S
seekingObjectivity
Guest
When Walmart Employees Attack
July 2nd, 2007
A man purchased a plasma TV at Walmart for the low, low price of $4.88. Many people, of course, are simply unphased by this news, having spent much of their lives buying 900 ounce economy-size jars of pickles for a few dollars there, or else hoarding loaves and loaves of their moldy bread, sold for the convenient price of a few nickels.
This, however, was actually an attempted scam. Even though Walmart does its best to keep prices low through the hiring of unpaid illegal immigrants, senile elderly people who often “forgetᾠ that they get checks, and people who run blogs (like me), they are still nevertheless too capitalistic to lower the prices of plasma TVs to under five dollars.
The man came up with the ingenius plan to purchase a cheaper TV at a nearby Walmart, and then go to the other Walmart with the receipt. He then put the UPC code for, say, a wicker basket, or a toy shovel, or a couple ounces of bat blood (hey, they really do sell ANYTHING there), over the top of the original barcode for the $984 TV. Unfortunately, the attendants at the self-scan station thought something was strange about his purchase of a TV for five bucks, and security was able to somehow see right through his phony receipt.
Now, I hate to admit it, but I once worked at Walmart, and I had a woman try to do this to me. And this wasn’t even on a self-checkout lane. I was actually handling her merchandise. I really didn’t care about the job, nor do I know the price of everything on the shelf, so when a small personal safe rang up for about five dollars, I didn’t notice a thing. When an electric pencil sharpener rang up for three dollars, I though that was a little low, but still didn’t really bother to take my mind off of my much more important fantasies involving dolphins, lace, and a comforter. However, when I noticed an X-Box, and saw that it rang up at six dollars, I immediately realized she was trying to scam me.
Okay, I lied. My first thought was actually, “Holy crap. I need to get an X-Box.ᾠ
I soon realized, though, that X-Boxes should not be called “Tupperware setsᾠ, and that they weren’t really worth five dollars. Naturally, I feigned surprise and said, “Oh, look at that! A sticker from a tupperware set SOMEHOW got onto this X-Box!ᾠ I then looked over the rest of the order, finally noticing that the safe and the pencil sharpener had suspiciously rung up as cheaper items. The whole time, I went on conversing, “Boy, I almost didn’t notice that these things have had their barcodes replaced! Can you believe that people do that in this store, m’aam? Some no-good thief went about rearranging barcodes, trying to pin the crime on innocent little you! The funny thing is that he would have got away with it if he hadn’t made ONE bone-headed mistake, like some sort of retarded neanderthal! You see, this grade-A moron did something ridiculous like try to price a video game system worth hundreds of dollars at under ten dollars. Only a complete tool would somehow think he could get away with THAT kind of blatant rip-off, right m’aam? M’aam?ᾠ
Oh, it was great. I really let her have it. She was squirming the whole time as I went on and on about how the thief must have been a huge idiot to think he’d get away with a price change so blatantly obvious.
She could have got a cheap-ass safe. She could have even gotten an electrical pencil sharpener at one hell of a price. But she had to get greedy and try something ludicrous.
If you want to get away with these crimes, don’t make the change in price so frickin’ obvious, people. If you put the sticker for a $200 Sanyo over a $500 Sony TV, then you’ve got a shot at getting away with it. But don’t assume that just because someone has the misfortune of working at Walmart that they’re some mindless idiot. Some of us are mindful idiots, I’ll have you know.
I can only speculate as to why she was buying such a strange assortment of goods. A safe, a pencil sharpener, and an X-Box? I guess she figured she’d need pencils to add up her sums of saved money, and a safe to store all that saved money, and an X-Box to sell for crack.
July 2nd, 2007
A man purchased a plasma TV at Walmart for the low, low price of $4.88. Many people, of course, are simply unphased by this news, having spent much of their lives buying 900 ounce economy-size jars of pickles for a few dollars there, or else hoarding loaves and loaves of their moldy bread, sold for the convenient price of a few nickels.
This, however, was actually an attempted scam. Even though Walmart does its best to keep prices low through the hiring of unpaid illegal immigrants, senile elderly people who often “forgetᾠ that they get checks, and people who run blogs (like me), they are still nevertheless too capitalistic to lower the prices of plasma TVs to under five dollars.
The man came up with the ingenius plan to purchase a cheaper TV at a nearby Walmart, and then go to the other Walmart with the receipt. He then put the UPC code for, say, a wicker basket, or a toy shovel, or a couple ounces of bat blood (hey, they really do sell ANYTHING there), over the top of the original barcode for the $984 TV. Unfortunately, the attendants at the self-scan station thought something was strange about his purchase of a TV for five bucks, and security was able to somehow see right through his phony receipt.
Now, I hate to admit it, but I once worked at Walmart, and I had a woman try to do this to me. And this wasn’t even on a self-checkout lane. I was actually handling her merchandise. I really didn’t care about the job, nor do I know the price of everything on the shelf, so when a small personal safe rang up for about five dollars, I didn’t notice a thing. When an electric pencil sharpener rang up for three dollars, I though that was a little low, but still didn’t really bother to take my mind off of my much more important fantasies involving dolphins, lace, and a comforter. However, when I noticed an X-Box, and saw that it rang up at six dollars, I immediately realized she was trying to scam me.
Okay, I lied. My first thought was actually, “Holy crap. I need to get an X-Box.ᾠ
I soon realized, though, that X-Boxes should not be called “Tupperware setsᾠ, and that they weren’t really worth five dollars. Naturally, I feigned surprise and said, “Oh, look at that! A sticker from a tupperware set SOMEHOW got onto this X-Box!ᾠ I then looked over the rest of the order, finally noticing that the safe and the pencil sharpener had suspiciously rung up as cheaper items. The whole time, I went on conversing, “Boy, I almost didn’t notice that these things have had their barcodes replaced! Can you believe that people do that in this store, m’aam? Some no-good thief went about rearranging barcodes, trying to pin the crime on innocent little you! The funny thing is that he would have got away with it if he hadn’t made ONE bone-headed mistake, like some sort of retarded neanderthal! You see, this grade-A moron did something ridiculous like try to price a video game system worth hundreds of dollars at under ten dollars. Only a complete tool would somehow think he could get away with THAT kind of blatant rip-off, right m’aam? M’aam?ᾠ
Oh, it was great. I really let her have it. She was squirming the whole time as I went on and on about how the thief must have been a huge idiot to think he’d get away with a price change so blatantly obvious.
She could have got a cheap-ass safe. She could have even gotten an electrical pencil sharpener at one hell of a price. But she had to get greedy and try something ludicrous.
If you want to get away with these crimes, don’t make the change in price so frickin’ obvious, people. If you put the sticker for a $200 Sanyo over a $500 Sony TV, then you’ve got a shot at getting away with it. But don’t assume that just because someone has the misfortune of working at Walmart that they’re some mindless idiot. Some of us are mindful idiots, I’ll have you know.
I can only speculate as to why she was buying such a strange assortment of goods. A safe, a pencil sharpener, and an X-Box? I guess she figured she’d need pencils to add up her sums of saved money, and a safe to store all that saved money, and an X-Box to sell for crack.