rest of us, you need to FOCUS. Advice: do what Moonwalker said an get studying.

Hang in there bud
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Yes, I agree with you, starsailor. A person who has psychic abilities (and believe me this can readily be turned into an affliction!!), needs self dicipline, study (both of themselves and others), both a doubting and questing nature and also (perhaps most importantly) 'grounding'.

For goodness sake, stay away from the drugs, rituals and anything that doesn't make sense - at least until you can look at it objectively and critically. People have no idea what a dangerous trap these things are.
 
joejoeba said:
what is there to quit if you havn't even started??? Stop reading books and get out there.
create your own language, see your own patterns.
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If I create my own language, how will anyone else ever understand what I am saying? Unless of course, the whole idea is to then "preach" this language to others. One might even get some "followers" this way. But they are unlikely to be reading this forum, because this forum is about the search for objective knowledge.

the_pope: A very simple thing you can do to conserve energy and observe yourself is to stop using expletives. You will probably find yourself resistant to this idea. What do you think such resistance signifies?
 
It's called learning. All roads lead to Rome :) Nailing down the ego helps... May I ask why to ignore doubt ?
 
I certainly did not mean start a cult!!!!!

I was trying to by example suggest the channeling of your own, personal specific experience into your own objective and light hearted creativity. Or is that also not allowed?

On the other hand, how about a full de-toxification, and a long walk!

the focus thing I liked, and the resistance idea, good. The two suggest whistling while pissing though!!
 
joejoeba said:
I was trying to by example suggest the channeling of your own, personal specific experience into your own objective and light hearted creativity. Or is that also not allowed?
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How can anyone's 'own personal specific experience' ever be 'objective'? Light hearted anything is allowed, of course - if it weren't for light hearts, hope would have no chance - posts that mislead or wander off into subjective 'never-land', however, are not so allowed - they are distracting and add noise to the signal.
 
You might want to search the forum for the term "indigo" first of all...
 
Rules! Better watch what I say!! I was responding to the pope anyway, he started it. I said 'channel into' not 'it is'. try to help the pope and not hinder the discussion friend.
 
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