Why are you single?

[Joe]

Hi Menna, others have given some good ideas about the deeper reasons that some people might ask this question, so I figured I would throw in a possible superficial explanation, but it is based on whether or not your avatar picture is actually a picture of you or not. If it is, then I would suggest that the reason so many people wonder why you are single is because they are programmed to think that a young, buff, good-looking guy would have women falling at his feet! ;)

 

[Menna]

Mrs. Peel - That is very much the case I have not found the right one yet. Like I said its not that I want to be single or in a relationship it just is what it is at this point. I am where I am on the learning curve and I am where I am on my life’s path and it makes me uneasy when people try to step onto the path and try and lead me in a different direction.

"I was single for over 7 years at one point and I don't think I could have dealt with everything I've dealt with if I weren't single - it was necessary" - Anart

That’s a very good point maybe it is "necessary" that I am single now at this point in my life. I am currently graduating from graduate school in a month, looking for jobs, competing in natural bodybuilding competitions - Maybe it is "necessary" right now. Never thought of it like that. Thanks

 

[Menna]

It was very interesting I was driving with my friend last night and he was talking about his 31yr old female cousin. How she has been in and out of relationships. I asked is she in a relationship now? He said yes but she is going to break up with the guy and is playing him along. I asked does the guy know about this and he said NO. She said he isn't her type and she’s going to break up with him before summer so she can have fun.

How can a person treat another person like this? Talk about using someone, talk about a STS being. If two people want to have fun and don’t want anything serious then great as long as they both know what is going to happen - in my opinion that’s ok if both are on the same page. But to know that you are going to break up with someone months in advance and to start a relationship knowing that it isn't going to last without letting your partner know about how you feel is really sickening.

This isn't the first time ive heard this type of relationship story either. Makes me think wow, how can a person think this is an appropriate way to act towards another person. I would find it more acceptable if someone was to walk around naked yelling all the time, at least they aren't playing with another person's emotions and life.

Perceval - That is a picture of myself. But to tell you the truth looking this way doesn't help - in my case, my personality and character doesn't match up with the picture - most girls think I sleep around - only interested in a one night stand - Couldn't be farther from the truth. I worked on my body because I had low self esteem now people think im cocky without getting to know me - funny how that works. And If I was you I would be thinking - well it doesn't help your case if you post pictures like this lol

 

[Torstone]

Hi, Menna
That`s a funny question wich I also have been thinking about. Relationship vs singlehood.
Mostly because of the same reason as you having to deal with the
"why are you single" question wich leads to the "why do you want to be single?".
Now, I can not really answer in a way related to the work, answers like "I want to grow in knowledge and being"
probably won`t get accepted and probably make way for further digging :P.

The best way I have found is just to say: "Because", "waiting for the one" or "I like being single" and try make a run for it not to
get entangled in a discussion wich leads nowhere.(Been there ;))

In some case people try to find what is "wrong" but they don't look at their yard and like mkrnhr said ignore it and go on, dont let to be food, block it.

Yeah, no matter what you say, you will be
putted one or another label on and they will say "Ah, so that`s the way it is".

They demand things from each other. Attributes which can call there own. It’s just possession. It doesn't has anything to do with Love.

Good point.
What can you say when the majority of what I see is that people get together
because of the idea of it to fill their narcissistic needs?
Funny how many who cling to the stereotypic idea of love wich I honestly have just seen
in movies.

I have also heard similar stories of the "relationship" you mentioned, it really blows you away .

 

[Annette1]

.... I don't think I could have dealt with everything I've dealt with if I weren't single - it was necessary. ....

I very much agree with anart on this and my thinking is the same. I know that if I were in a relationship I would not have the opportunity to study as much here. Also, it was a relationship with a suspected psychopath and the aftermath that led me to SOTT. The relationship with the suspected psychopath was one of the best lessons I ever received and if it weren't for that, I'd probably still be bumbling about wondering what's wrong with the world and/or me. Being single, as in all things, has a positive and negative side to it. Due to my own personal situation (not necessarily of my own making and does not involve singlehood in any manner), I learned a long time ago that being perceived as different is not as difficult as one might assume. It offers a great deal of insight and a different perspective.

Menna (and any others who are interested in natural bodybuilding): There is a website developed by someone I know very well and offers support for those who are interested in natural bodybuilding. I personally watched this person compete numerous times against others who claimed to be natural, but were using drugs. I do have to hand it to him, as he continued to compete knowing he had little chance of winning the competition or having his efforts recognized. Until recently, the drug usage was merely winked at in many of these competitions. The natural bodybuilders are gaining a toehold in keeping the competitions on the up and up. It's not my thing, but I do respect what he has accomplished and is attempting to accomplish.
-http://www.3dmusclejourney.com/

Mods: if this is not permissible/appropriate, please remove.

 

[Mona]

Have some fun with it instead! Maybe you can answer back with a question, like "Why are you single?" or, "Why do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?" or "Why can't snails go faster? "Why {insert silly question}?" Perhaps they'll notice that it's a stupid question...maybe. People have asked me some silly questions, and I myself have asked them too lol. Thing is not to be affected by it. Most people don't know any better, so why bother?

I like the one Why cant snails go faster Thanks Fabric, I will use that the next time people ask me why I am single. Now, my situation is a little different, and my past a little uglier. I promised I would not talk about it as I finally decided to move on with my life. But does anyone have a line for someone who asks why someone does not have any children. I always wanted kids but my past experience with certain individuals was ..... It does not matter. Any suggestions what to say when someone asks why I dont have any kids. I dont want to tell the truth I just want to laugh with the one asking. ;D

 

[RyanX]

I guess I don't get asked by a lot of people why I'm single. Maybe I just don't look like a "hot catch"? :)

This is a good question though. I've noticed when the thought pops into my mind of relationships/dating/romance, it sets off a lot of programs that I feel i need to work more on. Programs such as "people as possessions", "changing the other person", "dictating the needs of another", "real versus chemical love" are programs that I believe I'm only starting to get a grasp on. It would be foolish of me to think that I have in any way mastered or overcome these programs in any significant way where it could lead to a healthy relationship. At least at this point I've begun to question these thought patterns or programs when the idea of relationships or romance comes up. I think I'm making progress, but I don't think I'm there yet.

Based on the recent sessions from the C's, I also realize that the stakes are much higher than I previously imagined. I've noticed that in the past I wasn't picky enough when it came to who I dated and I think this was a part of my problem. I settled for partners who were less like partners and more like vampires. So having said that, I'm single right now because I believe I need to work on myself first before I can even start to think about another.

 

[bjorb]

[quote author= NSD]In some case people try to find what is "wrong" but they don't look at their yard and like mkrnhr said ignore it and go on, dont let to be food, block it.

[quote author=Torstone]Yeah, no matter what you say, you will be
putted one or another label on and they will say "Ah, so that`s the way it is".[/quote][/quote]

- For people who may be struggling with being put on a label by others or themselves, consider this:

Such labels are based on ego. On self-importance struggling with it’s existence.

It’s the predator, which always demands. It desperately want it’s food. It’s obsessed with itself. It’s specialness. It’s the only way it can feel. To feel ‘’alive’’

Becoming aware of those programs is one thing. But it still has an impact.

But you resist. You won’t subdue to it’s desires. So it punishes you. May make you jealous, gives you self-pity. You can become hateful.

But the more you become aware of yourself, the more you can hear it whisper. It’s desperate. Disgusting. it’s all what is not you.

To be yourself, you need to know all which is not you.

You need to understand why you choose to feed the predator.

By knowing the rules of his game. You can say NO to it.

And choose to direct your energy on things you really love. Which is the real you.

Real love, which is unconditional, it doesn't demand. Hasn’t has any intent.

It’s just that. It’s beautiful.



I am saying it in this fashion for the realization that being afraid of such labels is Ego.

Ego is alien, It’s hostile. IT'S LITERALLY NOT YOU!!!

All those people who are tossing those labels around, to others to themselves. There all suffering. It’s mechanical. It doesn’t has any free-will.

It’s heartbreaking. It really is.



[quote author=Torstone]What can you say when the majority of what I see is that people get together
because of the idea of it to fill their narcissistic needs?
Funny how many who cling to the stereotypic idea of love which I honestly have just seen
in movies. [/quote]

Real love is rare. Those programs mentioned, those which cause pressure to be in a relationship, which is motivation by narcissism is causing SO MUCH SUFFERING on this Planet.

And the thing is. Those questions are 'normal' but they are far from innocent. Those are dreadful programs!!!

 

[Faith]

I don't know actually. There are different theories I developed over the years, but none of these had convinced me perfectly. I guess I have been single for so many years that I have forgotten how it is like to be with someone, how it works, how easy it felt. This idea does not feel easy anymore, being near to someone, interacting intimately. I have lost my groove, my mojo, the feel of it. This longtime-questioning has filled me with doubts. It showed me how weak I am actually. It twisted me to such an extend that I look like a questionmark myself. My own worse half is terrorizing my real me. Whenever I get the chance to converge, I start feeling the endless depth of my own weakness and smallness. Instead of feeling her I just feel myself, being trapped in the palace of mirrors. The weak and twisted guy who just thinks and acts like he is a strong and sexy prince charming, who does not even know that he is weak actually, works out pretty well, doesn't he? The ladies seem to love especially this one! The weak and twisted guy who knows that he is twisted and weak, who acts and thinks that way, don't. My own frakking self-contraction! That moment I think, whenever I 'loved' a girl, I just loved a part of myself that pretended being someone else, an angel in a mirror, a projection caused by wishful thinking. 'Normal' people make me feel twisted, because I definitely am twisted! The only difference between me and them is, that I know that I am twisted. They do not. Sometimes I think the same way like the guy in the first Matrix-Movie, who collaborates with the machines: "Ignorance is a bless!"


Maybe I have to find myself before I can find someone else.

 

[Johnno]

Floetus I've had to delete your first paragraph. It was in poor taste and totally inappropriate for this forum.

It would be helpful for yourself and those who read your posts for you to "externally consider" before posting.

We don't mind a bit of a rant but please, keep it within the guidelines.

 

[ScioAgapeOmnis]

This idea does not feel easy anymore, being near to someone, interacting intimately. I have lost my groove, my mojo, the feel of it.

Maybe you lost your illusion of intimacy? Most people are not capable nor are they really seeking "real intimacy" - they seek feeding, manipulation, and pretentiousness. Perhaps in a deeper part of themselves they have a need for it, but their programs get in the way of any real life actualization of such a thing. The idea that it should be easy to interact intimately with everyone is ponerized. In reality it takes a certain kind of person that we are compatible with, and who is also able to reciprocate real, sincere intimacy and also love - something that is inseparable from real intimacy. People are pushed to form intimate relationships with those they are not compatible with, and also with narcissists and psychopaths who themselves are incapable of any real intimacy. So perhaps you are beginning to see your traditional understanding of intimacy to be an illusion - and that in reality it was never "easy" nor even possible to be truly intimate with just anyone - despite the popular lie that if you think this way then you have "intimacy issues". This is not to say that we haven't been narcissistically hurt when we were young and expecting real love and intimacy but got painful illusion instead, so it is possible that we are carrying such wounds that make us more guarded. However, forming an intimate, loving relationship is impossible with just anyone, and it makes perfect sense to me that it is only comfortable with the right kind of person, in the right situation, and for the right reasons, and when done in the right (true, sincere) manner. I'd suggest you forget the idea of "mojo" - it's ponerized and nonsensical.

This longtime-questioning has filled me with doubts. It showed me how weak I am actually. It twisted me to such an extend that I look like a questionmark myself. My own worse half is terrorizing my real me.

What if your real self is "terrorizing" the fake you? I don't think the real "I" feels terror, especially not as a result of questioning and doubts - although seeing yourself as you truly are can be shocking. The only thing that is afraid to be exposed, doubted, and questioned is the predator, the false self that is full of lies and illusions.

Whenever I get the chance to converge, I start feeling the endless depth of my own weakness and smallness. Instead of feeling her I just feel myself, being trapped in the palace of mirrors. The weak and twisted guy who just thinks and acts like he is a strong and sexy prince charming, who does not even know that he is weak actually, works out pretty well, doesn't he?

So if you see that such "intimacy" is based on nothing but illusion and fakery, what drives you to pursue it, and why? I agree though that we must learn to love ourselves before we can truly love anyone else. If you don't even Know yourself, aren't able to see yourself for what you are and accept it, how can you possibly even dream of loving or Knowing someone else?

 

[Faith]

Floetus I've had to delete your first paragraph. It was in poor taste and totally inappropriate for this forum.

It would be helpful for yourself and those who read your posts for you to "externally consider" before posting.

We don't mind a bit of a rant but please, keep it within the guidelines.

Why? I don't get it! You can argue against it openly, but deleting it, seems not very objective or externally considering. :) Now the others will ask themselves: What are they talking about? What is this 'evil' paragraph, you deleted, that illustrates the true situation, I was referring to.

What if your real self is "terrorizing" the fake you? (...)
(...) So if you see that such "intimacy" is based on nothing but illusion and fakery, what drives you to pursue it, and why? (...)

Thanks SAO :) You seem to understand it better than I do. You are right: It's the other way around. But I have to be careful not to identify with it. I don't want to play this melodramatic role of the poor guy, who has seen the truth, who can't be happy anymore. It's narcissistic and deterministic as well. I am still working on it. It's difficult because I would like to be normal, I'd like to be accepted, I don't like to be questioned.

 

[manitoban]

Floetus I've had to delete your first paragraph. It was in poor taste and totally inappropriate for this forum.

It would be helpful for yourself and those who read your posts for you to "externally consider" before posting.

We don't mind a bit of a rant but please, keep it within the guidelines.

Why? I don't get it! You can argue against it openly, but deleting it, seems not very objective or externally considering. :) Now the others will ask themselves: What are they talking about? What is this 'evil' paragraph, you deleted, that illustrates the true situation, I was referring to.

Hi floetus, I'm afraid that I have to agree that the paragraph referred to was inappropriate, vulgar, and not within forum guidelines. Perhaps if you re-read the forum guidelines, you will see that the moderators are simply doing their job, ie keeping a respectful and comfortable environment for our guests.

 

[Laura]

Floetus I've had to delete your first paragraph. It was in poor taste and totally inappropriate for this forum.

It would be helpful for yourself and those who read your posts for you to "externally consider" before posting.

We don't mind a bit of a rant but please, keep it within the guidelines.

Why? I don't get it! You can argue against it openly, but deleting it, seems not very objective or externally considering. :) Now the others will ask themselves: What are they talking about? What is this 'evil' paragraph, you deleted, that illustrates the true situation, I was referring to.

Floetus, we have saved a copy of that paragraph, but let me just say that the way it was written, if any of the enemies of this work wanted to, they could easily use it against us in a defamatory way. There were also certain words in there that you may have meant in one context, but which could have been taken in another context, as in something that a terrorist would write. In short, it could put you and us in danger. You may not see that because I perceive that you meant it as a damning indictment, but it was over the line.

 

[Annette1]

… But I have to be careful not to identify with it. I don't want to play this melodramatic role of the poor guy, who has seen the truth, who can't be happy anymore. It's narcissistic and deterministic as well. I am still working on it. …

Hi Floetus. It seems you have found a program you are striving to eliminate which is a step in a positive direction.

…It's difficult because I would like to be normal, I'd like to be accepted, I don't like to be questioned.

You state that you don’t like to be questioned, but isn’t this a great deal of how we communicate and convey/clarify our thoughts?

For your own personal consideration, some thoughts you may wish to probe: What is it that you perceive as “normal”? You want to be accepted by whom or what?